madame bovary-第51章

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herself　dying；　and　had　asked　for　the　communion；　and；　while　they
were　making　the　preparations　in　her　room　for　the　sacrament；　while
they　were　turning　the　night　table　covered　with　syrups　into　an
altar；　and　while　Felicite　was　strewing　dahlia　flowers　on　the
floor；　Emma　felt　some　power　passing　over　her　that　freed　her　from
her　pains；　from　all　perception；　from　all　feeling。　Her　body；
relieved；　no　longer　thought；　another　life　was　beginning；　it
seemed　to　her　that　her　being；　mounting　toward　God；　would　be
annihilated　in　that　love　like　a　burning　incense　that　melts　into
vapour。　The　bed…clothes　were　sprinkled　with　holy　water；　the
priest　drew　from　the　holy　pyx　the　white　wafer；　and　it　was
fainting　with　a　celestial　joy　that　she　put　out　her　lips　to　accept
the　body　of　the　Saviour　presented　to　her。　The　curtains　of　the
alcove　floated　gently　round　her　like　clouds；　and　the　rays　of　the
two　tapers　burning　on　the　night…table　seemed　to　shine　like
dazzling　halos。　Then　she　let　her　head　fall　back；　fancying　she
heard　in　space　the　music　of　seraphic　harps；　and　perceived　in　an
azure　sky；　on　a　golden　throne　in　the　midst　of　saints　holding
green　palms；　God　the　Father；　resplendent　with　majesty；　who　with　a
sign　sent　to　earth　angels　with　wings　of　fire　to　carry　her　away　in
their　arms。

This　splendid　vision　dwelt　in　her　memory　as　the　most　beautiful
thing　that　it　was　possible　to　dream；　so　that　now　she　strove　to
recall　her　sensation。　That　still　lasted；　however；　but　in　a　less
exclusive　fashion　and　with　a　deeper　sweetness。　Her　soul；　tortured
by　pride；　at　length　found　rest　in　Christian　humility；　and；
tasting　the　joy　of　weakness；　she　saw　within　herself　the
destruction　of　her　will；　that　must　have　left　a　wide　entrance　for
the　inroads　of　heavenly　grace。　There　existed；　then；　in　the　place
of　happiness；　still　greater　joysanother　love　beyond　all　loves；
without　pause　and　without　end；　one　that　would　grow　eternally！　She
saw　amid　the　illusions　of　her　hope　a　state　of　purity　floating
above　the　earth　mingling　with　heaven；　to　which　she　aspired。　She
wanted　to　become　a　saint。　She　bought　chaplets　and　wore　amulets；
she　wished　to　have　in　her　room；　by　the　side　of　her　bed；　a
reliquary　set　in　emeralds　that　she　might　kiss　it　every　evening。

The　cure　marvelled　at　this　humour；　although　Emma's　religion；　he
thought；　might；　from　its　fervour；　end　by　touching　on　heresy；
extravagance。　But　not　being　much　versed　in　these　matters；　as　soon
as　they　went　beyond　a　certain　limit　he　wrote　to　Monsieur　Boulard；
bookseller　to　Monsignor；　to　send　him　〃something　good　for　a　lady
who　was　very　clever。〃　The　bookseller；　with　as　much　indifference
as　if　he　had　been　sending　off　hardware　to　niggers；　packed　up；
pellmell；　everything　that　was　then　the　fashion　in　the　pious　book
trade。　There　were　little　manuals　in　questions　and　answers；
pamphlets　of　aggressive　tone　after　the　manner　of　Monsieur　de
Maistre；　and　certain　novels　in　rose…coloured　bindings　and　with　a
honied　style；　manufactured　by　troubadour　seminarists　or　penitent
blue…stockings。　There　were　the　〃Think　of　it；　the　Man　of　the　World
at　Mary's　Feet；　by　Monsieur　de　***；　decorated　with　many　Orders〃；
〃The　Errors　of　Voltaire；　for　the　Use　of　the　Young；〃　etc。

Madame　Bovary's　mind　was　not　yet　sufficiently　clear　to　apply
herself　seriously　to　anything；　moreover；　she　began　this　reading
in　too　much　hurry。　She　grew　provoked　at　the　doctrines　of
religion；　the　arrogance　of　the　polemic　writings　displeased　her　by
their　inveteracy　in　attacking　people　she　did　not　know；　and　the
secular　stories；　relieved　with　religion；　seemed　to　her　written　in
such　ignorance　of　the　world；　that　they　insensibly　estranged　her
from　the　truths　for　whose　proof　she　was　looking。　Nevertheless；
she　persevered；　and　when　the　volume　slipped　from　her　hands；　she
fancied　herself　seized　with　the　finest　Catholic　melancholy　that
an　ethereal　soul　could　conceive。

As　for　the　memory　of　Rodolphe；　she　had　thrust　it　back　to　the
bottom　of　her　heart；　and　it　remained　there　more　solemn　and　more
motionless　than　a　king's　mummy　in　a　catacomb。　An　exhalation
escaped　from　this　embalmed　love；　that；　penetrating　through
everything；　perfumed　with　tenderness　the　immaculate　atmosphere　in
which　she　longed　to　live。　When　she　knelt　on　her　Gothic　prie…Dieu；
she　addressed　to　the　Lord　the　same　suave　words　that　she　had
murmured　formerly　to　her　lover　in　the　outpourings　of　adultery。　It
was　to　make　faith　come；　but　no　delights　descended　from　the
heavens；　and　she　arose　with　tired　limbs　and　with　a　vague　feeling
of　a　gigantic　dupery。

This　searching　after　faith；　she　thought；　was　only　one　merit　the
more；　and　in　the　pride　of　her　devoutness　Emma　compared　herself　to
those　grand　ladies　of　long　ago　whose　glory　she；　had　dreamed　of
over　a　portrait　of　La　Valliere；　and　who；　trailing　with　so　much
majesty　the　lace…trimmed　trains　of　their　long　gowns；　retired　into
solitudes　to　shed　at　the　feet　of　Christ　all　the　tears　of　hearts
that　life　had　wounded。

Then　she　gave　herself　up　to　excessive　charity。　She　sewed　clothes
for　the　poor；　she　sent　wood　to　women　in　childbed；　and　Charles　one
day；　on　coming　home；　found　three　good…for…nothings　in　the　kitchen
seated　at　the　table　eating　soup。　She　had　her　little　girl；　whom
during　her　illness　her　husband　had　sent　back　to　the　nurse；
brought　home。　She　wanted　to　teach　her　to　read；　even　when　Berthe
cried；　she　was　not　vexed。　She　had　made　up　her　mind　to
resignation；　to　universal　indulgence。　Her　language　about
everything　was　full　of　ideal　expressions。　She　said　to　her　child；
〃Is　your　stomach…ache　better；　my　angel？〃

Madame　Bovary　senior　found　nothing　to　censure　except　perhaps　this
mania　of　knitting　jackets　for　orphans　instead　of　mending　her　own
house…linen；　but；　harassed　with　domestic　quarrels；　the　good　woman
took　pleasure　in　this　quiet　house；　and　she　even　stayed　there　till
after　Easter；　to　escape　the　sarcasms　of　old　Bovary；　who　never
failed　on　Good　Friday　to　order　chitterlings。

Besides　the　companionship　of　her　mother…in…law；　who　strengthened
her　a　little　by　the　rectitude　of　her　judgment　and　her　grave　ways；
Emma　almost　every　day　had　other　visitors。　These　were　Madame
Langlois；　Madame　Caron；　Madame　Dubreuil；　Madame　Tuvache；　and
regularly　from　two　to　five　o'clock　the　excellent　Madame　Homais；
who；　for　her　part；　had　never　believed　any　of　the　tittle…tattle
about　her　neighbour。　The　little　Homais　also　came　to　see　her；
Justin　accompanied　them。　He　went　up　with　them　to　her　bedroom；　and
remained　standing　near　the　door；　motionless　and　mute。　Often　even
Madame　Bovary；　taking　no　heed　of　him；　began　her　toilette。　She
began　by　taking　out　her　comb；　shaking　her　head　with　a　quick
movement；　and　when　he　for　the　first　time　saw　all　this　mass　of
hair　that　fell　to　her　knees　unrolling　in　black　ringlets；　it　was
to　him；　poor　child！　like　a　sudden　entrance　into　something　new　and
strange；　whose　splendour　terrified　him。

Emma；　no　doubt；　did　not　notice　his　silent　attentions　or　his
timidity。　She　had　no　suspicion　that　the　love　vanished　from　her
life　was　there；　palpitating　by　her　side；　beneath　that　coarse
holland　shirt；　in　that　youthful　heart　open　to　the　emanations　of
her　beauty。　Besides；　she　now　enveloped　all　things　with　such
indifference；　she　had　words　so　affectionate　with　looks　so
haughty；　such　contradictory　ways；　that　one　could　no　longer
distinguish　egotism　from　charity；　or　corruption　from　virtue。　One
evening；　for　example；　she　was　angry　with　the　servant；　who　had
asked　to　go　out；　and　stammered　as　she　tried　to　find　some　pretext。
Then　suddenly

〃So　you　love　him？〃　she　said。

And　without　waiting　for　any　answer　from　Felicite；　who　was
blushing；　she　added；　〃There！　run　along；　enjoy　yourself！〃

In　the　beginning　of　spring　she　had　the　garden　turned　up　from　end
to　end；　despite　Bovary's　remonstrances。　However；　he　was　glad　to
see　her　at　last　manifest　a　wish　of　any　kind。　As　she　grew　stronger
she　displayed　more　wilfulness。　First；　she　found　occasion　to　expel
Mere　Rollet；　the　nurse；　who　during　her　convalescence　had
contracted　the　habit　of　coming　too　often　to　the　kitchen　with　her
two　nurslings　and　her　boarder；　better　off　for　teeth　than　a
cannibal。　Then　she　got　rid　of　the　Homais　family；　successively
dismissed　all　the　other　visitors；　and　even　frequented　church　less
assiduously；　to