youth-第17章

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looked　me　in　the　face　with　an　expression　of　pleasure　so　sincere

that　in　the　words　〃my　dear　Nicolas〃　I　caught　the　purely　friendly

rather　than　the　patronising　note。　To　my　surprise　she　seemed　to　me

simpler；　kinder；　and　more　sisterly　after　her　foreign　tour　than

she　had　been　before　it。　True；　I　could　now　see　that　she　had　two

small　scars　between　her　nose　and　temples；　but　her　wonderful　eyes

and　smile　fitted　in　exactly　with　my　recollections；　and　shone　as

of　old。



〃But　how　greatly　you　have　changed！〃　she　went　on。　〃You　are　quite

grown…up　now。　And　I…I…well；　what　do　you　think　of　me？〃



〃I　should　never　have　known　you；〃　I　replied；　despite　the　fact　that

at　the　moment　I　was　thinking　that　I　should　have　known　her

anywhere　and　always。



〃Why？　Am　I　grown　so　ugly？〃　she　inquired　with　a　movement　of　her

head。



〃Oh；　no；　decidedly　not！〃　I　hastened　to　reply。　〃But　you　have　grown

taller　and　older。　As　for　being　uglier；　why；　you　are　even



〃Yes；　yes；　never　mind。　Do　you　remember　our　dances　and　games；　and

St。　Jerome；　and　Madame　Dorat？〃　（As　a　matter　of　fact；　I　could　not

recollect　any　Madame　Dorat；　but　saw　that　Sonetchka　was　being　led

away　by　the　joy　of　her　childish　recollections；　and　mixing　them　up

a　little）。　〃Ah！　what　a　lovely　time　it　was！〃　she　went　onand　once

more　there　shone　before　me　the　same　eyes　and　smile　as　I　had

always　carried　in　my　memory。　While　she　had　been　speaking；　I　had

been　thinking　over　my　position　at　the　present　moment；　and　had

come　to　the　conclusion　that　I　was　in　love　with　her。　The　instant；

however；　that　I　arrived　at　that　result　my　careless；　happy　mood

vanished；　a　mist　seemed　to　arise　before　me　which　concealed　even

her　eyes　and　smile；　and；　blushing　hotly；　I　became　tongue…tied　and

ill…at…ease。



〃But　times　are　different　now；〃　she　went　on　with　a　sigh　and　a

little　lifting　of　her　eyebrows。　〃Everything　seems　worse　than　it

used　to　be；　and　ourselves　too。　Is　it　not　so；　Nicolas？〃



I　could　return　her　no　answer；　but　sat　silently　looking　at　her。



〃Where　are　those　Iwins　and　Kornakoffs　now？　Do　you　remember　them？〃

she　continued；　looking；　I　think；　with　some　curiosity　at　my

blushing；　downcast　countenance。　〃What　splendid　times　we　used　to

have！〃



Still　I　could　not　answer　her。



The　next　moment；　I　was　relieved　from　this　awkward　position　by　the

entry　of　old　Madame　Valakhin　into　the　room。　Rising；　I　bowed；　and

straightway　recovered　my　faculty　of　speech。　On　the　other　hand；　an

extraordinary　change　now　took　place　in　Sonetchka。　All　her　gaiety

and　bonhomie　disappeared；　her　smile　became　quite　a　different　one；

and；　except　for　the　point　of　her　shortness　of　stature；　she　became

just　the　lady　from　abroad　whom　I　had　expected　to　find　in　her。　Yet

for　this　change　there　was　no　apparent　reason；　since　her　mother

smiled　every　whit　as　pleasantly；　and　expressed　in　her　every

movement　just　the　same　benignity；　as　of　old。　Seating　herself　in

her　arm…chair；　the　old　lady　signed　to　me　to　come　and　sit　beside

her；　after　which　she　said　something　to　her　daughter　in　English；

and　Sonetchka　left　the　rooma　fact　which　still　further　helped　to

relieve　me。　Madame　then　inquired　after　my　father　and　brother；　and

passed　on　to　speak　of　her　great　bereavementthe　loss　of　her

husband。　Presently；　however；　she　seemed　to　become　sensible　of　the

fact　that　I　was　not　helping　much　in　the　conversation；　for　she

gave　me　a　look　as　much　as　to　say：　〃If；　now；　my　dear　boy；　you　were

to　get　up；　to　take　your　leave；　and　to　depart；　it　would　be　well。〃

But　a　curious　circumstance　had　overtaken　me。　While　she　had　been

speaking　of　her　bereavement；　I　had　recalled　to　myself；　not　only

the　fact　that　I　was　in　love；　but　the　probability　that　the　mother

knew　of　it：　whereupon　such　a　fit　of　bashfulness　had　come　upon　me

that　I　felt　powerless　to　put　any　member　of　my　body　to　its

legitimate　use。　I　knew　that　if　I　were　to　rise　and　walk　I　should

have　to　think　where　to　plant　each　foot；　what　to　do　with　my　head；

what　with　my　hands；　and　so　on。　In　a　word；　I　foresaw　that　I　should

be　very　much　as　I　had　been　on　the　night　when　I　partook　too　freely

of　champagne；　and　therefore；　since　I　felt　uncertain　of　being　able

to　manage　myself　if　I　DID　rise；　I　ended　by　feeling　UNABLE　to

rise。　Meanwhile；　I　should　say；　Sonetchka　had　returned　to　the　room

with　her　work；　and　seated　herself　in　a　far　cornera　corner

whence；　as　I　was　nevertheless　sensible；　she　could　observe　me。

Madame　must　have　felt　some　surprise　as　she　gazed　at　my　crimson

face　and　noted　my　complete　immobility；　but　I　decided　that　it　was

better　to　continue　sitting　in　that　absurd　position　than　to　risk

something　unpleasant　by　getting　up　and　walking。　Thus　I　sat　on　and

on；　in　the　hope　that　some　unforeseen　chance　would　deliver　me　from

my　predicament。　That　unforeseen　chance　at　length　presented　itself

in　the　person　of　an　unforeseen　young　man；　who　entered　the　room

with　an　air　of　being　one　of　the　household；　and　bowed　to　me

politely　as　he　did　so：　whereupon　Madame　rose；　excused　herself　to

me　for　having　to　speak　with　her　〃homme　d'affaires；〃　and　finally

gave　me　a　glance　which　said：　〃Well；　if　you　DO　mean　to　go　on

sitting　there　for　ever；　at　least　I　can't　drive　you　away。〃

Accordingly；　with　a　great　effort　I　also　rose；　but；　finding　it

impossible　to　do　any　leave…taking；　moved　away　towards　the　door；

followed　by　the　pitying　glances　of　mother　and　daughter。　All　at

once　I　stumbled　over　a　chair；　although　it　was　lying　quite　out　of

my　route：　the　reason　for　my　stumbling　being　that　my　whole

attention　was　centred　upon　not　tripping　over　the　carpet。　Driving

through　the　fresh　air；　howeverwhere　at　first　I　muttered　and

fidgeted　about　so　much　that　Kuzma；　my　coachman；　asked　me　what　was

the　matterI　soon　found　this　feeling　pass　away；　and　began　to

meditate　quietly　concerning　my　love　for　Sonetchka　and　her

relations　with　her　mother；　which　had　appeared　to　me　rather

strange。　When；　afterwards；　I　told　my　father　that　mother　and

daughter　had　not　seemed　on　the　best　of　terms　with　one　another；　he

said：



〃Yes；　Madame　leads　the　poor　girl　an　awful　life　with　her　meanness。

Yet；〃　added　my　father　with　a　greater　display　of　feeling　than　a

man　might　naturally　conceive　for　a　mere　relative；　〃she　used　to　be

such　an　original；　dear；　charming　woman！　I　cannot　think　what　has

made　her　change　so　much。　By　the　way；　you　didn't　notice　a

secretary　fellow　about；　did　you？　Fancy　a　Russian　lady　having　an

affaire　with　a　secretary！〃



〃Yes；　I　saw　him；〃　I　replied。



〃And　was　he　at　least　good…looking？〃



〃No；　not　at　all。〃



〃It　is　extraordinary！〃　concluded　Papa；　with　a　cough　and　an

irritable　hoist　of　his　shoulder。



〃Well；　I　am　in　love！〃　was　my　secret　thought　to　myself　as　I　drove

along　in　my　drozhki。



XIX



THE　KORNAKOFFS



MY　second　call　on　the　route　lay　at　the　Kornakoffs'；　who　lived　on

the　first　floor　of　a　large　mansion　facing　the　Arbat。　The

staircase　of　the　building　looked　extremely　neat　and　orderly；　yet

in　no　way　luxuriousbeing　lined　only　with　drugget　pinned　down

with　highly…polished　brass　rods。　Nowhere　were　there　any　flowers

or　mirrors　to　be　seen。　The　salon；　too；　with　its　polished　floor；

which　I　traversed　on　my　way　to　the　drawing…room；　was　decorated　in

the　same　cold；　severe；　unostentatious　style。　Everything　in　it

looked　bright　and　solid；　but　not　new；　and　pictures；　flower…

stands；　and　articles　of　bric…a…brac　were　wholly　absent。　In　the

drawing…room　I　found　some　of　the　young　princesses　seated；　but

seated　with　the　sort　of　correct；　〃company〃　air　about　them　which

gave　one　the　impression　that　they　sat　like　that　only　when　guests

were　expected。



〃Mamma　will　be　here　presently；〃　the　eldest　of　them　said　to　me　as

she　seated　herself　by　my　side。　For　the　next　quarter　of　an　hour；

this　young　lady　entertained　me　with　such　an　easy　flow　of　small…

talk　that　the　conversation　never　flagged　a　moment。　Yet　somehow

she　made　so　patent　the　fact　that　she　was　just　entertaining　me

that　I　felt　not　altogether　pleased。　Amongst　other　things；　she

told　me　that　their　brother　Stephen　（whom　they　called　Etienne