resurrection(复活)-第45章
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am feeling；〃 he said； trembling all over； 〃you cannot imagine to
what extent I feel myself guilty towards you。
〃Feel yourself guilty？〃 she said； angrily mimicking him。 〃You did
not feel so then； but threw me 100 roubles。 That's your price。〃
〃I know； I know； but what is to be done now？〃 said Nekhludoff。 〃I
have decided not to leave you； and what I have said I shall do。〃
〃And I say you sha'n't；〃 she said； and laughed aloud。
〃Katusha〃 he said； touching her hand。
〃You go away。 I am a convict and you a prince； and you've no
business here；〃 she cried； pulling away her hand； her whole
appearance transformed by her wrath。 〃You've got pleasure out of
me in this life； and want to save yourself through me in the life
to come。 You are disgusting to meyour spectacles and the whole
of your dirty fat mug。 Go； go！〃 she screamed； starting to her
feet。
The jailer came up to them。
〃What are you kicking up this row for？' That won't〃
〃Let her alone； please；〃 said Nekhludoff。
〃She must not forget herself；〃 said the jailer。 〃Please wait a
little；〃 said Nekhludoff； and the jailer returned to the window。
Maslova sat down again； dropping her eyes and firmly clasping her
small hands。
Nekhludoff stooped over her； not knowing what to do。
〃You do not believe me？〃 he said。
〃That you mean to marry me？ It will never be。 I'll rather hang
myself。 So there！〃
〃Well； still I shall go on serving you。〃
〃That's your affair； only I don't want anything from you。 I am
telling you the plain truth；〃 she said。 〃Oh； why did I not die
then？〃 she added； and began to cry piteously。
Nekhludoff could not speak； her tears infected him。
She lifted her eyes； looked at him in surprise； and began to wipe
her tears with her kerchief。
The jailer came up again and reminded them that it was time to
part。
Maslova rose。
〃You are excited。 If it is possible； I shall come again tomorrow；
you think it over；〃 said Nekhludoff。
She gave him no answer and； without looking up； followed the
jailer out of the room。
〃Well； lass； you'll have rare times now；〃 Korableva said； when
Maslova returned to the cell。 〃Seems he's mighty sweet on you；
make the most of it while he's after you。 He'll help you out。
Rich people can do anything。〃
〃Yes； that's so；〃 remarked the watchman's wife； with her musical
voice。 〃When a poor man thinks of getting married； there's many a
slip 'twixt the cup and the lip； but a rich man need only make up
his mind and it's done。 We knew a toff like that duckie。 What
d'you think he did？〃
〃Well； have you spoken about my affairs？〃 the old woman asked。
But Maslova gave her fellow…prisoners no answer； she lay down on
the shelf bedstead； her squinting eyes fixed on a corner of the
room； and lay there until the evening。
A painful struggle went on in her soul。 What Nekhludoff had told
her called up the memory of that world in which she had suffered
and which she had left without having understood； hating it。 She
now feared to wake from the trance in which she was living。 Not
having arrived at any conclusion when evening came； she again
bought some vodka and drank with her companions。
CHAPTER XLIX。
VERA DOUKHOVA。
〃So this is what it means； this；〃 thought Nekhludoff as he left
the prison； only now fully understanding his crime。 If he had not
tried to expiate his guilt he would never have found out how
great his crime was。 Nor was this all； she； too； would never have
felt the whole horror of what had been done to her。 He only now
saw what he had done to the soul of this woman； only now she saw
and understood what had been done to her。
Up to this time Nekhludoff had played with a sensation of
self…admiration； had admired his own remorse； now he was simply
filled with horror。 He knew he could not throw her up now； and
yet he could not imagine what would come of their relations to
one another。
Just as he was going out； a jailer； with a disagreeable；
insinuating countenance； and a cross and medals on his breast；
came up and handed him a note with an air of mystery。
〃Here is a note from a certain person； your honour；〃 he said to
Nekhludoff as he gave him the envelope。
〃What person？〃
〃You will know when you read it。 A political prisoner。 I am in
that ward； so she asked me； and though it is against the rules；
still feelings of humanity〃 The jailer spoke in an unnatural
manner。
Nekhludoff was surprised that a jailer of the ward where
political prisoners were kept should pass notes inside the very
prison walls； and almost within sight of every one； he did not
then know that this was both a jailer and a spy。 However； he took
the note and read it on coming out of the prison。
The note was written in a bold hand； and ran as follows： Having
heard that you visit the prison； and are interested in the case
of a criminal prisoner； the desire of seeing you arose in me。 Ask
for a permission to see me。 I can give you a good deal of
information concerning your protegee； and also our group。Yours
gratefully； VERA DOUKHOVA。〃
Vera Doukhova had been a school…teacher in an out…of…the…way
village of the Novgorod Government； where Nekhludoff and some
friends of his had once put up while bear hunting。 Nekhludoff
gladly and vividly recalled those old days； and his acquaintance
with Doukhova。 It was just before Lent； in an isolated spot； 40
miles from the railway。 The hunt had been successful； two bears
had been killed； and the company were having dinner before
starting on their return journey； when the master of the hut
where they were putting up came in to say that the deacon's
daughter wanted to speak to Prince Nekhludoff。 〃Is she pretty？〃
some one asked。 〃None of that； please；〃 Nekhludoff said； and rose
with a serious look on his face。 Wiping his mouth； and wondering
what the deacon's daughter might want of him； he went into the
host's private hut。
There he found a girl with a felt hat and a warm cloak ona
sinewy； ugly girl； only her eyes with their arched brows were
beautiful。
〃Here； miss； speak to him；〃 said the old housewife； 〃this is the
prince himself。 I shall go out meanwhile。〃
〃In what way can I be of service to you？〃 Nekhludoff asked。
〃III see you are throwing away your money on such
nonsenseon hunting；〃 began the girl； in great confusion。 〃I
knowI only want one thingto be of use to the people； and I
can do nothing because I know nothing〃 Her eyes were so
truthful； so kind； and her expression of resoluteness and yet
bashfulness was so touching； that Nekhludoff； as it often
happened to him； suddenly felt as if he were in her position；
understood； and sympathised。
〃What can I do； then？〃
〃I am a teacher； but should like to follow a course of study； and
I am not allowed to do so。 That is； not that I am not allowed to；
they'd allow me to； but I have not got the means。 Give them to
me； and when I have finished the course I shall repay you。 I am
thinking the rich kill bears and give the peasants drink； all
this is bad。 Why should they not do good？ I only want 80 roubles。
But if you don't wish to； never mind；〃 she added； gravely。
〃On the contrary； I am very grateful to you for this opportunity。
。 。 I will bring it at once；〃 said Nekhludoff。
He went out into the passage； and there met one of his comrades；
who had been overhearing his conversation。 Paying no heed to his
chaffing； Nekhludoff got the money out of his bag and took it to
her。
〃Oh； please； do not thank me； it is I who should thank you；〃 he
said。
It was pleasant to remember all this now； pleasant to remember
that he had nearly had a quarrel with an officer who tried to
make an objectionable joke of it； and how another of his comrades
had taken his part； which led to a closer friendship between
them。 How successful the whole of that hunting expedition had
been； and how happy he had felt when returning to the railway
station that night。 The line of sledges； the horses in tandem；
glide quickly along the narrow road that lies through the forest；
now between high trees； now between low firs weighed down by the
snow； caked in heavy lumps on their branches。 A red light flashes
in the dark； some one lights an aromatic cigarette。 Joseph； a
