the village rector-第27章

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dry。　My　head　is　confused　with　all　these　troubles。〃

〃Then　you　like　your　life　here？〃　said　the　young　abbe。

〃Yes；　monsieur；　if　God　wills；　I　shall　die　rector　of　Montegnac。　I　could
have　wished　that　my　example　were　followed　by　certain　distinguished　men
who　have　thought　they　did　better　things　in　becoming　philanthropists。
But　modern　philanthropy　is　an　evil　to　society；　the　principles　of　the
Catholic　religion　can　alone　cure　the　diseases　which　permeate　social
bodies。　Instead　of　describing　those　diseases　and　extending　their
ravages　by　complaining　elegies；　they　should　put　their　hand　to　the　work
and　enter　the　Lord's　vineyard　as　simple　laborers。　My　task　is　far　from
being　accomplished　here；　monsieur。　It　is　not　enough　to　reform　the
people；　whom　I　found　in　a　frightful　condition　of　impiety　and
wickedness；　I　wish　to　die　in　the　midst　of　a　generation　of　true
believers。〃

〃You　have　only　done　your　duty；　monsieur；〃　said　the　young　man；　still
coldly；　for　his　heart　was　stirred　with　envy。

〃Yes；　monsieur；〃　replied　the　rector；　modestly；　giving　his　companion　a
glance　which　seemed　to　say：　Is　this　a　further　test？　〃I　pray　that　all
may　do　their　duty　throughout　the　kingdom。〃

This　remark；　full　of　deep　meaning；　was　still　further　emphasized　by　a
tone　of　utterance；　which　proved　that　in　1829　this　priest；　as　grand　in
thought　as　he　was　noble　in　humility　of　conduct；　and　who　subordinated
his　thoughts　to　those　of　his　superiors；　saw　clearly　into　the　destinies
of　both　church　and　monarchy。

When　the　two　afflicted　women　came　the　young　abbe；　very　impatient　to
get　back　to　Limoges；　left　the　parsonage　to　see　if　the　horses　were
harnessed。　A　few　moments　later　he　returned　to　say　that　all　was　ready。
All　four　then　started　under　the　eyes　of　the　whole　population　of
Montegnac；　which　was　gathered　in　the　roadway　before　the　post…house。
The　mother　and　sister　kept　silence。　The　two　priests；　seeing　rocks
ahead　in　many　subjects；　could　neither　talk　indifferently　nor　allow
themselves　to　be　cheerful。　While　seeking　for　some　neutral　subject　the
carriage　crossed　the　plain；　the　aspect　of　which　dreary　region　seemed
to　influence　the　duration　of　their　melancholy　silence。

〃How　came　you　to　adopt　the　ecclesiastical　profession？〃　asked　the　Abbe
Gabriel；　suddenly；　with　an　impulsive　curiosity　which　seized　him　as
soon　as　the　carriage　turned　into　the　high…road。

〃I　did　not　look　upon　the　priesthood　as　a　profession；〃　replied　the
rector；　simply。　〃I　cannot　understand　how　a　man　can　become　a　priest　for
any　other　reason　than　the　undefinable　power　of　vocation。　I　know　that
many　men　have　served　in　the　Lord's　vineyard　who　have　previously　worn
out　their　hearts　in　the　service　of　passion；　some　have　loved
hopelessly；　others　have　had　their　love　betrayed；　men　have　lost　the
flower　of　their　lives　in　burying　a　precious　wife　or　an　adored
mistress；　some　have　been　disgusted　with　social　life　at　a　period　when
uncertainty　hovers　over　everything；　even　over　feelings；　and　doubt
mocks　tender　certainties　by　calling　them　beliefs；　others　abandon
politics　at　a　period　when　power　seems　to　be　an　expiation　and　when　the
governed　regard　obedience　as　fatality。　Many　leave　a　society　without
banners；　where　opposing　forces　only　unite　to　overthrow　good。　I　do　not
think　that　any　man　would　give　himself　to　God　from　a　covetous　motive。
Some　men　have　looked　upon　the　priesthood　as　a　means　of　regenerating
our　country；　but；　according　to　my　poor　lights；　a　priest…patriot　is　a
meaningless　thing。　The　priest　can　only　belong　to　God。　I　did　not　wish
to　offer　our　Fatherwho　nevertheless　accepts　allthe　wreck　of　my
heart　and　the　fragments　of　my　will；　I　gave　myself　to　him　whole。　In　one
of　those　touching　theories　of　pagan　religion；　the　victim　sacrificed　to
the　false　gods　goes　to　the　altar　decked　with　flowers。　The　significance
of　that　custom　has　always　deeply　touched　me。　A　sacrifice　is　nothing
without　grace。　My　life　is　simple　and　without　the　very　slightest
romance。　My　father；　who　has　made　his　own　way　in　the　world；　is　a　stern；
inflexible　man；　he　treats　his　wife　and　his　children　as　he　treats
himself。　I　have　never　seen　a　smile　upon　his　lips。　His　iron　hand；　his
stern　face；　his　gloomy；　rough　activity；　oppressed　us　allwife；
children；　clerks　and　servantsunder　an　almost　savage　despotism。　I
couldI　speak　for　myself　onlyI　could　have　accommodated　myself　to
this　life　if　the　power　thus　exercised　had　had　an　equal　repression；
but；　captious　and　vacillating；　he　treated　us　all　with　intolerable
alternations。　We　were　always　ignorant　whether　we　were　doing　right　or
whether　he　considered　us　to　blame；　and　the　horrible　expectancy　which
results　from　that　is　torture　in　domestic　life。　A　street　life　seems
better　than　a　home　under　such　circumstances。　Had　I　been　alone　in　the
house　I　would　have　borne　all　from　my　father　without　murmuring；　but　my
heart　was　torn　by　the　bitter；　unceasing　anguish　of　my　dear　mother；
whom　I　ardently　loved　and　whose　tears　put　me　sometimes　into　a　fury　in
which　I　nearly　lost　my　reason。　My　school　days；　when　boys　are　usually
so　full　of　misery　and　hard　work；　were　to　me　a　golden　period。　I　dreaded
holidays。　My　mother　herself　preferred　to　come　and　see　me。　When　I　had
finished　my　philosophical　course　and　was　forced　to　return　home　and
become　my　father's　clerk；　I　could　not　endure　it　more　than　a　few
months；　my　mind；　bewildered　by　the　fever　of　adolescence；　threatened　to
give　way。　On　a　sad　autumn　evening　as　I　was　walking　alone　with　my
mother　along　the　Boulevard　Bourdon；　then　one　of　the　most　melancholy
parts　of　Paris；　I　poured　my　heart　into　hers；　and　I　told　her　that　I　saw
no　possible　life　before　me　except　in　the　Church。　My　tastes；　my　ideas；
all　that　I　most　loved　would　be　continually　thwarted　so　long　as　my
father　lived。　Under　the　cassock　of　a　priest　he　would　be　forced　to
respect　me；　and　I　might　thus　on　certain　occasions　become　the　protector
of　my　family。　My　mother　wept　much。　Just　at　this　period　my　eldest
brother　（since　a　general　and　killed　at　Leipzig）　had　entered　the　army
as　a　private　soldier；　driven　from　his　home　for　the　same　reasons　that
made　me　wish　to　be　a　priest。　I　showed　my　mother　that　her　best　means　of
protection　would　be　to　marry　my　sister；　as　soon　as　she　was　old　enough；
to　some　man　of　strong　character；　and　to　look　for　help　to　this　new
family。　Under　pretence　of　avoiding　the　conscription　without　costing　my
father　a　penny　to　buy　me　off；　I　entered　the　seminary　of　Saint…Sulpice
at　the　age　of　nineteen。　Within　those　celebrated　old　buildings　I　found
a　peace　and　happiness　that　were　troubled　only　by　the　thought　of　my
mother　and　my　sister's　sufferings。　Their　domestic　misery；　no　doubt；
went　on　increasing；　for　whenever　they　saw　me　they　sought　to　strengthen
my　resolution。　Perhaps　I　had　been　initiated　into　the　secrets　of
charity；　such　as　our　great　Saint　Paul　defines　it；　by　my　own　trials。　At
any　rate；　I　longed　to　stanch　the　wounds　of　the　poor　in　some　forgotten
corner　of　the　earth；　and　to　prove　by　my　example；　if　God　would　deign　to
bless　my　efforts；　that　the　Catholic　religion；　judged　by　its　actions
for　humanity；　is　the　only　true；　the　only　beneficent　and　noble
civilizing　force。　During　the　last　days　of　my　diaconate；　grace；　no
doubt；　enlightened　me。　I　have　fully　forgiven　my　father；　regarding　him
as　the　instrument　of　my　destiny。　My　mother；　though　I　wrote　her　a　long
and　tender　letter；　explaining　all　things　and　proving　to　her　that　the
finger　of　God　was　guiding　me；　my　poor　mother　wept　many　tears　as　she
saw　my　hair　cut　off　by　the　scissors　of　the　Church。　She　knew　herself
how　many　pleasures　I　renounced；　but　she　did　not　know　the　secret
glories　to　which　I　aspired。　Women　are　so　tender！　After　I　once　belonged
to　God　I　felt　a　boundless　peace；　I　felt　no　needs；　no　vanities；　none　of
those　cares　which　trouble　men　so　much。　I　knew　that　Providence　would
take　care　of　me　as　a　thing　of　its　own。　I　entered　a　world　from　which
all　fear　is　banished；　where　the　future　is　certain；　where　all　things
are　divine；　even　the　silence。　This　quietude　is　one　of　the　benefactions
of　grace。　My　mother　could　not　conceive　that　a　man　could　espouse　a
church。　Nevertheless；　seeing　me　happy；　with　a　cloudless　brow；　she　grew
happier　herself。　After　I　was　ordained　I　came　to　the　Limousin　to　visit
one　of　my　paternal　relations；　who　chanced　to　speak　to　me