beasts and superbeasts-第40章
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day in the year。〃
〃Impossible;〃 said Egbert; 〃he didn't have three
hundred and sixty…five thoughts in the whole of his life;
or; if he did; he kept them to himself。 He was a man of
action; not of introspection。〃
〃Well; it was William Wordsworth; then;〃 said
Janetta; 〃I know William came into it somewhere。〃
〃That sounds more probable;〃 said Egbert; 〃well;
let's collaborate on this letter of thanks and get it
done。 I'll dictate; and you can scribble it down。 'Dear
Mrs。 Froplinson … thank you and your husband so much for
the very pretty calendar you sent us。 It was very good
of you to think of us。' 〃
〃You can't possibly say that;〃 said Janetta; laying
down her pen。
〃It's what I always do say; and what every one says
to me;〃 protested Egbert。
〃We sent them something on the twenty…second;〃 said
Janetta; 〃so they simply HAD to think of us。 There was
no getting away from it。〃
〃What did we send them?〃 asked Egbert gloomily。
〃Bridge…markers;〃 said Janetta; 〃in a cardboard
case; with some inanity about 'digging for fortune with a
royal spade' emblazoned on the cover。 The moment I saw
it in the shop I said to myself 'Froplinsons' and to the
attendant 'How much?' When he said 'Ninepence;' I gave
him their address; jabbed our card in; paid tenpence or
elevenpence to cover the postage; and thanked heaven。
With less sincerity and infinitely more trouble they
eventually thanked me。〃
〃The Froplinsons don't play bridge;〃 said Egbert。
〃One is not supposed to notice social deformities of
that sort;〃 said Janetta; 〃it wouldn't be polite。
Besides; what trouble did they take to find out whether
we read Wordsworth with gladness? For all they knew or
cared we might be frantically embedded in the belief that
all poetry begins and ends with John Masefield; and it
might infuriate or depress us to have a daily sample of
Wordsworthian products flung at us。〃
〃Well; let's get on with the letter of thanks;〃 said
Egbert。
〃Proceed;〃 said Janetta。
〃 'How clever of you to guess that Wordsworth is our
favourite poet;' 〃 dictated Egbert。
Again Janetta laid down her pen。
〃Do you realise what that means?〃 she asked; 〃a
Wordsworth booklet next Christmas; and another calendar
the Christmas after; with the same problem of having to
write suitable letters of thankfulness。 No; the best
thing to do is to drop all further allusion to the
calendar and switch off on to some other topic。〃
〃But what other topic?〃
〃Oh; something like this: 'What do you think of the
New Year Honours List? A friend of ours made such a
clever remark when he read it。' Then you can stick in
any remark that comes into your head; it needn't be
clever。 The Froplinsons won't know whether it is or
isn't。〃
〃We don't even know on which side they are in
politics;〃 objected Egbert; 〃and anyhow you can't
suddenly dismiss the subject of the calendar。 Surely
there must be some intelligent remark that can be made
about it。〃
〃Well; we can't think of one;〃 said Janetta wearily;
〃the fact is; we've both written ourselves out。 Heavens!
I've just remembered Mrs。 Stephen Ludberry。 I haven't
thanked her for what she sent。〃
〃What did she send?〃
〃I forget; I think it was a calendar。〃
There was a long silence; the forlorn silence of
those who are bereft of hope and have almost ceased to
care。
Presently Egbert started from his seat with an air
of resolution。 The light of battle was in his eyes。
〃Let me come to the writing…table;〃 he exclaimed。
〃Gladly;〃 said Janetta。 〃Are you going to write to
Mrs。 Ludberry or the Froplinsons?〃
〃To neither;〃 said Egbert; drawing a stack of
notepaper towards him; 〃I'm going to write to the editor
of every enlightened and influential newspaper in the
Kingdom; I'm going to suggest that there should be a sort
of epistolary Truce of God during the festivities of
Christmas and New Year。 From the twenty…fourth of
December to the third or fourth of January it shall be
considered an offence against good sense and good feeling
to write or expect any letter or communication that does
not deal with the necessary events of the moment。
Answers to invitations; arrangements about trains;
renewal of club subscriptions; and; of course; all the
ordinary everyday affairs of business; sickness; engaging
new cooks; and so forth; these will be dealt with in the
usual manner as something inevitable; a legitimate part
of our daily life。 But all the devastating accretions of
correspondence; incident to the festive season; these
should be swept away to give the season a chance of being
really festive; a time of untroubled; unpunctuated peace
and good will。〃
〃But you would have to make some acknowledgment of
presents received;〃 objected Janetta; 〃otherwise people
would never know whether they had arrived safely。〃
〃Of course; I have thought of that;〃 said Egbert;
〃every present that was sent off would be accompanied by
a ticket bearing the date of dispatch and the signature
of the sender; and some conventional hieroglyphic to show
that it was intended to be a Christmas or New Year gift;
there would be a counterfoil with space for the
recipient's name and the date of arrival; and all you
would have to do would be to sign and date the
counterfoil; add a conventional hieroglyphic indicating
heartfelt thanks and gratified surprise; put the thing
into an envelope and post it。〃
〃It sounds delightfully simple;〃 said Janetta
wistfully; 〃but people would consider it too cut…and…
dried; too perfunctory。〃
〃It is not a bit more perfunctory than the present
system;〃 said Egbert; 〃I have only the same conventional
language of gratitude at my disposal with which to thank
dear old Colonel Chuttle for his perfectly delicious
Stilton; which we shall devour to the last morsel; and
the Froplinsons for their calendar; which we shall never
look at。 Colonel Chuttle knows that we are grateful for
the Stilton; without having to be told so; and the
Froplinsons know that we are bored with their calendar;
whatever we may say to the contrary; just as we know that
they are bored with the bridge…markers in spite of their
written assurance that they thanked us for our charming
little gift。 What is more; the Colonel knows that even
if we had taken a sudden aversion to Stilton or been
forbidden it by the doctor; we should still have written
a letter of hearty thanks around it。 So you see the
present system of acknowledgment is just as perfunctory
and conventional as the counterfoil business would be;
only ten times more tiresome and brain…racking。〃
〃Your plan would certainly bring the ideal of a
Happy Christmas a step nearer realisation;〃 said Janetta。
〃There are exceptions; of course;〃 said Egbert;
〃people who really try to infuse a breath of reality into
their letters of acknowledgment。 Aunt Susan; for
instance; who writes: 'Thank you very much for the ham;
not such a good flavour as the one you sent last year;
which itself was not a particularly good one。 Hams are
not what they used to be。' It would be a pity to be
deprived of her Christmas comments; but that loss would
be swallowed up in the general gain。〃
〃Meanwhile;〃 said Janetta; 〃what am I to say to the
Froplinsons?〃
THE NAME…DAY
ADVENTURES; according to the proverb; are to the
adventurous。 Quite as often they are to the non…
adventurous; to the retiring; to the constitutionally
timid。 John James Abbleway had been endowed by Nature
with the sort of disposition that instinctively avoids
Carlist intrigues; slum crusades; the tracking of wounded
wild beasts; and the moving of hostile amendments at
political meetings。 If a mad dog or a Mad Mullah had
come h