the author of beltraffio-第9章

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Will　it　be　a　sin　to　make　the　most　of　that　one；　too；　I　wonder；　and
shall　we　have　to　be　bribed　off　in　the　future　state　as　well　as　in　the
present？　　Perhaps　I　care　too　much　for　beautyI　don't　know；　I　doubt
if　a　poor　devil　CAN；　I　delight　in　it；　I　adore　it；　I　think　of　it
continually；　I　try　to　produce　it；　to　reproduce　it。　　My　wife　holds
that　we　shouldn't　cultivate　or　enjoy　it　without　extraordinary
precautions　and　reserves。　　She's　always　afraid　of　it；　always　on　her
guard。　　I　don't　know　what　it　can　ever　have　done　to　her；　what　grudge
it　owes　her　or　what　resentment　rides。　　And　she's　so　pretty；　too；
herself！　　Don't　you　think　she's　lovely？　　She　was　at　any　rate　when　we
married。　　At　that　time　I　wasn't　aware　of　that　difference　I　speak　of
I　thought　it　all　came　to　the　same　thing：　　in　the　end；　as　they　say。
Well；　perhaps　it　will　in　the　end。　　I　don't　know　what　the　end　will　be。
Moreover；　I　care　for　seeing　things　as　they　are；　that's　the　way　I　try
to　show　them　in　any　professed　picture。　　But　you　mustn't　talk　to　Mrs。
Ambient　about　things　as　they　are。　　She　has　a　mortal　dread　of　things
as　they　are。〃

〃She's　afraid　of　them　for　Dolcino；〃　I　said：　　surprised　a　moment
afterwards　at　being　in　a　positionthanks　to　Miss　Ambientto　be　so
explanatory；　and　surprised　even　now　that　Mark　shouldn't　have　shown
visibly　that　he　wondered　what　the　deuce　I　knew　about　it。　　But　he
didn't；　he　simply　declared　with　a　tenderness　that　touched　me：　　〃Ah
nothing　shall　ever　hurt　HIM！〃

He　told　me　more　about　his　wife　before　we　arrived　at　the　gate　of　home；
and　if　he　be　judged　to　have　aired　overmuch　his　grievance　I'm　afraid　I
must　admit　that　he　had　some　of　the　foibles　as　well　as　the　gifts　of
the　artistic　temperament；　adding；　however；　instantly　that　hitherto；
to　the　best　of　my　belief；　he　had　rarely　let　this　particular　cat　out
of　the　bag。　　〃She　thinks　me　immoralthat's　the　long　and　short　of
it；〃　he　said　as　we　paused　outside　a　moment　and　his　hand　rested　on　one
of　the　bars　of　his　gate；　while　his　conscious　expressive　perceptive
eyesthe　eyes　of　a　foreigner；　I　had　begun　to　account　them；　much　more
than　of　the　usual　Englishmanviewing　me　now　evidently　as　quite　a
familiar　friend；　took　part　in　the　declaration。　　〃It's　very　strange
when　one　thinks　it　all　over；　and　there's　a　grand　comicality　in　it
that　I　should　like　to　bring　out。　　She's　a　very　nice　woman；
extraordinarily　well…behaved；　upright　and　clever　and　with　a
tremendous　lot　of　good　sense　about　a　good　many　matters。　　Yet　her
conception　of　a　novelshe　has　explained　it　to　me　once　or　twice；　and
she　doesn't　do　it　badly　as　expositionis　a　thing　so　false　that　it
makes　me　blush。　　It's　a　thing　so　hollow；　so　dishonest；　so　lying；　in
which　life　is　so　blinked　and　blinded；　so　dodged　and　disfigured；　that
it　makes　my　ears　burn。　　It's　two　different　ways　of　looking　at　the
whole　affair；〃　he　repeated；　pushing　open　the　gate。　　〃And　they're
irreconcilable！〃　he　added　with　a　sigh。　　We　went　forward　to　the　house；
but　on　the　walk；　half…way　to　the　door；　he　stopped　and　said　to　me：
〃If　you're　going　into　this　kind　of　thing　there's　a　fact　you　should
know　beforehand；　it　may　save　you　some　disappointment。　　There's　a
hatred　of　art；　there's　a　hatred　of　literatureI　mean　of　the　genuine
kinds。　　Oh　the　shamsthose　they'll　swallow　by　the　bucket！〃　　I　looked
up　at　the　charming　house；　with　its　genial　colour　and　crookedness；　and
I　answered　with　a　smile　that　those　evil　passions　might　exist；　but
that　I　should　never　have　expected　to　find　them　there。　　〃Ah　it　doesn't
matter　after　all；〃　he　a　bit　nervously　laughed；　which　I　was　glad　to
hear；　for　I　was　reproaching　myself　with　having　worked　him　up。

If　I　had　it　soon　passed　off；　for　at　luncheon　he　was　delightful；
strangely　delightful　considering　that　the　difference　between　himself
and　his　wife　was；　as　he　had　said；　irreconcilable。　　He　had　the　art；　by
his　manner；　by　his　smile；　by　his　natural　amenity；　of　reducing　the
importance　of　it　in　the　common　concerns　of　life；　and　Mrs。　Ambient；　I
must　add；　lent　herself　to　this　transaction　with　a　very　good　grace。　　I
watched　her　at　table　for　further　illustrations　of　that　fixed　idea　of
which　Miss　Ambient　had　spoken　to　me；　for　in　the　light　of　the　united
revelations　of　her　sister…in…law　and　her　husband　she　had　come　to　seem
to　me　almost　a　sinister　personage。　　Yet　the　signs　of　a　sombre
fanaticism　were　not　more　immediately　striking　in　her　than　before；　it
was　only　after　a　while　that　her　air　of　incorruptible　conformity；　her
tapering　monosyllabic　correctness；　began　to　affect　me　as　in
themselves　a　cold　thin　flame。　　Certainly；　at　first；　she　resembled　a
woman　with　as　few　passions　as　possible；　but　if　she　had　a　passion　at
all　it　would　indeed　be　that　of　Philistinism。　　She　might　have　been
（for　there　are　guardian…spirits；　I　suppose；　of　all　great　principles）
the　very　angel　of　the　pink　of　proprietyputting　the　pink　for　a
principle；　though　I'd　rather　put　some　dismal　cold　blue。　　Mark
Ambient；　apparently；　ten　years　before；　had　simply　and　quite
inevitably　taken　her　for　an　angel；　without　asking　himself　of　what。
He　had　been　right　in　calling　my　attention　to　her　beauty。　　In　looking
for　some　explanation　of　his　original　surrender　to　her　I　saw　more　than
before　that　she　was；　physically　speaking；　a　wonderfully　cultivated
human　plantthat　he　might　well　have　owed　her　a　brief　poetic
inspiration。　　It　was　impossible　to　be　more　propped　and　pencilled；
more　delicately　tinted　and　petalled。

If　I　had　had　it　in　my　heart　to　think　my　host　a　little　of　a　hypocrite
for　appearing　to　forget　at　table　everything　he　had　said　to　me　in　our
walk；　I　should　instantly　have　cancelled　such　a　judgement　on
reflecting　that　the　good　news　his　wife　was　able　to　give　him　about
their　little　boy　was　ground　enough　for　any　optimistic　reaction。　　It
may　have　come　partly；　too；　from　a　certain　compunction　at　having
breathed　to　me　at　all　harshly　on　the　cool　fair　lady　who　sat　therea
desire　to　prove　himself　not　after　all　so　mismated。　　Dolcino　continued
to　be　much　better；　and　it　had　been　promised　him　he　should　come
downstairs　after　his　dinner。　　As　soon　as　we　had　risen　from　our　own
meal　Mark　slipped　away；　evidently　for　the　purpose　of　going　to　his
child；　and　no　sooner　had　I　observed　this　than　I　became　aware　his　wife
had　simultaneously　vanished。　　It　happened　that　Miss　Ambient　and　I；
both　at　the　same　moment；　saw　the　tail　of　her　dress　whisk　out　of　a
doorway；　an　incident　that　led　the　young　lady　to　smile　at　me　as　if　I
now　knew　all　the　secrets　of　the　Ambients。　　I　passed　with　her　into　the
garden　and　we　sat　down　on　a　dear　old　bench　that　rested　against　the
west　wall　of　the　house。　　It　was　a　perfect　spot　for　the　middle　period
of　a　Sunday　in　June；　and　its　felicity　seemed　to　come　partly　from　an
antique　sun…dial　which；　rising　in　front　of　us　and　forming　the　centre
of　a　small　intricate　parterre；　measured　the　moments　ever　so　slowly
and　made　them　safe　for　leisure　and　talk。　　The　garden　bloomed　in　the
suffused　afternoon；　the　tall　beeches　stood　still　for　an　example；　and；
behind　and　above　us；　a　rose　tree　of　many　seasons；　clinging　to　the
faded　grain　of　the　brick；　expressed　the　whole　character　of　the　scene
in　a　familiar　exquisite　smell。　　It　struck　me　as　a　place　to　offer
genius　every　favour　and　sanctionnot　to　bristle　with　challenges　and
checks。　　Miss　Ambient　asked　me　if　I　had　enjoyed　my　walk　with　her
brother　and　whether　we　had　talked　of　many　things。

〃Well；　of　most　things；〃　I　freely　allowed；　though　I　remembered　we
hadn't　talked　of　Miss　Ambient。

〃And　don't　you　think　some　of　his　theories　are　very　peculiar？〃

〃Oh　I　guess　I　agree　with　them　all。〃　　I　was　very　particular；　for　Miss
Ambient's　entertainment；　to　guess。

〃Do　you　think　art's　everything？〃　she　put　to　me　in　a　moment。

〃In　art；　of　course　I　do！〃

〃And　do　you　think　beauty's　everything？〃

〃Everything's　a　big　word；　which　I　think　we　should　use　as　little　as
possible。　　But　how　can　we　not　want　beauty？〃

〃Ah　there　you　are！〃　she　sighed；　though　I　didn't　quite　know　what　she
meant　by　it。　　〃Of　course　it's　difficult　for　a　woman　to　judge　how　far
to　go；〃　she　went　on。　　〃I　adore　everything　that　gives　a　charm　to　life。
I'm　intensely　sensitive　to　form。　　But　sometimes　I　draw　backdon't
you　see　what　I　mean？I　don't　quite　see　where　I　shall　be　landed。　　I
only　want　to　be　quiet；　after　all；〃