the nabob-第103章

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ned　my　life　for　me！〃

And　these　burning　and　rapid　words　revealed　to　the　terrified　Paul　de　Gery　the　horrible　meaning　of　this　apparently　affectionate　guardianship；　against　which　the　mind；　the　thought；　the　dreams　of　the　young　girl　had　had　to　struggle　so　long；　and　which　had　left　her　the　incurable　sadness　of　precocious　regret；　the　heart…break　of　a　life　hardly　begun。

〃I　loved　you！　I　love　you　still！　Passion　excuses　everything；〃　answered　Jenkins　in　a　hollow　voice。

〃Love　me；　then；　if　that　amuses　you。　As　for　me；　I　hate　you　not　only　for　the　wrong　you　have　done　me；　all　the　beliefs　and　energy　you　have　killed　in　me；　but　because　you　represent　what　is　most　execrable；　most　hideous　under　the　sunhypocrisy　and　lies。　This　society　masquerade；　this　heap　of　falsity；　of　grimaces；　of　cowardly　and　unclean　conventions　have　sickened　me　to　such　an　extent；　that　I　am　running　away　exiling　myself　so　as　to　see　them　no　longer；　rather　than　them　I　would　have　the　prison；　the　sewer；　the　streets。　And　yet　it　is　your　deceit；　O　sublime　Jenkins；　which　horrifies　me　most。　You　have　mingled　our　French　hypocrisy；　all　smiles　and　politeness；　with　your　large　English　shakes　of　the　hand；　with　your　cordial　and　demonstrative　loyalty。　They　have　all　been　caught　by　it。　They　said；　'The　good　Jenkins；　the　worthy；　honest　Jenkins。'　But　II　knew　you；　and　in　spite　of　your　fine　motto　on　the　envelopes　of　your　letters；　on　your　seal；　your　sleeve…links；　your　hat…bands；　the　doors　of　your　carriage；　I　always　saw　the　rascal　you　are。〃

Her　voice　hissed　through　her　teeth；　clinched　by　an　incredible　ferocity　of　expression；　and　Paul　expected　some　furious　revolt　of　Jenkins　under　so　many　insults。　But　this　hate　and　contempt　of　the　woman　he　loved　must　have　given　him　more　sorrow　than　anger；　for　he　answered　softly；　in　a　tone　of　wounded　gentleness：

〃Oh！　you　are　cruel。　If　you　knew　the　pain　you　are　giving　me！　Hypocrite！　yes；　it　is　true；　but　I　was　not　born　like　that。　One　is　forced　into　it　by　the　difficulties　of　life。　When　one　has　the　wind　against　one；　and　wishes　to　advance；　one　tacks。　I　have　tacked。　Lay　the　blame　on　my　miserable　beginnings；　my　false　entry　into　existence；　and　agree　at　least　that　one　thing　in　me　has　never　liedmy　passion！　Nothing　has　been　able　to　kill　itneither　your　disdain；　nor　your　abuse；　nor　all　that　I　have　read　in　your　eyes；　which　for　so　many　years　have　not　once　smiled　at　me。　It　is　still　my　passion　which　gives　me　the　strength；　even　after　what　I　have　just　heard；　to　tell　you　why　I　am　here。　Listen！　You　told　me　once　that　you　wanted　a　husbandsome　one　who　would　watch　over　you　during　your　work；　who　would　take　over　some　of　the　duties　of　the　poor　Crenmitz。　Those　were　your　own　words；　which　wounded　me　then　because　I　was　not　free。　Now　all　that　is　changed。　Will　you　marry　me；　Felicia？〃

〃And　your　wife？〃　cried　the　young　girl；　while　Paul　was　asking　himself　the　same　question。

〃My　wife　is　dead。〃

〃Dead？　Mme。　Jenkins？　Is　it　true？〃

〃You　never　knew　her　of　whom　I　speak。　The　other　was　not　my　wife。　When　I　met　her　I　was　already　married　in　Irelandyears　before。　A　horrible　forced　marriage。　My　dear；　when　I　was　twenty…five　I　was　confronted　with　this　alternative：　a　debtor's　prison　or　Miss　Strang；　an　ugly　and　gouty　old　maid；　sister　of　the　usurer　who　had　lent　me　five　hundred　pounds　to　pay　for　my　medical　studies。　I　preferred　the　prison；　but　after　weeks　and　months　I　came　to　the　end　of　my　courage；　and　I　married　Miss　Strang；　who　brought　me　for　dowrymy　note　of　hand。　You　can　guess　what　my　life　was　between　these　two　monsters　who　adored　each　other。　A　jealous；　impotent　wife。　The　brother　spied　on　me；　following　me　everywhere。　I　should　have　gone　away；　but　one　thing　kept　me　there。　The　usurer　was　said　to　be　very　rich。　I　wished　to　have　some　return　for　my　cowardice。　You　see；　I　tell　you　all。　Come　now；　I　have　been　punished。　Old　Strang　died　insolvent；　he　used　to　gamble；　had　ruined　himself　without　saying　a　word。　Then　I　put　my　wife　and　her　rheumatism　in　a　hospital；　and　came　to　France。　I　had　to　begin　existence　again；　more　struggles　and　misery。　But　I　had　experience　on　my　side；　hatred　and　contempt　for　men；　and　my　newly　conquered　liberty；　for　I　did　not　dream　that　the　horrible　weight　of　this　cursed　union　was　going　to　hinder　my　getting　on；　at　that　distance。　Happily；　it　is　overI　am　free。〃

〃Yes；　Jenkins；　free。　But　why　do　you　not　make　your　wife　the　poor　creature　who　has　shared　your　life　so　long；　so　humble　and　devoted　as　she　is？〃

〃Oh！〃　said　he；　with　an　outburst　of　sincerity；　〃between　my　two　prisons　I　would　prefer　the　other；　where　I　could　be　frankly　indifferent。　But　the　atrocious　comedy　of　conjugal　love；　of　unwearying　happiness；　when　for　so　long　I　had　loved　you　and　thought　of　you　alone！　There　is　not　such　a　torture　on　earth。　If　I　can　guess；　the　poor　woman　must　have　uttered　a　cry　of　relief　and　happiness　at　the　separation。　It　is　the　only　adieu　I　hoped　for　from　her。〃

〃But　who　forced　you　to　such　a　thing？〃

〃Paris；　society；　the　world。　Married　by　its　opinion；　we　were　held　by　it。〃

〃And　now　you　are　held　no　longer？〃

〃Now　something　comes　before　allit　is　the　idea　of　losing　you；　of　seeing　you　no　longer。　Oh！　when　I　learned　of　your　flight；　when　I　saw　the　bill　over　your　door　TO　LET；　I　felt　sure　that　it　was　all　up　with　poses　and　grimaces；　that　I　had　nothing　else　to　do　but　to　set　out；　to　run　quickly　after　my　happiness；　which　you　were　taking　away。　You　were　leaving　ParisI　have　left　it。　Everything　of　yours　was　being　sold；　everything　of　mine　will　be　sold。〃

〃And　she？〃　said　Felicia　trembling。　〃She；　the　irreproachable　companion；　the　honest　woman　whom　no　one　has　ever　suspected；　where　will　she　go？　What　will　she　do？　And　it　is　her　place　you　have　just　offered　me。　A　stolen　place；　think　what　a　hell！　Well；　and　your　motto；　good　Jenkins；　virtuous　Jenkins；　what　shall　we　do　with　it？　'/Le　bien　sans　esperance/；'　eh！〃

At　this　sneer；　cutting　his　face　like　a　whip；　the　wretch　answered　panting：

〃That　will　do！　Do　not　sneer　at　me　so。　It　is　too　horrible　now。　Does　it　not　touch　you；　then；　to　be　loved　as　I　love　you　in　sacrificing　everything　to　youfortune；　honour；　respect？　See；　look　at　me。　I　have　snatched　my　mask　off　for　you；　I　have　snatched　if　off　before　all。　And　now；　see；　here　is　the　hypocrite。〃

He　heard　the　muffled　noise　of　two　knees　falling　on　the　floor。　And　stammering；　distracted　with　love；　weak　before　her；　he　begged　her　to　consent　to　this　marriage；　to　give　him　the　right　to　follow　her　everywhere；　to　defend　her。　Then　the　words　failed　him；　stifled　in　a　passionate　sob；　so　deep；　so　lacerating　that　it　should　have　touched　any　heart；　above　all　among　this　splendid　impassible　scenery　in　this　perfumed　heat。　But　Felicia　was　not　touched。　〃Let　us　have　done；　Jenkins；〃　said　she　brusquely。　〃What　you　ask　is　impossible。　We　have　nothing　to　hide　from　each　other；　and　after　your　confidences　just　now；　I　wish　to　make　one　to　you；　which　humbles　my　pride；　but　your　degradation　makes　you　worthy。　I　was　Mora's　mistress。〃

Paul　knew　this。　And　yet　it　was　so　sad　to　hear　this　beautiful；　pure　voice　laden　with　such　a　confession；　in　the　midst　of　the　intoxicating　air；　that　he　felt　his　heart　contract。

〃I　knew　it；〃　answered　Jenkins　in　a　low　voice；　〃I　have　the　letters　you　wrote　to　him。〃

〃My　letters？〃

〃Oh；　I　will　give　them　to　youhere。　I　know　them　by　heart。　I　have　read　and　reread　them。　It　is　that　which　hurts　one；　when　one　loves。　But　I　have　suffered　other　tortures。　When　I　think　that　it　was　I〃　He　stopped　himself。　He　choked。　〃I　who　had　to　furnish　fuel　for　your　flames；　warm　this　frozen　lover；　send　him　to　you　ardent　and　young　Ah！　he　has　devoured　my　pearlsI　might　refuse　over　and　over　again；　he　was　always　taking　them。　At　last　I　was　mad。　You　wish　to　burn；　wretched　woman。　Well；　burn；　then！〃



Paul　rose　to　his　feet　in　terror。　Was　he　going　to　hear　the　confession　of　a　crime？　But　the　shame　of　hearing　more　was　not　inflicted　on　him。　A　violent　knocking；　this　time　on　his　own　door；　warned　him　that　his　/calesino/　was　ready。

〃Is　the　French　gentleman　ready？〃

In　the　next　room　there　was　silence；　then　a　whisper。There　had　been　some　one　near　who　had　heard　them。Paul　de　Gery　hurried　downstairs。　He　must　get　out　of　this　room　to　escape　the　weight　of　so　much　infamy。

As　the　post…chaise　swayed；　he　saw　among　the　common　white　curtains；　which　float　at　all　the　windows　in　the　south；　a　pale　figure　with　the　hair　of　a　goddes