hemingway, ernest - garden of eden-第34章

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t　all。　She's　yours。　She's　what　you　like　and　very　nice　it　is　but　not　for　me。　I'm　not　attracted　to　the　gamin　type。〃

〃Perhaps　I　am　a　gamin；〃　Marita　said。

〃That's　a　very　polite　word　for　that　part。〃

〃But　I'm　also　more　of　a　woman　than　you　are　Catherine。〃

〃Go　ahead　and　show　David　what　sort　of　gamin　you　are。　He'd　like　it。

〃He　knows　what　sort　of　woman　I　am。

〃That's　splendid；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I'm　glad　you　both　found　your　tongues　finally。　I　do　prefer　conversation。

〃You　aren't　really　a　woman　at　all；〃　Marita　said。

〃I　know　it；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I've　tried　to　explain　it　to　David　often　enough。　Isn't　that　true；　David？〃

David　looked　at　her　and　said　nothing。

〃Didn't　I？〃

〃Yes；〃　he　said。

〃I　did　try　and　I　broke　myself　in　pieces　in　Madrid　to　be　a　girl　and　all　it　did　was　break　me　in　pieces；〃　Catherine　said。　〃Now　all　I　am　is　through。　You're　a　girl　and　a　boy　both　and　you　really　are。　You　don't　have　to　change　and　it　doesn't　kill　you　and　I'm　not。　And　now　I'm　nothing。　All　I　wanted　was　for　David　and　you　to　be　happy。　Everything　else　I　invent。〃

Marita　said；　〃I　know　it　and　I　try　to　tell　David。〃

〃I　know　you　do。　But　you　don't　have　to　be　loyal　to　me　or　to　anything。　Don't　do　it。　Nobody　would　anyway　and　you　probably　aren't　really。　But　I　tell　you　not　to　be。　I　want　you　to　be　happy　and　make　him　happy。　You　can　too　and　I　can't　and　I　know　it。〃

〃You're　the　finest　girl　there　is；〃　Marita　said。

〃I'm　not。　I'm　finished　before　I　ever　started。〃

〃No。　I'm　the　one；〃　Marita　said。　〃I　was　stupid　and　awful。〃

〃You　weren't　stupid。　Everything　you　said　was　true。　Let's　stop　talking　and　be　friends。　Can　we？〃

〃Can　we　please？〃　Marita　asked　her。

〃I　want　to；〃　Catherine　said。　〃And　not　be　such　a　tragic　bully。　Please　take　your　time　about　the　book；　David。　You　know　all　I　want　is　for　you　to　write　the　best　you　can。　That's　what　we　started　with。　I'm　over　it　now　whatever　this　one　was。

〃You　were　just　tired；〃　David　said。　〃I　don't　think　you　ate　any　lunch　either。〃

〃Probably　not；〃　Catherine　said。　〃But　I　may　have。　Can　we　forget　it　all　now　though　and　just　be　friends？〃

So　they　were　friends；　whatever　friends　are；　David　thought；　and　tried　not　think　but　talked　and　listened　in　the　unreality　that　reality　had　become。　He　had　heard　each　one　speak　about　the　other　and　he　knew　each　must　know　what　the　other　thought　and　probably　what　they　each　had　told　him。　In　that　way　they　really　were　friends；　understanding　in　their　basic　disagreement；　trusting　in　their　complete　distrust　and　enjoying　one　another's　company。　He　enjoyed　their　company　too　but　tonight　he'd　had　enough　of　it。

Tomorrow　he　must　go　back　into　his　own　country；　the　one　that　Catherine　was　jealous　of　and　that　Marita　loved　and　respected。　He　had　been　happy　in　the　country　of　the　story　and　knew　that　it　was　too　good　to　last　and　now　he　was　back　from　what　he　cared　about　into　the　overpopulated　vacancy　of　madness　that　had　taken；　now　the　new　turn　of　exaggerated　practicality。　He　was　tired　of　it　and　he　was　tired　of　Marita's　collaborating　with　her　enemy。　Catherine　was　not　his　enemy　except　as　she　was　himself　in　the　unfinding　unrealizable　quest　that　is　love　and　so　was　her　own　enemy。　She　needs　an　enemy　so　badly　always　that　she　has　to　keep　one　near　and　she's　the　nearest　and　the　easiest　to　attack　knowing


。

the　weaknesses　and　strengths　and　all　the　faults　of　our　defenses。　She　turns　my　flank　so　skillfully　then　finds　it　is　her　own　and　the　last　fighting　is　always　in　a　swirl　and　the　dust　that　rises　is　our　own　dust。
Catherine　wanted　to　play　backgammon　with　Marita　after　dinner。　They　always　played　it　seriously　and　for　money　and　when　Catherine　went　to　get　the　board　Marita　said　to　David；　〃Please　don't　come　to　my　room　tonight　after　all。〃
〃Good。〃
〃Do　you　understand？〃
〃Let's　skip　that　word；〃　David　said。　His　coldness　had　come　back　as　the　time　for　working　moved　closer。
〃Are　you　angry？〃
〃Yes；〃　David　said。
〃At　me？〃

〃You　can't　be　angry　with　someone　who's　ill。〃
〃You　haven't　lived　very　long；〃　David　said。　〃That's　exactly　who　everyone　is　always　angry　with。　Get　ill　sometime　yourself　and　see。〃
〃I　wish　you　wouldn't　be　angry。〃
〃I　wish　I'd　never　seen　any　of　you。〃
〃Please　don't；　David。〃
〃You　know　it　isn't　true。　I'm　oniy　getting　ready　to　work。〃　He　went　into　their　bedroom　and　put　on　the　reading　light　on　his　side　of　the　bed　and　made　himself　comfortable　and　read　one　of　the　W。　H。　Hudson　books。　It　was　Nature　in　Downiand　and　he　had　taken　it　to　read　because　it　had　the　most　unpromising　title。　He　knew　enough　to　know　a　time　was　coming　when　he'd　need　all　the　books　and　he　was　saving　the　best　ones。　But　once　past　the　title　of　this　one　nothing　in　it　bored　him。　He　was　happy　to　read　and　he　was　back　out　of　his　life　and　with　Hudson　and　his　brother　riding　their　horses　into　the　tumbled　whiteness　of　breast…high　thisdedown　in　the　moonlight　and　gradually　the　click　of　dice　and



the　iow　sound　of　the　girls'　voices　became　real　again　too　so　that　when；　after　a　time；　he　went　out　to　make　himself　a　whiskey　and　Perrier　to　take　back　to　his　reading　they　seemed；　when　he　saw　them　playing；　to　be　actual　human　beings　doing　something　normal　and　not　figures　in　some　unbelievable　play　he　had　been　brought　unwillingly　to　attend。

He　went　back　to　the　room　and　read　and　drank　his　whiskey　and　Perrier　very　slowly　and　he　had　undressed　and　turned　the　light　off　and　was　almost　asleep　when　he　heard　Catherine　come　in　to　the　bedroom。　It　seemed　to　him　that　she　was　gone　a　long　time　in　the　bathroom　before　he　felt　her　come　to　bed　and　he　lay　still　and　breathed　steadily　and　hoped　he　might　really　go　to　sleep。

〃Are　you　awake；　David？〃　she　asked。

〃I　think　so。〃

〃Don't　wake　up；〃　she　said。　〃Thank　you　for　sleeping　here。〃

〃I　usually　do。〃

〃You　don't　have　to。〃

〃Yes　I　do。〃

〃I'm　glad　you　did。　Good　night。〃

〃Good　night。〃

〃Would　you　kiss　me　good　night？〃

〃Sure；〃　he　said。

He　kissed　her　and　it　was　Catherine　as　she　had　been　before　when　she　had　seemed　to　come　back　to　him　for　a　while。

〃I'm　sorry　I　was　such　a　failure　again。〃

〃Let's　not　talk　about　things。〃

〃Do　you　hate　me？〃

〃Can　we　start　again　the　way　I'd　planned　things？〃

〃I　don't　think　so。

〃Then　why　did　you　come　in　here？〃

〃This　is　where　I　belong。〃

〃No　other　reason？〃

'94　'95
。

〃I　thought　you　might　be　lonely。〃
〃I　was。〃
〃Everybody's　lonely；〃　David　said。
〃It's　terrible　to　be　in　bed　together　and　be　lonely。〃
〃There　isn't　any　solution；〃　David　said。　〃All　your　plans　and　schemes　are　worthless。〃
〃I　didn't　give　it　a　chance。〃
〃It　was　all　crazy　anyway。　I'm　sick　of　crazy　things。　You're　not　the　only　one　gets　broken　up。
〃I　know。　But　can't　we　try　it　again　just　once　more　and　I　really　be　good？　I　can。　I　nearly　was。
〃I'm　sick　of　all　of　it；　Devil。　Sick　all　the　way　through　me。〃
〃Wouldn't　you　try　it　just　once　more　for　her　and　for　me　both？〃
〃It　doesn't　work　and　I'm　sick　of　it。〃
〃She　said　you　had　a　fine　day　and　that　you　were　really　cheerful　and　not　depressed。　Won't　you　try　it　once　more　for　both　of　us？　I　want　it　so　much。〃
〃You　want　everything　so　much　and　when　you　get　it　it's　over　and　you　don't　give　a　damn。〃
〃I　was　just　overconfident　this　time　and　then　I　get　insufferable。　Please　can　we　try　it　again？〃
〃Let's　go　to　sleep；　Devil；　and　not　talk　about　it。
〃Kiss　me　again　please；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I'll　go　to　sleep　because　I　know　you'll　do　it。　You　always　do　everything　I　want　because　you　really　want　to　do　it　too。〃
〃You　only　want　things　for　you；　Devil。〃
〃That's　not　true；　David。　Anyway　I　am　you　and　her。　That's　what　I　did　it　for。　I'm　everybody。　You　know　about　that　don't　you？〃
〃Go　to　sleep；　Devil。〃
〃I　will。　But　would　you　please　kiss　me　again　first　so　that　we　won't　be　lonely？〃
Chapter　Twenty…　four





IN　THE　MORNING　he　was　on　the　far　slope　of　the　mountain　again。　The　elephant　was　no　longer　travelling　as　he　had　been　but　was　moving　aimlessly　now；　feeding　occasionally　and　David　had　known　they　were　getting　dose　to　him。　He　tried　to　remember　how　he　had　felt。　He　had　no　love　for　the　elephant　yet。　He　must　remember　that。　He　had　only　a　sorrow　that　had　come　from　his　own　tiredness　that　had　brought　an　understanding　of　age。　Though　being　too　young；　he　had　learned　how　it　must　be　to　be　too　old。　He　was　lonesome　for　Kibo　and　thinking　of　Juma　killing　the　elephant's　friend　had　turned　him　against　Juma　and　made　the　elephant　his　brother。　He　k