eminent victorians-第11章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



'petulance　twice'　and　'complacent　visions'。　　He　heard　his　curate

being　commended　for　bringing　so　many　souls　to　God　during　Lent；

and　he　'could　not　bear　it'；　but　the　remorse　was　terrible：　'I

abhorred　myself　on　the　spot；　and　looked　upward　for　help。'　He　made

out　list　upon　list　of　the　Almighty's　special　mercies　towards　him；

and　they　included　his　creation；　his　regeneration；　and　（No。　5）

'the　preservation　of　my　life　six　times　to　my　knowledge：



　（1）　In　illness　at　the　age　of　nine。　　（2）　In　the　water。　（3）　By　a

runaway　horse　at　Oxford。　　（4）　By　the　same。　（5）　By　falling　nearly

through　the　ceiling　of　a　church。　（6）　Again　by　a　fall　of　a　horse。

And　I　know　not　how　often　in　　　　　shooting；　riding；　etc。'



At　last　he　became　convalescent；　but　the　spiritual　experiences　of

those　agitated　weeks　left　an　indelible　mark　upon　his　mind；　and

prepared　the　way　for　the　great　change　which　was　to　follow。For　he

had　other　doubts　besides　those　which　held　him　in　torment　as　to

his　own　salvation；　he　was　in　doubt　about　the　whole　framework　of

his　faith。　Newman's　conversion；　he　found；　had　meant　something

more　to　him　than　he　had　first　realised。　It　had　seemed　to　come　as

a　call　to　the　redoubling　of　his　Anglican　activities；　but

supposing；　in　reality；　it　were　a　call　towards　something　very

differenttowards　an　abandonment　of　those　activities　altogether？

It　might　be　'a　trial'；　or　again　it　might　be　a　'leading'；　how　was

he　to　judge？　Already；　before　his　illness；　these　doubts　had　begun

to　take　possession　of　his　mind。　'I　am　conscious　to　myself；'　he

wrote　in　his　Diary；　'of　an　extensively　changed　feeling　towards

the　Church　of　Rome　。。。　The　Church　of　England　seems　to　me　to　be

diseased：　1。　ORGANICALLY　（six　sub…headings）。　2。　FUNCTIONALLY

（seven　subheadings）　。。。　Wherever　it　seems　healthy；　it

approximates　the　system　of　Rome。'　Then　thoughts　of　the　Virgin

Mary　suddenly　began　to　assail　him　：



　　'（1）　If　John　the　Baptist　were　sanctified　from　the　womb；　　　　　　　

how　much　more　the　B。V。！



　　　（2）　If　Enoch　and　Elijah　were　exempted　from　death；　　　　　　　　why

not　the　B。V。　from　sin？



　　　（3）　It　is　a　strange　way　of　loving　the　Son　to　slight　　　　　　　　the

mother！'



The　arguments　seemed　irresistible；　and　a　few　weeks　later　the

following　entry　occurs　'Strange　thoughts　have　visited　me：



（1）　I　have　felt　that　the　Episcopate　of　the　Church　of　England　is

secularised　and　bound　down　beyond　hope。。。。



（2）　I　feel　as　if　a　light　had　fallen　upon　me。　My　feeling　about　the

Roman　Church　is　not　intellectual。　I　have　intellectual

difficulties；　but　the　great　moral　difficulties　seem　melting。



（3）　Something　keeps　rising　and　saying；　〃You　will　end　in　the　Roman

Church〃。'



He　noted　altogether　twenty…five　of　these　'strange　thoughts'。　His

mind　hovered　anxiously　round



'（1）　The　Incarnation；　（2）　The　Real　Presence；　　　　　　　i。

Regeneration；　　　　　　ii。　Eucharist；　and　（3）　The　Exaltation　of　S。　M。

and　Saints。'



His　twenty…second　strange　thought　was　as　follows：　'How　do　I　know

where　I　may　be　two　years　hence？　Where　was　Newman　five　years　ago？'



It　was　significant；　but　hardly　surprising；　that；　after　his

illness；　Manning　should　have　chosen　to　recuperate　in　Rome。　He

spent　several　months　there；　and　his　Diary　during　the　whole　of

that　period　is　concerned　entirely　with　detailed　descriptions　of

churches；　ceremonies；　and　relics；　and　with　minute　accounts　of

conversations　with　priests　and　nuns。　There　is　not　a　single

reference　either　to　the　objects　of　art　or　to　the　antiquities　of

the　place；　but　another　omission　was　still　more　remarkable。

Manning　had　a　long　interview　with　Pius　IX；　and　his　only　record　of

it　is　contained　in　the　bald　statement：　'Audience　today　at　the

Vatican'。　Precisely　what　passed　on　that　occasion　never

transpired；　all　that　is　known　is　that　His　Holiness　expressed

considerable　surprise　on　learning　from　the　Archdeacon　that　the

chalice　was　used　in　the　Anglican　Church　in　the　administration　of

Communion。　'What！'　he　exclaimed；　is　the　same　chalice　made　use　of

by　everyone？'　'I　remember　the　pain　I　felt；'　said　Manning；　long

afterwards；　'at　seeing　how　unknown　we　were　to　the　Vicar　of　Jesus

Christ。　It　made　me　feel　our　isolation。'



On　his　return　to　England；　he　took　up　once　more　the　work　in　his

Archdeaconry　with　what　appetite　he　might。　Ravaged　by　doubt；

distracted　by　speculation；　he　yet　managed　to　maintain　an　outward

presence　of　unshaken　calm。　His　only　confidant　was　Robert

Wilberforce；　to　whom；　for　the　next　two　years；　he　poured　forth　in

a　series　of　letters；　headed　'UNDER　THE　SEAL'　to　indicate　that

they　contained　the　secrets　of　the　confessional　the　whole

history　of　his　spiritual　perturbations。　The　irony　of　his　position

was　singular；　for；　during　the　whole　of　this　time；　Manning　was

himself　holding　back　from　the　Church　of　Rome　a　host　of　hesitating

penitents　by　means　of　arguments　which　he　was　at　the　very　moment

denouncing　as　fallacious　to　his　own　confessor。　But　what　else

could　he　do？　When　he　received；　for　instance；　a　letter　such　as　the

following　from　an　agitated　lady；　what　was　he　to　say？



'MY　DEAR　FATHER　IN　CHRIST；



'。。。　I　am　sure　you　would　pity　me　and　like　to　help　me；　if　you　knew

the　unhappy；　unsettled　state　my　mind　is　in；　and　the　misery　of

being　ENTIRELY；　WHEREVER　I　AM；　with　those　who　look　upon　joining

the　Church　of　Rome　as　the　most　awful　〃fall〃　conceivable　to　any

one；　and　are　devoid　of　the　smallest　comprehension　of　how　any

enlightened　person　can　do　it。　。。。　My　old　Evangelical　friends；

with　all　my　deep；　deep　love　for　them；　do　not　succeed　in　shaking

me　in　the　least。　。。。



'My　brother　has　just　published　a　book　called　〃Regeneration〃；

which　all　my　friends　are　reading　and　highly　extolling；　it　has　a

very　contrary　effect　to　what　he　would　desire　on　my　mind。　I　can

read　and　understand　it　all　in　an　altogether　different　sense；　and

the　facts　which　he　quotes　about　the　articles　as　drawn　up　in　1536；

and　again　in　1552；　and　of　the　Irish　articles　of　1615　and　1634；

STARTLE　and　SHAKE　me　about　the　Reformed　Church　in　England　far

more　than　anything　else；　and　have　done　so　ever　since　I　first　saw

them　in　Mr。　Maskell's　pamphlet　（as　quoted　from　Mr　Dodsworth's）。



'I　do　hope　you　have　some　time　and　thought　to　pray　for　me　still。

Mr。　Galton's　letters　long　ago　grew　into　short　formal　notes；　which

hurt　me　and　annoyed　me　particularly；　and　I　never　answered　his

last；　so；　literally；　I　have　no　one　to　say　things　to　and　get　help

from；　which　in　one　sense　is　a　comfort　when　my　convictions　seem　to

be　leading　me　on　and　on；　and　gaining　strength　in　spite　of　all　the

dreariness　of　my　lot。



'Do　you　know　I　can't　help　being　very　anxious　and　unhappy　about

poor　Sister　Harriet。　I　am　afraid　of　her　GOING　OUT　OF　HER　MIND。

She　comforts　herself　by　an　occasional　outpouring　of　everything　to

me；　and　I　had　a　letter　this　morning。　。。。　She　says　Sister　May　has

promised　the　Vicar　never　to　talk　to　her　or　allow　her　to　talk　on

the　subject　with　her；　and　I　doubt　whether　this　can　be　good　for

her；　because　though　she　has　lost　her　faith；　she　says；　in　the

Church　of　England；　yet　she　never　thinks　of　what　she　could　have

faith　in；　and　resolutely　without　inquiring　into　the　question

determines　riot　to　be　a　Roman　Catholic；　so　that　really；　you　see；

she　is　allowing　her　mind　to　run　adrift　and　yet　perfectly

powerless。



'Forgive　my　troubling　you　with　this　letter；　and　believe　me　to　be

always　your　faithful；　grateful　and　affectionate　daughter；



'EMMA　RYLE。



'P。S。　I　wish　I　could　see　you　once　more　so　very　much。'



How　was　Manning；　a　director　of　souls；　and　a　clergyman　of　the

Church　of　England；　to　reply　that　in　sober　truth　there　was　very

little　to　choose　between　the　state　of　mind　of　Sister　Emma；　or

even　of　Sister　Harriet；　and　his　own？　The　dilemma　was　a　grievous

one：　when　a　soldier　finds　himself　fighting　for　a　cause　in　which

he　has　lost　faith；　it　is　treachery　to　stop；　and　it　is　treachery

to　go　on。



At　last；　in　the　seclusion　of　his　library；　Manning　turned　in　

agony　to　those　old　writings　which　had　provided　Newman　with　so

much　instru