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第40章

beasts and superbeasts-第40章

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day in the year。〃



〃Impossible;〃 said Egbert; 〃he didn't have three 

hundred and sixty…five thoughts in the whole of his life; 

or; if he did; he kept them to himself。  He was a man of 

action; not of introspection。〃



〃Well; it was William Wordsworth; then;〃 said 

Janetta; 〃I know William came into it somewhere。〃



〃That sounds more probable;〃 said Egbert; 〃well; 

let's collaborate on this letter of thanks and get it 

done。  I'll dictate; and you can scribble it down。  'Dear 

Mrs。 Froplinson … thank you and your husband so much for 

the very pretty calendar you sent us。  It was very good 

of you to think of us。' 〃



〃You can't possibly say that;〃 said Janetta; laying 

down her pen。



〃It's what I always do say; and what every one says 

to me;〃 protested Egbert。



〃We sent them something on the twenty…second;〃 said 

Janetta; 〃so they simply HAD to think of us。  There was 

no getting away from it。〃



〃What did we send them?〃 asked Egbert gloomily。



〃Bridge…markers;〃 said Janetta; 〃in a cardboard 

case; with some inanity about 'digging for fortune with a 

royal spade' emblazoned on the cover。  The moment I saw 

it in the shop I said to myself 'Froplinsons' and to the 

attendant 'How much?'  When he said 'Ninepence;' I gave 

him their address; jabbed our card in; paid tenpence or 

elevenpence to cover the postage; and thanked heaven。  

With less sincerity and infinitely more trouble they 

eventually thanked me。〃



〃The Froplinsons don't play bridge;〃 said Egbert。



〃One is not supposed to notice social deformities of 

that sort;〃 said Janetta; 〃it wouldn't be polite。  

Besides; what trouble did they take to find out whether 

we read Wordsworth with gladness?   For all they knew or 

cared we might be frantically embedded in the belief that 

all poetry begins and ends with John Masefield; and it 

might infuriate or depress us to have a daily sample of 

Wordsworthian products flung at us。〃



〃Well; let's get on with the letter of thanks;〃 said 

Egbert。



〃Proceed;〃 said Janetta。



〃 'How clever of you to guess that Wordsworth is our 

favourite poet;' 〃 dictated Egbert。



Again Janetta laid down her pen。



〃Do you realise what that means?〃 she asked; 〃a 

Wordsworth booklet next Christmas; and another calendar 

the Christmas after; with the same problem of having to 

write suitable letters of thankfulness。  No; the best 

thing to do is to drop all further allusion to the 

calendar and switch off on to some other topic。〃



〃But what other topic?〃



〃Oh; something like this: 'What do you think of the 

New Year Honours List?  A friend of ours made such a 

clever remark when he read it。'  Then you can stick in 

any remark that comes into your head; it needn't be 

clever。  The Froplinsons won't know whether it is or 

isn't。〃



〃We don't even know on which side they are in 

politics;〃 objected Egbert; 〃and anyhow you can't 

suddenly dismiss the subject of the calendar。  Surely 

there must be some intelligent remark that can be made 

about it。〃



〃Well; we can't think of one;〃 said Janetta wearily; 

〃the fact is; we've both written ourselves out。  Heavens!  

I've just remembered Mrs。 Stephen Ludberry。  I haven't 

thanked her for what she sent。〃



〃What did she send?〃



〃I forget; I think it was a calendar。〃



There was a long silence; the forlorn silence of 

those who are bereft of hope and have almost ceased to 

care。



Presently Egbert started from his seat with an air 

of resolution。  The light of battle was in his eyes。



〃Let me come to the writing…table;〃 he exclaimed。



〃Gladly;〃 said Janetta。  〃Are you going to write to 

Mrs。 Ludberry or the Froplinsons?〃



〃To neither;〃 said Egbert; drawing a stack of 

notepaper towards him; 〃I'm going to write to the editor 

of every enlightened and influential newspaper in the 

Kingdom; I'm going to suggest that there should be a sort 

of epistolary Truce of God during the festivities of 

Christmas and New Year。  From the twenty…fourth of 

December to the third or fourth of January it shall be 

considered an offence against good sense and good feeling 

to write or expect any letter or communication that does 

not deal with the necessary events of the moment。  

Answers to invitations; arrangements about trains; 

renewal of club subscriptions; and; of course; all the 

ordinary everyday affairs of business; sickness; engaging 

new cooks; and so forth; these will be dealt with in the 

usual manner as something inevitable; a legitimate part 

of our daily life。  But all the devastating accretions of 

correspondence; incident to the festive season; these 

should be swept away to give the season a chance of being 

really festive; a time of untroubled; unpunctuated peace 

and good will。〃



〃But you would have to make some acknowledgment of 

presents received;〃 objected Janetta; 〃otherwise people 

would never know whether they had arrived safely。〃



〃Of course; I have thought of that;〃 said Egbert; 

〃every present that was sent off would be accompanied by 

a ticket bearing the date of dispatch and the signature 

of the sender; and some conventional hieroglyphic to show 

that it was intended to be a Christmas or New Year gift; 

there would be a counterfoil with space for the 

recipient's name and the date of arrival; and all you 

would have to do would be to sign and date the 

counterfoil; add a conventional hieroglyphic indicating 

heartfelt thanks and gratified surprise; put the thing 

into an envelope and post it。〃



〃It sounds delightfully simple;〃 said Janetta 

wistfully; 〃but people would consider it too cut…and…

dried; too perfunctory。〃



〃It is not a bit more perfunctory than the present 

system;〃 said Egbert; 〃I have only the same conventional 

language of gratitude at my disposal with which to thank 

dear old Colonel Chuttle for his perfectly delicious 

Stilton; which we shall devour to the last morsel; and 

the Froplinsons for their calendar; which we shall never 

look at。  Colonel Chuttle knows that we are grateful for 

the Stilton; without having to be told so; and the 

Froplinsons know that we are bored with their calendar; 

whatever we may say to the contrary; just as we know that 

they are bored with the bridge…markers in spite of their 

written assurance that they thanked us for our charming 

little gift。  What is more; the Colonel knows that even 

if we had taken a sudden aversion to Stilton or been 

forbidden it by the doctor; we should still have written 

a letter of hearty thanks around it。  So you see the 

present system of acknowledgment is just as perfunctory 

and conventional as the counterfoil business would be; 

only ten times more tiresome and brain…racking。〃



〃Your plan would certainly bring the ideal of a 

Happy Christmas a step nearer realisation;〃 said Janetta。



〃There are exceptions; of course;〃 said Egbert; 

〃people who really try to infuse a breath of reality into 

their letters of acknowledgment。  Aunt Susan; for 

instance; who writes: 'Thank you very much for the ham; 

not such a good flavour as the one you sent last year; 

which itself was not a particularly good one。  Hams are 

not what they used to be。'  It would be a pity to be 

deprived of her Christmas comments; but that loss would 

be swallowed up in the general gain。〃



〃Meanwhile;〃 said Janetta; 〃what am I to say to the 

Froplinsons?〃





THE NAME…DAY





ADVENTURES; according to the proverb; are to the 

adventurous。  Quite as often they are to the non…

adventurous; to the retiring; to the constitutionally 

timid。  John James Abbleway had been endowed by Nature 

with the sort of disposition that instinctively avoids 

Carlist intrigues; slum crusades; the tracking of wounded 

wild beasts; and the moving of hostile amendments at 

political meetings。  If a mad dog or a Mad Mullah had 

come h

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