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第24章

the vicar of wakefield-第24章

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ction condescend to solicit it。

'Having a mind too proud to stoop to such indignities; and yet a fortune too humble to hazard a second attempt for fame; I was now; obliged to take a middle course; and write for bread。 But I was unqualified for a profession where mere industry alone was to ensure success。 I could not suppress my lurking passion for applause; but usually consumed that time in efforts after excellence which takes up but little room; when it should have been more advantageously employed in the diffusive productions of fruitful mediocrity。 My little piece would therefore come forth in the mist of periodical publication; unnoticed and unknown。 The public were more importantly employed; than to observe the easy simplicity of my style; of the harmony of my periods。 Sheet after sheet was thrown off to oblivion。 My essays were buried among the essays upon liberty; eastern tales; and cures for the bite of a mad dog; while Philautos; Philalethes; Philelutheros; and Philanthropos; all wrote better; because they wrote faster; than I。

'Now; therefore; I began to associate with none but disappointed authors; like myself; who praised; deplored; and despised each other。 The satisfaction we found in every celebrated writer's attempts; was inversely as their merits。 I found that no genius in another could please me。 My unfortunate paradoxes had entirely dried up that source of comfort。 I could neither read nor write with satisfaction; for excellence in another was my aversion; and writing was my trade。

'In the midst of these gloomy reflections; as I was one day sitting on a bench in St James's park; a young gentleman of distinction; who had been my intimate acquaintance at the university; approached me。 We saluted each other with some hesitation; he almost ashamed of being known to one who made so shabby an appearance; and I afraid of a repulse。 But my suspicions soon vanished; for Ned Thornhill was at the bottom a very good…natured fellow。

'What did you say; George?' interrupted I。 'Thornhill; was not that his name? It can certainly be no other than my landlord。' 'Bless me;' cried Mrs Arnold; 'is Mr Thornhill so near a neighbour of yours? He has long been a friend in our family; and we expect a visit from him shortly。'

'My friend's first care;' continued my son; 'was to alter my appearance by a very fine suit of his own cloaths; and then I was admitted to his table upon the footing of half…friend; half… underling。 My business was to attend him at auctions; to put him in spirits when he sate for his picture; to take the left hand in his chariot when not filled by another; and to assist at tattering a kip; as the phrase was; when we had a mind for a frolic。 Beside this; I had twenty other little employments in the family。 I was to do many small things without bidding; to carry the cork screw; to stand godfather to all the butler's children; to sing when I was bid; to be never out of humour; always to be humble; and; if I could; to be very happy。

'In this honourable post; however; I was not without a rival。 A captain of marines; who was formed for the place by nature; opposed me in my patron's affections。 His mother had been laundress to a man of quality; and thus he early acquired a taste for pimping and pedigree。 As this gentleman made it the study of his life to be acquainted with lords; though he was dismissed from several for his stupidity; yet he found many of them who were as dull as himself; that permitted his assiduities。 As flattery was his trade; he practised it with the easiest address imaginable; but it came aukward and stiff from me; and as every day my patron's desire of flattery encreased; so every hour being better acquainted with his defects; I became more unwilling to give it。 Thus I was once more fairly going to give up the field to the captain; when my friend found occasion for my assistance。 This was nothing less than to fight a duel for him; with a gentleman whose sister it was pretended he had used ill。 I readily complied with his request; and tho' I see you are displeased at my conduct; yet as it was a debt indispensably due to friendship; I could not refuse。 I undertook the affair; disarmed my antagonist; and soon after had the pleasure of finding that the lady was only a woman of the town; and the fellow her bully and a sharper。 This piece of service was repaid with the warmest professions of gratitude; but as my friend was to leave town in a few days; he knew no other method of serving me; but by recommending me to his uncle Sir William Thornhill; and another nobleman of great distinction; who enjoyed a post under the government。 When he was gone; my first care was to carry his recommendatory letter to his uncle; a man whose character for every virtue was universal; yet just。 I was received by his servants with the most hospitable smiles; for the looks of the domestics ever transmit their master's benevolence。 Being shewn into a grand apartment; where Sir William soon came to me; I delivered my message and letter; which he read; and after pausing some minutes; Pray; Sir; cried he; inform me what you have done for my kinsman; to deserve this warm recommendation? But I suppose; Sir; I guess your merits; you have fought for him; and so you would expect a reward from me; for being the instrument of his vices。 I wish; sincerely wish; that my present refusal may be some punishment for your guilt; but still more; that it may be some inducement to your repentance。 The severity of this rebuke I bore patiently; because I knew it was just。 My whole expectations now; therefore; lay in my letter to the great man。 As the doors of the nobility are almost ever beset with beggars; all ready to thrust in some sly petition; I found it no easy matter to gain admittance。 However; after bribing the servants with half my worldly fortune; I was at last shewn into a spacious apartment; my letter being previously sent up for his lordship's inspection。 During this anxious interval I had full time to look round me。 Every thing was grand; and of happy contrivance: the paintings; the furniture; the gildings; petrified me with awe; and raised my idea of the owner。 Ah; thought I to myself; how very great must the possessor of all these things be; who carries in his head the business of the state; and whose house displays half the wealth of a kingdom: sure his genius must be unfathomable! During these awful reflections I heard a step come heavily forward。 Ah; this is the great man himself! No; it was only a chambermaid。 Another foot was heard soon after。 This must be He! No; it was only the great man's valet de chambre。 At last his lordship actually made his appearance。 Are you; cried he; the bearer of this here letter? I answered with a bow。 I learn by this; continued he; as how that But just at that instant a servant delivered him a card; and without taking farther notice; he went out of the room; and left me to digest my own happiness at leisure。 I saw no more of him; till told by a footman that his lordship was going to his coach at the door。 Down I immediately followed; and joined my voice to that of three or four more; who came; like me; to petition for favours。 His lordship; however; went too fast for us; and was gaining his Chariot door with large strides; when I hallowed out to know if I was to have any reply。 He was by this time got in; and muttered an answer; half of which only I heard; the other half was lost in the rattling of his chariot wheels。 I stood for some time with my neck stretched out; in the posture of one that was listening to catch the glorious sounds; till looking round me; I found myself alone at his lordship's gate。

'My patience;' continued my son; 'was now quite exhausted: stung with the thousand indignities I had met with; I was willing to cast myself away; and only wanted the gulph to receive me。 I regarded myself as one of those vile things that nature designed should be thrown by into her lumber room; there to perish in obscurity。 I had still; however; half a guinea left; and of that I thought fortune herself should not deprive me: but in order to be sure of this; I was resolved to go instanily and spend it while I had it; and then trust to occurrences for the rest。 As I was going along wit

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