the vicar of wakefield-第24章

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ction　condescend　to　solicit　it。

'Having　a　mind　too　proud　to　stoop　to　such　indignities；　and　yet　a　fortune　too　humble　to　hazard　a　second　attempt　for　fame；　I　was　now；　obliged　to　take　a　middle　course；　and　write　for　bread。　But　I　was　unqualified　for　a　profession　where　mere　industry　alone　was　to　ensure　success。　I　could　not　suppress　my　lurking　passion　for　applause；　but　usually　consumed　that　time　in　efforts　after　excellence　which　takes　up　but　little　room；　when　it　should　have　been　more　advantageously　employed　in　the　diffusive　productions　of　fruitful　mediocrity。　My　little　piece　would　therefore　come　forth　in　the　mist　of　periodical　publication；　unnoticed　and　unknown。　The　public　were　more　importantly　employed；　than　to　observe　the　easy　simplicity　of　my　style；　of　the　harmony　of　my　periods。　Sheet　after　sheet　was　thrown　off　to　oblivion。　My　essays　were　buried　among　the　essays　upon　liberty；　eastern　tales；　and　cures　for　the　bite　of　a　mad　dog；　while　Philautos；　Philalethes；　Philelutheros；　and　Philanthropos；　all　wrote　better；　because　they　wrote　faster；　than　I。

'Now；　therefore；　I　began　to　associate　with　none　but　disappointed　authors；　like　myself；　who　praised；　deplored；　and　despised　each　other。　The　satisfaction　we　found　in　every　celebrated　writer's　attempts；　was　inversely　as　their　merits。　I　found　that　no　genius　in　another　could　please　me。　My　unfortunate　paradoxes　had　entirely　dried　up　that　source　of　comfort。　I　could　neither　read　nor　write　with　satisfaction；　for　excellence　in　another　was　my　aversion；　and　writing　was　my　trade。

'In　the　midst　of　these　gloomy　reflections；　as　I　was　one　day　sitting　on　a　bench　in　St　James's　park；　a　young　gentleman　of　distinction；　who　had　been　my　intimate　acquaintance　at　the　university；　approached　me。　We　saluted　each　other　with　some　hesitation；　he　almost　ashamed　of　being　known　to　one　who　made　so　shabby　an　appearance；　and　I　afraid　of　a　repulse。　But　my　suspicions　soon　vanished；　for　Ned　Thornhill　was　at　the　bottom　a　very　good…natured　fellow。

'What　did　you　say；　George？'　interrupted　I。　'Thornhill；　was　not　that　his　name？　It　can　certainly　be　no　other　than　my　landlord。'　'Bless　me；'　cried　Mrs　Arnold；　'is　Mr　Thornhill　so　near　a　neighbour　of　yours？　He　has　long　been　a　friend　in　our　family；　and　we　expect　a　visit　from　him　shortly。'

'My　friend's　first　care；'　continued　my　son；　'was　to　alter　my　appearance　by　a　very　fine　suit　of　his　own　cloaths；　and　then　I　was　admitted　to　his　table　upon　the　footing　of　half…friend；　half…　underling。　My　business　was　to　attend　him　at　auctions；　to　put　him　in　spirits　when　he　sate　for　his　picture；　to　take　the　left　hand　in　his　chariot　when　not　filled　by　another；　and　to　assist　at　tattering　a　kip；　as　the　phrase　was；　when　we　had　a　mind　for　a　frolic。　Beside　this；　I　had　twenty　other　little　employments　in　the　family。　I　was　to　do　many　small　things　without　bidding；　to　carry　the　cork　screw；　to　stand　godfather　to　all　the　butler's　children；　to　sing　when　I　was　bid；　to　be　never　out　of　humour；　always　to　be　humble；　and；　if　I　could；　to　be　very　happy。

'In　this　honourable　post；　however；　I　was　not　without　a　rival。　A　captain　of　marines；　who　was　formed　for　the　place　by　nature；　opposed　me　in　my　patron's　affections。　His　mother　had　been　laundress　to　a　man　of　quality；　and　thus　he　early　acquired　a　taste　for　pimping　and　pedigree。　As　this　gentleman　made　it　the　study　of　his　life　to　be　acquainted　with　lords；　though　he　was　dismissed　from　several　for　his　stupidity；　yet　he　found　many　of　them　who　were　as　dull　as　himself；　that　permitted　his　assiduities。　As　flattery　was　his　trade；　he　practised　it　with　the　easiest　address　imaginable；　but　it　came　aukward　and　stiff　from　me；　and　as　every　day　my　patron's　desire　of　flattery　encreased；　so　every　hour　being　better　acquainted　with　his　defects；　I　became　more　unwilling　to　give　it。　Thus　I　was　once　more　fairly　going　to　give　up　the　field　to　the　captain；　when　my　friend　found　occasion　for　my　assistance。　This　was　nothing　less　than　to　fight　a　duel　for　him；　with　a　gentleman　whose　sister　it　was　pretended　he　had　used　ill。　I　readily　complied　with　his　request；　and　tho'　I　see　you　are　displeased　at　my　conduct；　yet　as　it　was　a　debt　indispensably　due　to　friendship；　I　could　not　refuse。　I　undertook　the　affair；　disarmed　my　antagonist；　and　soon　after　had　the　pleasure　of　finding　that　the　lady　was　only　a　woman　of　the　town；　and　the　fellow　her　bully　and　a　sharper。　This　piece　of　service　was　repaid　with　the　warmest　professions　of　gratitude；　but　as　my　friend　was　to　leave　town　in　a　few　days；　he　knew　no　other　method　of　serving　me；　but　by　recommending　me　to　his　uncle　Sir　William　Thornhill；　and　another　nobleman　of　great　distinction；　who　enjoyed　a　post　under　the　government。　When　he　was　gone；　my　first　care　was　to　carry　his　recommendatory　letter　to　his　uncle；　a　man　whose　character　for　every　virtue　was　universal；　yet　just。　I　was　received　by　his　servants　with　the　most　hospitable　smiles；　for　the　looks　of　the　domestics　ever　transmit　their　master's　benevolence。　Being　shewn　into　a　grand　apartment；　where　Sir　William　soon　came　to　me；　I　delivered　my　message　and　letter；　which　he　read；　and　after　pausing　some　minutes；　Pray；　Sir；　cried　he；　inform　me　what　you　have　done　for　my　kinsman；　to　deserve　this　warm　recommendation？　But　I　suppose；　Sir；　I　guess　your　merits；　you　have　fought　for　him；　and　so　you　would　expect　a　reward　from　me；　for　being　the　instrument　of　his　vices。　I　wish；　sincerely　wish；　that　my　present　refusal　may　be　some　punishment　for　your　guilt；　but　still　more；　that　it　may　be　some　inducement　to　your　repentance。　The　severity　of　this　rebuke　I　bore　patiently；　because　I　knew　it　was　just。　My　whole　expectations　now；　therefore；　lay　in　my　letter　to　the　great　man。　As　the　doors　of　the　nobility　are　almost　ever　beset　with　beggars；　all　ready　to　thrust　in　some　sly　petition；　I　found　it　no　easy　matter　to　gain　admittance。　However；　after　bribing　the　servants　with　half　my　worldly　fortune；　I　was　at　last　shewn　into　a　spacious　apartment；　my　letter　being　previously　sent　up　for　his　lordship's　inspection。　During　this　anxious　interval　I　had　full　time　to　look　round　me。　Every　thing　was　grand；　and　of　happy　contrivance：　the　paintings；　the　furniture；　the　gildings；　petrified　me　with　awe；　and　raised　my　idea　of　the　owner。　Ah；　thought　I　to　myself；　how　very　great　must　the　possessor　of　all　these　things　be；　who　carries　in　his　head　the　business　of　the　state；　and　whose　house　displays　half　the　wealth　of　a　kingdom：　sure　his　genius　must　be　unfathomable！　During　these　awful　reflections　I　heard　a　step　come　heavily　forward。　Ah；　this　is　the　great　man　himself！　No；　it　was　only　a　chambermaid。　Another　foot　was　heard　soon　after。　This　must　be　He！　No；　it　was　only　the　great　man's　valet　de　chambre。　At　last　his　lordship　actually　made　his　appearance。　Are　you；　cried　he；　the　bearer　of　this　here　letter？　I　answered　with　a　bow。　I　learn　by　this；　continued　he；　as　how　that　But　just　at　that　instant　a　servant　delivered　him　a　card；　and　without　taking　farther　notice；　he　went　out　of　the　room；　and　left　me　to　digest　my　own　happiness　at　leisure。　I　saw　no　more　of　him；　till　told　by　a　footman　that　his　lordship　was　going　to　his　coach　at　the　door。　Down　I　immediately　followed；　and　joined　my　voice　to　that　of　three　or　four　more；　who　came；　like　me；　to　petition　for　favours。　His　lordship；　however；　went　too　fast　for　us；　and　was　gaining　his　Chariot　door　with　large　strides；　when　I　hallowed　out　to　know　if　I　was　to　have　any　reply。　He　was　by　this　time　got　in；　and　muttered　an　answer；　half　of　which　only　I　heard；　the　other　half　was　lost　in　the　rattling　of　his　chariot　wheels。　I　stood　for　some　time　with　my　neck　stretched　out；　in　the　posture　of　one　that　was　listening　to　catch　the　glorious　sounds；　till　looking　round　me；　I　found　myself　alone　at　his　lordship's　gate。

'My　patience；'　continued　my　son；　'was　now　quite　exhausted：　stung　with　the　thousand　indignities　I　had　met　with；　I　was　willing　to　cast　myself　away；　and　only　wanted　the　gulph　to　receive　me。　I　regarded　myself　as　one　of　those　vile　things　that　nature　designed　should　be　thrown　by　into　her　lumber　room；　there　to　perish　in　obscurity。　I　had　still；　however；　half　a　guinea　left；　and　of　that　I　thought　fortune　herself　should　not　deprive　me：　but　in　order　to　be　sure　of　this；　I　was　resolved　to　go　instanily　and　spend　it　while　I　had　it；　and　then　trust　to　occurrences　for　the　rest。　As　I　was　going　along　wit