the hungry stones and other stories-第14章

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The　next　year　when　I　returned　to　the　village　it　was　February。　　The　cold　season　still　lingered　on。　　The　morning　sun　came　into　my　room；　and　I　was　grateful　for　its　warmth。　　I　was　writing；　when　the　servant　came　to　tell　me　that　a　devotee；　of　the　Vishnu　cult；　wanted　to　see　me。　　I　told　him；　in　an　absent　way；　to　bring　her　upstairs；　and　went　on　with　my　writing。　　The　Devotee　came　in；　and　bowed　to　me；　touching　my　feet。　　I　found　that　she　was　the　same　woman　whom　I　had　met；　for　a　brief　moment；　a　year　ago。

I　was　able　now　to　examine　her　more　closely。　　She　was　past　that　age　when　one　asks　the　question　whether　a　woman　is　beautiful　or　not。　　Her　stature　was　above　the　ordinary　height；　and　she　was　strongly　built；　but　her　body　was　slightly　bent　owing　to　her　constant　attitude　of　veneration。　Her　manner　had　nothing　shrinking　about　it。　　The　most　remarkable　of　her　features　were　her　two　eyes。　　They　seemed　to　have　a　penetrating　power　which　could　make　distance　near。

With　those　two　large　eyes　of　hers；　she　seemed　to　push　me　as　she　entered。

〃What　is　this？〃　she　asked。　〃Why　have　you　brought　me　here　before　your　throne；　my　God？　　I　used　to　see　you　among　the　trees；　and　that　was　much　better。　　That　was　the　true　place　to　meet　you。〃

She　must　have　seen　me　walking　in　the　garden　without　my　seeing　her。　　For　the　last　few　clays；　however；　I　had　suffered　from　a　cold；　and　had　been　prevented　from　going　out。　　I　had；　perforce；　to　stay　indoors　and　pay　my　homage　to　the　evening　sky　from　my　terrace。　　After　a　silent　pause　the　Devotee　said　to　me：　〃O　my　God；　give　me　some　words　of　good。〃

I　was　quite　unprepared　for　this　abrupt　request；　and　answered　her　on　the　spur　of　the　moment：　〃Good　words　I　neither　give　nor　receive。　　I　simply　open　my　eyes　and　keep　silence；　and　then　I　can　at　once　both　hear　and　see；　even　when　no　sound　is　uttered。　　Now；　while　I　am　looking　at　you；　it　is　as　good　as　listening　to　your　voice。〃

The　Devotee　became　quite　excited　as　I　spoke；　and　exclaimed：　〃God　speaks　to　me；　not　only　with　His　mouth；　but　with　His　whole　body。〃

I　said　to　her：　〃When　I　am　silent　I　can　listen　with　my　whole　body。　　I　have　come　away　from　Calcutta　here　to　listen　to　that　sound。〃

The　Devotee　said：　〃Yes；　I　know　that；　and　therefore　1　have　come　here　to　sit　by　you。〃

Before　taking　her　leave；　she　again　bowed　to　me；　and　touched　my　feet。　　I　could　see　that　she　was　distressed；　because　my　feet　were　covered。　　She　wished　them　to　be　bare。

Early　next　morning　I　came　out；　and　sat　on　my　terrace　on　the　roof。　Beyond　the　line　of　trees　southward　I　could　see　the　open　country　chill　and　desolate。　　I　could　watch　the　sun　rising　over　the　sugar…cane　in　the　East；　beyond　the　clump　of　trees　at　the　side　of　the　village。　　Out　of　the　deep　shadow　of　those　dark　trees　the　village　road　suddenly　appeared。　It　stretched　forward；　winding　its　way　to　some　distant　villages　on　the　horizon；　till　it　was　lost　in　the　grey　of　the　mist。

That　morning　it　was　difficult　to　say　whether　the　sun　had　risen　or　not。　A　white　fog　was　still　clinging　to　the　tops　of　the　trees。　　I　saw　the　Devotee　walking　through　the　blurred　dawn；　like　a　mist…wraith　of　the　morning　twilight。　　She　was　singing　her　chant　to　God；　and　sounding　her　cymbals。

The　thick　haze　lifted　at　last；　and　the　sun；　like　the　kindly　grandsire　of　the　village；　took　his　seat　amid　all　the　work　that　was　going　on　in　home　and　field。

When　I　had　just　settled　down　at　my　writing…table；　to　appease　the　hungry　appetite　of　my　editor　in　Calcutta；　there　came　a　sound　of　footsteps　on　the　stair；　and　the　Devotee；　humming　a　tune　to　herself；　entered；　and　bowed　before　me。　　I　lifted　my　head　from　my　papers。

She　said　to　me：　〃My　God；　yesterday　I　took　as　sacred　food　what　was　left　over　from　your　meal。〃

I　was　startled；　and　asked　her　how　she　could　do　that。

〃Oh；〃　she　said；　〃I　waited　at　your　door　in　the　evening；　while　you　were　at　dinner；　and　took　some　food　from　your　plate　when　it　was　carried　out。〃

This　was　a　surprise　to　me；　for　every　one　in　the　village　knew　that　I　had　been　to　Europe；　and　had　eaten　with　Europeans。　　I　was　a　vegetarian；　no　doubt；　but　the　sanctity　of　my　cook　would　not　bear　investigation；　and　the　orthodox　regarded　my　food　as　polluted。

The　Devotee；　noticing　my　sign　of　surprise；　said：　〃My　God；　why　should　I　come　to　you　at　all；　if　I　could　not　take　your　food？　〃

I　asked　her　what　her　own　caste　people　would　say。　　She　told　me　she　had　already　spread　the　news　far　and　wide　all　over　the　village。　　The　caste　people　had　shaken　their　heads；　but　agreed　that　she　must　go　her　own　way。

I　found　out　that　the　Devotee　came　from　a　good　family　in　the　country；　and　that　her　mother　was　well　to…do；　and　desired　to　keep　her　daughter。　　But　she　preferred　to　be　a　mendicant。　　I　asked　her　how　she　made　her　living。　She　told　me　that　her　followers　had　given　her　a　piece　of　land；　and　that　she　begged　her　food　from　door　to　door。　　She　said　to　me：　〃The　food　which　I　get　by　begging　is　divine。〃

After　I　had　thought　over　what　she　said；　I　understood　her　meaning。　　When　we　get　our　food　precariously　as　alms；　we　remember　God　the　giver。　　But　when　we　receive　our　food　regularly　at　home；　as　a　matter　of　course；　we　are　apt　to　regard　it　as　ours　by　right。


I　had　a　great　desire　to　ask　her　about　her　husband。　　But　as　she　never　mentioned　him　even　indirectly；　I　did　not　question　her。

I　found　out　very　soon　that　the　Devotee　had　no　respect　at　all　for　that　part　of　the　village　where　the　people　of　the　higher　castes　lived。

〃They　never　give；〃　she　said；　〃a　single　farthing　to　God's　service；　and　yet　they　have　the　largest　share　of　God's　glebe。　　But　the　poor　worship　and　starve。〃

I　asked　her　why　she　did　not　go　and　live　among　these　godless　people；　and　help　them　towards　a　better　life。　〃That；〃　I　said　with　some　unction；　〃would　be　the　highest　form　of　divine　worship。〃

I　had　heard　sermons　of　this　kind　from　time　to　time；　and　I　am　rather　fond　of　copying　them　myself　for　the　public　benefit；　when　the　chance　comes。

But　the　Devotee　was　not　at　all　impressed。　　She　raised　her　big　round　eyes；　and　looked　straight　into　mine；　and　said：

〃You　mean　to　say　that　because　God　is　with　the　sinners；　therefore　when　you　do　them　any　service　you　do　it　to　God？　　Is　that　so？〃

〃Yes；〃　I　replied；　〃that　is　my　meaning。〃

〃Of　course；〃　she　answered　almost　impatiently；　〃of　course；　God　is　with　them：　otherwise；　how　could　they　go　on　living　at　all？　　But　what　is　that　to　me？　　My　God　is　not　there。　　My　God　cannot　be　worshipped　among　them；　because　I　do　not　find　Him　there。　　I　seek　Him　where　I　can　find　Him。〃

As　she　spoke；　she　made　obeisance　to　me。　　What　she　meant　to　say　was　really　this。　　A　mere　doctrine　of　God's　omnipresence　does　not　help　us。　That　God　is　all…pervading；this　truth　may　be　a　mere　intangible　abstraction；　and　therefore　unreal　to　ourselves。　　Where　I　can　see　Him；　there　is　His　reality　in　my　soul。

I　need　not　explain　that　all　the　while　she　showered　her　devotion　on　me　she　did　it　to　me　not　as　an　individual。　　I　was　simply　a　vehicle　of　her　divine　worship。　　It　was　not　for　me　either　to　receive　it　or　to　refuse　it：　for　it　was　not　mine；　but　God's。

When　the　Devotee　came　again；　she　found　me　once　more　engaged　with　my　books　and　papers。

〃What　have　you　been　doing；〃　she　said；　with　evident　vexation；　〃that　my　God　should　make　you　undertake　such　drudgery？　　Whenever　I　come；　I　find　you　reading　and　writing。〃

〃God　keeps　his　useless　people　busy；〃　I　answered；　〃otherwise　they　would　be　bound　to　get　into　mischief。　　They　have　to　do　all　the　least　necessary　things　in　life。　　It　keeps　them　out　of　trouble。〃

The　Devotee　told　me　that　she　could　not　bear　the　encumbrances；　with　which；　day　by　day；　I　was　surrounded。　　If　she　wanted　to　see　me；　she　was　not　allowed　by　the　servants　to　come　straight　upstairs。　　If　she　wanted　to　touch　my　feet　in　worship；　there　were　my　socks　always　in　the　way。　　And　when　she　wanted　to　have　a　simple　talk　with　me；　she　found　my　mind　lost　in　a　wilderness　of　letters。

This　time；　before　she　left　me；　she　folded　her　hands；　and　said：　〃My　God！　I　felt　your　feet　in　my　breast　this　morning。　　Oh；　how　cool！　　And　they　were　bare；　not　covered。　　I　held　them　upon　my　head　for　a　long　time　in　worship。　　That　filled　my　very　being。　　Then；　after　that；　pray　what　was　the　use　of　my　coming　to　you　yourself？　　Why　did　I　come？　　My　Lord；　tell　me　truly；wasn't　it　a　mere　infatuation？〃

There　were　some　flowers　in　my　vase　on　the　table