resurrection(复活)-第17章

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aunts　that　you　have　been　living　nearly　a　week　with　them；〃
Schonbock　remarked　when　he　had　seen　Katusha。　〃Well；　I　don't
wondershould　have　done　the　same。　She's　charming。〃　Nekhludoff
was　also　thinking　that　though　it　was　a　pity　to　go　away　before
having　fully　gratified　the　cravings　of　his　love　for　her；　yet　the
absolute　necessity　of　parting　had　its　advantages　because　it　put　a
sudden　stop　to　relations　it　would　have　been　very　difficult　for
him　to　continue。　Then　he　thought　that　he　ought　to　give　her　some
money；　not　for　her；　not　because　she　might　need　it；　but　because　it
was　the　thing　to　do。

So　he　gave　her　what　seemed　to　him　a　liberal　amount；　considering
his　and　her　station。　On　the　day　of　his　departure；　after　dinner；
he　went　out　and　waited　for　her　at　the　side　entrance。　She　flushed
up　when　she　saw　him　and　wished　to　pass　by；　directing　his
attention　to　the　open　door　of　the　maids'　room　by　a　look；　but　he
stopped　her。

〃I　have　come　to　say　good…bye；〃　he　said；　crumbling　in　his　hand　an
envelope　with　a　100…rouble　note　inside。　〃There；　I〃　。　。　。

She　guessed　what　he　meant；　knit　her　brows；　and　shaking　her　head
pushed　his　hand　away。

〃Take　it；　oh；　you　must！〃　he　stammered；　and　thrust　the　envelope
into　the　bib　of　her　apron　and　ran　back　to　his　room；　groaning　and
frowning　as　if　he　had　hurt　himself。　And　for　a　long　time　he　went
up　and　down　writhing　as　in　pain；　and　even　stamping　and　groaning
aloud　as　he　thought　of　this　last　scene。　〃But　what　else　could　I
have　done？　Is　it　not　what　happens　to　every　one？　And　if　every　one
does　the　same　。　。　。　well　I　suppose　it　can't　be　helped。〃　In　this
way　he　tried　to　get　peace　of　mind；　but　in　vain。　The　recollection
of　what　had　passed　burned　his　conscience。　In　his　soulin　the
very　depths　of　his　soulhe　knew　that　he　had　acted　in　a　base；
cruel；　cowardly　manner；　and　that　the　knowledge　of　this　act　of　his
must　prevent　him；　not　only　from　finding　fault　with　any　one　else；
but　even　from　looking　straight　into　other　people's　eyes；　not　to
mention　the　impossibility　of　considering　himself　a　splendid；
noble；　high…minded　fellow；　as　he　did　and　had　to　do　to　go　on
living　his　life　boldly　and　merrily。　There　was　only　one　solution
of　the　problemi。e。；　not　to　think　about　it。　He　succeeded　in　doing
so。　The　life　he　was　now　entering　upon；　the　new　surroundings；　new
friends；　the　war；　all　helped　him　to　forget。　And　the　longer　he
lived；　the　less　he　thought　about　it；　until　at　last　he　forgot　it
completely。

Once　only；　when；　after　the　war；　he　went　to　see　his　aunts　in　hopes
of　meeting　Katusha；　and　heard　that　soon　after　his　last　visit　she
had　left；　and　that　his　aunts　had　heard　she　had　been　confined
somewhere　or　other　and　had　gone　quite　to　the　bad；　his　heart
ached。　According　to　the　time　of　her　confinement；　the　child　might
or　might　not　have　been　his。　His　aunts　said　she　had　gone　wrong；
that　she　had　inherited　her　mother's　depraved　nature；　and　he　was
pleased　to　hear　this　opinion　of　his　aunts'。　It　seemed　to　acquit
him。　At　first　he　thought　of　trying　to　find　her　and　her　child；　but
then；　just　because　in　the　depths　of　his　soul　he　felt　so　ashamed
and　pained　when　thinking　about　her；　he　did　not　make　the　necessary
effort　to　find　her；　but　tried　to　forget　his　sin　again　and　ceased
to　think　about　it。　And　now　this　strange　coincidence　brought　it
all　back　to　his　memory；　and　demanded　from　him　the　acknowledgment
of　the　heartless；　cruel　cowardice　which　had　made　it　possible　for
him　to　live　these　nine　years　with　such　a　sin　on　his　conscience。
But　he　was　still　far　from　such　an　acknowledgment；　and　his　only
fear　was　that　everything　might　now　be　found　out；　and　that　she　or
her　advocate　might　recount　it　all　and　put　him　to　shame　before
every　one　present。


CHAPTER　XIX。

THE　TRIALRESUMPTION。

In　this　state　of　mind　Nekhludoff　left　the　Court　and　went　into　the
jurymen's　room。　He　sat　by　the　window　smoking　all　the　while；　and
hearing　what　was　being　said　around　him。

The　merry　merchant　seemed　with　all　his　heart　to　sympathise　with
Smelkoff's　way　of　spending　his　time。　〃There；　old　fellow；　that　was
something　like！　Real　Siberian　fashion！　He　knew　what　he　was　about；
no　fear！　That's　the　sort　of　wench　for　me。〃

The　foreman　was　stating　his　conviction；　that　in　some　way　or　other
the　expert's　conclusions　were　the　important　thing。　Peter
Gerasimovitch　was　joking　about　something　with　the　Jewish　clerk；
and　they　burst　out　laughing。　Nekhludoff　answered　all　the
questions　addressed　to　him　in　monosyllables　and　longed　only　to　be
left　in　peace。

When　the　usher；　with　his　sideways　gait；　called　the　jury　back　to
the　Court；　Nekhludoff　was　seized　with　fear；　as　if　he　were　not
going　to　judge；　but　to　be　judged。　In　the　depth　of　his　soul　he
felt　that　he　was　a　scoundrel；　who　ought　to　be　ashamed　to　look
people　in　the　face；　yet；　by　sheer　force　of　habit；　he　stepped　on
to　the　platform　in　his　usual　self…possessed　manner；　and　sat　down；
crossing　his　legs　and　playing　with　his　pince…nez。

The　prisoners　had　also　been　led　out；　and　were　now　brought　in
again。　There　were　some　new　faces　in　the　Court　witnesses；　and
Nekhludoff　noticed　that　Maslova　could　not　take　her　eyes　off　a
very　fat　woman　who　sat　in　the　row　in　front　of　the　grating；　very
showily　dressed　in　silk　and　velvet；　a　high　hat　with　a　large　bow
on　her　head；　and　an　elegant　little　reticule　on　her　arm；　which　was
bare　to　the　elbow。　This　was；　as　he　subsequently　found　out；　one　of
the　witnesses；　the　mistress　of　the　establishment　to　which　Maslova
had　belonged。

The　examination　of　the　witnesses　commenced：　they　were　asked　their
names；　religion；　etc。　Then；　after　some　consultation　as　to　whether
the　witnesses　were　to　be　sworn　in　or　not；　the　old　priest　came　in
again；　dragging　his　legs　with　difficulty；　and；　again　arranging
the　golden　cross　on　his　breast；　swore　the　witnesses　and　the
expert　in　the　same　quiet　manner；　and　with　the　same　assurance　that
he　was　doing　something　useful　and　important。

The　witnesses　having　been　sworn；　all　but　Kitaeva；　the　keeper　of
the　house；　were　led　out　again。　She　was　asked　what　she　knew　about
this　affair。　Kitaeva　nodded　her　head　and　the　big　hat　at　every
sentence　and　smiled　affectedly。　She　gave　a　very　full　and
intelligent　account；　speaking　with　a　strong　German　accent。　First
of　all；　the　hotel　servant　Simeon；　whom　she　knew；　came　to　her
establishment　on　behalf　of　a　rich　Siberian　merchant；　and　she　sent
Lubov　back　with　him。　After　a　time　Lubov　returned　with　the
merchant。　The　merchant　was　already　somewhat　intoxicatedshe
smiled　as　she　said　thisand　went　on　drinking　and　treating　the
girls。　He　was　short　of　money。　He　sent　this　same　Lubov　to　his
lodgings。　He　had　taken　a　〃predilection〃　to　her。　She　looked　at　the
prisoner　as　she　said　this。

Nekhludoff　thought　he　saw　Maslova　smile　here；　and　this　seemed
disgusting　to　him。　A　strange；　indefinite　feeling　of　loathing；
mingled　with　suffering；　arose　in　him。

〃And　what　was　your　opinion　of　Maslova？〃　asked　the　blushing　and
confused　applicant　for　a　judicial　post；　appointed　to　act　as
Maslova's　advocate。

〃Zee　ferry　pesht；〃　answered　Kitaeva。　〃Zee　yoong　voman　is　etucated
and　elecant。　She　was　prought　up　in　a　coot　family　and　can　reat
French。　She　tid　have　a　trop　too　moch　sometimes；　put　nefer　forcot
herself。　A　ferry　coot　girl。〃

Katusha　looked　at　the　woman；　then　suddenly　turned　her　eyes　on　the
jury　and　fixed　them　on　Nekhludoff；　and　her　face　grew　serious　and
even　severe。　One　of　her　serious　eyes　squinted；　and　those　two
strange　eyes　for　some　time　gazed　at　Nekhludoff；　who；　in　spite　of
the　terrors　that　seized　him；　could　not　take　his　look　off　these
squinting　eyes；　with　their　bright；　clear　whites。

He　thought　of　that　dreadful　night；　with　its　mist；　the　ice
breaking　on　the　river　below；　and　when　the　waning　moon；　with　horns
turned　upwards；　that　had　risen　towards　morning；　lit　up　something
black　and　weird。　These　two　black　eyes　now　looking　at　him　reminded
him　of　this　weird；　black　something。　〃She　has　recognised　me；〃　he
thought；　and　Nekhludoff　shrank　as　if　expecting　a　blow。　But　she
had　not　recognised　him。　She　sighed　quietly　and　again　looked　at
the　president。　Nekhludoff　also　sighed。　〃Oh；　if　it　would　only　get
on　quicker；〃　he　thought。

He　now　felt　the　same　loathing　and　pity　and　vexation　as　when；　out
shooting；　he　was　obliged　to　kill　a　wounded　bird。　The　w