beasts and superbeasts-第40章

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day　in　the　year。〃



〃Impossible；〃　said　Egbert；　〃he　didn't　have　three　

hundred　and　sixty…five　thoughts　in　the　whole　of　his　life；　

or；　if　he　did；　he　kept　them　to　himself。　　He　was　a　man　of　

action；　not　of　introspection。〃



〃Well；　it　was　William　Wordsworth；　then；〃　said　

Janetta；　〃I　know　William　came　into　it　somewhere。〃



〃That　sounds　more　probable；〃　said　Egbert；　〃well；　

let's　collaborate　on　this　letter　of　thanks　and　get　it　

done。　　I'll　dictate；　and　you　can　scribble　it　down。　　'Dear　

Mrs。　Froplinson　…　thank　you　and　your　husband　so　much　for　

the　very　pretty　calendar　you　sent　us。　　It　was　very　good　

of　you　to　think　of　us。'　〃



〃You　can't　possibly　say　that；〃　said　Janetta；　laying　

down　her　pen。



〃It's　what　I　always　do　say；　and　what　every　one　says　

to　me；〃　protested　Egbert。



〃We　sent　them　something　on　the　twenty…second；〃　said　

Janetta；　〃so　they　simply　HAD　to　think　of　us。　　There　was　

no　getting　away　from　it。〃



〃What　did　we　send　them？〃　asked　Egbert　gloomily。



〃Bridge…markers；〃　said　Janetta；　〃in　a　cardboard　

case；　with　some　inanity　about　'digging　for　fortune　with　a　

royal　spade'　emblazoned　on　the　cover。　　The　moment　I　saw　

it　in　the　shop　I　said　to　myself　'Froplinsons'　and　to　the　

attendant　'How　much？'　　When　he　said　'Ninepence；'　I　gave　

him　their　address；　jabbed　our　card　in；　paid　tenpence　or　

elevenpence　to　cover　the　postage；　and　thanked　heaven。　　

With　less　sincerity　and　infinitely　more　trouble　they　

eventually　thanked　me。〃



〃The　Froplinsons　don't　play　bridge；〃　said　Egbert。



〃One　is　not　supposed　to　notice　social　deformities　of　

that　sort；〃　said　Janetta；　〃it　wouldn't　be　polite。　　

Besides；　what　trouble　did　they　take　to　find　out　whether　

we　read　Wordsworth　with　gladness？　　　For　all　they　knew　or　

cared　we　might　be　frantically　embedded　in　the　belief　that　

all　poetry　begins　and　ends　with　John　Masefield；　and　it　

might　infuriate　or　depress　us　to　have　a　daily　sample　of　

Wordsworthian　products　flung　at　us。〃



〃Well；　let's　get　on　with　the　letter　of　thanks；〃　said　

Egbert。



〃Proceed；〃　said　Janetta。



〃　'How　clever　of　you　to　guess　that　Wordsworth　is　our　

favourite　poet；'　〃　dictated　Egbert。



Again　Janetta　laid　down　her　pen。



〃Do　you　realise　what　that　means？〃　she　asked；　〃a　

Wordsworth　booklet　next　Christmas；　and　another　calendar　

the　Christmas　after；　with　the　same　problem　of　having　to　

write　suitable　letters　of　thankfulness。　　No；　the　best　

thing　to　do　is　to　drop　all　further　allusion　to　the　

calendar　and　switch　off　on　to　some　other　topic。〃



〃But　what　other　topic？〃



〃Oh；　something　like　this：　'What　do　you　think　of　the　

New　Year　Honours　List？　　A　friend　of　ours　made　such　a　

clever　remark　when　he　read　it。'　　Then　you　can　stick　in　

any　remark　that　comes　into　your　head；　it　needn't　be　

clever。　　The　Froplinsons　won't　know　whether　it　is　or　

isn't。〃



〃We　don't　even　know　on　which　side　they　are　in　

politics；〃　objected　Egbert；　〃and　anyhow　you　can't　

suddenly　dismiss　the　subject　of　the　calendar。　　Surely　

there　must　be　some　intelligent　remark　that　can　be　made　

about　it。〃



〃Well；　we　can't　think　of　one；〃　said　Janetta　wearily；　

〃the　fact　is；　we've　both　written　ourselves　out。　　Heavens！　　

I've　just　remembered　Mrs。　Stephen　Ludberry。　　I　haven't　

thanked　her　for　what　she　sent。〃



〃What　did　she　send？〃



〃I　forget；　I　think　it　was　a　calendar。〃



There　was　a　long　silence；　the　forlorn　silence　of　

those　who　are　bereft　of　hope　and　have　almost　ceased　to　

care。



Presently　Egbert　started　from　his　seat　with　an　air　

of　resolution。　　The　light　of　battle　was　in　his　eyes。



〃Let　me　come　to　the　writing…table；〃　he　exclaimed。



〃Gladly；〃　said　Janetta。　　〃Are　you　going　to　write　to　

Mrs。　Ludberry　or　the　Froplinsons？〃



〃To　neither；〃　said　Egbert；　drawing　a　stack　of　

notepaper　towards　him；　〃I'm　going　to　write　to　the　editor　

of　every　enlightened　and　influential　newspaper　in　the　

Kingdom；　I'm　going　to　suggest　that　there　should　be　a　sort　

of　epistolary　Truce　of　God　during　the　festivities　of　

Christmas　and　New　Year。　　From　the　twenty…fourth　of　

December　to　the　third　or　fourth　of　January　it　shall　be　

considered　an　offence　against　good　sense　and　good　feeling　

to　write　or　expect　any　letter　or　communication　that　does　

not　deal　with　the　necessary　events　of　the　moment。　　

Answers　to　invitations；　arrangements　about　trains；　

renewal　of　club　subscriptions；　and；　of　course；　all　the　

ordinary　everyday　affairs　of　business；　sickness；　engaging　

new　cooks；　and　so　forth；　these　will　be　dealt　with　in　the　

usual　manner　as　something　inevitable；　a　legitimate　part　

of　our　daily　life。　　But　all　the　devastating　accretions　of　

correspondence；　incident　to　the　festive　season；　these　

should　be　swept　away　to　give　the　season　a　chance　of　being　

really　festive；　a　time　of　untroubled；　unpunctuated　peace　

and　good　will。〃



〃But　you　would　have　to　make　some　acknowledgment　of　

presents　received；〃　objected　Janetta；　〃otherwise　people　

would　never　know　whether　they　had　arrived　safely。〃



〃Of　course；　I　have　thought　of　that；〃　said　Egbert；　

〃every　present　that　was　sent　off　would　be　accompanied　by　

a　ticket　bearing　the　date　of　dispatch　and　the　signature　

of　the　sender；　and　some　conventional　hieroglyphic　to　show　

that　it　was　intended　to　be　a　Christmas　or　New　Year　gift；　

there　would　be　a　counterfoil　with　space　for　the　

recipient's　name　and　the　date　of　arrival；　and　all　you　

would　have　to　do　would　be　to　sign　and　date　the　

counterfoil；　add　a　conventional　hieroglyphic　indicating　

heartfelt　thanks　and　gratified　surprise；　put　the　thing　

into　an　envelope　and　post　it。〃



〃It　sounds　delightfully　simple；〃　said　Janetta　

wistfully；　〃but　people　would　consider　it　too　cut…and…

dried；　too　perfunctory。〃



〃It　is　not　a　bit　more　perfunctory　than　the　present　

system；〃　said　Egbert；　〃I　have　only　the　same　conventional　

language　of　gratitude　at　my　disposal　with　which　to　thank　

dear　old　Colonel　Chuttle　for　his　perfectly　delicious　

Stilton；　which　we　shall　devour　to　the　last　morsel；　and　

the　Froplinsons　for　their　calendar；　which　we　shall　never　

look　at。　　Colonel　Chuttle　knows　that　we　are　grateful　for　

the　Stilton；　without　having　to　be　told　so；　and　the　

Froplinsons　know　that　we　are　bored　with　their　calendar；　

whatever　we　may　say　to　the　contrary；　just　as　we　know　that　

they　are　bored　with　the　bridge…markers　in　spite　of　their　

written　assurance　that　they　thanked　us　for　our　charming　

little　gift。　　What　is　more；　the　Colonel　knows　that　even　

if　we　had　taken　a　sudden　aversion　to　Stilton　or　been　

forbidden　it　by　the　doctor；　we　should　still　have　written　

a　letter　of　hearty　thanks　around　it。　　So　you　see　the　

present　system　of　acknowledgment　is　just　as　perfunctory　

and　conventional　as　the　counterfoil　business　would　be；　

only　ten　times　more　tiresome　and　brain…racking。〃



〃Your　plan　would　certainly　bring　the　ideal　of　a　

Happy　Christmas　a　step　nearer　realisation；〃　said　Janetta。



〃There　are　exceptions；　of　course；〃　said　Egbert；　

〃people　who　really　try　to　infuse　a　breath　of　reality　into　

their　letters　of　acknowledgment。　　Aunt　Susan；　for　

instance；　who　writes：　'Thank　you　very　much　for　the　ham；　

not　such　a　good　flavour　as　the　one　you　sent　last　year；　

which　itself　was　not　a　particularly　good　one。　　Hams　are　

not　what　they　used　to　be。'　　It　would　be　a　pity　to　be　

deprived　of　her　Christmas　comments；　but　that　loss　would　

be　swallowed　up　in　the　general　gain。〃



〃Meanwhile；〃　said　Janetta；　〃what　am　I　to　say　to　the　

Froplinsons？〃





THE　NAME…DAY





ADVENTURES；　according　to　the　proverb；　are　to　the　

adventurous。　　Quite　as　often　they　are　to　the　non…

adventurous；　to　the　retiring；　to　the　constitutionally　

timid。　　John　James　Abbleway　had　been　endowed　by　Nature　

with　the　sort　of　disposition　that　instinctively　avoids　

Carlist　intrigues；　slum　crusades；　the　tracking　of　wounded　

wild　beasts；　and　the　moving　of　hostile　amendments　at　

political　meetings。　　If　a　mad　dog　or　a　Mad　Mullah　had　

come　h