madame bovary-第26章
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〃Your music subscription is out； am I to renew it？〃
〃No；〃 she replied。
〃Why？〃
〃Because〃
And pursing her lips she slowly drew a long stitch of grey
thread。
This work irritated Leon。 It seemed to roughen the ends of her
fingers。 A gallant phrase came into his head； but he did not risk
it。
〃Then you are giving it up？〃 he went on。
〃What？〃 she asked hurriedly。 〃Music？ Ah！ yes！ Have I not my house
to look after； my husband to attend to； a thousand things； in
fact； many duties that must be considered first？〃
She looked at the clock。 Charles was late。 Then； she affected
anxiety。 Two or three times she even repeated； 〃He is so good！〃
The clerk was fond of Monsieur Bovary。 But this tenderness on his
behalf astonished him unpleasantly； nevertheless he took up on
his praises； which he said everyone was singing； especially the
chemist。
〃Ah！ he is a good fellow；〃 continued Emma。
〃Certainly；〃 replied the clerk。
And he began talking of Madame Homais； whose very untidy
appearance generally made them laugh。
〃What does it matter？〃 interrupted Emma。 〃A good housewife does
not trouble about her appearance。〃
Then she relapsed into silence。
It was the same on the following days； her talks； her manners；
everything changed。 She took interest in the housework； went to
church regularly； and looked after her servant with more
severity。
She took Berthe from nurse。 When visitors called； Felicite
brought her in； and Madame Bovary undressed her to show off her
limbs。 She declared she adored children； this was her
consolation； her joy； her passion； and she accompanied her
caresses with lyrical outburst which would have reminded anyone
but the Yonville people of Sachette in 〃Notre Dame de Paris。〃
When Charles came home he found his slippers put to warm near the
fire。 His waistcoat now never wanted lining； nor his shirt
buttons； and it was quite a pleasure to see in the cupboard the
night…caps arranged in piles of the same height。 She no longer
grumbled as formerly at taking a turn in the garden； what he
proposed was always done； although she did not understand the
wishes to which she submitted without a murmur； and when Leon saw
him by his fireside after dinner； his two hands on his stomach；
his two feet on the fender； his two cheeks red with feeding； his
eyes moist with happiness； the child crawling along the carpet；
and this woman with the slender waist who came behind his
arm…chair to kiss his forehead： 〃What madness！〃 he said to
himself。 〃And how to reach her！〃
And thus she seemed so virtuous and inaccessible to him that he
lost all hope； even the faintest。 But by this renunciation he
placed her on an extraordinary pinnacle。 To him she stood outside
those fleshly attributes from which he had nothing to obtain； and
in his heart she rose ever； and became farther removed from him
after the magnificent manner of an apotheosis that is taking
wing。 It was one of those pure feelings that do not interfere
with life； that are cultivated because they are rare； and whose
loss would afflict more than their passion rejoices。
Emma grew thinner； her cheeks paler； her face longer。 With her
black hair； her large eyes； her aquiline nose； her birdlike walk；
and always silent now； did she not seem to be passing through
life scarcely touching it； and to bear on her brow the vague
impress of some divine destiny？ She was so sad and so calm； at
once so gentle and so reserved； that near her one felt oneself
seized by an icy charm； as we shudder in churches at the perfume
of the flowers mingling with the cold of the marble。 The others
even did not escape from this seduction。 The chemist said
〃She is a woman of great parts； who wouldn't be misplaced in a
sub…prefecture。〃
The housewives admired her economy； the patients her politeness；
the poor her charity。
But she was eaten up with desires； with rage； with hate。 That
dress with the narrow folds hid a distracted fear； of whose
torment those chaste lips said nothing。 She was in love with
Leon； and sought solitude that she might with the more ease
delight in his image。 The sight of his form troubled the
voluptuousness of this mediation。 Emma thrilled at the sound of
his step； then in his presence the emotion subsided； and
afterwards there remained to her only an immense astonishment
that ended in sorrow。
Leon did not know that when he left her in despair she rose after
he had gone to see him in the street。 She concerned herself about
his comings and goings； she watched his face； she invented quite
a history to find an excuse for going to his room。 The chemist's
wife seemed happy to her to sleep under the same roof； and her
thoughts constantly centered upon this house； like the 〃Lion
d'Or〃 pigeons； who came there to dip their red feet and white
wings in its gutters。 But the more Emma recognised her love； the
more she crushed it down； that it might not be evident； that she
might make it less。 She would have liked Leon to guess it； and
she imagined chances； catastrophes that should facilitate this。
What restrained her was； no doubt； idleness and fear； and a sense
of shame also。 She thought she had repulsed him too much； that
the time was past； that all was lost。 Then； pride； and joy of
being able to say to herself； 〃I am virtuous；〃 and to look at
herself in the glass taking resigned poses； consoled her a little
for the sacrifice she believed she was making。
Then the lusts of the flesh； the longing for money； and the
melancholy of passion all blended themselves into one suffering；
and instead of turning her thoughts from it； she clave to it the
more； urging herself to pain； and seeking everywhere occasion for
it。 She was irritated by an ill…served dish or by a half…open
door； bewailed the velvets she had not； the happiness she had
missed； her too exalted dreams； her narrow home。
What exasperated her was that Charles did not seem to notice her
anguish。 His conviction that he was making her happy seemed to
her an imbecile insult； and his sureness on this point
ingratitude。 For whose sake； then was she virtuous？ Was it not
for him； the obstacle to all felicity； the cause of all misery；
and； as it were； the sharp clasp of that complex strap that
bucked her in on all sides。
On him alone； then； she concentrated all the various hatreds that
resulted from her boredom； and every effort to diminish only
augmented it； for this useless trouble was added to the other
reasons for despair； and contributed still more to the separation
between them。 Her own gentleness to herself made her rebel
against him。 Domestic mediocrity drove her to lewd fancies；
marriage tenderness to adulterous desires。 She would have like
Charles to beat her； that she might have a better right to hate
him； to revenge herself upon him。 She was surprised sometimes at
the atrocious conjectures that came into her thoughts； and she
had to go on smiling； to hear repeated to her at all hours that
she was happy； to pretend to be happy； to let it be believed。
Yet she had loathing of this hypocrisy。 She was seized with the
temptation to flee somewhere with Leon to try a new life； but at
once a vague chasm full of darkness opened within her soul。
〃Besides； he no longer loves me；〃 she thought。 〃What is to become
of me？ What help is to be hoped for； what consolation； what
solace？〃
She was left broken； breathless； inert； sobbing in a low voice；
with flowing tears。
〃Why don't you tell master？〃 the servant asked her when she came
in during these crises。
〃It is the nerves；〃 said Emma。 〃Do not speak to him of it； it
would worry him。〃
〃Ah！ yes；〃 Felicite went on； 〃you are just like La Guerine； Pere
Guerin's daughter； the fisherman at Pollet； that I used to know
at Dieppe before I came to you。 She was so sad； so sad； to see
her standing upright on the threshold of her house； she seemed to
you like a winding…sheet spread out before the door。 Her illness；
it appears； was a kind of fog that she had in her head； and the
doctors could not do anything； nor the priest either。 When she
was taken too bad she went off quite alone to the sea…shore； so
that the customs officer； going his rounds； often found her l
