tg.wizardfirstrule-第131章

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s；　that　we　are　a　threat　to　all。　Much　as　your　sword　tells　people　the　same　thing。　No　Confessor　would　wear　her　hair　short；　and　that　rankles　people；　that　none　could　dare　make　us　do　so。　It　is　ironic　that　we　are　less　free　than　they；　yet　they　don't　see　that　part　of　it。　We　do　their　distasteful　tasks　for　them；　and　yet　we　are　not　free　to　choose　what　we　will　do　with　our　own　lives。　We　are　prisoners　of　our　power。〃
　
　Kahlan　ate　the　rest　of　the　meat　he　had　given　her　while　he　thought　about　how　ironic　it　also　was　that　the　Confessors　brought　love　to　the　most　hateful　of　criminals；　yet　they　could　not　bring　it　to　ones　with　whom　they　would　choose　closeness。　He　knew　there　was　something　else　she　was　trying　to　explain。
　
　〃I　think　your　long　hair　is　pretty；〃　he　said。　〃I　like　it　the　way　it　is。〃
　
　Kahlan　smiled。　〃Thank　you。〃　She　tossed　the　bones　into　the　fire；　watching　it　for　a　time；　then　looked　down　at　her　hands　as　she　clicked　her　thumbnails　together。　〃And　then　there　is　the　matter　of　choosing　a　mate。〃
　
　Richard　finished　his　piece　of　meat　and　threw　the　bone　in　the　fire。　He　leaned　back　against　the　log；　not　liking　the　sound　of　this。　〃Choosing　a　mate？　What　do　you　mean？〃
　
　She　studied　her　hands　as　if　trying　to　find　refuge　in　them。　〃When　a　Confessor　reaches　the　age　to　be　a　proper　mother；　she　must　choose　a　mate。　A　Confessor　may　choose　any　man　she　wishes；　even　one　already　married。　She　may　roam　the　Midlands；　searching　for　a　proper　father　to　her　daughters；　one　who　is　strong；　and　maybe　one　who　is　handsome　to　her　eyes。　Whatever　she　wants。
　
　〃Men　are　terrified　of　a　Confessor　who　is　looking　for　a　mate；　because　they　don't　want　to　be　chosen；　to　be　touched　by　her。　Women　are　terrified　because　they　don't　want　their　man；　or　their　brother；　or　their　son　to　be　taken。　They　all　know　they　have　no　say　in　the　matter；　any　who　stood　in　the　way　of　a　Confessor's　choosing　would　be　taken　by　her。　People　are　afraid　of　me；　first　because　I　am　the　Mother　Confessor；　and　second　because　I　am　long　past　the　time　I　should　have　chosen　a　mate。〃
　
　Richard　still　clung　tenaciously　to　his　hopes　and　dreams。　〃But　what　if　you　care　about　someone；　and　they　care　for　you？〃
　
　Kahlan　shook　her　head　sadly。　〃Confessors　have　no　friends　but　other　Confessors。　It　is　not　a　problem；　no　one　would　ever　have　feelings　for　a　Confessor。　Every　man　is　afraid　of　us。〃　She　left　unsaid　that　it　was　a　problem　now。　Her　voice　was　choking　up　again。　〃We　are　taught　from　a　young　age　that　the　mate　we　choose　must　be　a　man　of　strength；　so　that　the　children　we　bear　will　be　strong。　But　it　must　not　be　someone　we　care　for；　because　we　would　destroy　him。　That　is　why　nothing　can　e　of　。　。　。　of　us。〃
　
　〃But　。　。　。　why？〃　He　felt　himself　fighting　against　her　words；　her　power。
　
　〃Because　。　。　。〃　She　looked　away；　her　face　unable　to　mask　her　pain；　her　green　eyes　filling　with　tears。　〃Because　in　the　throes　of　passion；　a　Confessor's　hold　on　the　power　would　relax；　and　she　would　release　it　into　him；　even　though　she　didn't　mean　to；　and　then　he　would　no　longer　be　the　person　she　cared　for。　There　is　no　way　for　her　to　prevent　herself　from　doing　it。　None。　He　would　be　hers；　but　not　in　the　same　way。　The　very　one　she　cared　for　would　be　with　her；　but　only　because　of　the　magic；　no　longer　by　his　choice；　and　not　because　he　wanted　to。　He　would　only　be　a　shell；　holding　what　she　had　put　into　him。　No　Confessor　would　want　that　for　a　man　for　whom　she　cared。
　
　〃That　is　why　Confessors；　since　time　long　forgotten；　have　shut　themselves　away　from　men；　for　fear　they　would　grow　to　care　for　one。　Though　we　are　seen　as　heartless；　it　is　not　true；　we　all　fear　what　our　touch　would　do　to　a　man　we　held　dear。　Some　Confessors　choose　men　who　are　disliked；　or　even　hated；　so　as　not　to　destroy　a　kind　heart。　Though　it　is　only　the　choice　of　a　few；　it　is　the　way　they　deal　with　it；　and　is　their　right。　No　other　Confessor　would　criticize　one　who　has　chosen　in　this　manner；　we　all　understand　it。〃　Her　tearful　eyes　looked　at　him；　pleading　for　him　to　understand。
　
　〃But　。　。　。　I　could　。　。　。〃　He　could　think　of　no　defense　for　his　heart
　
　〃I　could　not。　Foe　me；　it　would　be　the　same　as　you　wanting　to　be　with　your　mother；　and　instead　having　Shota；　appearing　to　be　your　mother。　But　she　wasn't。　It　would　just　be　an　illusion　of　love。　Do　you　understand？〃　she　cried。　〃Would　that　bring　you　any　true　joy？。。
　
　Richard　felt　the　hopes　of　his　world　collapsing　in　the　flames　of　his　understanding。　His　heart　sank　into　the　ashes。
　
　〃The　spirit　house；〃　he　asked　in　a　dry　voice；　〃is　that　what　Shota　was　talking　about？　Is　that　when　you　came　within　a　breath　of　using　your　power　on　me？〃　His　tone　was　a　little　colder　than　he　wished　it　to　be。
　
　〃Yes。〃　Her　voice　broke　with　emotion　as　she　tried　to　keep　from　crying。　〃I'm　sorry；　Richard。〃　She　knitted　her　fingers　together。　〃I　have　never　before　cared　for　anyone　the　way　I　care　for　you。　I　wanted　to　be　with　you　so　badly。　I　almost　forgot　who　I　was。　I　almost　didn't　care。〃　Tears　started　running　down　her　cheeks。　〃Do　you　see　now　how　dangerous　my　power　is？　Do　you　see　how　Easily　I　could　destroy　you？　If　you　hadn't　stopped　me　when　you　did　。　。　。　you　would　have　been　lost。〃
　
　He　felt　an　agony　of　passion　for　her；　for　what　she　was；　and　for　the　fact　that　she　couldn't　do　anything　about　it；　and　he　felt　the　ache　of　his　own　pain　at　the　feeling　of　loss；　even　though　he　realized　now　that　there　was　nothing　to　lose；　she　could　never　have　been　his；　or　more　precisely；　he　hers；　it　all　had　just　been　a　fantasy　in　his　mind。
　
　Zedd　had　tried　to　warn　him；　tried　to　save　him　this　pain。　Why　couldn't　he　have　listened？　Why　did　he　have　to　be　so　stupid　and　think　he　would　be　smart　enough　to　figure　something　out？　He　knew　why。　He　stood　slowly　and　took　a　step　to　the　fire　so　she　wouldn't　see　his　tears。　He　kept　swallowing　so　he　could　try　to　talk。
　
　〃Why　do　you　always　say　‘she；'　‘her；'　‘daughter'？　Why　always　women？　What　of　the　men；　don't　Confessors　bear　male　children？〃　He　realized　his　voice　sounded　as　if　it　were　scraping　over　gravel。
　
　He　listened　to　the　fire　crackling　for　a　long　time　as　she　didn't　answer。　He　turned　back　to　her　when　he　heard　her　crying。　She　looked　up　and　held　her　hand　out　for　him　to　help　her　up。　Once　up；　she　leaned　against　the　log；　pulled　her　long　hair　back　from　her　face；　and　then　folded　her　arms　below　her　breasts
　
　〃Yes；　Confessors　bear　male　children。　Not　as　often　as　in　the　past；　but　they　still　do。〃　She　cleared　her　throat。　〃But　the　power　is　stronger　in　them；　they　need　no　time　to　recover。　Sometimes；　the　power　bees　everything　to　them；　corrupts　them。　This　is　the　mistake　the　wizards　made。
　
　〃They　chose　women　for　this　very　reason；　but　didn't　give　sufficient　thought　to　how　the　power　would　take　on　a　life　of　its　own。　They　didn't　foresee　how　the　power　would　be　passed　on　to　the　offspring；　and　be　so　different　in　men。
　
　〃Long　ago；　a　few　male　Confessors　joined　forces；　and　brought　about　a　terrible　reign　of　cruelty。　It　was　called　the　dark　time。　They　were　the　cause　of　it。　It　was　a　time　something　like　now；　with　Darken　Rahl。　At　last；　the　wizards　hunted　them　all　down　and　killed　them。　Many　of　the　wizards　died　too。　From　that　time；　the　wizards　withdrew　from　trying　to　rule　the　lands。　Too　many　of　them　had　been　killed　anyway。　Instead；　now　they　only　try　to　serve　the　people；　to　help　where　they　can。　But　they　no　longer　interfere　with　rulers　if　they　can　help　it。　They　have　learned　bitter　lessons。〃
　
　Kahlan　looked　down；　away　from　his　eyes　as　she　went　on。　〃For　some　reason；　it　takes　the　unique　passion　of　a　woman　to　handle　the　power；　to　be　free　from　its　corrupting　influence。　The　wizards　don't　know　the　reason　for　this。　It　is　similar　with　the　Seeker：　he　must　be　the　right　one；　one　found　by　a　wizard；　or　he　will　use　the　power　for　corrupt　reasons。　That　is　why　Zedd　was　so　angry　at　the　council　of　the　Midlands　for　taking　the　naming　away　from　him。　Male　Confessors；　not　all；　but　most；　cannot　retain　their　sense　of　balance　with　the　power。　They　don't　have　the　strength　to　hold　it　back　when　they　should。〃　She　peered　up　at　him。
　
　〃When　they　wanted　a　woman；　they　simply　used　the　power　and　took　her。　Many　women。　They　had　no　restraint；　no　sense　of　responsibility　for　what　they　were　doing。　From　what　I　have　been　told；　the　dark　time　was　one　long　night　of　terror。　Their　reign　lasted　for　yea