the secret places of the heart-第39章

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　been　surprised　time　after　time　by　fine　things　。　。　。　。　Often　in　people　I　disliked　or　thought　little　of　。　。　。　。　I　can　understand　that　I　find　you　full　of　divine　quality；　because　I　am　in　love　with　you　and　all　alive　to　you。　Necessarily　I　keep　on　discovering　loveliness　in　you。　But　I　have　seen　divine　things　in　dear　old　Martineau；　for　example。　A　vain　man；　fussy；　timidand　yet　filled　with　a　passion　for　truth；　ready　to　make　great　sacrifices　and　to　toil　tremendously　for　that。　And　in　those　men　I　am　always　cursing；　my　Committee；　it　is　astonishing　at　times　to　discover　what　streaks　of　goodness　even　the　really　bad　men　can　show。　。　。　。　But　one　can't　make　use　of　just　anyone's　divinity。　I　can　see　the　divinity　in　Martineau　but　it　leaves　me　cold。　He　tired　me　and　bored　me。　。　。　。　But　I　live　on　you。　It's　only　through　love　that　the　God　can　reach　over　from　one　human　being　to　another。　All　real　love　is　a　divine　thing；　a　reassurance；　a　release　of　courage。　It　is　wonderful　enough　that　we　should　take　food　and　drink　and　turn　them　into　imagination；　invention　and　creative　energy；　it　is　still　more　wonderful　that　we　should　take　an　animal　urging　and　turn　it　into　a　light　to　discover　beauty　and　an　impulse　towards　the　utmost　achievements　of　which　we　are　capable。　All　love　is　a　sacrament　and　all　lovers　are　priests　to　each　other。　You　and　I〃　Sir　Richmond　broke　off　abruptly。　〃I　spent　three　days　trying　to　tell　this　to　Dr。　Martineau。　But　he　wasn't　the　priest　I　had　to　confess　to　and　the　words　wouldn't　come。　I　can　confess　it　to　you　readily　enough　。　。　。　。〃　〃I　cannot　tell；〃　said　Miss　Grammont；　〃whether　this　is　the　last　wisdom　in　life　or　moonshine。　I　cannot　tell　whether　I　am　thinking　or　feeling；　but　the　noise　of　the　water　going　over　the　weir　below　is　like　the　stir　in　my　heart。　And　I　am　swimming　in　love　and　happiness。　Am　I　awake　or　am　I　dreaming　you；　and　are　we　dreaming　one　another？　Hold　my　handhold　it　hard　and　tight。　I'm　trembling　with　love　for　you　and　all　the　world。　。　。　。　If　I　say　more　I　shall　be　weeping。〃　For　a　long　time　they　stood　side　by　side　saying　not　a　word　to　one　another。　Presently　the　band　down　below　and　the　dancing　ceased　and　the　little　lights　were　extinguished。　The　silent　moon　seemed　to　grow　brighter　and　larger　and　the　whisper　of　the　waters　louder。　A　crowd　of　young　people　flowed　out　of　the　gardens　and　passed　by　on　their　way　home。　Sir　Richmond　and　Miss　Grammont　strolled　through　the　dispersing　crowd　and　over　the　Toll　Bridge　and　went　exploring　down　a　little　staircase　that　went　down　from　the　end　of　the　bridge　to　the　dark　river；　and　then　came　back　to　their　old　position　at　the　parapet　looking　upon　the　weir　and　the　Pulteney　Bridge。　The　gardens　that　had　been　so　gay　were　already　dark　and　silent　as　they　returned；　and　the　streets　echoed　emptily　to　the　few　people　who　were　still　abroad。　〃It's　the　most　beautiful　bridge　in　the　world；〃　said　Miss　Grammont；　and　gave　him　her　hand　again。　Some　deep…toned　clock　close　by　proclaimed　the　hour　eleven。　The　silence　healed　again。　〃Well？〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　〃Well？〃　said　Miss　Grammont　smiling　very　faintly。　〃I　suppose　we　must　go　out　of　all　this　beauty　now；　back　to　the　lights　of　the　hotel　and　the　watchful　eyes　of　your　dragon。　〃　〃She　has　not　been　a　very　exacting　dragon　so　far；　has　she？〃　〃She　is　a　miracle　of　tact。〃　〃She　does　not　really　watch。　But　she　is　curiousand　very　sympathetic。　〃　〃She　is　wonderful。〃　。　。　。　。　〃That　man　is　still　fishing；〃　said　Miss　Grammont。　For　a　time　she　peered　down　at　the　dark　figure　wading　in　the　foam　below　as　though　it　was　the　only　thing　of　interest　in　the　world。　Then　she　turned　to　Sir　Richmond。　〃I　would　trust　Belinda　with　my　life；　she　said。　〃And　anyhow…　nowwe　need　not　worry　about　Belinda。〃　Section　7　At　the　breakfast　table　it　was　Belinda　who　was　the　most　nervous　of　the　three；　the　most　moved；　the　most　disposed　to　throw　a　sacramental　air　over　their　last　meal　together。　Her　companions　had　passed　beyond　the　idea　of　separation；　it　was　as　if　they　now　cherished　a　secret　satisfaction　at　the　high　dignity　of　their　parting。　Belinda　in　some　way　perceived　they　had　become　different。　They　were　no　longer　tremulous　lovers；　they　seemed　sure　of　one　another　and　with　a　new　pride　in　their　bearing。　It　would　have　pleased　Belinda　better；　seeing　how　soon　they　were　to　be　torn　apart；　if　they　had　not　made　quite　such　excellent　breakfasts。　She　even　suspected　them　of　having　slept　well。　Yet　yesterday　they　had　been　deeply　stirred。　They　had　stayed　out　late　last　night；　so　late　that　she　had　not　heard　them　come　in。　Perhaps　then　they　had　passed　the　climax　of　their　emotions。　Sir　Richmond；　she　learnt；　was　to　take　the　party　to　Exeter；　where　there　would　be　a　train　for　Falmouth　a　little　after　two。　If　they　started　from　Bath　about　nine　that　would　give　them　an　ample　margin　of　time　in　which　to　deal　with　a　puncture　or　any　such　misadventure。　They　crested　the　Mendips　above　Shepton　Mallet；　ran　through　Tilchester　and　Ilminster　into　the　lovely　hill　country　about　Up…Ottery　and　so　to　Honiton　and　the　broad　level　road　to　Exeter。　Sir　Richmond　and　Miss　Grammont　were　in　a　state　of　happy　gravity；　they　sat　contentedly　side　by　side；　talking　very　little。　They　had　already　made　their　arrangements　for　writing　to　one　another。　There　was　to　be　no　stream　of　love…　letters　or　protestations。　That　might　prove　a　mutual　torment。　Their　love　was　to　be　implicit。　They　were　to　write　at　intervals　about　political　matters　and　their　common　interests；　and　to　keep　each　other　informed　of　their　movements　about　the　world。　〃We　shall　be　working　together；〃　she　said；　speaking　suddenly　out　of　a　train　of　thought　she　had　been　following；　〃we　shall　be　closer　together　than　many　a　couple　who　have　never　spent　a　day　apart　for　twenty　years。〃　Then　presently　she　said：　〃In　the　New　Age　all　lovers　will　have　to　be　accustomed　to　meeting　and　parting。　We　women　will　not　be　tied　very　much　by　domestic　needs。　Unless　we　see　fit　to　have　children。　We　shall　be　going　about　our　business　like　men；　we　shall　have　world…wide　businessesmany　of　usjust　as　men　will。　。　。　。　〃It　will　be　a　world　full　of　lovers'　meetings。〃　Some　daysomewherewe　two　will　certainly　meet　again。〃　〃Even　you　have　to　force　circumstances　a　little；〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　〃We　shall　meet；　she　said；　〃without　doing　that。〃　〃But　where？〃　he　asked　unanswered。　。　。　。　〃Meetings　and　partings；〃　she　said。　〃Women　will　be　used　to　seeing　their　lovers　go　away。　Even　to　seeing　them　go　away　to　other　women　who　have　borne　them　children　and　who　have　a　closer　claim　on　them。〃　〃No　one…〃　began　Sir　Richmond；　startled。　〃But　I　don't　mind　very　much。　It's　how　things　are。　If　I　were　a　perfectly　civilized　woman　I　shouldn't　mind　at　all。　If　men　and　women　are　not　to　be　tied　to　each　other　there　must　needs　be　such　things　as　this。〃　〃But　you；〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　I　at　any　rate　am　not　like　that。　I　cannot　bear　the　thought　that　YOU〃　〃You　need　not　bear　it；　my　dear。　I　was　just　trying　to　imagine　this　world　that　is　to　be。　Women　I　think　are　different　from　men　in　their　jealousy。　Men　are　jealous　of　the　other　man；　women　are　jealous　for　their　manand　careless　about　the　other　woman。　What　I　love　in　you　I　am　sure　about。　My　mind　was　empty　when　it　came　to　you　and　now　it　is　full　to　overflowing。　I　shall　feel　you　moving　about　in　the　same　world　with　me。　I'm　not　likely　to　think　of　anyone　else　for　a　very　long　time。　。　。　。　Later　on；　who　knows？　I　may　marry。　I　make　no　vows。　But　I　think　until　I　know　certainly　that　you　do　not　want　me　any　more　it　will　be　impossible　for　me　to　marry　or　to　have　a　lover。　I　don't　know；　but　that　is　how　I　believe　it　will　be　with　me。　And　my　mind　feels　beautifully　clear　now　and　settled。　I've　got　your　idea　and　made　it　my　own；　your　idea　that　we　matter　scarcely　at　all；　but　that　the　work　we　do　matters　supremely。　I'll　find　my　rope　and　tug　it；　never　fear。　Half　way　round　the　world　perhaps　some　day　you　will　feel　me　tugging。〃　〃I　shall　feel　you're　there；〃　he　said；　〃whether　you　tug　or　not。　。　。　。〃　〃Three　miles　left　to　Exeter；〃　he　reported　presently。　She　glanced　back　at　Belinda。　〃It　is　good　that　we　have　loved；　my　dear；〃　she　whispered。　〃Say　it　is　good。〃　〃The　best　thing　in　all　my　life；〃　he　said；　and　lowered　his　head　and　voice　to　say：　〃My　dearest　dear。〃　〃Heart's　desirestill？〃　〃Heart's　delight。　。　。　。　Priestess　of　life。　。　。　。　Divinity。〃　She　smiled　and　nodded　and　suddenly　Belinda；　up　above　their　lowered　heads；　accidentally　and　irrelevantly；　no　doubt；　coughed。　At　Exeter　Sta