appendix-d-第5章

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in　analyzing　sounds。　　Would　any　man　want　to　die　in　a

battle　which　was　called　by　so　tame　a　term　as　a　SCHLACHT？

Or　would　not　a　comsumptive　feel　too　much　bundled　up；

who　was　about　to　go　out；　in　a　shirt…collar　and　a　seal…ring；

into　a　storm　which　the　bird…song　word　GEWITTER　was　employed

to　describe？　And　observe　the　strongest　of　the　several

German　equivalents　for　explosionAUSBRUCH。　　Our　word

Toothbrush　is　more　powerful　than　that。　　It　seems　to　me

that　the　Germans　could　do　worse　than　import　it　into　their

language　to　describe　particularly　tremendous　explosions　with。　

The　German　word　for　hellHo〃llesounds　more　like　HELLY

than　anything　else；　therefore；　how　necessary　chipper；

frivolous；　and　unimpressive　it　is。　　If　a　man　were　told

in　German　to　go　there；　could　he　really　rise　to　thee

dignity　of　feeling　insulted？



Having　pointed　out；　in　detail；　the　several　vices　of

this　language；　I　now　come　to　the　brief　and　pleasant　task

of　pointing　out　its　virtues。　　The　capitalizing　of　the　nouns

I　have　already　mentioned。　　But　far　before　this　virtue　stands

anotherthat　of　spelling　a　word　according　to　the　sound　of　it。　

After　one　short　lesson　in　the　alphabet；　the　student　can　tell

how　any　German　word　is　pronounced　without　having　to　ask；

whereas　in　our　language　if　a　student　should　inquire　of　us；

〃What　does　B；　O；　W；　spell？〃　we　should　be　obliged　to　reply；

〃Nobody　can　tell　what　it　spells　when　you　set　if　off　by　itself；

you　can　only　tell　by　referring　to　the　context　and　finding

out　what　it　signifieswhether　it　is　a　thing　to　shoot

arrows　with；　or　a　nod　of　one's　head；　or　the　forward　end　of　a

boat。〃



There　are　some　German　words　which　are　singularly

and　powerfully　effective。　　For　instance；　those　which

describe　lowly；　peaceful；　and　affectionate　home　life；

those　which　deal　with　love；　in　any　and　all　forms；

from　mere　kindly　feeling　and　honest　good　will　toward

the　passing　stranger；　clear　up　to　courtship；　those　which

deal　with　outdoor　Nature；　in　its　softest　and　loveliest

aspectswith　meadows　and　forests；　and　birds　and　flowers；

the　fragrance　and　sunshine　of　summer；　and　the　moonlight

of　peaceful　winter　nights；　in　a　word；　those　which　deal　with

any　and　all　forms　of　rest；　respose；　and　peace；　those　also

which　deal　with　the　creatures　and　marvels　of　fairyland；

and　lastly　and　chiefly；　in　those　words　which　express　pathos；

is　the　language　surpassingly　rich　and　affective。　　There　are

German　songs　which　can　make　a　stranger　to　the　language　cry。　

That　shows　that　the　SOUND　of　the　words　is　correctit

interprets　the　meanings　with　truth　and　with　exactness；

and　so　the　ear　is　informed；　and　through　the　ear；　the　heart。　



The　Germans　do　not　seem　to　be　afraid　to　repeat　a　word

when　it　is　the　right　one。　　they　repeat　it　several　times；

if　they　choose。　　That　is　wise。　　But　in　English；　when　we

have　used　a　word　a　couple　of　times　in　a　paragraph；

we　imagine　we　are　growing　tautological；　and　so　we　are　weak

enough　to　exchange　it　for　some　other　word　which　only

approximates　exactness；　to　escape　what　we　wrongly　fancy

is　a　greater　blemish。　　Repetition　may　be　bad；　but　surely

inexactness　is　worse。　



…



There　are　people　in　the　world　who　will　take　a　great

deal　of　trouble　to　point　out　the　faults　in　a　religion

or　a　language；　and　then　go　blandly　about　their　business

without　suggesting　any　remedy。　　I　am　not　that　kind

of　person。　　I　have　shown　that　the　German　language

needs　reforming。　　Very　well；　I　am　ready　to　reform　it。　

At　least　I　am　ready　to　make　the　proper　suggestions。　

Such　a　course　as　this　might　be　immodest　in　another；　but　I

have　devoted　upward　of　nine　full　weeks；　first　and　last；

to　a　careful　and　critical　study　of　this　tongue；　and　thus

have　acquired　a　confidence　in　my　ability　to　reform　it

which　no　mere　superficial　culture　could　have　conferred

upon　me。　



In　the　first　place；　I　would　leave　out　the　Dative　case。　

It　confuses　the　plurals；　and；　besides；　nobody　ever　knows

when　he　is　in　the　Dative　case；　except　he　discover　it

by　accidentand　then　he　does　not　know　when　or　where　it

was　that　he　got　into　it；　or　how　long　he　has　been　in　it；

or　how　he　is　going　to　get　out　of　it　again。　　The　Dative　case

is　but　an　ornamental　follyit　is　better　to　discard　it。　



In　the　next　place；　I　would　move　the　Verb　further　up

to　the　front。　　You　may　load　up　with　ever　so　good　a　Verb；

but　I　notice　that　you　never　really　bring　down　a　subject

with　it　at　the　present　German　rangeyou　only　cripple　it。　

So　I　insist　that　this　important　part　of　speech　should　be

brought　forward　to　a　position　where　it　may　be　easily　seen

with　the　naked　eye。　



Thirdly；　I　would　import　some　strong　words　from　the　English

tongueto　swear　with；　and　also　to　use　in　describing

all　sorts　of　vigorous　things　in　a　vigorous　ways。　＇4＇



4。　　〃Verdammt；〃　and　its　variations　and　enlargements；

　　　　are　words　which　have　plenty　of　meaning；　but　the　SOUNDS

　　　　are　so　mild　and　ineffectual　that　German　ladies　can　use

　　　　them　without　sin。　　German　ladies　who　could　not　be　induced

　　　　to　commit　a　sin　by　any　persuasion　or　compulsion；　promptly　rip

　　　　out　one　of　these　harmless　little　words　when　they　tear　their

　　　　dresses　or　don't　like　the　soup。　　It　sounds　about　as　wicked

　　　　as　our　〃My　gracious。〃　German　ladies　are　constantly　saying；

　　　　〃Ach！　Gott！〃　〃Mein　Gott！〃　〃Gott　in　Himmel！〃　〃Herr　Gott〃

　　　　〃Der　Herr　Jesus！〃　etc。　　They　think　our　ladies　have　the

　　　　same　custom；　perhaps；　for　I　once　heard　a　gentle　and　lovely

　　　　old　German　lady　say　to　a　sweet　young　American　girl：

　　　　〃The　two　languages　are　so　alikehow　pleasant　that　is；

　　　　we　say　'Ach！　Gott！'　you　say　'Goddamn。'〃



Fourthly；　I　would　reorganizes　the　sexes；　and　distribute

them　accordingly　to　the　will　of　the　creator。　　This　as

a　tribute　of　respect；　if　nothing　else。　



Fifthly；　I　would　do　away　with　those　great　long

compounded　words；　or　require　the　speaker　to　deliver

them　in　sections；　with　intermissions　for　refreshments。　

To　wholly　do　away　with　them　would　be　best；　for　ideas　are

more　easily　received　and　digested　when　they　come　one　at

a　time　than　when　they　come　in　bulk。　　Intellectual　food

is　like　any　other；　it　is　pleasanter　and　more　beneficial

to　take　it　with　a　spoon　than　with　a　shovel。　



Sixthly；　I　would　require　a　speaker　to　stop　when　he　is　done；

and　not　hang　a　string　of　those　useless　〃haven　sind　gewesen

gehabt　haben　geworden　seins〃　to　the　end　of　his　oration。　

This　sort　of　gewgaws　undignify　a　speech；　instead　of　adding

a　grace。　　They　are；　therefore；　an　offense；　and　should

be　discarded。　



Seventhly；　I　would　discard　the　Parenthesis。　　Also　the

reparenthesis；

the　re…reparenthesis；　and　the　re…re…re…re…re…reparentheses；

and　likewise　the　final　wide…reaching　all…enclosing

king…parenthesis。　I　would　require　every　individual；

be　he　high　or　low；　to　unfold　a　plain　straightforward　tale；

or　else　coil　it　and　sit　on　it　and　hold　his　peace。　

Infractions　of　this　law　should　be　punishable　with　death。　



And　eighthly；　and　last；　I　would　retain　ZUG　and　SCHLAG；

with　their　pendants；　and　discard　the　rest　of　the　vocabulary。　

This　would　simplify　the　language。　



I　have　now　named　what　I　regard　as　the　most　necessary

and　important　changes。　　These　are　perhaps　all　I　could

be　expected　to　name　for　nothing；　but　there　are　other

suggestions　which　I　can　and　will　make　in　case　my　proposed

application　shall　result　in　my　being　formally　employed

by　the　government　in　the　work　of　reforming　the　language。　



My　philological　studies　have　satisfied　me　that　a　gifted　person

ought　to　learn　English　（barring　spelling　and　pronouncing）

in　thirty　hours；　French　in　thirty　days；　and　German

in　thirty　years。　　It　seems　manifest；　then；　that　the

latter　tongue　ought　to　be　trimmed　down　and　repaired。　

If　it　is　to　remain　as　it　is；　it　ought　to　be　gently

and　reverently　set　aside　among　the　dead　languages；

for　only　the　dead　have　time　to　learn　it。　



A　FOURTH　OF　JULY　ORATION　IN　THE　GERMAN　TONGUE；　DELIVERED　AT

A　BANQUET　OF　THE　ANGLO…AMERICAN　CLUB　OF　STUDENTS　BY　THE

AUTHOR　OF　THIS　BOOK



Gentleme