战争与和平(上)-第149章

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ief　temptation？　Do　you　know　it？　I　believe　that　you　do　know　it。’　Abashed　at　this　question；　I　answered　that　sloth　was　my　besetting　temptation。　He　shook　his　head　incredulously。　And　even　more　abashed；　I　told　him　that　though　I　was　living　here　with　my　wife；　I　was　not　living　with　her　as　a　husband。　To　this　he　replied　that　I　had　no　right　to　deprive　my　wife　of　my　embraces；　and　gave　me　to　understand　that　this　was　my　duty。　But　I　answered　that　I　should　be　ashamed　of　it；　and　suddenly　everything　vanished。　And　I　waked　up；　and　in　my　mind　there　was　the　text　of　scripture：　‘And　the　life　was　the　light　of　man；　and　the　light　shineth　in　the　darkness；　and　the　darkness　comprehendeth　it　not。’
“The　face　of　Osip　Alexyevitch　had　been　youthful　and　bright…looking。　That　day　I　received　a　letter　from　my　benefactor；　in　which　he　wrote　to　me　of　my　conjugal　duties。
“December　9。—I　had　a　dream　from　which　I　waked　up　with　a　throbbing　heart。　I　dreamed　I　was　in　Moscow　in　my　own　house；　in　the　big　divan…room；　and　Osip　Alexyevitch　came　out　of　the　drawing…room。　I　dreamed　that　I　knew　at　once　that　the　process　of　regeneration　had　begun　in　him；　and　I　rushed　to　meet　him。　I　kissed　his　face　and　his　hands；　while　he　said：　‘Do　you　notice　that　my　face　is　different？’　I　looked　at　him；　still　holding　him　in　my　arms；　and　I　dreamed　that　I　saw　that　his　face　was　young；　but　he　had　no　hair　on　his　head　and　his　features　were　quite　different。　And　I　dreamed　that　I　said　to　him：　‘I　should　have　recognised　you　if　I　had　met　you　by　chance’；　and　thought　as　I　said　it；　‘Am　I　telling　the　truth？’　And　all　at　once　I　saw　him　lying　like　a　dead　body；　then　he　gradually　came　to　himself　again　and　went　with　me　into　the　big　study；　holding　a　big　folio　book　of　manuscript。　And　I　dreamed　I　said：　‘I　wrote　that。’　And　he　answered　me　by　an　inclination　of　the　head。　I　opened　the　book；　and　on　all　the　pages　were　fine　drawings。　And　in　my　dream　I　knew　that　these　pictures　depicted　the　soul’s　love　adventures　with　its　beloved。　And　I　saw　a　beautiful　presentment　of　a　maiden　in　transparent　garments　and　with　a　transparent　body　flying　up　to　the　clouds。　And　I　seemed　to　know　that　this　maiden　was　nothing　else　but　the　figure　of　the　Song　of　Songs。　And　in　my　dream；　as　I　looked　at　these　pictures；　I　felt　I　was　doing　wrong　and　could　not　tear　myself　away　from　them。　Lord；　help　me！　My　God；　if　Thy　forsaking　me　is　Thy　doing；　then　Thy　will　be　done；　but　if　I　am　myself　the　cause；　teach　me　what　I　am　to　do。　I　perish　from　my　vileness　as　though　Thou　wast　utterly　forsaking　me。”


Chapter　11
THE　ROSTOVS’　PECUNIARY　POSITION　had　not　improved　during　the　two　years　they　had　spent　in　the　country。　Although　Nikolay　Rostov　had　kept　firmly　to　his　resolution；　and　was　still　living　in　a　modest　way　in　an　obscure　regiment；　spending　comparatively　little；　the　manner　of　life　at　Otradnoe；　and　still　more　Mitenka’s　management　of　affairs；　were　such　that　debts　went　on　unchecked；　growing　bigger　every　year。　The　sole　resource　that　presented　itself　to　the　old　count　as　the　obvious　thing　to　do　was　to　enter　the　government　service；　and　he　had　come　to　Petersburg　to　seek　a　post　and　at　the　same　time；　as　he　said；　to　let　his　poor　wenches　enjoy　themselves　for　the　last　time。
Soon　after　the　Rostovs’　arrival　in　Petersburg；　Berg　made　Vera　an　offer；　and　his　offer　was　accepted。　Although　in　Moscow　the　Rostovs　belonged　to　the　best　society—themselves　unaware　of　the　fact；　and　never　troubling　themselves　to　consider　what　society　they　belonged　to—yet　in　Petersburg　their　position　was　an　uncertain　and　indefinite　one。　In　Petersburg　they　were　provincials；　and　were　not　visited　by　the　very　people　who　in　Moscow　had　dined　at　the　Rostovs’　expense　without　their　inquiring　to　what　society　they　belonged。
The　Rostovs　kept　open　house　in　Petersburg；　just　as　they　used　to　do　in　Moscow；　and　at　their　suppers　people　of　the　most　diverse　sorts　could　be　seen　together—country　neighbours；　old　and　not　well…to…do　country　gentlemen　with　their　daughters；　and　the　old　maid…of…honour；　Madame　Peronsky；　Pierre　Bezuhov；　and　the　son　of　their　district　postmaster；　who　was　in　an　office　in　Petersburg。　Of　the　men　who　were　constantly　at　the　Rostovs’　house　in　Petersburg；　the　most　intimate　friends　of　the　family　were　very　soon　Boris；　Pierre；　who　had　been　met　in　the　street　by　the　old　count　and　dragged　home　by　him；　and　Berg；　who　spent　whole　days　with　the　Rostovs；　and　paid　the　elder　of　the　young　countesses；　Vera；　every　attention　a　young　man　can　pay　who　intends　to　make　a　proposal。
Not　in　vain　had　Berg　shown　everybody　his　right　hand　that　had　been　wounded　at　Austerlitz；　and　the　sword　quite　unnecessarily　held　in　his　left。　He　had　related　this　episode　to　everybody　so　persistently　and　with　such　an　air　of　importance；　that　every　one　had　come　to　believe　in　the　utility　and　merit　of　the　feat；　and　Berg　had　received　two　decorations　for　Austerlitz。
In　the　war　in　Finland；　too；　he　had　succeeded　in　distinguishing　himself。　He　had　picked　up　a　fragment　of　a　grenade；　by　which　an　adjutant　had　been　killed　close　to　the　commander…in…chief；　and　had　carried　this　fragment　to　his　commander。　Again；　as　after　Austerlitz；　he　talked　to　every　one　at　such　length　and　with　such　persistency　about　this　incident　that　people　ended　by　believing　that　this；　too；　was　something　that　ought　to　have　been　done；　and　Berg　received　two　decorations　for　the　Finnish　war　too。　In　1809　he　was　a　captain　in　the　guards　with　decorations　on　his　breast；　and　was　filling　some　particularly　profitable　posts　in　Petersburg。
Though　there　were　some　sceptics　who　smiled　when　Berg’s　merits　were　mentioned　before　them；　it　could　not　be　denied　that　Berg　was　a　gallant　officer；　punctual　in　the　discharge　of　his　duties；　in　excellent　repute　with　the　authorities；　and　a　conscientious　young　man　with　a　brilliant　career　before　him　and　a　secure　position；　indeed；　in　society。
Four　years　before；　on　meeting　a　German　comrade　in　the　parterre　of　a　Moscow　theatre；　Berg　had　pointed　out　to　him　Vera　Rostov；　and　said　to　him　in　German；　“That　girl　will　be　my　wife。”　From　that　moment　he　had　made　up　his　mind　to　marry　her。　Now　in　Petersburg；　after　duly　considering　the　Rostovs’　position　and　his　own；　he　decided　that　the　time　had　come　and　made　his　offer。
Berg’s　proposal　was　received　at　first　with　a　hesitation　by　no　means　flattering　for　him。　It　seemed　a　strange　idea　at　first　that　the　son　of　an　obscure　Livonian　gentleman　should　propose　for　the　hand　of　a　Countess　Rostov。　But　Berg’s　leading　characteristic　was　an　egoism　so　na？ve　and　good…natured　that　the　Rostovs　unconsciously　began　to　think　that　it　must　be　a　good　thing　since　he　was　himself　so　firmly　convinced　that　it　would　be　a　good　thing；　and　indeed　a　very　good　thing。　The　Rostovs　were；　moreover；　seriously　embarrassed　in　their　pecuniary　affairs；　a　fact　of　which　the　suitor　could　not　but　be　aware；　and　what　was　the　chief　consideration；　Vera　was　now　four…and…twenty；　and　had　been　brought　out　everywhere；　and；　in　spite　of　the　fact　that　she　was　undeniably　good…looking　and　sensible；　no　one　had　hitherto　made　her　an　offer。　The　offer　was　accepted。
“You　see；”　Berg　said　to　a　comrade；　whom　he　called　his　friend—only　because　he　knew　all　people　do　have　friends—“you　see；　I　have　taken　everything　into　consideration；　and　I　should　not　have　got　married　if　I　had　not　thought　it　well　over；　or　if　it　had　been　unsuitable　in　any　way。　But　at　present　my　papa　and　mamma　are　well　provided　for；　I　have　secured　them　the　lease　of　that　place　in　the　Ostsee　district；　and　I　can　live　in　Petersburg　with　my　pay　and　her　fortune　and　my　careful　habits。　We　can　get　along　nicely。　I’m　not　marrying　for　money；　I　consider　that　ungentlemanly；　but　the　wife　ought　to　bring　her　share　and　the　husband　his。　I　have　my　position　in　the　service；　she　has　connections　and　some　small　means。　That’s　worth　something　nowadays；　isn’t　it？　And　what’s　the　chief　consideration；　she’s　handsome；　estimable　girl；　and　she　loves　me。…”
Berg　blushed　and　smiled。
“And　I　love　her　because　she　has　a　character　that　is　reasonable　and　very　nice。　Her　sister　now—though　they　are　of　the　same　family—is　utterly　different；　and　her　character　is　disagreeable；　and　she　has　none　of　that　intelligence；　but　something　you　know　…　I　don’t　like。　…　But　my　betrothed　…　You　must　come　and　see　us；　come　to　…”　Berg；　went　on；　he　was　going　to　say　“to　dinner；”　but　on　second　thoughts　he　said　“t