beasts and superbeasts-第7章

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so　much　as　the　discovery　that　one's　bosom　has　been　

utilised　as　a　snake　sanatorium。〃



〃But　what　has　happened？　　Has　some　one　been　making　

mischief？〃



〃Not　exactly；〃　said　Clovis；　〃a　hen　came　between　

them。〃



〃A　hen？　　What　hen？〃



〃It　was　a　bronze　Leghorn　or　some　such　exotic　breed；　

and　Dora　sold　it　to　Jane　at　a　rather　exotic　price。　　They　

both　go　in　for　prize　poultry；　you　know；　and　Jane　thought　

she　was　going　to　get　her　money　back　in　a　large　family　of　

pedigree　chickens。　　The　bird　turned　out　to　be　an　

abstainer　from　the　egg　habit；　and　I'm　told　that　the　

letters　which　passed　between　the　two　women　were　a　

revelation　as　to　how　much　invective　could　be　got　on　to　a　

sheet　of　notepaper。〃



〃How　ridiculous！〃　said　Mrs。　Sangrail。　　〃Couldn't　

some　of　their　friends　compose　the　quarrel？〃



〃People　tried；〃　said　Clovis；　〃but　it　must　have　been　

rather　like　composing　the　storm　music　of　the　‘Fliegende　

Hollander。'　　Jane　was　willing　to　take　back　some　of　her　

most　libellous　remarks　if　Dora　would　take　back　the　hen；　

but　Dora　said　that　would　be　owning　herself　in　the　wrong；　

and　you　know　she'd　as　soon　think　of　owning　slum　property　

in　Whitechapel　as　do　that。〃



〃It's　a　most　awkward　situation；〃　said　Mrs。　Sangrail。　　

〃Do　you　suppose　they　won't　speak　to　one　another？〃



〃On　the　contrary；　the　difficulty　will　be　to　get　them　

to　leave　off。　　Their　remarks　on　each　other's　conduct　and　

character　have　hitherto　been　governed　by　the　fact　that　

only　four　ounces　of　plain　speaking　can　be　sent　through　

the　post　for　a　penny。〃



〃I　can't　put　Dora　off；〃　said　Mrs。　Sangrail。　　〃I've　

already　postponed　her　visit　once；　and　nothing　short　of　a　

miracle　would　make　Jane　leave　before　her　self…allotted　

fortnight　is　over。〃



〃Miracles　are　rather　in　my　line；〃　said　Clovis。　　〃I　

don't　pretend　to　be　very　hopeful　in　this　case　but　I'll　do　

my　best。〃



〃As　long　as　you　don't　drag　me　into　it　…　〃　stipulated　

his　mother。



*　*　*　*



〃Servants　are　a　bit　of　a　nuisance；〃　muttered　Clovis；　

as　he　sat　in　the　smoking…room　after　lunch；　talking　

fitfully　to　Jane　Martlet　in　the　intervals　of　putting　

together　the　materials　of　a　cocktail；　which　he　had　

irreverently　patented　under　the　name　of　an　Ella　Wheeler　

Wilcox。　　It　was　partly　compounded　of　old　brandy　and　

partly　of　curacoa；　there　were　other　ingredients；　but　they　

were　never　indiscriminately　revealed。



〃Servants　a　nuisance！〃　exclaimed　Jane；　bounding　into　

the　topic　with　the　exuberant　plunge　of　a　hunter　when　it　

leaves　the　high　road　and　feels　turf　under　its　hoofs；　〃I　

should　think　they　were！　　The　trouble　I've　had　in　getting　

suited　this　year　you　would　hardly　believe。　　But　I　don't　

see　what　you　have　to　complain　of　…　your　mother　is　so　

wonderfully　lucky　in　her　servants。　　Sturridge；　for　

instance　…　he's　been　with　you　for　years；　and　I'm　sure　

he's　a　paragon　as　butlers　go。〃



〃That's　just　the　trouble；〃　said　Clovis。　　〃It's　when　

servants　have　been　with　you　for　years　that　they　become　a　

really　serious　nuisance。　　The　'here　to…day　and　gone　to…

morrow'　sort　don't　matter　…　you've　simply　got　to　replace　

them；　it's　the　stayers　and　the　paragons　that　are　the　real　

worry。〃



〃But　if　they　give　satisfaction　…　〃



〃That　doesn't　prevent　them　from　giving　trouble。　　

Now；　you've　mentioned　Sturridge　…　it　was　Sturridge　I　was　

particularly　thinking　of　when　I　made　the　observation　

about　servants　being　a　nuisance。〃



〃The　excellent　Sturridge　a　nuisance！　　I　can't　

believe　it。〃



〃I　know　he's　excellent；　and　we　just　couldn't　get　

along　without　him；　he's　the　one　reliable　element　in　this　

rather　haphazard　household。　　But　his　very　orderliness　has　

had　an　effect　on　him。　　Have　you　ever　considered　what　it　

must　be　like　to　go　on　unceasingly　doing　the　correct　thing　

in　the　correct　manner　in　the　same　surroundings　for　the　

greater　part　of　a　lifetime？　　To　know　and　ordain　and　

superintend　exactly　what　silver　and　glass　and　table　linen　

shall　be　used　and　set　out　on　what　occasions；　to　have　

cellar　and　pantry　and　plate…cupboard　under　a　minutely　

devised　and　undeviating　administration；　to　be　noiseless；　

impalpable；　omnipresent；　and；　as　far　as　your　own　

department　is　concerned；　omniscient？〃



〃I　should　go　mad；〃　said　Jane　with　conviction。



〃Exactly；〃　said　Clovis　thoughtfully；　swallowing　his　

completed　Ella　Wheeler　Wilcox。



〃But　Sturridge　hasn't　gone　mad；〃　said　Jane　with　a　

flutter　of　inquiry　in　her　voice。



〃On　most　points　he's　thoroughly　sane　and　reliable；〃　

said　Clovis；　〃but　at　times　he　is　subject　to　the　most　

obstinate　delusions；　and　on　those　occasions　he　becomes　

not　merely　a　nuisance　but　a　decided　embarrassment。〃



〃What　sort　of　delusions？〃



〃Unfortunately　they　usually　centre　round　one　of　the　

guests　of　the　house　party；　and　that　is　where　the　

awkwardness　comes　in。　　For　instance；　he　took　it　into　his　

head　that　Matilda　Sheringham　was　the　Prophet　Elijah；　and　

as　all　that　he　remembered　about　Elijah's　history　was　the　

episode　of　the　ravens　in　the　wilderness　he　absolutely　

declined　to　interfere　with　what　he　imagined　to　be　

Matilda's　private　catering　arrangements；　wouldn't　allow　

any　tea　to　be　sent　up　to　her　in　the　morning；　and　if　he　

was　waiting　at　table　he　passed　her　over　altogether　in　

handing　round　the　dishes。〃



〃How　very　unpleasant。　　Whatever　did　you　do　about　

it？〃



〃Oh；　Matilda　got　fed；　after　a　fashion；　but　it　was　

judged　to　be　best　for　her　to　cut　her　visit　short。　　It　was　

really　the　only　thing　to　be　done；〃　said　Clovis　with　some　

emphasis。



〃I　shouldn't　have　done　that；〃　said　Jane；　〃I　should　

have　humoured　him　in　some　way。　　I　certainly　shouldn't　

have　gone　away。〃



Clovis　frowned。



〃It　is　not　always　wise　to　humour　people　when　they　

get　these　ideas　into　their　heads。　　There's　no　knowing　to　

what　lengths　they　may　go　if　you　encourage　them。〃



〃You　don't　mean　to　say　he　might　be　dangerous；　do　

you？〃　asked　Jane　with　some　anxiety。



〃One　can　never　be　certain；〃　said　Clovis；　〃now　and　

then　he　gets　some　idea　about　a　guest　which　might　take　an　

unfortunate　turn。　　That　is　precisely　what　is　worrying　me　

at　the　present　moment。〃



〃What；　has　he　taken　a　fancy　about　some　one　here　

now？〃　asked　Jane　excitedly；　〃how　thrilling！　　Do　tell　me　

who　it　is。〃



You；〃　said　Clovis　briefly。



〃Me？〃



Clovis　nodded。



〃Who　on　earth　does　he　think　I　am？〃



〃Queen　Anne；〃　was　the　unexpected　answer。



〃Queen　Anne！　　What　an　idea。　　But；　anyhow；　there's　

nothing　dangerous　about　her；　she's　such　a　colourless　

personality。〃



〃What　does　posterity　chiefly　say　about　Queen　Anne？〃　

asked　Clovis　rather　sternly。



〃The　only　thing　that　I　can　remember　about　her；〃　said　

Jane；　〃is　the　saying　'Queen　Anne's　dead。'〃



〃Exactly；〃　said　Clovis；　staring　at　the　glass　that　

had　held　the　Ella　Wheeler　Wilcox；　〃dead。〃



〃Do　you　mean　he　takes　me　for　the　ghost　of　Queen　

Anne？〃　asked　Jane。



〃Ghost？　　Dear　no。　　No　one　ever　heard　of　a　ghost　that　

came　down　to　breakfast　and　ate　kidneys　and　toast　and　

honey　with　a　healthy　appetite。　　No；　it's　the　fact　of　you　

being　so　very　much　alive　and　flourishing　that　perplexes　

and　annoys　him。　　All　his　life　he　has　been　accustomed　to　

look　on　Queen　Anne　as　the　personification　of　everything　

that　is　dead　and　done　with；　'as　dead　as　Queen　Anne；'　you　

know；　and　now　he　has　to　fill　your　glass　at　lunch　and　

dinner　and　listen　to　your　accounts　of　the　gay　time　you　

had　at　the　Dublin　Horse　Show；　and　naturally　he　feels　that　

something's　very　wrong　with　you。〃



〃But　he　wouldn't　be　downright　hostile　to　me　on　that　

account；　would　he？〃　Jane　asked　anxiously。



〃I　didn't　get　really　alarmed　about　it　till　lunch　to…

day；〃　said　Clovis；　〃I　caught　him　glowering　at　you　with　a　

very　sinister　look　and　muttering：　'Ought　to　be　dead　long　

ago；　she　ought；　and　some　one　should　see　to　it。'　　That's　

why　I　mentioned　the　matter　to　you。〃



〃This　is　awful；〃　said　Jane；　〃your　mother　must　be　

told　a