the water-babies-第21章

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er；　because　…　as　Lord　Dundreary　and　others　would　put　it　…　nobody　but　men　have　hippopotamuses　in　their　brains；　so；　if　a　hippopotamus　was　discovered　in　an　ape's　brain；　why　it　would　not　be　one；　you　know；　but　something　else。

But　the　professor　had　gone；　I　am　sorry　to　say；　even　further　than　that；　for　he　had　read　at　the　British　Association　at　Melbourne；　Australia；　in　the　year　1999；　a　paper　which　assured　every　one　who　found　himself　the　better　or　wiser　for　the　news；　that　there　were　not；　never　had　been；　and　could　not　be；　any　rational　or　half…　rational　beings　except　men；　anywhere；　anywhen；　or　anyhow；　that　NYMPHS；　SATYRS；　FAUNS；　INUI；　DWARFS；　TROLLS；　ELVES；　GNOMES；　FAIRIES；　BROWNIES；　NIXES；　WILLS；　KOBOLDS；　LEPRECHAUNES；　CLURICAUNES；　BANSHEES；　WILL…O'…THE…WISPS；　FOLLETS；　LUTINS；　MAGOTS；　GOBLINS；　AFRITS；　MARIDS；　JINNS；　GHOULS；　PERIS；　DEEVS；　ANGELS；　ARCHANGELS；　IMPS；　BOGIES；　or　worse；　were　nothing　at　all；　and　pure　bosh　and　wind。　　And　he　had　to　get　up　very　early　in　the　morning　to　prove　that；　and　to　eat　his　breakfast　overnight；　but　he　did　it；　at　least　to　his　own　satisfaction。　　Whereon　a　certain　great　divine；　and　a　very　clever　divine　was　he；　called　him　a　regular　Sadducee；　and　probably　he　was　quite　right。　　Whereon　the　professor；　in　return；　called　him　a　regular　Pharisee；　and　probably　he　was　quite　right　too。　But　they　did　not　quarrel　in　the　least；　for；　when　men　are　men　of　the　world；　hard　words　run　off　them　like　water　off　a　duck's　back。　　So　the　professor　and　the　divine　met　at　dinner　that　evening；　and　sat　together　on　the　sofa　afterwards　for　an　hour；　and　talked　over　the　state　of　female　labour　on　the　antarctic　continent　（for　nobody　talks　shop　after　his　claret）；　and　each　vowed　that　the　other　was　the　best　company　he　ever　met　in　his　life。　　What　an　advantage　it　is　to　be　men　of　the　world！

From　all　which　you　may　guess　that　the　professor　was　not　the　least　of　little　Ellie's　opinion。　　So　he　gave　her　a　succinct　compendium　of　his　famous　paper　at　the　British　Association；　in　a　form　suited　for　the　youthful　mind。　　But；　as　we　have　gone　over　his　arguments　against　water…babies　once　already；　which　is　once　too　often；　we　will　not　repeat　them　here。

Now　little　Ellie　was；　I　suppose；　a　stupid　little　girl；　for；　instead　of　being　convinced　by　Professor　Ptthmllnsprts'　arguments；　she　only　asked　the　same　question　over　again。

〃But　why　are　there　not　water…babies？〃

I　trust　and　hope　that　it　was　because　the　professor　trod　at　that　moment　on　the　edge　of　a　very　sharp　mussel；　and　hurt　one　of　his　corns　sadly；　that　he　answered　quite　sharply；　forgetting　that　he　was　a　scientific　man；　and　therefore　ought　to　have　known　that　he　couldn't　know；　and　that　he　was　a　logician；　and　therefore　ought　to　have　known　that　he　could　not　prove　a　universal　negative　…　I　say；　I　trust　and　hope　it　was　because　the　mussel　hurt　his　corn；　that　the　professor　answered　quite　sharply：

〃Because　there　ain't。〃

Which　was　not　even　good　English；　my　dear　little　boy；　for；　as　you　must　know　from　Aunt　Agitate's　Arguments；　the　professor　ought　to　have　said；　if　he　was　so　angry　as　to　say　anything　of　the　kind　…　Because　there　are　not：　　or　are　none：　　or　are　none　of　them；　or　（if　he　had　been　reading　Aunt　Agitate　too）　because　they　do　not　exist。

And　he　groped　with　his　net　under　the　weeds　so　violently；　that；　as　it　befell；　he　caught　poor　little　Tom。

He　felt　the　net　very　heavy；　and　lifted　it　out　quickly；　with　Tom　all　entangled　in　the　meshes。

〃Dear　me！〃　he　cried。　　〃What　a　large　pink　Holothurian；　with　hands；　too！　　It　must　be　connected　with　Synapta。〃


And　he　took　him　out。

〃It　has　actually　eyes！〃　he　cried。　　〃Why；　it　must　be　a　Cephalopod！　This　is　most　extraordinary！〃

〃No；　I　ain't！〃　cried　Tom；　as　loud　as　he　could；　for　he　did　not　like　to　be　called　bad　names。

〃It　is　a　water…baby！〃　cried　Ellie；　and　of　course　it　was。

〃Water…fiddlesticks；　my　dear！〃　said　the　professor；　and　he　turned　away　sharply。

There　was　no　denying　it。　　It　was　a　water…baby：　　and　he　had　said　a　moment　ago　that　there　were　none。　　What　was　he　to　do？

He　would　have　liked；　of　course；　to　have　taken　Tom　home　in　a　bucket。　He　would　not　have　put　him　in　spirits。　　Of　course　not。　　He　would　have　kept　him　alive；　and　petted　him　（for　he　was　a　very　kind　old　gentleman）；　and　written　a　book　about　him；　and　given　him　two　long　names；　of　which　the　first　would　have　said　a　little　about　Tom；　and　the　second　all　about　himself；　for　of　course　he　would　have　called　him　Hydrotecnon　Ptthmllnsprtsianum；　or　some　other　long　name　like　that；　for　they　are　forced　to　call　everything　by　long　names　now；　because　they　have　used　up　all　the　short　ones；　ever　since　they　took　to　making　nine　species　out　of　one。　　But　…　what　would　all　the　learned　men　say　to　him　after　his　speech　at　the　British　Association？　And　what　would　Ellie　say；　after　what　he　had　just　told　her？

There　was　a　wise　old　heathen　once；　who　said；　〃Maxima　debetur　pueris　reverentia〃　…　The　greatest　reverence　is　due　to　children；　that　is；　that　grown　people　should　never　say　or　do　anything　wrong　before　children；　lest　they　should　set　them　a　bad　example。　…　Cousin　Cramchild　says　it　means；　〃The　greatest　respectfulness　is　expected　from　little　boys。〃　　But　he　was　raised　in　a　country　where　little　boys　are　not　expected　to　be　respectful；　because　all　of　them　are　as　good　as　the　President：…　Well；　every　one　knows　his　own　concerns　best；　so　perhaps　they　are。　　But　poor　Cousin　Cramchild；　to　do　him　justice；　not　being　of　that　opinion；　and　having　a　moral　mission；　and　being　no　scholar　to　speak　of；　and　hard　up　for　an　authority　…　why；　it　was　a　very　great　temptation　for　him。　　But　some　people；　and　I　am　afraid　the　professor　was　one　of　them；　interpret　that　in　a　more　strange；　curious；　one…sided；　left…handed；　topsy…turvy；　inside…out；　behind…before　fashion　than　even　Cousin　Cramchild；　for　they　make　it　mean；　that　you　must　show　your　respect　for　children；　by　never　confessing　yourself　in　the　wrong　to　them；　even　if　you　know　that　you　are　so；　lest　they　should　lose　confidence　in　their　elders。

Now；　if　the　professor　had　said　to　Ellie；　〃Yes；　my　darling；　it　is　a　water…baby；　and　a　very　wonderful　thing　it　is；　and　it　shows　how　little　I　know　of　the　wonders　of　nature；　in　spite　of　forty　years'　honest　labour。　　I　was　just　telling　you　that　there　could　be　no　such　creatures；　and；　behold！　here　is　one　come　to　confound　my　conceit　and　show　me　that　Nature　can　do；　and　has　done；　beyond　all　that　man's　poor　fancy　can　imagine。　　So；　let　us　thank　the　Maker；　and　Inspirer；　and　Lord　of　Nature　for　all　His　wonderful　and　glorious　works；　and　try　and　find　out　something　about　this　one；〃　…　I　think　that；　if　the　professor　had　said　that；　little　Ellie　would　have　believed　him　more　firmly；　and　respected　him　more　deeply；　and　loved　him　better；　than　ever　she　had　done　before。　　But　he　was　of　a　different　opinion。　　He　hesitated　a　moment。　　He　longed　to　keep　Tom；　and　yet　he　half　wished　he　never　had　caught　him；　and　at　last　he　quite　longed　to　get　rid　of　him。　　So　he　turned　away　and　poked　Tom　with　his　finger；　for　want　of　anything　better　to　do；　and　said　carelessly；　〃My　dear　little　maid；　you　must　have　dreamt　of　water…babies　last　night；　your　head　is　so　full　of　them。〃

Now　Tom　had　been　in　the　most　horrible　and　unspeakable　fright　all　the　while；　and　had　kept　as　quiet　as　he　could；　though　he　was　called　a　Holothurian　and　a　Cephalopod；　for　it　was　fixed　in　his　little　head　that　if　a　man　with　clothes　on　caught　him；　he　might　put　clothes　on　him　too；　and　make　a　dirty　black　chimney…sweep　of　him　again。　　But；　when　the　professor　poked　him；　it　was　more　than　he　could　bear；　and；　between　fright　and　rage；　he　turned　to　bay　as　valiantly　as　a　mouse　in　a　corner；　and　bit　the　professor's　finger　till　it　bled。

〃Oh！　ah！　yah！〃　cried　he；　and　glad　of　an　excuse　to　be　rid　of　Tom；　dropped　him　on　to　the　seaweed；　and　thence　he　dived　into　the　water　and　was　gone　in　a　moment。

〃But　it　was　a　water…baby；　and　I　heard　it　speak！〃　cried　Ellie。　　〃Ah；　it　is　gone！〃　　And　she　jumped　down　off　the　rock；　to　try　and　catch　Tom　before　he　slipped　into　the　sea。

Too　late！　and　what　was　worse；　as　she　sprang　down；　she　slipped；　and　fell　some　six　feet；　with　her　head　on　a　sharp　rock；　and　lay　quite　still。

The　professor　picked　her　up；　and　tried　to　waken　her；　and　called　to　her；　and　cried　over　her；　for　he　loved　her　very　much：　　but　she　would　not　waken　at　all。　　So　he　took　her　up　in　his　arms　and　carried　her