the law and the lady-第25章
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still there were no signs of my husband's return。 We tried to
continue our conversation； and failed。 Nothing was audible； no
sounds but the ordinary sounds of the street disturbed the
dreadful silence。 Try as I might to repel it； there was one
foreboding thought that pressed closer and closer on my mind as
the interval of waiting wore its weary way on。 I shuddered as I
asked myself if our married life had come to an endif Eustace
had really left me。
The Major saw what Benjamin's slower perception had not yet
discoveredthat my fortitude was beginning to sink under the
unrelieved oppression of suspense。
〃Come！〃 he said。 〃Let us go to the hotel。〃
It then wanted nearly five minutes to the half…hour。 I _looked_
my gratitude to Major Fitz…David for sparing me those last
minutes： I could not speak to him or to Benjamin。 In silence we
three got into a cab and drove to the hotel。
The landlady met us in the hall。 Nothing had been seen or heard
of Eustace。 There was a letter waiting for me upstairs on the
table in our sitting…room。 It had been left at the hotel by a
messenger only a few minutes since。
Trembling and breathless； I ran up the stairs； the two gentlemen
following me。 The address of the letter was in my husband's
handwriting。 My heart sank in me as I looked at the lines； there
could be but one reason for his writing to me。 That closed
envelope held his farewell words。 I sat with the letter on my
lap； stupefied； incapable of opening it。
Kind…hearted Benjamin attempted to comfort and encourage me。 The
Major； with his larger experience of women； warned the old man to
be silent。
〃Wait！〃 I heard him whisper。 〃Speaking to her will do no good
now。 Give her time。〃
Acting on a sudden impulse； I held out the letter to him as he
spoke。 Even moments might be of importance； if Eustace had indeed
left me。 To give me time might be to lose the opportunity of
recalling him。
〃You are his old friend；〃 I said。 〃Open his letter； Major； and
read it for me。〃
Major Fitz…David opened the letter and read it through to
himself。 When he had done he threw it on the table with a gesture
which was almost a gesture of contempt。
〃There is but one excuse for him；〃 he said。 〃The man is mad。〃
Those words told me all。 I knew the worst； and； knowing it； I
could read the letter。 It ran thus：
〃MY BELOVED VALERIAWhen you read these lines you read my
farewell words。 I return to my solitary unfriended lifemy life
before I knew you。
〃My darling； you have been cruelly treated。 You have been
entrapped into marrying a man who has been publicly accused of
poisoning his first wifeand who has not been honorably and
completely acquitted of the charge。 And you know it！
〃Can you live on terms of mutual confidence and mutual esteem
with me when I have committed this fraud； and when I stand toward
you in this position？ It was possible for you to live with me
happily while you were in ignorance of the truth。 It is _not_
possible； now you know all。
〃No！ the one atonement I can make isto leave you。 Your one
chance of future happiness is to be disassociated； at once and
forever； from my dishonored life。 I love you； Valeriatruly；
devotedly； passionately。 But the specter of the poisoned woman
rises between us。 It makes no difference that I am innocent even
of the thought of harming my first wife。 My innocence has not
been proved。 In this world my innocence can never be proved。 You
are young and loving； and generous and hopeful。 Bless others；
Valeria； with your rare attractions a nd your delightful gifts。
They are of no avail with _me。_ The poisoned woman stands between
us。 If you live with me now； you will see her as I see her。
_That_ torture shall never be yours。 I love you。 I leave you。
〃Do you think me hard and cruel？ Wait a little； and time will
change that way of thinking。 As the years go on you will say to
yourself； 'Basely as he deceived me； there was some generosity in
him。 He was man enough to release me of his own free will。'
〃Yes； Valeria； I fully； freely release you。 If it be possible to
annul our marriage； let it be done。 Recover your liberty by any
means that you may be advised to employ； and be assured
beforehand of my entire and implicit submission。 My lawyers have
the necessary instructions on this subject。 Your uncle has only
to communicate with them； and I think he will be satisfied of my
resolution to do you justice。 The one interest that I have now
left in life is my interest in your welfare and your happiness in
the time to come。 Your welfare and your happiness are no longer
to be found in your union with Me。
〃I can write no more。 This letter will wait for you at the hotel。
It will be useless to attempt to trace me。 I know my own
weakness。 My heart is all yours： I might yield to you if I let
you see me again。
〃Show these lines to your uncle； and to any friends whose
opinions you may value。 I have only to sign my dishonored name；
and every one will understand and applaud my motive for writing
as I do。 The name justifiesamply justifiesthe letter。 Forgive
and forget me。 Farewell。
〃EUSTACE MACALLAN。〃
In those words he took his leave of me。 We had then been
marriedsix days。
CHAPTER XIV。
THE WOMAN'S ANSWER。
THUS far I have written of myself with perfect frankness； and； I
think I may fairly add； with some courage as well。 My frankness
fails me and my courage fails me when I look back to my husband's
farewell letter； and try to recall the storm of contending
passions that it roused in my mind。 No！ I cannot tell the truth
about myselfI dare not tell the truth about myselfat that
terrible time。 Men！ consult your observation of women； and
imagine what I felt； women！ look into your own hearts； and see
what I felt； for yourselves。
What I _did；_ when my mind was quiet again； is an easier matter
to deal with。 I answered my husband's letter。 My reply to him
shall appear in these pages。 It will show； in some degree； what
effect （of the lasting sort） his desertion of me produced on my
mind。 It will also reveal the motives that sustained me； the
hopes that animated me； in the new and strange life which my next
chapters must describe。
I was removed from the hotel in the care of my fatherly old
friend； Benjamin。 A bedroom was prepared for me in his little
villa。 There I passed the first night of my separation from my
husband。 Toward the morning my weary brain got some restI
slept。
At breakfast…time Major Fitz…David called to inquire about me。 He
had kindly volunteered to go and speak for me to my husband's
lawyers on the preceding day。 They had admitted that they knew
where Eustace had gone； but they declared at the same time that
they were positively forbidden to communicate his address to any
one。 In other respects their 〃instructions〃 in relation to the
wife of their client were （as they were pleased to express it）
〃generous to a fault。〃 I had only to write to them； and they
would furnish me with a copy by return of post。
This was the Major's news。 He refrained； with the tact that
distinguished him； from putting any questions to me beyond
questions relating to the state of my health。 These answered； he
took his leave of me for that day。 He and Benjamin had a long
talk together afterward in the garden of the villa。
I retired to my room and wrote to my uncle Starkweather； telling
him exactly what had happened； and inclosing him a copy of my
husband's letter。 This done； I went out for a little while to
breathe the fresh air and to think。 I was soon weary； and went
back again to my room to rest。 My kind old Benjamin left me at
perfect liberty to be alone as long as I pleased。 Toward the
afternoon I began to feel a little more like my old self again。 I
mean by this that I could think of Eustace without bursting out
crying； and could speak to Benjamin without distressing and
frightening the dear old man。
That night I had a little more sleep。 The next morning I was
strong enough to confront the first and foremost duty that I now
owed to myselfthe duty of answering my husband's letter。
I wrote to him in these words：
〃I am still too weak and weary； Eust
