the secret places of the heart-第16章

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be　five　thousand　years　old　or　even　more。　It　is　the　most　important　historical　relic　in　the　British　Isles。　And　the　most　neglected。　〃　They　exchanged　archaeological　facts。　The　secret　places　of　the　heart　rested　until　the　afternoon。　Then　Sir　Richmond　saw　fit　to　amplify　his　confessions　in　one　particular。　Section　2　The　doctor　and　his　patient　had　discovered　a　need　for　exercise　as　the　morning　advanced。　They　had　walked　by　the　road　to　Marlow　and　had　lunched　at　a　riverside　inn；　returning　after　a　restful　hour　in　an　arbour　on　the　lawn　of　this　place　to　tea　at　Maidenhead。　It　was　as　they　returned　that　Sir　Richmond　took　up　the　thread　of　their　overnight　conversation　again。　〃In　the　night；〃　he　said；　〃I　was　thinking　over　the　account　I　tried　to　give　you　of　my　motives。　A　lot　of　it　was　terribly　out　of　drawing。〃　〃Facts？〃　asked　the　doctor。　〃No；　the　facts　were　all　right。　It　was　the　atmosphere；　the　proportions。　。　。　。　I　don't　know　if　I　gave　you　the　effect　of　something　Don　Juanesque？　。　。　。〃　〃Vulgar　poem；〃　said　the　doctor　remarkably。〃　I　discounted　that。〃　〃Vulgar！〃　〃Intolerable。　Byron　in　sexual　psychology　is　like　a　stink　in　a　kitchen。〃　Sir　Richmond　perceived　he　had　struck　upon　the　sort　of　thing　that　used　to　be　called　a　pet　aversion。　〃I　don't　want　you　to　think　that　I　run　about　after　women　in　an　habitual　and　systematic　manner。　Or　that　I　deliberately　hunt　them　in　the　interests　of　my　work　and　energy。　Your　questions　had　set　me　theorizing　about　myself。　And　I　did　my　best　to　improvise　a　scheme　of　motives　yesterday。　It　was；　I　perceive；　a　jerry…built　scheme；　run　up　at　short　notice。　My　nocturnal　reflections　convinced　me　of　that。　I　put　reason　into　things　that　are　essentially　instinctive。　The　truth　is　that　the　wanderings　of　desire　have　no　single　drive。　All　sorts　of　motives　come　in；　high　and　low；　down　to　sheer　vulgar　imitativeness　and　competitiveness。　What　was　true　in　it　all　was　this；　that　a　man　with　any　imagination　in　a　fatigue　phase　falls　naturally　into　these　complications　because　they　are　more　attractive　to　his　type　and　far　easier　and　more　refreshing　to　the　mind；　at　the　outset；　than　anything　else。　And　they　do　work　a　sort　of　recovery　in　him；　They　send　him　back　to　his　work　refreshedso　far；　that　is；　as　his　work　is　concerned。〃　〃At　the　OUTSET　they　are　easier；〃　said　the　doctor。　Sir　Richmond　laughed。　〃When　one　is　fagged　it　is　only　the　outset　counts。　The　more　tired　one　is　the　more　readily　one　moves　along　the　line　of　least　resistance。　。　。　。　〃That　is　one　footnote　to　what　I　said。　So　far　as　the　motive　of　my　work　goes；　I　think　we　got　something　like　the　spirit　of　it。　What　I　said　about　that　was　near　the　truth　of　things。　。　。　。　〃But　there　is　another　set　of　motives　altogether；　〃Sir　Richmond　went　on　with　an　air　of　having　cleared　the　ground　for　his　real　business；　〃that　I　didn't　go　into　at　all　yesterday。〃　He　considered。　〃It　arises　out　of　these　other　affairs。　Before　you　realize　it　your　affections　are　involved。　I　am　a　man　much　swayed　by　my　affections。〃　Mr。　Martineau　glanced　at　him。　There　was　a　note　of　genuine　self…reproach　in　Sir　Richmond's　voice。　〃I　get　fond　of　people。　It　is　quite　irrational；　but　I　get　fond　of　them。　Which　is　quite　a　different　thing　from　the　admiration　and　excitement　of　falling　in　love。　Almost　the　opposite　thing。　They　cry　or　they　come　some　mental　or　physical　cropper　and　hurt　themselves；　or　they　do　something　distressingly　little　and　human　and　suddenly　I　find　they've　GOT　me。　I'm　distressed。　I'm　filled　with　something　between　pity　and　an　impulse　of　responsibility。　I　become　tender　towards　them。　I　am　impelled　to　take　care　of　them。　I　want　to　ease　them　off；　to　reassure　them；　to　make　them　stop　hurting　at　any　cost。　I　don't　see　why　it　should　be　the　weak　and　sickly　and　seamy　side　of　people　that　grips　me　most；　but　it　is。　I　don't　know　why　it　should　be　their　failures　that　gives　them　power　over　me；　but　it　is。　I　told　you　of　this　girl；　this　mistress　of　mine；　who　is　ill　just　now。　SHE'S　got　me　in　that　way；　she's　got　me　tremendously。〃　〃You　did　not　speak　of　her　yesterday　with　any　morbid　excess　of　pity；〃　the　doctor　was　constrained　to　remark。　〃I　abused　her　very　probably。　I　forget　exactly　what　I　said。　。　。　。〃　The　doctor　offered　no　assistance。　〃But　the　reason　why　I　abuse　her　is　perfectly　plain。　I　abuse　her　because　she　distresses　me　by　her　misfortunes　and　instead　of　my　getting　anything　out　of　her；　I　go　out　to　her。　But　I　DO　go　out　to　her。　All　this　time　at　the　back　of　my　mind　I　am　worrying　about　her。　She　has　that　gift　of　making　one　feel　for　her。　I　am　feeling　that　damned　carbuncle　almost　as　if　it　had　been　my　affair　instead　of　hers。　〃That　carbuncle　has　made　me　suffer　FRIGHTFULLY。　。　。　。　Why　should　I？　It　isn't　mine。〃　He　regarded　the　doctor　earnestly。　The　doctor　controlled　a　strong　desire　to　laugh。　〃I　suppose　the　young　lady〃　he　began。　〃Oh！　SHE　puts　in　suffering　all　right。　I've　no　doubt　about　that。　〃I　suppose；〃　Sir　Richmond　went　on；　〃now　that　I　have　told　you　so　much　of　this　affair；　I　may　as　well　tell　you　all。　It　is　a　sort　of　comedy；　a　painful　comedy；　of　irrelevant　affections。〃　The　doctor　was　prepared　to　be　a　good　listener。　Facts　he　would　always　listen　to；　it　was　only　when　people　told　him　their　theories　that　he　would　interrupt　with　his　〃Exactly。〃　〃This　young　woman　is　a　person　of　considerable　genius。　I　don't　know　if　you　have　seen　in　the　illustrated　papers　a　peculiar　sort　of　humorous　illustrations　usually　with　a　considerable　amount　of　bite　in　them　over　the　name　of　Martin　Leeds？　〃Extremely　amusing　stuff。〃　〃It　is　that　Martin　Leeds。　I　met　her　at　the　beginning　of　her　career。　She　talks　almost　as　well　as　she　draws。　She　amused　me　immensely。　I'm　not　the　sort　of　man　who　waylays　and　besieges　women　and　girls。　I'm　not　the　pursuing　type。　But　I　perceived　that　in　some　odd　way　I　attracted　her　and　I　was　neither　wise　enough　nor　generous　enough　not　to　let　the　thing　develop。〃　〃H'm；〃　said　Dr。　Martineau。　〃I'd　never　had　to　do　with　an　intellectually　brilliant　woman　before。　I　see　now　that　the　more　imaginative　force　a　woman　has；　the　more　likely　she　is　to　get　into　a　state　of　extreme　self…abandonment　with　any　male　thing　upon　which　her　imagination　begins　to　crystallize。　Before　I　came　along　she'd　mixed　chiefly　with　a　lot　of　young　artists　and　students；　all　doing　nothing　at　all　except　talk　about　the　things　they　were　going　to　do。　I　suppose　I　profited　by　the　contrast；　being　older　and　with　my　hands　full　of　affairs。　Perhaps　something　had　happened　that　had　made　her　recoil　towards　my　sort　of　thing。　I　don't　know。　But　she　just　let　herself　go　at　me。〃　〃And　you？〃　〃Let　myself　go　too。　I'd　never　met　anything　like　her　before。　It　was　her　wit　took　me。　It　didn't　occur　to　me　that　she　wasn't　my　contemporary　and　as　able　as　I　was。　As　able　to　take　care　of　herself。　All　sorts　of　considerations　that　I　should　have　shown　to　a　sillier　woman　I　never　dreamt　of　showing　to　her。　I　had　never　met　anyone　so　mentally　brilliant　before　or　so　helpless　and　headlong。　And　so　here　we　are　on　each　other's　hands！　〃　〃But　the　child？　〃It　happened　to　us。　For　four　years　now　things　have　just　happened　to　us。　All　the　time　I　have　been　overworking；　first　at　explosives　and　now　at　this　fuel　business。　She　too　is　full　of　her　work。　〃Nothing　stops　that　though　everything　seems　to　interfere　with　it。　And　in　a　distraught；　preoccupied　way　we　are　abominably　fond　of　each　other。　'Fond'　is　the　word。　But　we　are　both　too　busy　to　look　after　either　ourselves　or　each　other。　〃She　is　much　more　incapable　than　I　am；〃　said　Sir　Richmond　as　if　he　delivered　a　weighed　and　very　important　judgment。　〃You　see　very　much　of　each　other？〃　〃She　has　a　flat　in　Chelsea　and　a　little　cottage　in　South　Cornwall；　and　we　sometimes　snatch　a　few　days　together；　away　somewhere　in　Surrey　or　up　the　Thames　or　at　such　a　place　as　Southend　where　one　is　lost　in　a　crowd　of　inconspicuous　people。　〃Then　things　go　wellthey　usually　go　well　at　the　startwe　are　glorious　companions。　She　is　happy；　she　is　creative；　she　will　light　up　a　new　place　with　flashes　of　humour；　with　a　keenness　of　appreciation　。　。　。　。　〃　〃But　things　do　not　always　go　well？〃　〃Things；〃　said　Sir　Richmond　with　the　deliberation　of　a　man　who　measures　his　words；　〃are　apt　to　go　wrong。　。　。　。　At　the　flat　there　is　constant　trouble　with　the　servants；　they　bully　her。　A　woman　is　more　entangled　with　servants　than　a　man。　Women　in　that　position　seem　to　resent　the　work　and　freedom　of　other　women。　Her　servants　won't　leave　her　i