resurrection(复活)-第15章
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peasant smell； and； tickling him with his curly beard； kissed him
three times straight on the mouth with his firm； fresh lips。
While the peasant was kissing Nekhludoff and giving him a dark
brown egg； the lilac dress of Matrona Pavlovna and the dear black
head with the red bow appeared。
Katusha caught sight of him over the heads of those in front of
her； and he saw how her face brightened up。
She had come out with Matrona Pavlovna on to the porch； and
stopped there distributing alms to the beggars。 A beggar with a
red scab in place of a nose came up to Katusha。 She gave him
something； drew nearer him； and； evincing no sign of disgust； but
her eyes still shining with joy； kissed him three times。 And
while she was doing this her eyes met Nekhludoff's with a look as
if she were asking； 〃Is this that I am doing right？〃 〃Yes； dear；
yes； it is right； everything is right； everything is beautiful。 I
love！〃
They came down the steps of the porch； and he came up to them。
He did not mean to give them the Easter kiss； but only to be
nearer to her。 Matrona Pavlovna bowed her head； and said with a
smile； 〃Christ is risen！〃 and her tone implied； 〃To…day we are
all equal。〃 She wiped her mouth with her handkerchief rolled into
a ball and stretched her lips towards him。
〃He is； indeed；〃 answered Nekhludoff； kissing her。 Then he looked
at Katusha； she blushed； and drew nearer。 〃Christ is risen；
Dmitri Ivanovitch。〃 〃He is risen； indeed；〃 answered Nekhludoff；
and they kissed twice； then paused as if considering whether a
third kiss were necessary； and； having decided that it was；
kissed a third time and smiled。
〃You are going to the priests？〃 asked Nekhludoff。
〃No； we shall sit out here a bit； Dmitri Ivanovitch；〃 said
Katusha with effort； as if she had accomplished some joyous task；
and； her whole chest heaving with a deep sigh； she looked
straight in his face with a look of devotion； virgin purity； and
love； in her very slightly squinting eyes。
In the love between a man and a woman there always comes a moment
when this love has reached its zenitha moment when it is
unconscious； unreasoning； and with nothing sensual about it。 Such
a moment had come for Nekhludoff on that Easter eve。 When he
brought Katusha back to his mind； now； this moment veiled all
else； the smooth glossy black head； the white tucked dress
closely fitting her graceful maidenly form； her； as yet；
un…developed bosom； the blushing cheeks； the tender shining black
eyes with their slight squint heightened by the sleepless night；
and her whole being stamped with those two marked features；
purity and chaste love； love not only for him （he knew that）； but
for everybody and everything； not for the good alone； but for all
that is in the world； even for that beggar whom she had kissed。
He knew she had that love in her because on that night and
morning he was conscious of it in himself； and conscious that in
this love he became one with her。 Ah！ if it had all stopped
there； at the point it had reached that night。 〃Yes； all that
horrible business had not yet happened on that Easter eve！〃 he
thought； as he sat by the window of the jurymen's room。
CHAPTER XVI。
THE FIRST STEP。
When he returned from church Nekhludoff broke the fast with his
aunts and took a glass of spirits and some wine； having got into
that habit while with his regiment； and when he reached his room
fell asleep at once； dressed as he was。 He was awakened by a
knock at the door。 He knew it was her knock； and got up； rubbing
his eyes and stretching himself。
〃Katusha； is it you？ Come in；〃 said he。
She opened the door。
〃Dinner is ready；〃 she said。 She still had on the same white
dress； but not the bow in her hair。 She looked at him with a
smile； as if she had communicated some very good news to him。
〃I am coming；〃 he answered； as he rose； taking his comb to
arrange his hair。
She stood still for a minute； and he； noticing it； threw down his
comb and made a step towards her； but at that very moment she
turned suddenly and went with quick light steps along the strip
of carpet in the middle of the passage。
〃Dear me； what a fool I am；〃 thought Nekhludoff。 〃Why did I not
stop her？〃 What he wanted her for he did not know himself； but he
felt that when she came into his room something should have been
done； something that is generally done on such occasions； and
that he had left it undone。
〃Katusha； wait；〃 he said。
〃What do you want？〃 she said； stopping。
〃Nothing； only〃 and； with an effort； remembering how men in his
position generally behave； he put his arm round her waist。
She stood still and looked into his eyes。
〃Don't； Dmitri Ivanovitch； you must not；〃 she said； blushing to
tears and pushing away his arm with her strong hard hand。
Nekhludoff let her go； and for a moment he felt not only confused
and ashamed but disgusted with himself。 He should now have
believed himself； and then he would have known that this
confusion and shame were caused by the best feelings of his soul
demanding to be set free； but he thought it was only his
stupidity and that he ought to behave as every one else did。 He
caught her up and kissed her on the neck。
This kiss was very different from that first thoughtless kiss
behind the lilac bush； and very different to the kiss this
morning in the churchyard。 This was a dreadful kiss； and she felt
it。
〃Oh； what are you doing？〃 she cried； in a tone as if he had
irreparably broken something of priceless value； and ran quickly
away。
He came into the dining…room。 His aunts； elegantly dressed； their
family doctor； and a neighbour were already there。 Everything
seemed so very ordinary； but in Nekhludoff a storm was raging。 He
understood nothing of what was being said and gave wrong answers；
thinking only of Katusha。 The sound of her steps in the passage
brought back the thrill of that last kiss and he could think of
nothing else。 When she came into the room he； without looking
round； felt her presence with his whole being and had to force
himself not to look at her。
After dinner he at once went into his bedroom and for a long time
walked up and down in great excitement； listening to every sound
in the house and expecting to hear her steps。 The animal man
inside him had now not only lifted its head； but had succeeded in
trampling under foot the spiritual man of the days of his first
visit； and even of that every morning。 That dreadful animal man
alone now ruled over him。
Though he was watching for her all day he could not manage to
meet her alone。 She was probably trying to evade him。 In the
evening； however； she was obliged to go into the room next to
his。 The doctor had been asked to stay the night； and she had to
make his bed。 When he heard her go in Nekhludoff followed her；
treading softly and holding his breath as if he were going to
commit a crime。
She was putting a clean pillow…case on the pillow； holding it by
two of its corners with her arms inside the pillow…case。 She
turned round and smiled； not a happy； joyful smile as before； but
in a frightened； piteous way。 The smile seemed to tell him that
what he was doing was wrong。 He stopped for a moment。 There was
still the possibility of a struggle。 The voice of his real love
for her； though feebly； was still speaking of her； her feelings；
her life。 Another voice was saying； 〃Take care I don't let the
opportunity for your own happiness； your own enjoyment； slip by！〃
And this second voice completely stifled the first。 He went up to
her with determination and a terrible； ungovernable animal
passion took possession of him。
With his arm round he made her sit down on the bed； and feeling
that there was something more to be done he sat down beside her。
〃Dmitri Ivanovitch； dear！ please let me go；〃 she said； with a
piteous voice。 〃Matrona Pavlovna is coming；〃 she cried； tearing
herself away。 Some one was really coming to the door。
〃Well； then； I'll come to you in the night；〃 he whispered。
〃You'll be alone？〃
〃What are you thinking of？ On no account。 No； no！〃 she said； but
only with her lips； the tremulous confusion of her whole being
said something very different。
It was M
