youth-第32章

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useful；　so　long　only　as　he　was　〃comme　il　faut　〃that　by　attaining

the　latter　quality　he　had　done　all　that　was　demanded　of　him；　and

was　even　superior　to　most　people。



Usually；　at　a　given　period　in　youth；　and　after　many　errors　and

excesses；　every　man　recognises　the　necessity　of　his　taking　an

active　part　in　social　life；　and　chooses　some　branch　of　labour　to

which　to　devote　himself。　Only　with　the　〃comme　il　faut〃　man　does

this　rarely　happen。　I　have　known；　and　know；　very；　very　many

peopleold；　proud；　self…satisfied；　and　opinionatedwho　to　the

question　（if　it　should　ever　present　itself　to　them　in　their

world）　〃Who　have　you　been；　and　what　have　you　ever　done？〃　would　be

unable　to　reply　otherwise　than　by　saying；



〃Je　fus　un　homme　tres　comme　il　faut；〃



Such　a　fate　was　awaiting　myself。



XXXII



YOUTH



Despite　the　confusion　of　ideas　raging　in　my　head；　I　was　at　least

young；　innocent；　and　free　that　summerconsequently　almost　happy。



Sometimes　I　would　rise　quite　early　in　the　morning；　for　I　slept　on

the　open　verandah；　and　the　bright；　horizontal　beams　of　the

morning　sun　would　wake　me　up。　Dressing　myself　quickly；　I　would

tuck　a　towel　and　a　French　novel　under　my　arm；　and　go　off　to　bathe

in　the　river　in　the　shade　of　a　birch　tree　which　stood　half　a

verst　from　the　house。　Next；　I　would　stretch　myself　on　the　grass

and　readraising　my　eyes　from　time　to　time　to　look　at　the　surface

of　the　river　where　it　showed　blue　in　the　shade　of　the　trees；　at

the　ripples　caused　by　the　first　morning　breeze；　at　the　yellowing

field　of　rye　on　the　further　bank；　and　at　the　bright…red　sheen　of

the　sunlight　as　it　struck　lower　and　lower　down　the　white　trunks

of　the　birch…trees　which；　ranged　in　ranks　one　behind　the　other；

gradually　receded　into　the　remote　distance　of　the　home　park。　At

such　moments　I　would　feel　joyously　conscious　of　having　within　me

the　same　young；　fresh　force　of　life　as　nature　was　everywhere

exuding　around　me。　When；　however；　the　sky　was　overcast　with　grey

clouds　of　morning　and　I　felt　chilly　after　bathing；　I　would　often

start　to　walk　at　random　through　the　fields　and　woods；　and

joyously　trail　my　wet　boots　in　the　fresh　dew。　All　the　while　my

head　would　be　filled　with　vivid　dreams　concerning　the　heroes　of

my　last…read　novel；　and　I　would　keep　picturing　to　myself　some

leader　of　an　army　or　some　statesman　or　marvellously　strong　man　or

devoted　lover　or　another；　and　looking　round　me　in；　a　nervous

expectation　that　I　should　suddenly　descry　HER　somewhere　near　me；

in　a　meadow　or　behind　a　tree。　Yet；　whenever　these　rambles　led　me

near　peasants　engaged　at　their　work；　all　my　ignoring　of　the

existence　of　the　〃common　people〃　did　not　prevent　me　from

experiencing　an　involuntary；　overpowering　sensation　of

awkwardness；　so　that　I　always　tried　to　avoid　their　seeing　me。

When　the　heat　of　the　day　had　increased；　it　was　not　infrequently　my

habitif　the　ladies　did　not　come　out　of　doors　for　their　morning

teato　go　rambling　through　the　orchard　and　kitchen…garden；　and　to

pluck　ripe　fruit　there。　Indeed；　this　was　an　occupation　which

furnished　me　with　one　of　my　greatest　pleasures。　Let　any　one　go

into　an　orchard；　and　dive　into　the　midst　of　a　tall；　thick；

sprouting　raspberry…bed。　Above　will　be　seen　the　clear；　glowing

sky；　and；　all　around；　the　pale…green；　prickly　stems　of　raspberry…

trees　where　they　grow　mingled　together　in　a　tangle　of　profusion。

At　one's　feet　springs　the　dark…green　nettle；　with　its　slender

crown　of　flowers；　while　the　broad…leaved　burdock；　with　its

bright…pink；　prickly　blossoms；　overtops　the　raspberries　（and　even

one's　head）　with　its　luxuriant　masses；　until；　with　the　nettle；　it

almost　meets　the　pendent；　pale…green　branches　of　the　old　apple…

trees　where　apples；　round　and　lustrous　as　bone；　but　as　yet

unripe；　are　mellowing　in　the　heat　of　the　sun。　Below；　again；　are

seen　young　raspberry…shoots；　twining　themselves　around　the

partially　withered；　leafless　parent　plant；　and　stretching　their

tendrils　towards　the　sunlight；　with　green；　needle…shaped　blades

of　grass　and　young；　dew…coated　pods　peering　through　last　year's

leaves；　and　growing　juicily　green　in　the　perennial　shade；　as

though　they　care　nothing　for　the　bright　sunshine　which　is　playing

on　the　leaves　of　the　apple…trees　above　them。　In　this　density

there　is　always　moisturealways　a　smell　of　confined；　perpetual

shade；　of　cobwebs；　fallen　apples　（turning　black　where　they　roll

on　the　mouldy　sod）；　raspberries；　and　earwigs　of　the　kind　which

impel　one　to　reach　hastily　for　more　fruit　when　one　has

inadvertently　swallowed　a　member　of　that　insect　tribe　with　the

last　berry。　At　every　step　one's　movements　keep　flushing　the

sparrows　which　always　make　their　home　in　these　depths；　and　one

hears　their　fussy　chirping　and　the　beating　of　their　tiny；

fluttering　wings　against　the　stalks；　and　catches　the　low　buzzing

of　a　bumble　bee　somewhere；　and　the　sound　of　the　gardener's

footsteps　（it　is　half…daft　Akim）　on　the　path　as　he　hums　his

eternal　sing…song　to　himself。　Then　one　mutters　under　one's

breath；　〃No！　Neither　he　nor　any　one　else　shall　find　me　here！〃　yet

still　one　goes　on　stripping　juicy　berries　from　their　conical

white　pilasters；　and　cramming　them　into　one's　mouth。　At　length；

one's　legs　soaked　to　the　knees　as　one　repeats；　over　and　over

again；　some　rubbish　which　keeps　running

in　one's　head；　and　one's　hands　and　nether　limbs　（despite　the

protection　of　one's　wet　trousers）　thoroughly　stung　with　the

nettles；　one　comes　to　the　conclusion　that　the　sun's　rays　are

beating　too　straight　upon　one's　head　for　eating　to　be　any　longer

desirable；　and；　sinking　down　into　the　tangle　of　greenery；　one

remains　therelooking　and　listening；　and　continuing　in

mechanical　fashion　to　strip　off　one　or　two　of　the　finer　berries

and　swallow　them。



At　eleven　o'clockthat　is　to　say；　when　the　ladies　had　taken

their　morning　tea　and　settled　down　to　their　occupationsI　would

repair　to　the　drawing…room。　Near　the　first　window；　with　its

unbleached　linen　blind　lowered　to　exclude　the　sunshine；　but

through　the　chink　of　which　the　sun　kept　throwing　brilliant

circles　of　light　which　hurt　the　eye　to　look　at　them；　there　would

be　standing　a　screen；　with　flies　quietly　parading　the　whiteness

of　its　covering。　Behind　it　would　be　seated　Mimi；　shaking　her　head

in　an　irritable　manner；　and　constantly　shifting　from　spot　to　spot

to　avoid　the　sunshine　as　at　intervals　it　darted　her　from

somewhere　and　laid　a　streak　of　flame　upon　her　hand　or　face。

Through　the　other　three　windows　the　sun　would　be　throwing　three

squares　of　light；　crossed　with　the　shadows　of　the　window…frames；

and　where　one　of　these　patches　marked　the　unstained　floor　of　the

room　there　would　be　lying；　in　accordance　with　invariable　custom；

Milka；　with　her　ears　pricked　as　she　watched　the　flies　promenading

the　lighted　space。　Seated　on　a　settee；　Katenka　would　be　knitting

or　reading　aloud　as　from　time　to　time　she　gave　her　white　sleeves

（looking　almost　transparent　in　the　sunshine）　an　impatient　shake；

or　tossed　her　head　with　a　frown　to　drive　away　some　fly　which　had

settled　upon　her　thick　auburn　hair　and　was　now　buzzing　in　its

tangles。　Lubotshka　would　either　be　walking　up　and　down　the　room

（her　hands　clasped　behind　her）　until　the　moment　should　arrive

when　a　movement　would　be　made　towards　the　garden；　or　playing　some

piece　of　which　every　note　had　long　been　familiar　to　me。　For　my

own　part；　I　would　sit　down　somewhere；　and　listen　to　the　music　or

the　reading　until　such　time　as　I　myself　should　have　an

opportunity　of　performing　on　the　piano。　After　luncheon　I　would

condescend　to　take　the　girls　out　riding　（since　to　go　for　a　mere

walk　at　that　hour　seemed　to　me　unsuitable　to　my　years　and

position　in　the　world）；　and　these　excursions　of　oursin　which　I

often　took　my　companions　through　unaccustomed　spots　and　dells

were　very　pleasant。　Indeed；　on　some　of　these　occasions　I　grew

quite　boyish；　and　the　girls　would　praise　my　riding　and　daring；

and　pretend　that　I　was　their　protector。　In　the　evening；　if　we　had

no　gu