eminent victorians-第70章

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single　European　subordinate。　But　his　motives　were　to　be　veiled

forever　in　a　tragic　obscurity。　The　Abbas　and　her　convoy　set　out。

Henceforward　the　Governor…General　was　alone。　He　had　now；

definitely　and　finally；　made　his　decision。　Colonel　Stewart　and

his　companions　had　gone；　with　every　prospect　of　returning

unharmed　to　civilisation。　Mr。　Gladstone's　belief　was　justified；

so　far　as　Gordon's　personal　safety　was　concerned；　he　might　still；

at　this　late　hour；　have　secured　it。　But　he　had　chosen　he　stayed

at　Khartoum。



No　sooner　were　the　steamers　out　of　sight　than　he　sat　down　at　his

writing…table　and　began　that　daily　record　of　his　circumstances；

his　reflections；　and　his　feelings；　which　reveals　to　us；　with　such

an　authentic　exactitude；　the　final　period　of　his　extraordinary

destiny。　His　Journals；　sent　down　the　river　in　batches　to　await

the　coming　of　the　relief　expedition；　and　addressed；　first　to

Colonel　Stewart；　and　later　to　the　'Chief　of　Staff；　Sudan

Expeditionary　Force'；　were　official　documents；　intended　for

publication；　though；　as　Gordon　himself　was　careful　to　note　on　the

outer　covers；　they　would　'want　pruning　out'　before　they　were

printed。　He　also　wrote；　on　the　envelope　of　the　first　section；　'No

secrets　as　far　as　I　am　concerned'。　A　more　singular　set　of　state

papers　was　never　compiled。　Sitting　there；　in　the　solitude　of　his

palace；　with　ruin　closing　round　him；　with　anxieties　on　every

hand；　with　doom　hanging　above　his　head；　he　let　his　pen　rush　on

for　hour　after　hour　in　an　ecstasy　of　communication；　a　tireless

unburdening　of　the　spirit；　where　the　most　trivial　incidents　of

the　passing　day　were　mingled　pell…mell　with　philosophical

disquisitions；　where　jests　and　anger；　hopes　and　terrors；

elaborate　justifications　and　cynical　confessions；　jostled　one

another　in　reckless　confusion。　The　impulsive；　demonstrative　man

had　nobody　to　talk　to　any　more；　and　so　he　talked　instead　to　the

pile　of　telegraph　forms；　which；　useless　now　for　perplexing　Sir

Evelyn　Baring；　served　very　wellfor　they　were　large　and　blank

as　the　repositories　of　his　conversation。　His　tone　was　not　the

intimate　and　religious　tone　which　he　would　have　used　with　the

Rev。　Mr。　Barnes　or　his　sister　Augusta；　it　was　such　as　must　have

been　habitual　with　him　in　his　intercourse　with　old　friends　or

fellow…officers；　whose　religious　views　were　of　a　more　ordinary

caste　than　his　own；　but　with　whom　he　was　on　confidential　terms。

He　was　anxious　to　put　his　case　to　a　select　and　sympathetic

audienceto　convince　such　a　man　as　Lord　Wolseley　that　he　was

justified　in　what　he　had　done；　and　he　was　sparing　in　his

allusions　to　the　hand　of　Providence；　while　those　mysterious

doubts　and　piercing　introspections；　which　must　have　filled　him；

he　almost　entirely　concealed。　He　expressed　himself；　of　course；

with　eccentric　ABANDONit　would　have　been　impossible　for　him　to

do　otherwise；　but　he　was　content　to　indicate　his　deepest　feelings

with　a　fleer。　Yet　sometimesas　one　can　imagine　happening　with

him　in　actual　conversationhis　utterance　took　the　form　of　a

half…soliloquy；　a　copious　outpouring　addressed　to　himself　more

than　to　anyone　else；　for　his　own　satisfaction。　There　are　passages

in　the　Khartoum　Journals　which　call　up　in　a　flash　the　light；

gliding　figure；　and　the　blue　eyes　with　the　candour　of　childhood

still　shining　in　them；　one　can　almost　hear　the　low　voice；　the

singularly　distinct　articulation；　the　persuasivethe　self…

persuasivesentences；　following　each　other　so　unassumingly

between　the　puffs　of　a　cigarette。As　he　wrote；　two　preoccupations

principally　filled　his　mind。　His　reflections　revolved　around　the

immediate　past　and　the　impending　future。　With　an　unerring

persistency　he　examined；　he　excused；　he　explained；　his　share　in

the　complicated　events　which　had　led　to　his　present　situation。　He

rebutted　the　charges　of　imaginary　enemies；　he　laid　bare　the

ineptitude　and　the　faithlessness　of　the　English　Government。　He

poured　out　his　satire　upon　officials　and　diplomatists。　He　drew

caricatures；　in　the　margin；　of　Sir　Evelyn　Baring；　with　sentences

of　shocked　pomposity　coming　out　of　his　mouth。　In　some　passages；

which　the　editor　of　the　Journals　preferred　to　suppress；　he

covered　Lord　Granville　with　his　raillery；　picturing　the　Foreign

Secretary；　lounging　away　his　morning　at　Walmer　Castle；　opening

The　Times　and　suddenly　discovering；　to　his　horror；　that　Khartoum

was　still　holding　out。　'Why；　HE　SAID　DISTINCTLY　he　could　ONLY

hold　out　SIX　MONTHS；　and　that　was　in　March　（counts　the　months）。

August！　why；　he　ought　to　have　given　in！　What　is　to　be　done？

They'll　be　howling　for　an　expedition。　。。。　It　is　no　laughing

matter；　THAT　ABOMINABLE　MAHDI！　Why　on　earth　does　he　not　guard　his

roads　better？　WHAT　IS　to　be　done？'　Several　times　in　his

bitterness　he　repeats　the　suggestion　that　the　authorities　at　home

were　secretly　hoping　that　the　fall　of　Khartoum　would　relieve　them

of　their　difficulties。　'What　that　Mahdi　is　about；　Lord　Granville

is　made　to　exclaim　in　another　deleted　paragraph；　'I　cannot　make

out。　Why　does　he　not　put　all　his　guns　on　the　river　and　stop　the

route？　Eh　what？　〃We　will　have　to　go　to　Khartoum！〃　Why；　it　will

cost　millions；　what　a　wretched　business！　What！　Send　Zobeir？　Our

conscience　recoils　from　THAT；　it　is　elastic；　but　not　equal　to

that；　it　is　a　pact　with　the　Devil。　。。。　Do　you　not　think　there　is

any　way　of　getting　hold　of　H　I　M；　in　a　quiet　way？'　If　a　boy　at

Eton　or　Harrow；　he　declared；　had　acted　as　the　Government　had

acted；　'I　THINK　he　would　be　kicked；　and　I　AM　SURE　he　would

deserve　it'。　He　was　the　victim　of　hypocrites　and　humbugs。　There

was　'no　sort　of　parallel　to　all　this　in　history　except　David

with　Uriah　the　Hittite'；　but　then　'there　was　an　Eve　in　the　case'；

and　he　was　not　aware　that　the　Government　had　even　that　excuse。



From　the　past；　he　turned　to　the　future；　and　surveyed；　with　a

disturbed　and　piercing　vision；　the　possibilities　before　him。

Supposing　that　the　relief　expedition　arrived；　what　would　be　his

position？　Upon　one　thing　he　was　determined：　whatever　happened；　he

would　not　play　the　part　of　'the　rescued　lamb'。　He　vehemently

asserted　that　the　purpose　of　the　expedition　could　only　be　the

relief　of　the　Sudan　garrisons；　it　was　monstrous　to　imagine　that

it　had　been　undertaken　merely　to　ensure　his　personal　safety。　He

refused　to　believe　it。　In　any　case；　'I　declare　POSITIVELY；'　he

wrote；　with　passionate　underlinings。　'AND　ONCE　FOR　ALL；　THAT　I

WILL　NOT　LEAVE　THE　SUDAN　UNTIL　EVERY　ONE　WHO　WANTS　TO　GO　DOWN　IS

GIVEN　THE　CHANCE　TO　DO　SO；　UNLESS　a　government　is　established

which　relieves　me　of　the　charge；　therefore；　if　any　emissary　or

letter　comes　up　here　ordering　me　to　comedown；　I　WILL　NOT　OBEY　IT；

BUT　WILL　STAY　HERE　AND　FALL　WITH　THE　TOWN；　AND　RUN　ALL　RISKS'。



This　was　sheer　insubordination；　no　doubt；　but　he　could　not　help

that；　it　was　not　in　his　nature　to　be　obedient。　'I　know　if　I　was

chief；　I　would　never　employ　myself；　for　I　am　incorrigible。'

Decidedly；　he　was　not　afraid　to　be　'what　club　men　call

insubordinate；　though；　of　all　insubordinates；　the　club　men　are

the　worst'。



As　for　the　government　which　was　to　replace　him；　there　were

several　alternatives：　an　Egyptian　Pasha　might　succeed　him　as

Governor…General；　or　Zobeir　might　be　appointed　after　all；　or　the

whole　country　might　be　handed　over　to　the　Sultan。　His　fertile

imagination　evolved　scheme　after　scheme；　and　his　visions　of　his

own　future　were　equally　various。　He　would　withdraw　to　the

Equator；　he　would　be　delighted　to　spend　Christmas　in　Brussels；　he

would　。。。　at　any　rate　he　would　never　go　back　to　England。　That　was

certain。　'I　dwell　on　the　joy　of　never　seeing　Great　Britain　again；

with　its　horrid；　wearisome　dinner…parties　and　miseries。　How　we

can　put　up　with　those　things；　passes　my　imagination！　It　is　a

perfect　bondage。。。　I　would　sooner　live　'like　a　Dervish　with　the

Mahdi；　than　go　out　to　dinner　every　night　in　London。　I　hope；　if

any　English　general　comes　to　Khartoum；　he　will　not　ask　me　to

dinner。　Why　men　cannot　be　friends　without　brin