madame bovary-第48章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
across the meadow。
After a few moments Rodolphe stopped； and when he saw her with
her white gown gradually fade away in the shade like a ghost； he
was seized with such a beating of the heart that he leant against
a tree lest he should fall。
〃What an imbecile I am！〃 he said with a fearful oath。 〃No matter！
She was a pretty mistress！〃
And immediately Emma's beauty； with all the pleasures of their
love； came back to him。 For a moment he softened； then he
rebelled against her。
〃For； after all；〃 he exclaimed； gesticulating； 〃I can't exile
myselfhave a child on my hands。〃
He was saying these things to give himself firmness。
〃And besides； the worry； the expense！ Ah！ no； no； no； no！ a
thousand times no！ That would be too stupid。〃
Chapter Thirteen
No sooner was Rodolphe at home than he sat down quickly at his
bureau under the stag's head that hung as a trophy on the wall。
But when he had the pen between his fingers； he could think of
nothing； so that； resting on his elbows； he began to reflect。
Emma seemed to him to have receded into a far…off past； as if the
resolution he had taken had suddenly placed a distance between
them。
To get back something of her； he fetched from the cupboard at the
bedside an old Rheims biscuit…box； in which he usually kept his
letters from women； and from it came an odour of dry dust and
withered roses。 First he saw a handkerchief with pale little
spots。 It was a handkerchief of hers。 Once when they were walking
her nose had bled； he had forgotten it。 Near it； chipped at all
the corners； was a miniature given him by Emma： her toilette
seemed to him pretentious； and her languishing look in the worst
possible taste。 Then； from looking at this image and recalling
the memory of its original； Emma's features little by little grew
confused in his remembrance； as if the living and the painted
face； rubbing one against the other； had effaced each other。
Finally； he read some of her letters； they were full of
explanations relating to their journey； short； technical； and
urgent； like business notes。 He wanted to see the long ones
again； those of old times。 In order to find them at the bottom of
the box； Rodolphe disturbed all the others； and mechanically
began rummaging amidst this mass of papers and things； finding
pell…mell bouquets； garters； a black mask； pins； and hairhair！
dark and fair； some even； catching in the hinges of the box；
broke when it was opened。
Thus dallying with his souvenirs； he examined the writing and the
style of the letters； as varied as their orthography。 They were
tender or jovial； facetious； melancholy； there were some that
asked for love； others that asked for money。 A word recalled
faces to him； certain gestures； the sound of a voice； sometimes；
however； he remembered nothing at all。
In fact； these women； rushing at once into his thoughts； cramped
each other and lessened； as reduced to a uniform level of love
that equalised them all。 So taking handfuls of the mixed…up
letters； he amused himself for some moments with letting them
fall in cascades from his right into his left hand。 At last；
bored and weary； Rodolphe took back the box to the cupboard；
saying to himself； 〃What a lot of rubbish！〃 Which summed up his
opinion； for pleasures； like schoolboys in a school courtyard；
had so trampled upon his heart that no green thing grew there；
and that which passed through it； more heedless than children；
did not even； like them； leave a name carved upon the wall。
〃Come；〃 said he； 〃let's begin。〃
He wrote
〃Courage； Emma！ courage！ I would not bring misery into your
life。〃
〃After all； that's true；〃 thought Rodolphe。 〃I am acting in her
interest； I am honest。〃
〃Have you carefully weighed your resolution？ Do you know to what
an abyss I was dragging you； poor angel？ No； you do not； do you？
You were coming confident and fearless； believing in happiness in
the future。 Ah！ unhappy that we areinsensate！〃
Rodolphe stopped here to think of some good excuse。
〃If I told her all my fortune is lost？ No！ Besides； that would
stop nothing。 It would all have to be begun over again later on。
As if one could make women like that listen to reason！〃 He
reflected； then went on
〃I shall not forget you； oh believe it； and I shall ever have a
profound devotion for you； but some day； sooner or later； this
ardour （such is the fate of human things） would have grown less；
no doubt。 Lassitude would have come to us； and who knows if I
should not even have had the atrocious pain of witnessing your
remorse； of sharing it myself； since I should have been its
cause？ The mere idea of the grief that would come to you tortures
me； Emma。 Forget me！ Why did I ever know you？ Why were you so
beautiful？ Is it my fault？ O my God！ No； no！ Accuse only fate。〃
〃That's a word that always tells；〃 he said to himself。
〃Ah； if you had been one of those frivolous women that one sees；
certainly I might； through egotism； have tried an experiment； in
that case without danger for you。 But that delicious exaltation；
at once your charm and your torment； has prevented you from
understanding； adorable woman that you are； the falseness of our
future position。 Nor had I reflected upon this at first； and I
rested in the shade of that ideal happiness as beneath that of
the manchineel tree； without foreseeing the consequences。〃
〃Perhaps she'll think I'm giving it up from avarice。 Ah； well！ so
much the worse； it must be stopped！〃
〃The world is cruel； Emma。 Wherever we might have gone； it would
have persecuted us。 You would have had to put up with indiscreet
questions； calumny； contempt； insult perhaps。 Insult to you！ Oh！
And I； who would place you on a throne！ I who bear with me your
memory as a talisman！ For I am going to punish myself by exile
for all the ill I have done you。 I am going away。 Whither I know
not。 I am mad。 Adieu！ Be good always。 Preserve the memory of the
unfortunate who has lost you。 Teach my name to your child； let
her repeat it in her prayers。〃
The wicks of the candles flickered。 Rodolphe got up to； shut the
window； and when he had sat down again
〃I think it's all right。 Ah！ and this for fear she should come
and hunt me up。〃
〃I shall be far away when you read these sad lines； for I have
wished to flee as quickly as possible to shun the temptation of
seeing you again。 No weakness！ I shall return； and perhaps later
on we shall talk together very coldly of our old love。 Adieu！〃
And there was a last 〃adieu〃 divided into two words！ 〃A Dieu！〃
which he thought in very excellent taste。
〃Now how am I to sign？〃 he said to himself。 〃 'Yours devotedly？'
No！ 'Your friend？' Yes； that's it。〃
〃Your friend。〃
He re…read his letter。 He considered it very good。
〃Poor little woman！〃 he thought with emotion。 〃She'll think me
harder than a rock。 There ought to have been some tears on this；
but I can't cry； it isn't my fault。〃 Then； having emptied some
water into a glass； Rodolphe dipped his finger into it； and let a
big drop fall on the paper； that made a pale stain on the ink。
Then looking for a seal； he came upon the one 〃Amor nel cor。〃
〃That doesn't at all fit in with the circumstances。 Pshaw！ never
mind！〃
After which he smoked three pipes and went to bed。
The next day when he was up （at about two o'clockhe had slept
late）； Rodolphe had a basket of apricots picked。 He put his
letter at the bottom under some vine leaves； and at once ordered
Girard； his ploughman； to take it with care to Madame Bovary。 He
made use of this means for corresponding with her； sending
according to the season fruits or game。
〃If she asks after me；〃 he said； 〃you will tell her that I have
gone on a journey。 You must give the basket to her herself； into
her own hands。 Get along and take care！〃
Girard put on his new blouse； knotted his handkerchief round the
apricots； and walking with great heavy steps in his thick
iron…bound galoshes； made his way to Yonville。
Madame Bovary； when he got to her house； was arranging a bundle
of linen on the kitchen…table with Felicite。
〃Here；〃 said the ploughboy； 〃is something for youfrom the
master。〃
She was seized with apprehension； and as she s
