lucile-第15章
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VI。
But in vain did he reason and argue。 Alas！ He yet felt unconvinced that 'TWAS best as it was。 Out of reach of all reason； forever would rise That infantine face of Matilda； with eyes So sad； so reproachful； so cruelly kind； That they harrow'd his heart and distracted his mind。
VII。
And then； when he turned from these thoughts to Lucile； Though his heart rose enraptured he could not but feel A vague sense of awe of her nature。 Behind All the beauty of heart； and the graces of mind； Which he saw and revered in her； something unknown And unseen in that nature still troubled his own。 He felt that Lucile penetrated and prized Whatever was noblest and best； though disguised； In himself； but he did not feel sure that he knew； Or completely possess'd； what； half hidden from view； Remained lofty and lonely in HER。 Then； her life； So untamed and so free！ would she yield as a wife Independence； long claimed as a woman？ Her name So link'd by the world with that spurious fame Which the beauty and wit of a woman assert； In some measure； alas！ to her own loss and hurt In the serious thoughts of a man！ 。 。 。 This reflection O'er the love which he felt cast a shade of dejection； From which he forever escaped to the thought Doubt could reach not 。 。 。 〃I love her； and all else is naught！〃
VIII。
His hand trembled strangely in breaking the seal Of the letter which reach'd him at last from Lucile。 At the sight of the very first words that he read； That letter dropp'd down from his hand like the dead Leaf in autumn； that； falling； leaves naked and bare A desolate tree in a wide wintry air。 He pass'd his hand hurriedly over his eyes； Bewilder'd； incredulous。 Angry surprise And dismay； in one sharp moan； broke from him。 Anon He picked up the page； and read rapidly on。
IX。
THE COMTESSE DE NEVERS TO LORD ALFRED VARGRAVE：
〃No； Alfred！ If over the present； when last We two met； rose the glamour and mist of the past； It hath now rolled away； and our two paths are plain； And those two paths divide us。 〃That hand which again Mine one moment has clasp'd as the hand of a brother； That hand and your honor are pledged to another！ Forgive； Alfred Vargrave； forgive me； if yet For that moment （now past！） I have made you forget What was due to yourself and that other one。 Yes； Mine the fault； and be mine the repentance。 Not less； In now owning this fault； Alfred； let me own； too； I foresaw not the sorrow involved in it。 〃True； That meeting； which hath been so fatal； I sought； I alone！ But oh！ deem not it was with the thought Of your heart to regain； or the past to rewaken。 No！ believe me； it was with the firm and unshaken Conviction； at least； that our meeting would be Without peril to YOU； although haply to me The salvation of all my existence。 〃I own； When the rumor first reach'd me； which lightly made known To the world your engagement； my heart and my mind Suffer'd torture intense。 It was cruel to find That so much of the life of my life； half unknown To myself； had been silently settled on one Upon whom but to think it would soon be a crime。 Then I said to myself； 'From the thraldom which time Hath not weaken'd there rests but one hope of escape。 That image which Fancy seems ever to shape From the solitude left round the ruins of yore； Is a phantom。 The Being I loved is no more。 What I hear in the silence； and see in the lone Void of life； is the young hero born of my own Perish'd youth： and his image； serene and sublime In my heart rests unconscious of change and of time； Could I see it but once more； as time and as change Have made it； a thing unfamiliar and strange； See； indeed； that the Being I loved in my youth Is no more； and what rests now is only； in truth； The hard pupil of life and the world： then； oh； then； I should wake from a dream； and my life be again Reconciled to the world； and； released from regret； Take the lot fate accords to my choice。' 〃So we met。 But the danger I did not foresee has occurr'd： The danger； alas； to yourself！ I have err'd。 But happy for both that this error hath been Discover'd as soon as the danger was seen！ We meet； Alfred Vargrave； no more。 I； indeed； Shall be far from Luchon when this letter you read。 My course is decided； my path I discern： Doubt is over； my future is fix'd now。 〃Return； O return to the young living love！ Whence； alas！ If； one moment； you wander'd； think only it was More deeply to bury the past love。 〃And； oh！ Believe； Alfred Vargrave； that I； where I go On my far distant pathway through life； shall rejoice To treasure in memory all that your voice Has avow'd to me； all in which others have clothed To my fancy with beauty and worth your betrothed！ In the fair morning light； in the orient dew Of that young life； now yours； can you fail to renew All the noble and pure aspirations； the truth； The freshness； the faith； of your own earnest youth？ Yes！ YOU will be happy。 I； too； in the bliss I foresee for you； I shall be happy。 And this Proves me worthy your friendship。 And solet it prove That I cannotI do not respond to your love。 Yes； indeed！ be convinced that I could not （no； no； Never； never！） have render'd you happy。 And so； Rest assured that； if false to the vows you have plighted； You would have endured； when the first brief； excited Emotion was o'er； not alone the remorse Of honor； but also （to render it worse） Disappointed affection。 〃Yes； Alfred； you start？ But think！ if the world was too much in your heart； And too little in mine； when we parted ten years Ere this last fatal meeting； that time （ay； and tears！） Have but deepen'd the old demarcations which then Placed our natures asunder； and we two again； As we then were； would still have been strangely at strife。 In that self…independence which is to my life Its necessity now； as it once was its pride； Had our course through the world been henceforth side by side； I should have revolted forever； and shock'd Your respect for the world's plausibilities； mock'd； Without meaning to do so； and outraged； all those Social creeds which you live by。 〃Oh！ do not suppose That I blame you。 Perhaps it is you that are right。 Best； then； all as it is！ 〃Deem these words life's Good…night To the hope of a moment： no more！ If there fell Any tear on this page； 'twas a friend's。 〃So farewell To the pastand to you； Alfred Vargrave。 〃LUCILE。〃
X。
So ended that letter。 The room seem'd to reel Round and round in the mist that was scorching his eyes With a fiery dew。 Grief； resentment； surprise； Half chocked him； each word he had read； as it smote Down some hope； rose and grasped like a hand at his throat； To stifle and strangle him。 Gasping already For relief from himself； with a footstep unsteady； He pass'd from his chamber。 He felt both oppress'd And excited。 The letter he thrust in his breast； And； in search of fresh air and of solitude； pass'd The long lime…trees of Luchon。 His footsteps at last Reach'd a bare narrow heath by the skirts of a wood： It was sombre and silent； and suited his mood。 By a mineral spring； long unused； now unknown； Stood a small ruin'd abbey。 He reach'd it； sat down On a fragment of stone； 'mid the wild weed and thistle； And read over again that perplexing epistle。
XI。
In re…reading that letter； there roll'd from his mind The raw mist of resentment which first made him blind To the pathos breath'd through it。 Tears rose in his eyes； And a hope sweet and strange in his heart seem'd to rise。 The truth which he saw not the first time he read That letter； he now sawthat each word betray'd The love which the writer had sought to conceal。 His love was received not； he could not but feel； For one reason alone；that his love was not free。 True！ free yet he was not： but could he not be Free
