resurrection(复活)-第66章
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on him and beyond him； and her face beamed with joy。 But the
words she spoke were very different from what her eyes said。
〃You should not speak like that；〃 she said。
〃I am saying it so that you should know。〃
〃Everything has been said about that； and there is no use
speaking；〃 she said； with difficulty repressing a smile。
A sudden noise came from the hospital ward； and the sound of a
child crying。
〃I think they are calling me；〃 she said； and looked round
uneasily。
〃Well； good…bye； then；〃 he said。 She pretended not to see his
extended hand； and； without taking it； turned away and hastily
walked along the strip of carpet； trying to hide the triumph she
felt。
〃What is going on in her？ What is she thinking？ What does she
feel？ Does she mean to prove me； or can she really not forgive
me？ Is it that she cannot or that she will not express what she
feels and thinks？ Has she softened or hardened？〃 he asked
himself； and could find no answer。 He only knew that she had
altered and that an important change was going on in her soul；
and this change united him not only to her but also to Him for
whose sake that change was being wrought。 And this union brought
on a state of joyful animation and tenderness。
When she returned to the ward； in which there stood eight small
beds； Maslova began； in obedience to the nurse's order； to
arrange one of the beds； and； bending over too far with the
sheet； she slipped and nearly fell down。
A little convalescent boy with a bandaged neck； who was looking
at her； laughed。 Maslova could no longer contain herself and
burst into loud laughter； and such contagious laughter that
several of the children also burst out laughing； and one of the
sisters rebuked her angrily。
〃What are you giggling at？ Do you think you are where you used to
be？ Go and fetch the food。〃 Maslova obeyed and went where she was
sent； but； catching the eye of the bandaged boy who was not
allowed to laugh； she again burst out laughing。
Whenever she was alone Maslova again and again pulled the
photograph partly out of the envelope and looked at it
admiringly； but only in the evening when she was off duty and
alone in the bedroom which she shared with a nurse； did she take
it quite out of the envelope and gaze long at the faded yellow
photograph； caressing with； her eyes every detail of faces and
clothing； the steps of the veranda； and the bushes which served
as a background to his and hers and his aunts' faces； and could
not cease from admiring especially herselfher pretty young face
with the curly hair round the forehead。 She was so absorbed that
she did not hear her fellow…nurse come into the room。
〃What is it that he's given you？〃 said the good…natured； fat
nurse； stooping over the photograph。
〃Who's this？ You？〃
〃Who else？〃 said Maslova； looking into her companion's face with
a smile。
〃And who's this？〃
〃Himself。〃
〃And is this his mother？〃
〃No； his aunt。 Would you not have known me？〃
〃Never。 The whole face is altered。 Why； it must be 10 years since
then。〃
〃Not years； but a lifetime；〃 said Maslova。 And suddenly her
animation went； her face grew gloomy； and a deep line appeared
between her brows。
〃Why so？ Your way of life must have been an easy one。〃
〃Easy； indeed；〃 Maslova reiterated； closing her eyes and shaking
her head。 〃It is hell。〃
〃Why； what makes it so？〃
〃What makes it so！ From eight till four in the morning； and every
night the same！〃
〃Then why don't they give it up？〃
〃They can't give it up if they want to。 But what's the use of
talking？〃 Maslova said； jumping up and throwing the photograph
into the drawer of the table。 And with difficulty repressing
angry tears； she ran out into the passage and slammed the door。
While looking at the group she imagined herself such as she was
there and dreamt of her happiness then and of the possibility of
happiness with him now。 But her companion's words reminded her of
what she was now and what she had been； and brought back all the
horrors of that life； which she had felt but dimly； and not
allowed herself to realise。
It was only now that the memory of all those terrible nights came
vividly back to her； especially one during the carnival when she
was expecting a student who had promised to buy her out。 She
remembered how shewearing her low necked silk dress stained
with wine； a red bow in her untidy hair； wearied； weak； half
tipsy； having seen her visitors off； sat down during an interval
in the dancing by the piano beside the bony pianiste with the
blotchy face； who played the accompaniments to the violin； and
began complaining of her hard fate； and how this pianiste said
that she； too； was feeling how heavy her position was and would
like to change it； and how Clara suddenly came up to them； and
how they all three decided to change their life。 They thought
that the night was over； and were about to go away； when suddenly
the noise of tipsy voices was herd in the ante…room。 The
violinist played a tune and the pianiste began hammering the
first figure of a quadrille on the piano； to the tune of a most
merry Russian song。 A small； perspiring man； smelling of spirits；
with a white tie and swallow…tail coat； which he took off after
the first figure； came up to her； hiccoughing； and caught her up；
while another fat man； with a beard； and also wearing a
dress…coat （they had come straight from a ball） caught Clara up；
and for a long time they turned； danced； screamed； drank。 。 。 。
And so it went on for another year； and another； and a third。 How
could she help changing？ And he was the cause of it all。 And；
suddenly； all her former bitterness against him reawoke； she
wished to scold； to reproach him。 She regretted having neglected
the opportunity of repeating to him once more that she knew him；
and would not give in to himwould not let him make use of her
spiritually as he had done physically。
And she longed for drink in order to stifle the feeling of pity
to herself and the useless feeling of reproach to him。 And she
would have broken her word if she had been inside the prison。
Here she could not get any spirits except by applying to the
medical assistant； and she was afraid of him because he made up
to her； and intimate relations with men were disgusting to her
now。 After sitting a while on a form in the passage she returned
to her little room； and without paying any heed to her
companion's words； she wept for a long time over her wrecked
life。
CHAPTER XIV。
AN ARISTOCRATIC CIRCLE。
Nekhludoff had four matters to attend to in Petersburg。 The first
was the appeal to the Senate in Maslova's case； the second； to
hand in Theodosia Birukoff's petition to the committee； the
third； to comply with Vera Doukhova's requestsi。e。； try to get
her friend Shoustova released from prison； and get permission for
a mother to visit her son in prison。 Vera Doukhova had written to
him about this； and he was going to the Gendarmerie Office to
attend to these two matters； which he counted as one。
The fourth matter he meant to attend to was the case of some
sectarians who had been separated from their families and exiled
to the Caucasus because they read and discussed the Gospels。 It
was not so much to them as to himself he had promised to do all
he could to clear up this affair。
Since his last visit to Maslennikoff； and especially since he had
been in the country； Nekhludoff had not exactly formed a
resolution but felt with his whole nature a loathing for that
society in which he had lived till then； that society which so
carefully hides the sufferings of millions in order to assure
ease and pleasure to a small number of people； that the people
belonging to this society do not and cannot see these sufferings；
nor the cruelty and wickedness of their life。 Nekhludoff could no
longer move in this society without feeling ill at ease and
reproaching himself。 And yet all the ties of relationship and
friendship； and his own habits； were drawing him back into this
society。 Besides； that which alone interested him now； his desire
to help Maslova and the other sufferers； made it necessary to ask
for help and service from persons belongin
