hemingway, ernest - garden of eden-第39章

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〃I'll　just　go　out　and　have　a　look；〃　David　said。

〃But　you'll　be　back；〃　Catherine　said。

〃Sure；〃　David　said。

The　burning　had　been　in　the　trash　burner　which　was　a　former　fifty…five…gallon　gasoline　drum　with　holes　punched　in　it。　The　stick　used　to　stir　the　ashes；　and　still　freshly　blackened　on　one　end；　was　an　old　broom　handle　which　had　been　used　in　this　capacity　before。　The　bidon　was　in　the　stone　shed　and　contained　kerosene。　In　the　drum　were　a　few　identifiable　charred　bits　of　the　green　covers　of　the　cahiers；　and　David　found　scraps　of　burnt　newsprint　and　two　charred　bits　of　pink　paper　which　he　identified　as　those　used　by　the　Romeike's　clipping　service。　On　one　he　could　dis　tinguish　the　Providence　RI　dateline。　The　ashes　had　been　well　stirred　but　there　would　doubtless　have　been　more　unburned　or　charred　material　if　he　had　cared　to　sift　or　examine　them　patiently。　He　tore　the　pink　paper　with　Providence　RI　printed　on　it　into　small　pieces　and　dropped　them　in　the　former　gasoline　drum　which　he　had　replaced　in　an　upright　position。　He　reflected　that　he　had　never　been　in　Providence；　Rhode　Island；　and　replacing　the　broom　handle　in　the　stone　shed；　where　he　noticed　the　presence　of　his　racing　bicycle；　the　tires　of　which　needed　inflation；　he　re　entered　the　kitchen　of　the　hotel；　which　was　empty；　and　pro　ceeded　to　the　salon　where　he　joined　his　wife　Catherine　at　the　bar。

'Wasn't　it　just　the　way　I　said？〃　Catherine　asked。

〃Yes；〃　David　said　and　sat　down　on　one　of　the　stools　and　put　his　elbows　on　the　bar。

〃It　probably　would　have　been　enough　to　burn　the　clippings；〃

220　221
。　。

Catherine　said。　〃But　I　really　thought　I　ought　to　make　a　clean　sweep。
〃You　did；　all　right；〃　David　said。
〃Now　you　can　go　right　on　with　the　narrative　and　there　will　be　nothing　to　interrupt　you。　You　can　start　in　the　morning。〃
〃Sure；〃　David　said。
〃I'm　glad　you're　reasonable　about　it；〃　Catherine　said。　〃You　couldn't　know　how　worthless　they　were；　David。　I　had　to　show　you。
〃You　couldn't　have　kept　the　Kibo　one　that　you　liked？〃
〃I　told　you　I　tried　to　find　it。　But　if　you　want　to　rewrite　it　I　can　tell　it　to　you　word　for　word。〃
〃That　will　be　fun。〃
〃It　will　be　really。　You'll　see。　Do　you　want　me　to　tell　it　to　you　now？　We　could　if　you　want。〃
〃No；〃　David　said。　〃Not　just　now。　Would　you　write　it　though？〃
〃I　can't　write　things；　David。　You　know　that。　But　I　can　tell　it　to　you　anytime　you　want。　You　don't　really　care　about　the　others　do　you？　They　were　worthless。〃
〃Why　did　you　do　it　really？〃
〃To　help　you。　You　can　go　to　Africa　and　write　them　again　when　your　viewpoint　is　more　mature。　The　country　can't　be　changed　very　much。　I　think　it　would　be　nice　if　you　wrote　about　Spain　instead　though。　You　said　the　country　was　almost　the　same　as　Africa　and　there　you'd　have　the　advantage　of　a　civilized　language。〃
David　poured　himself　a　whiskey　and　found　a　bottle　of　Perrier；　uncapped　it　and　poured　some　in　the　glass。　He　remembered　the　day　they　had　passed　the　place　where　they　bottled　Perrier　water　on　the　plain　on　the　way　to　Aigues　Mortes　and　how&mdash；〃Let's　not　talk　about　writing；〃　he　said　to　Catherine。
〃I　like　to；〃　Catherine　said。　'When　it's　constructive　and　has　some　valid　purpose。　You　always　wrote　so　well　until　you　started
those　stories。　The　worst　thing　was　the　dirt　and　the　flies　and　the　cruelty　and　the　bestiality。　You　seemed　almost　to　grovel　in　it。　That　horrible　one　about　the　massacre　in　the　crater　and　the　heart　lessness　of　your　own　father。〃
〃Can　we　not　talk　about　them？〃　David　asked。
〃I　want　to　talk　about　them；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I　want　to　make　you　realize　why　it　was　necessary　to　burn　them。〃
'Write　it　out；〃　David　said。　〃I'd　rather　not　hear　it　now。〃
〃But　I　can't　write　things；　David。〃
〃You　will；〃　David　said。
〃No。　But　I'll　tell　them　to　someone　who　can　write　them；〃　Catherine　said。　〃If　you　were　friendly　you'd　write　them　for　me。　If　you　really　loved　me　you'd　be　happy　to。〃
〃All　I　want　to　do　is　kill　you；〃　David　said。　〃And　the　only　reason　I　don't　do　it　is　because　you　are　crazy。
〃You　can't　talk　to　me　like　that；　David。〃
〃No？〃
〃No；　you　can't。　You　can't。　Do　you　hear　me？〃
〃I　hear　you。
〃Then　hear　me　say　you　can't　say　such　things。　You　can't　say　horrible　things　like　that　to　me。〃
〃I　hear　you；〃　David　said。
〃You　can't　say　such　things。　I　won't　stand　for　it。　I'll　divorce　you。
〃That　would　be　very　welcome。〃
〃Then　I'll　stay　married　to　you　and　never　give　you　a　divorce。〃
〃That　would　be　pretty。〃
〃I'll　do　anything　I　want　to　you。
〃You　have。〃
〃I'll　kill　you。
〃I　wouldn't　give　a　shit；〃　David　said。
〃You　can't　even　talk　like　a　gentleman　at　a　time　like　this。〃
〃What　would　a　gentleman　say　at　a　time　like　this？〃
〃That　he　was　sorry。〃


222　223

。　。
〃All　right；〃　David　said。　〃I'm　sorry。　I'm　sorry　I　ever　met　you。　I'm　sorry　I　ever　married　you&mdash；〃
〃So　am　I。〃

〃Shut　up　please。　You　can　tell　it　to　somebody　who　can　write　it　down。　I'm　sorry　your　mother　ever　met　your　father　and　that　they　ever　made　you。　I'm　sorry　you　were　born　and　that　you　grew　up。　I'm　sorry　for　everything　we　ever　did　good　or　bad&mdash；〃

〃You're　not。〃

〃No；〃　he　said。　〃I'll　shut　up。　I　didn't　mean　to　make　a　speech。〃

〃You're　just　really　sorry　for　yourself。〃

〃Possibly；〃　David　said。　〃But　shit；　Devil；　why　did　you　have　to　burn　them？　The　stories？〃

〃I　had　to；　David；〃　she　said。　〃I'm　sorry　if　you　don't　understand。〃


He　had　understood　really　before　he　had　asked　her　the　question　and　the　question　had　been；　he　realized；　a　rhetorical　one。　He　dis　liked　rhetoric　and　distrusted　those　who　used　it　and　he　was　ashamed　to　have　fallen　into　it。　He　drank　the　whiskey　and　Perrier　slowly　while　he　thought　how　untrue　it　was　that　everything　that　was　understood　was　forgiven　and　he　tightened　his　own　discipline　as　conscientiously　as　he　would　have　worked　in　the　old　days　with　the　mechanic　and　the　armorer　going　over　the　plane；　the　engine　and　his　guns。　It　was　not　necessary　then　because　they　did　the　work　perfectly　but　it　was　one　way　of　not　thinking；　and　it　was；　to　use　a　wet　word；　comforting。　Now　it　was　necessary　because　what　he　had　said　to　Catherine　about　killing　her　he　had　said　quite　truly　and　not　rhetorically。　He　was　ashamed　of　the　speech　which　had　followed　the　statement。　But　there　was　nothing　he　could　do　about　the　statement　which　was　truly　made　except　tighten　his　discipline　so　that　he　would　have　it　in　case　he　began　to　lose　control。　He　poured　himself　another　whiskey　and　put　in　Perrier


again　and　watched　the　small　bubbles　form　and　break。　God　damn　her　to　hell；　he　thought。

〃I'm　sorry　to　be　stuffy；〃　he　said。　〃I　understand　of　course。

〃I'm　so　glad；　David；〃　she　said。　〃I'm　going　away　in　the　morning。〃

〃Where？〃

〃To　Hendaye　and　then　to　Paris　to　see　about　artists　for　the　book。〃

〃Really？〃

〃Yes。　I　think　I　should。　We've　wasted　time　as　it　is　and　today　I　made　so　much　progress　that　I　just　need　to　keep　on。〃

〃How　are　you　going？〃

〃With　the　Bug。〃

〃You　shouldn't　drive　alone。〃

〃I　want　to。〃

〃You　shouldn't；　Devil。　Really。　I　couldn't　let　you。〃

〃Can　I　go　on　the　train？　There's　one　to　Bayonne。　I　can　rent　a　car　there　or　in　Biarritz。〃

〃Can　we　talk　about　it　in　the　morning？〃

〃I　want　to　talk　about　it　now。〃

〃You　shouldn't　go；　Devil。〃

〃I'm　going；〃　she　said。　〃You're　not　going　to　stop　me。

〃I'm　only　thinking　about　the　best　way。〃

〃No；　you're　not。　You're　trying　to　stop　me。

〃If　you　wait　we'll　go　together。〃

〃I　don't　want　to　go　together。　I　want　to　go　tomorrow　and　in　the　Bug。　If　you　don't　agree　I'll　go　by　train。　You　can't　stop　anyone　from　going　on　the　train。　I'm　of　age　and　because　I'm　married　to　you　doesn't　make　me　your　slave　or　your　chattel。　I'm　going　and　you　can't　stop　me。

〃Will　you　be　coming　back？〃

〃I　plan　to。〃


225
。　。

〃I　see。
〃You　don't　see　but　it　doesn't　make　any　difference。　This　is　a　reasoned　and　coordinated　project。　These　things　aren't　just　tossed　off&mdash；〃
〃Into　a　wastebasket；〃　David　said　and　remembered　the　discipline　and　sipped　the　whiskey　and　Perrier。
〃Are　you　going　to　see　your　lawyers　in　Paris？〃　he　asked。
〃If　I　have　any　business　with　them。　I　usually　see　my　lawyers。　Just　because　you　don't　have　any　lawyers　doesn't　mean　everyone　else　doesn't　have　to　see　their　lawyers。　Do　you　want　my　lawyers　to　do　anything　for　you？〃
〃No；〃　David　said。　〃Fuck　your　lawyers。〃
〃Do　you　have　plenty　of　money？〃
〃I'm　quite　all　right　on　money。
〃R