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the vacuum; all the chances are that it fits it like a plug;

but if it doesn't let him promptly heave a ZUG after it;

the two together can hardly fail to bung the hole; but if;

by a miracle; they SHOULD fail; let him simply say ALSO!

and this will give him a moment's chance to think of the

needful word。  In Germany; when you load your conversational

gun it is always best to throw in a SCHLAG or two and a ZUG

or two; because it doesn't make any difference how much

the rest of the charge may scatter; you are bound to bag

something with THEM。  Then you blandly say ALSO; and load

up again。  Nothing gives such an air of grace and elegance

and unconstraint to a German or an English conversation

as to scatter it full of 〃Also's〃 or 〃You knows。〃



In my note…book I find this entry:



July 1。In the hospital yesterday; a word of thirteen

syllables was successfully removed from a patienta

North German from near Hamburg; but as most unfortunately

the surgeons had opened him in the wrong place; under the

impression that he contained a panorama; he died。 

The sad event has cast a gloom over the whole community。 



That paragraph furnishes a text for a few remarks about

one of the most curious and notable features of my

subjectthe length of German words。  Some German words

are so long that they have a perspective。  Observe these

examples:



Freundschaftsbezeigungen。 



Dilettantenaufdringlichkeiten。 



Stadtverordnetenversammlungen。 



These things are not words; they are alphabetical processions。 

And they are not rare; one can open a German newspaper

at any time and see them marching majestically across

the pageand if he has any imagination he can see

the banners and hear the music; too。  They impart

a martial thrill to the meekest subject。  I take a

great interest in these curiosities。  Whenever I come

across a good one; I stuff it and put it in my museum。 

In this way I have made quite a valuable collection。 

When I get duplicates; I exchange with other collectors;

and thus increase the variety of my stock。  Here rare

some specimens which I lately bought at an auction sale

of the effects of a bankrupt bric…a…brac hunter:



Generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen。 



Alterthumswissenschaften。 



Kinderbewahrungsanstalten。 



Unabhaengigkeitserklaerungen。 



Wiedererstellungbestrebungen。 



Waffenstillstandsunterhandlungen。 



Of course when one of these grand mountain ranges goes

stretching across the printed page; it adorns and ennobles

that literary landscapebut at the same time it is a great

distress to the new student; for it blocks up his way;

he cannot crawl under it; or climb over it; or tunnel

through it。  So he resorts to the dictionary for help;

but there is no help there。  The dictionary must draw

the line somewhereso it leaves this sort of words out。 

And it is right; because these long things are hardly

legitimate words; but are rather combinations of words;

and the inventor of them ought to have been killed。 

They are compound words with the hyphens left out。 

The various words used in building them are in the dictionary;

but in a very scattered condition; so you can hunt

the materials out; one by one; and get at the meaning

at last; but it is a tedious and harassing business。 

I have tried this process upon some of the above examples。 

〃Freundshaftsbezeigungen〃 seems to be 〃Friendship

demonstrations;〃

which is only a foolish and clumsy way of saying 〃demonstrations

of friendship。〃 〃Unabhaengigkeitserklaerungen〃 seems

to be 〃Independencedeclarations;〃 which is no improvement

upon 〃Declarations of Independence;〃 so far as I can see。 

〃Generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen〃 seems to be

〃General…statesrepresentativesmeetings;〃 as nearly as I

can get at ita mere rhythmical; gushy euphuism for

〃meetings of the legislature;〃 I judge。  We used to have

a good deal of this sort of crime in our literature;

but it has gone out now。  We used to speak of a things as a

〃never…to…be…forgotten〃 circumstance; instead of cramping

it into the simple and sufficient word 〃memorable〃 and then

going calmly about our business as if nothing had happened。 

In those days we were not content to embalm the thing

and bury it decently; we wanted to build a monument over it。 



But in our newspapers the compounding…disease lingers

a little to the present day; but with the hyphens left out;

in the German fashion。  This is the shape it takes:

instead of saying 〃Mr。 Simmons; clerk of the county and

district courts; was in town yesterday;〃 the new form put

it thus: 〃Clerk of the County and District Courts Simmons

was in town yesterday。〃 This saves neither time nor ink;

and has an awkward sound besides。  One often sees a remark

like this in our papers: 〃MRS。 Assistant District Attorney

Johnson returned to her city residence yesterday for the season。〃

That is a case of really unjustifiable compounding;

because it not only saves no time or trouble; but confers

a title on Mrs。 Johnson which she has no right to。 

But these little instances are trifles indeed; contrasted

with the ponderous and dismal German system of piling

jumbled compounds together。  I wish to submit the following

local item; from a Mannheim journal; by way of illustration:



〃In the daybeforeyesterdayshortlyaftereleveno'clock Night;

the inthistownstandingtavern called 'The Wagoner' was downburnt。 

When the fire to the onthedownburninghouseresting Stork's

Nest reached; flew the parent Storks away。  But when

the bytheraging; firesurrounded Nest ITSELF caught Fire;

straightway plunged the quickreturning Mother…Stork into

the Flames and died; her Wings over her young ones outspread。〃



Even the cumbersome German construction is not able to

take the pathos out of that pictureindeed; it somehow

seems to strengthen it。  This item is dated away back

yonder months ago。  I could have used it sooner; but I

was waiting to hear from the Father…stork。 I am still waiting。 



〃ALSO!〃 If I had not shown that the German is a

difficult language; I have at least intended to do so。 

I have heard of an American student who was asked how he

was getting along with his German; and who answered

promptly: 〃I am not getting along at all。  I have worked

at it hard for three level months; and all I have got

to show for it is one solitary German phrase'ZWEI GLAS'〃

(two glasses of beer)。 He paused for a moment; reflectively;

then added with feeling: 〃But I've got that SOLID!〃



And if I have not also shown that German is a harassing

and infuriating study; my execution has been at fault;

and not my intent。  I heard lately of a worn and sorely

tried American student who used to fly to a certain German

word for relief when he could bear up under his aggravations

no longerthe only word whose sound was sweet and

precious to his ear and healing to his lacerated spirit。 

This was the word DAMIT。  It was only the SOUND that

helped him; not the meaning; '3' and so; at last; when he

learned that the emphasis was not on the first syllable;

his only stay and support was gone; and he faded away

and died。 



3。  It merely means; in its general sense; 〃herewith。〃



I think that a description of any loud; stirring;

tumultuous episode must be tamer in German than in English。 

Our descriptive words of this character have such

a deep; strong; resonant sound; while their German

equivalents do seem so thin and mild and energyless。 

Boom; burst; crash; roar; storm; bellow; blow; thunder;

explosion; howl; cry; shout; yell; groan; battle; hell。 

These are magnificent words; the have a force and magnitude

of sound befitting the things which they describe。 

But their German equivalents would be ever so nice to sing

the children to sleep with; or else my awe…inspiring ears

were made for display and not for superior usefulness

in analyzing sounds。  Would any man want to die in a

battle which was c

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