tg.stone of tears-第67章

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oo　far；　too　quickly；　and　killed　them；　ending　it　before　they　could　extract　the　most　exquisite　pain；　inflict　the　crudest　of　the　insanity。　Darken　Rahl　chose　me　because　I　had　a　talent　for　keeping　them　alive　and　giving　them　that　pain；　and　then　more；　and　then　even　more。　Darken　Rahl　himself　taught　me。
　
　‘I　had　to　sit　for　hours；　sometimes；　and　wait；　knowing　that　if　I　touched　him　just　once　more　with　the　Agiel；　it　would　be　one　touch　too　many；　it　would　kill　him。　As　I　sat；　waiting　for　him　to　recover　enough　so　that　I　might　hurt　him　more；　he　would　whisper　your　name；　over　and　over；　for　hours。　He　wasn’t　even　aware　he　was　doing　it。
　
　‘You　were　the　thread　that　kept　him　alive。　It　was　the　one　thread　that　allowed　me　to　give　him　that　extra　pain。　Allowed　me　to　take　him　further　toward　death；　deeper　into　madness。　I　used　his　love　for　you　to　punish　him　beyond　anything　otherwise　possible。
　
　‘As　I　would　sit　there；　listening　to　him　whisper　your　name；　I　wished　it　would　once；　just　once；　have　been　my　name　he　called　out。　It　never　was。　I　hurt　him　more　for　that　than　for　anything　else。’
　
　Tears　ran　down　Kahlan’s　cheeks；　falling　from　her　face。　‘Please；　Denna；　I　don’t　want　to　hear　any　more。　I　can’t　bear　to　hear　any　more　…　to　know　I　made　it　possible　for　you　to　do　what　you　did。’
　
　‘You　must。　I　have　not　yet　even　begun　to　tell　you　what　you　must　hear　if　you　want　to　help　him。　You　must　understand　how　I　used　magic　against　him；　why　he　hates　the　magic　within　himself。　I　understand；　because　what　I　did　to　him　was　also　done　to　me；　by　Darken　Rahl。’
　
　As　Kahlan　sat　shaking；　staring　blankly　at　nothing；　almost　in　a　trance；　Denna　began　telling　her　what　she　had　done　to　Richard。　How　she　used　the　Agiel。　She　flinched　at　the　description　of　every　kind　of　touch；　at　everything　it　could　do。
　
　Kahlan　remembered　all　too　well　what　its　touch　felt　like；　the　maddening　pain。　She　learned　that　what　she　had　felt　was　the　least　of　it。
　
　She　cried　as　Denna　told　her　how　Richard　had　hung　in　shackles　as　she　pulled　his　head　back　by　his　hair　and　made　him　stay　perfectly　still　while　she　pushed　the　Agiel　in　his　ear；　or　risk　damage　inside　his　head。　And　how　he　had　been　able　to　do　it　because　of　his　love　for　Kahlan。　She　shook；　when　she　heard　the　horrifying　description　of　what　it　did　to　him；　what　the　magic　did　to　him；　what　his　own　magic　did　to　him。　She　couldn’t　look　at　Denna　as　the　other　spoke。　Couldn’t　meet　her　eyes。　And　that　was　only　the　beginning。
　
　She　clutched　her　stomach　and　held　a　trembling　hand　to　her　mouth　to　keep　from　vomiting　as　Denna　described　one　unspeakable　act　after　another。　Kahlan　couldn’t　make　herself　stop　crying。　She　gagged　as　she　closed　her　eyes　tight。
　
　As　she　listened；　she　prayed　to　the　good　spirits　that　Denna　wouldn’t　tell　her　the　one　thing　she　knew　she　couldn’t　bear　to　hear。
　
　But　then　Denna　told　her。　Told　her　what　a　Mord…Sith　did　to　her　mate；　why　their　mates　didn’t　live　long。　Every　intimate　detail。　And　what　she　had　done　to　Richard　that　she　had　done　to　no　other　mate。
　
　With　a　wail；　Kahlan　turned　away；　crawled　a　short　distance；　and　started　throwing　up。　With　one　hand　holding　herself　up；　and　the　other　across　her　abdomen；　she　cried　and　heaved　and　gagged。　Denna’s　hands　were　there；　holding　her　hair　back　as　Kahlan　emptied　the　contents　of　her　stomach　onto　the　dirt。　She　vomited　until　her　insides　were　heaved　dry。
　
　She　felt　Denna’s　warm　tingling　touch　on　her　back。　She　wanted　to　call　forth　the　lightning；　but　was　too　sick　to　find　the　power。　She　was　torn　between　wanting　to　throw　herself　on　Richard　and　fort　him；　and　ripping　this　woman　apart　with　the　magic　of　the　Con　Dar；　the　Blood　Rage。
　
　Between　gagging；　and　panting；　and　crying；　Kahlan　managed　to　get　the　words　out。　‘Take　。。。　your　hands　。。。　off　me。’　The　hand　holding　her　hair　slipped　away。　The　one　on　her　back　lifted。　Her　stomach　heaved　again　in　a　dry　convulsion。　‘How　many　times　did　you　do　that　to　him？’
　
　‘Enough。　It　does　not　matter。’
　
　Kahlan　turned　in　a　rage；　clenching　her　fists　as　she　screamed。　‘How　many　times！’
　
　Denna’s　voice　was　soft　and　calm。　‘I’m　sorry；　Kahlan；　I　don’t　know。　I　didn’t　keep　a　tally。　But　he　was　with　me　a　long　time。　Longer　than　any　other　mate。　I　did　it　almost　every　night。　The　things　I　did；　I　did　to　no　other；　because　none　had　the　strength　Richard　did；　the　strength　of　his　love　for　you。　The　others　would　have　died　the　first　time。　He　fought　me；　for　a　long　time。　I　did　it　enough；　that’s　all。　Enough。’
　
　‘Enough！　Enough　for　what！’
　
　‘Enough　to　drive　a　part　of　him　mad。’
　
　‘He’s　not　mad！　He’s　not！　He’s　not！’
　
　Denna　watched　as　Kahlan　shook　with　pain　and　rage。　‘Kahlan；　listen　to　me。　Anyone　else　would　have　been　broken　by　what　I　did。　Richard　saved　himself　by　partitioning　his　mind。　He　locked　the　core　of　himself　away　where　I　couldn’t　get　to　it；　where　the　magic　couldn’t　get　to　it。　He　used　the　gift　to　do　that。　It　saved　the　core　of　himself　from　the　insanity。　But　in　the　darkest　corners　of　his　mind　lurks　madness。　I　used　his　magic　against　him；　to　drive　him　insane。　He　couldn’t　protect　all　of　himself　from　the　things　I　did。
　
　‘I　told　you　what　I　did　so　you　could　see　the　truth　of　his　madness。　He　had　to　sacrifice　that　part　to　save　the　rest。　To　save　the　rest　for　you。　I　wish　I　could　have　done　the　same　when　it　was　done　to　me。’
　
　Kahlan　lifted　Richard’s　hand　in　hers；　holding　the　back　of　it　to　her　heart。　‘How　could　you　do　those　things？’　she　cried。　‘Oh；　my　poor　Richard。　How　could　you？　How　could　you　do　that　to　anyone？’
　
　‘We　all　have　our　own　little　bits　of　insanity。　Some　more　than　others。　My　life　was　a　darkness　of　it。’
　
　‘Then　how　could　you！　How　could　you；　knowing　what　it　was　like！’
　
　Denna　watched　her　from　under　her　eyebrows。　‘You　have　done　terrible　things　too。　You　have　used　your　power　to　hurt　people。’
　
　‘But　they　were　people　guilty　of　horrible　crimes！’
　
　‘All　of　them？’　she　asked　quietly。　‘Every　one？’
　
　Kahlan’s　breath　caught　with　the　memory　of　using　her　power　against　Brophy。
　
　‘No；’　she　whispered。　‘But　I　didn’t　do　it　because　I　wanted　to。　I　had　to。　It　is　my　job。　Who　I　am。　What　I　am。’
　
　‘But　you　did　it。　And　what　of　Demmin　Nass？’
　
　The　words　cut　through　her。　Her　mind　flooded　with　the　memory；　the　sweet　memory；　of　castrating　that　beast　of　a　man。　She　sank　forward　with　a　wail。　‘Oh；　dear　spirits；　am　I　no　better　than　you？’
　
　‘We　all　do　what　we　must；　whatever　the　reasons。’　Her　glowing；　diaphanous　fingers　lifted　Kahlan’s　chin。　‘I　do　not　tell　you　these　things　to　hurt　you；　Kahlan。　The　telling　of　them　wounds　me　more　than　you　can　know。　I　tell　you　because　I　want　to　save　Richard；　so　that　he　doesn’t　die　before　his　rightful　time；　and　so　that　the　Keeper　does　not　escape。’
　
　Kahlan　clutched　Richard’s　hand　tighter　to　her　breast　as　she　wept。　‘I’m　sorry；　Denna　。。。　but　I　don’t　have　it　in　me　to　forgive　you。　I　know　Richard　does　。。。　but　I　do　not。　I　hate　you。’
　
　‘I　would　not　expect　you　to　forgive　me。　I　only　wish　you　to　understand　the　truth　of　what　I　am　telling　you；　the　truth　of　Richard’s　madness。’
　
　‘Why！　To　what　purpose！’
　
　‘So　that　you　will　understand　what　you　must　do。　Wearing　a　collar　is　the　core　of　that　insanity。　It　symbolizes　everything　I　did　to　him。　In　his　mind；　magic　is　madness；　torture。　A　collar　is　madness；　torture。　Insanity。
　
　The　thought　of　having　a　collar　around　his　neck　brings　that　madness　out　of　the　darkest　corners　of　his　being；　brings　out　his　deepest　fears。　He　is　not　exaggerating　when　he　says　he　would　rather　die　than　put　a　collar　around　his　neck。　He　will　not　do　it　to　save　himself。　If　he　doesn’t；　he　will　die。　There　is　only　one　thing　in　the　world　that　will　make　him　put　on　the　collar。’
　
　Kahlan’s　head　snapped　up。　Her　eyes　were　wide。　‘You　want　me　to　ask　him　to　put　a　collar　around　his　neck。’　She　went　weak　with　dread。　‘You　would　have　me　do　that　to　him？　After　what　you　have　told　me？’
　
　Denna　nodded。　‘He　will　do　it　if　you　tell　him　to。　He　will　not　do　it　for　any　other　reason。　None。’
　
　Richard’s　limp　arm　slipped　from　Kahlan’s　shaking　hands。　Her　fingers　covered　her　mouth。　Denna　was　right。　After　what　she　knew　now；　what　she　had　heard；　she　knew　Denna　was　right。
　
　She　knew　now　what　it　had　been　that　she　h