尤利西斯-第208章

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　for　Beerbohm　Tree　in　Trilby　the　last　time　Ill　ever　go　there　to　be　squashed　like　that　for　any　Trilby　or　her　barebum　every　two　minutes　tipping　me　there　and　looking　away　hes　a　bit　daft　I　think　I　saw　him　after　trying　to　get　near　two　stylish　dressed　ladies　outside　Switzers　window　at　the　same　little　game　I　recognised　him　on　the　moment　the　face　and　everything　but　he　didn't　remember　me　and　she　didnt　even　want　me　to　kiss　her　at　the　Broadstone　going　away　well　I　hope　shell　get　someone　to　dance　attendance　on　her　the　way　I　did　when　she　was　down　with　the　mumps　her　glands　swollen　wheres　this　and　wheres　that　of　course　she　cant　feel　anything　deep　yet　I　never　came　properly　till　I　was　what　22　or　so　it　went　into　the　wrong　place　always　only　the　usual　girls　nonsense　and　giggling　that　Conny　Connolly　writing　to　her　in　white　ink　on　black　paper　sealed　with　sealingwax　though　she　clapped　when　the　curtain　came　down　because　he　looked　so　handsome　then　we　had　Martin　Harvey　for　breakfast　dinner　and　supper　I　thought　to　myself　afterwards　it　must　be　real　love　if　a　man　gives　up　his　life　for　her　that　way　for　nothing　I　suppose　there　are　few　men　like　that　left　its　hard　to　believe　in　it　though　unless　it　really　happened　to　me　the　majority　of　them　with　not　a　particle　of　love　in　their　natures　to　find　two　people　like　that　nowadays　full　up　of　each　other　that　would　feel　the　same　way　as　you　do　theyre　usually　a　bit　foolish　in　the　head　his　father　must　have　been　a　bit　queer　to　go　and　poison　himself　after　her　still　poor　old　man　I　suppose　he　felt　lost　always　making　love　to　my　things　too　the　few　old　rags　I　have　wanting　to　put　her　hair　up　at　15　my　powder　too　only　ruin　her　skin　on　her　shes　time　enough　for　that　all　her　life　after　of　course　shes　restless　knowing　shes　pretty　with　her　lips　so　red　a　pity　they　wont　stay　that　way　I　was　too　but　theres　no　use　going　to　the　fair　with　the　thing　answering　me　like　a　fishwoman　when　I　asked　to　go　for　a　half　a　stone　of　potatoes　the　day　we　met　Mrs　Joe　Gallaher　at　the　trottingmatches　and　she　pretended　not　to　see　us　in　her　trap　with　Friery　the　solicitor　we　werent　grand　enough　till　I　gave　her　2　damn　fine　cracks　across　the　ear　for　herself　take　that　now　for　answering　me　like　that　and　that　for　your　impudence　she　had　me　that　exasperated　of　course　contradicting　I　was　badtempered　too　because　how　was　it　there　was　a　weed　in　the　tea　or　I　didnt　sleep　the　night　before　cheese　I　ate　was　it　and　I　told　her　over　and　over　again　not　to　leave　knives　crossed　like　that　because　she　has　nobody　to　mand　her　as　she　said　herself　well　if　he　doesnt　correct　her　faith　I　will　that　was　the　last　time　she　turned　on　the　teartap　I　was　just　like　that　myself　they　darent　order　me　about　the　place　its　his　fault　of　course　having　the　two　of　us　slaving　here　instead　of　getting　in　a　woman　long　ago　am　I　ever　going　to　have　a　proper　servant　again　of　course　then　shed　see　him　ing　Id　have　to　let　her　know　or　shed　revenge　it　arent　they　a　nuisance　that　old　Mrs　Fleming　you　have　to　be　walking　round　after　her　putting　the　things　into　her　hands　sneezing　and　farting　into　the　pots　well　of　course　shes　old　she　cant　help　it　a　good　job　I　found　that　rotten　old　smelly　dishcloth　that　got　lost　behind　the　dresser　I　knew　there　was　something　and　opened　the　window　to　let　out　the　smell　bringing　in　his　friends　to　entertain　them　like　the　night　he　walked　home　with　a　dog　if　you　please　that　might　have　been　mad　especially　Simon　Dedalus　son　his　father　such　a　criticiser　with　his　glasses　up　with　his　tall　hat　on　him　at　the　cricket　match　and　a　great　big　hole　in　his　sock　one　thing　laughing　at　the　other　and　his　son　that　got　all　those　prizes　for　whatever　he　won　them　in　the　intermediate　imagine　climbing　over　the　railings　if　anybody　saw　him　that　knew　us　wonder　he　didnt　tear　a　big　hole　in　his　grand　funeral　trousers　as　if　the　one　nature　gave　wasnt　enough　for　anybody　hawking　him　down　into　the　dirty　old　kitchen　now　is　he　right　in　his　head　I　ask　pity　it　wasn't　washing　day　my　old　pair　of　drawers　might　have　been　hanging　up　too　on　the　line　on　exhibition　for　all　hed　ever　care　with　the　ironmould　mark　the　stupid　old　bundle　burned　on　them　he　might　think　was　something　else　and　she　never　even　rendered　down　the　fat　I　told　her　and　now　shes　going　such　as　she　was　on　account　of　her　paralysed　husband　getting　worse　theres　always　something　wrong　with　them　disease　or　they　have　to　go　under　an　operation　or　if　its　not　that　its　drink　and　he　beats　her　Ill　have　to　hunt　around　again　for　someone　every　day　I　get　up　theres　some　new　thing　on　sweet　God　sweet　God　well　when　Im　stretched　out　dead　in　my　grave　I　suppose　Ill　have　some　peace　I　want　to　get　up　a　minute　if　Im　let　wait　O　Jesus　wait　yes　that　thing　has　e　on　me　yes　now　wouldnt　that　afflict　you　of　course　all　the　poking　and　rooting　and　ploughing　he　had　up　in　me　now　what　am　I　to　do　Friday　Saturday　Sunday　wouldnt　that　pester　the　soul　out　of　a　body　unless　he　likes　it　some　men　do　God　knows　theres　always　something　wrong　with　us　5　days　every　3　or　4　weeks　usual　monthly　auction　isnt　it　simply　sickening　that　night　it　came　on　me　like　that　the　one　and　only　time　we　were　in　a　box　that　Michael　Gunn　gave　him　to　see　Mrs　Kendal　and　her　husband　at　the　Gaiety　something　he　did　about　insurance　for　him　Drimmies　I　was　fit　to　be　tied　though　I　wouldnt　give　in　with　that　gentleman　of　fashion　staring　down　at　me　with　his　glasses　and　him　the　other　side　of　me　talking　about　Spinoza　and　his　soul　thats　dead　I　suppose　millions　of　years　ago　I　smiled　the　best　I　could　all　in　a　swamp　leaning　forward　as　if　I　was　interested　having　to　sit　it　out　then　to　the　last　tag　I　wont　forget　that　wife　of　Scarli　in　a　hurry　supposed　to　be　a　fast　play　about　adultery　that　idiot　in　the　gallery　hissing　the　woman　adulteress　he　shouted　I　suppose　he　went　and　had　a　woman　in　the　next　lane　running　round　all　the　back　ways　after　to　make　up　for　it　I　wish　he　had　what　I　had　then　hed　boo　I　bet　the　cat　itself　is　better　off　than　us　have　we　too　much　blood　up　in　us　or　what　O　patience　above　its　pouring　out　of　me　like　the　sea　anyhow　he　didnt　make　me　pregnant　as　big　as　he　is　I　dont　want　to　ruin　the　clean　sheets　the　clean　linen　I　wore　brought　it　on　too　damn　it　damn　it　and　they　always　want　to　see　a　stain　on　the　bed　to　know　youre　a　virgin　for　them　all　thats　troubling　them　theyre　such　fools　too　you　could　be　a　widow　or　divorced　40　times　over　a　daub　of　red　ink　would　do　or　blackberry　juice　no　thats　too　purply　O　Jamesy　let　me　up　out　of　this　pooh　sweets　of　sin　whoever　suggested　that　business　for　women　what　between　clothes　and　cooking　and　children　this　damned　old　bed　too　jingling　like　the　dickens　I　suppose　they　could　hear　us　away　over　the　other　side　of　the　park　till　I　suggested　to　put　the　quilt　on　the　floor　with　the　pillow　under　my　bottom　I　wonder　is　it　nicer　in　the　day　I　think　it　is　easy　I　think　Ill　cut　all　this　hair　off　me　there　scalding　me　I　might　look　like　a　young　girl　wouldnt　he　get　the　great　suckin　the　next　time　he　turned　up　my　clothes　on　me　Id　give　anything　to　see　his　face　wheres　the　chamber　gone　easy　Ive　a　holy　horror　of　its　breaking　under　me　after　that　old　mode　I　wonder　was　I　too　heavy　sitting　on　his　knee　I　made　him　sit　on　the　easychair　purposely　when　I　took　off　only　my　blouse　and　skirt　first　in　the　other　room　he　was　so　busy　where　he　oughtnt　to　be　he　never　felt　me　I　hope　my　breath　was　sweet　after　those　kissing　fits　easy　God　I　remember　one　time　I　could　scout　it　out　straight　whistling　like　a　man　almost　easy　O　Lord　how　noisy　I　hope　theyre　bubbles　on　it　for　a　wad　of　money　from　some　fellow　Ill　have　to　perfume　it　in　the　morning　dont　forget　I　bet　he　never　saw　a　better　pair　of　thighs　than　that　look　how　white　they　are　the　smoothest　place　is　right　there　between　this　bit　here　how　soft　like　a　peach　easy　God　I　wouldnt　mind　being　a　man　and　get　up　on　a　lovely　woman　O　Lord　what　a　row　youre　making　like　the　jersey　lily　easy　O　how　the　waters　e　down　at　Lahore　
who　knows　is　there　anything　the　matter　with　my　insides　or　have　I　something　growing　in　me　getting　that　thing　like　that　every　week　when　was　it　last　I　Whit　Monday　yes　its　only　about　3　weeks　I　ought　to　go　to　the　doctor　only　it　would　be　like　before　I　married　him　when　I　had　that　white　thing　ing　from　me　and　Floey　made　me　go　to　that　dry　old　stick　Dr　Collins　for　womens　diseases　on　Pembroke　road　your　vagina　he　called　it　I　suppose　thats　how　he　got　all　the　gilt　mirrors　and　carpets　gett