战争与和平(上)-第181章

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lyevna　thought　it　necessary　to　make　severe　observations　to　him　on　the　subject。　Pierre　felt　that　she　was　right；　and　to　avoid　compromising　his　wife　he　went　away　to　Moscow。
In　Moscow；　as　soon　as　he　entered　his　huge　house　with　the　faded　and　fading　princesses；　his　cousins；　and　the　immense　retinue　of　servants；　as　soon　as；　driving　through　the　town；　he　saw　the　Iversky　chapel　with　the　lights　of　innumerable　candles　before　the　golden　setting　of　the　Madonna；　the　square　of　the　Kremlin　with　its　untrodden　snow；　the　sledge…drivers；　and　the　hovels　of　Sivtsev　Vrazhok；　saw　the　old　Moscow　gentlemen　quietly　going　on　with　their　daily　round；　without　hurry　or　desire　of　change；　saw　the　old　Moscow　ladies；　the　Moscow　balls；　and　the　English　Club—he　felt　himself　at　home；　in　a　quiet　haven　of　rest。　In　Moscow　he　felt　comfortable；　warm；　at　home；　and　snugly　dirty；　as　in　an　old　dressing…gown。
All　Moscow　society；　from　the　old　ladies　to　the　children；　welcomed　Pierre　back　like　a　long…expected　guest；　whose　place　was　always　ready　for　him；　and　had　never　been　filled　up。　For　the　Moscow　world；　Pierre　was　the　most　delightful；　kind…hearted；　intellectual；　good…humoured；　and　generous　eccentric；　and　a　heedless　and　genial　Russian　gentleman　of　the　good　old　school。　His　purse　was　always　empty；　because　it　was　always　open　to　every　one。
Benefit…entertainments；　poor　pictures　and　statues；　benevolent　societies；　gypsy　choruses；　schools；　subscription　dinners；　drinking　parties；　the　masons；　churches；　and　books—no　one　and　nothing　ever　met　with　a　refusal；　and　had　it　not　been　for　two　friends；　who　had　borrowed　large　sums　of　money　from　Pierre　and　constituted　themselves　guardians　of　a　sort　over　him；　he　would　have　parted　with　everything。　Not　a　dinner；　not　a　soirée　took　place　at　the　club　without　him。
As　soon　as　he　was　lolling　in　his　place　on　the　sofa；　after　a　couple　of　bottles　of　Margaux；　he　was　surrounded　by　a　circle　of　friends；　and　arguments；　disputes；　and　jokes　sprang　up　round　him。　Where　there　were　quarrels；　his　kindly　smile　and　casually　uttered　jokes　were　enough　to　reconcile　the　antagonists。　The　masonic　dining　lodges　were　dull　and　dreary　when　he　was　absent。
When　after　a　bachelor　supper；　with　a　weak　and　good…natured　smile；　he　yielded　to　the　entreaties　of　the　festive　party　that　he　would　drive　off　with　them　to　share　their　revels；　there　were　shouts　of　delight　and　triumph。　At　balls　he　danced　if　there　were　a　lack　of　partners。　Girls　and　young　married　ladies　liked　him；　because　he　paid　no　special　attention　to　any　one；　but　was　equally　amiable　to　all；　especially　after　supper。　“He　is　charming；　he　is　of　no　sex；”　they　used　to　say　of　him。
Pierre　was　just　a　kammerherr；　retired　to　end　his　days　in　Moscow；　like　hundreds　of　others。　How　horrified　he　would　have　been　if；　seven　years　before；　when　he　had　just　come　home　from　abroad；　any　one　had　told　him　that　there　was　no　need　for　him　to　look　about　him　and　rack　his　brains；　that　the　track　had　long　ago　been　trodden；　marked　out　from　all　eternity　for　him；　and　that；　struggle　as　he　would；　he　would　be　just　such　another　as　all　men　in　his　position。　He　could　not　have　believed　it　then！　Had　he　not　longed　with　his　whole　heart　to　establish　a　republic　in　Russia；　then　to　be　himself　a　Napoleon；　then　to　be　a　philosopher；　and　then　a　great　strategist　and　the　conqueror　of　Napoleon？　Had　he　not　passionately　desired　and　believed　in　the　regeneration　of　the　sinful　race　of　man　and　the　schooling　of　himself　to　the　highest　point　of　perfect　virtue？　Had　he　not　founded　schools　and　hospitals　and　liberated　his　serfs？
But　instead　of　all　that；　here　he　was　the　wealthy　husband　of　a　faithless　wife；　a　retired　kammerherr；　fond　of　dining　and　drinking；　fond；　too；　as　he　unbuttoned　his　waistcoat　after　dinner；　of　indulging　in　a　little　abuse　of　the　government；　a　member　of　the　Moscow　English　Club；　and　a　universal　favourite　in　Moscow　society。　For　a　long　while　he　could　not　reconcile　himself　to　the　idea　that　he　was　precisely　the　retired　Moscow　kammerherr；　the　very　type　he　had　so　profoundly　scorned　seven　years　before。
Sometimes　he　consoled　himself　by　the　reflection　that　it　did　not　count；　that　he　was　only　temporarily　leading　this　life。　But　later　on　he　was　horrified　by　another　reflection；　that　numbers　of　other　men；　with　the　same　idea　of　its　being　temporary；　had　entered　that　life　and　that　club　with　all　their　teeth　and　a　thick　head　of　hair；　only　to　leave　it　when　they　were　toothless　and　bald。
In　moments　of　pride；　when　he　was　reviewing　his　position；　it　seemed　to　him　that　he　was　quite　different；　distinguished　in　some　way　from　the　retired　kammerherrs　he　had　looked　upon　with　contempt　in　the　past；　that　they　were　vulgar　and　stupid；　at　ease　and　satisfied　with　their　position；　“while　I　am　even　now　still　dissatisfied；　I　still　long　to　do　something　for　humanity；”　he　would　assure　himself　in　moments　of　pride。　“But　possibly　all　of　them　too；　my　fellows；　struggled　just　as　I　do；　tried　after　something　new；　sought　a　path　in　life　for　themselves；　and　have　been　brought　to　the　same　point　as　I　have　by　the　force　of　surroundings；　of　society；　of　family；　that　elemental　force　against　which　man　is　powerless；”　he　said　to　himself　in　moments　of　modesty。　And　after　spending　some　time　in　Moscow　he　no　longer　scorned　his　companions　in　destiny；　but　began　even　to　love　them；　respect　them；　and　pity　them　like　himself。
Pierre　no　longer　suffered　from　moments　of　despair；　melancholy；　and　loathing　for　life　as　he　had　done。　But　the　same　malady　that　had　manifested　itself　in　acute　attacks　in　former　days　was　driven　inwards　and　never　now　left　him　for　an　instant。　“What　for？　What’s　the　use？　What　is　it　is　going　on　in　the　world？”　he　asked　himself　in　perplexity　several　times　a　day；　instinctively　beginning　to　sound　the　hidden　significance　in　the　phenomena　of　life。　But　knowing　by　experience　that　there　was　no　answer　to　these　questions；　he　made　haste　to　try　and　turn　away　from　them；　took　up　a　book；　or　hurried　off　to　the　club；　or　to　Apollon　Nikolaevitch’s　to　chat　over　the　scandals　of　the　town。
“Elena　Vassilyevna；　who　has　never　cared　for　anything　but　her　own　body；　and　is　one　of　the　stupidest　women　in　the　world；”　Pierre　thought；　“is　regarded　by　people　as　the　acme　of　wit　and　refinement；　and　is　the　object　of　their　homage。　Napoleon　Bonaparte　was　despised　by　every　one　while　he　was　really　great；　and　since　he　became　a　pitiful　buffoon　the　Emperor　Francis　seeks　to　offer　him　his　daughter　in　an　illegal　marriage。　The　Spaniards；　through　their　Catholic　Church；　return　thanks　to　God　for　their　victory　over　the　French　on　the　14th　of　June；　and　the　French；　through　the　same　Catholic　Church；　return　thanks　to　God　for　their　victory　over　the　Spaniards　on　the　same　14th　of　June。　My　masonic　brothers　swear　in　blood　that　they　are　ready　to　sacrifice　all　for　their　neighbour；　but　they　don’t　give　as　much　as　one　rouble　to　the　collections　for　the　poor；　and　they　intrigue　between　Astraea　and　the　manna…seekers；　and　are　in　a　ferment　about　the　authentic　Scottish　rug；　and　an　act；　of　which　the　man　who　wrote　it　did　not　know　the　meaning　and　no　one　has　any　need。　We　all　profess　the　Christian　law　of　forgiveness　of　sins　and　love　for　one’s　neighbour—the　law；　in　honour　of　which　we　have　raised　forty　times　forty　churches　in　Moscow—but　yesterday　we　knouted　to　death　a　deserter；　and　the　minister　of　that　same　law　of　love　and　forgiveness；　the　priest；　gave　the　soldier　the　cross　to　kiss　before　his　punishment。”
Such　were　Pierre’s　reflections；　and　all　this　universal　deception　recognised　by　all；　used　as　he　was　to　seeing　it；　was　always　astounding　him；　as　though　it　were　something　new。　“I　understand　this　deceit　and　tangle　of　cross…purposes；”　he　thought；　“but　now　am　I　to　tell　them　all　I　understand？　I　have　tried　and　always　found　that　they　understood　it　as　I　did；　at　the　bottom　of　their　hearts；　but　were　only　trying　not　to　see　it。　So　I　suppose　it　must　be　so！　But　me—what　refuge　is　there　for　me？”　thought　Pierre。
He　suffered　from　an　unlucky　faculty—common　to　many　men；　especially　Russians—the　faculty　of　seeing　and　believing　in　the　possibility　of　good　and　truth；　and　at　the　same　time　seeing　too　clearly　the　evil　and　falsity　of　life　to　be　capable　of　taking　a　serious　part　in　it。　Every　sphere　of　activity　was　in　his　eyes　connected　with　evil　and　deception。　Whatever　he　tried　to　be；　whatever　he　took　up；　evil　and　falsity　drove　him　back　again