youth-第12章

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to　comfort　myself　with　the　thought　that　it　was　at　least　a　SILVER

articleso　much　capital；　as　it　wereand　likely　to　be　very

useful　to　a　student。　As　for　the　smoking　things；　I　decided　to　put

them　into　use　at　once；　and　try　their　capabilities。



Unsealing　the　four　packages；　and　carefully　filling　the　Stamboul

pipe　with　some　fine…cut；　reddish…yellow　Turkish　tobacco；　I

applied　a　hot　cinder　to　it；　and；　taking　the　mouthpiece　between　my

first　and　second　fingers　（a　position　of　the　hand　which　greatly

caught　my　fancy）；　started　to　inhale　the　smoke。



The　smell　of　the　tobacco　seemed　delightful；　yet　something　burnt

my　mouth　and　caught　me　by　the　breath。　Nevertheless；　I　hardened　my

heart；　and　continued　to　draw　abundant　fumes　into　my　interior。

Then　I　tried　blowing　rings　and　retaining　the　smoke。　Soon　the　room

became　filled　with　blue　vapours；　while　the　pipe　started　to

crackle　and　the　tobacco　to　fly　out　in　sparks。　Presently；　also；　I

began　to　feel　a　smarting　in　my　mouth　and　a　giddiness　in　my　head。

Accordingly；　I　was　on　the　point　of　stopping　and　going　to　look　at

myself　and　my　pipe　in　the　mirror；　when；　to　my　surprise；　I　found

myself　staggering　about。　The　room　was　whirling　round　and　round；

and　as　I　peered　into　the　mirror　（which　I　reached　only　with　some

difficulty）　I　perceived　that　my　face　was　as　white　as　a　sheet。

Hardly　had　I　thrown　myself　down　upon　a　sofa　when　such　nausea　and

faintness　swept　over　me　that；　making　up　my　mind　that　the　pipe　had

proved　my　death；　I　expected　every　moment　to　expire。　Terribly

frightened；　I　tried　to　call　out　for　some　one　to　come　and　help　me；

and　to　send　for　the　doctor。



However；　this　panic　of　mine　did　not　last　long；　for　I　soon

understood　what　the　matter　with　me　was；　and　remained　lying　on　the

sofa　with　a　racking　headache　and　my　limbs　relaxed　as　I　stared

dully　at　the　stamp　on　the　package　of　tobacco；　the　Pipe…tube

coiled　on　the　floor；　and　the　odds　and　ends　of　tobacco　and

confectioner's　tartlets　which　were　littered　about。　〃Truly；〃　I

thought　to　myself　in　my　dejection　and　disillusionment；　〃I　cannot

be　quite　grown…up　if　I　cannot　smoke　as　other　fellows　do；　and

should　be　fated　never　to　hold　a　chibouk　between　my　first　and

second　fingers；　or　to　inhale　and　puff　smoke　through　a　flaxen

moustache！〃



When　Dimitri　called　for　me　at　five　o'clock；　he　found　me　in　this

unpleasant　predicament。　After　drinking　a　glass　of　water；　however；

I　felt　nearly　recovered；　and　ready　to　go　with　him。



〃So　much　for　your　trying　to　smoke！〃　said　he　as　he　gazed　at　the

remnants　of　my　debauch。　〃It　is　a　silly　thing　to　do；　and　waste　of

money　as　well。　I　long　ago　promised　myself　never　to　smoke。　But

come　along；　we　have　to　call　for　Dubkoff。〃



XIV



HOW　WOLODA　AND　DUBKOFF　AMUSED　THEMSELVES



THE　moment　that　Dimitri　entered　my　room　I　perceived　from　his

face；　manner　of　walking；　and　the　signs　which；　in　him；　denoted

ill…humoura　blinking　of　the　eyes　and　a　grim　holding　of　his　head

to　one　side；　as　though　to　straighten　his　collarthat　he　was　in

the　coldly…correct　frame　of　mind　which　was　his　when　he　felt

dissatisfied　with　himself。　It　was　a　frame　of　mind；　too；　which

always　produced　a　chilling　effect　upon　my　feelings　towards　him。

Of　late　I　had　begun　to　observe　and　appraise　my　friend's　character

a　little　more；　but　our　friendship　had　in　no　way　suffered　from

that；　since　it　was　still　too　young　and　strong　for　me　to　be　able

to　look　upon　Dimitri　as　anything　but　perfect；　no　matter　in　what

light　I　regarded　him。　In　him　there　were　two　personalities；　both

of　which　I　thought　beautiful。　One；　which　I　loved　devotedly；　was

kind；　mild；　forgiving；　gay；　and　conscious　of　being　those　various

things。　When　he　was　in　this　frame　of　mind　his　whole　exterior；　the

very　tone　of　his　voice；　his　every　movement；　appeared　to　say：　〃I

am　kind　and　good…natured；　and　rejoice　in　being　so；　and　every　one

can　see　that　I　so　rejoice。〃　The　other　of　his　two　personalities

one　which　I　had　only　just　begun　to　apprehend；　and　before　the

majesty　of　which　I　bowed　in　spiritwas　that　of　a　man　who　was

cold；　stern　to　himself　and　to　others；　proud；　religious　to　the

point　of　fanaticism；　and　pedantically　moral。　At　the　present

moment　he　was；　as　I　say；　this　second　personality。



With　that　frankness　which　constituted　a　necessary　condition　of

our　relations　I　told　him；　as　soon　as　we　entered　the　drozhki；　how

much　it　depressed　and　hurt　me　to　see　him；　on　this　my　fete…day　in

a　frame　of　mind　so　irksome　and　disagreeable　to　me。



〃What　has　upset　you　so？〃　I　asked　him。　〃Will　you　not　tell　me？〃



〃My　dear　Nicolas；〃　was　his　slow　reply　as　he　gave　his　head　a

nervous　twitch　to　one　side　and　blinked　his　eyes；　〃since　I　have

given　you　my　word　never　to　conceal　anything　from　you；　you　have　no

reason　to　suspect　me　of　secretiveness。　One　cannot　always　be　in

exactly　the　same　mood；　and　if　I　seem　at　all　put　out；　that　is　all

there　is　to　say　about　it。〃



〃What　a　marvellously　open；　honourable　character　his　is！〃　I

thought　to　myself；　and　dropped　the　subject。



We　drove　the　rest　of　the　way　to　Dubkoff's　in　silence。　Dubkoff's

flat　was　an　unusually　fine　oneor；　at　all　events；　so　it　seemed

to　me。　Everywhere　were　rugs；　pictures；　gardenias；　striped

hangings；　photographs；　and　curved　settees；　while　on　the　walls

hung　guns；　pistols；　pouches；　and　the　mounted　heads　of　wild

beasts。　It　was　the　appearance　of　this　apartment　which　made　me

aware　whom；　it　was　that　Woloda　had　imitated　in　the　scheme　of　his

own　sitting…room。　We　found　Dubkoff　and　Woloda　engaged　in　cards；

while　seated　also　at　the　table；　and　watching　the　game　with　close

attention；　was　a　gentleman　whom　I　did　not　know；　but　who　appeared

to　be　of　no　great　importance；　judging　by　the　modesty　of　his

attitude。　Dubkoff　himself　was　in　a　silk　dressing…gown　and　soft

slippers；　while　Wolodaseated　opposite　him　on　a　divanwas　in　his

shirtsleeves；　as　well　as　（to　judge　by　his　flushed　face　and　the

impatient；　cursory　glance　which　he　gave　us　for　a　second　as　he

looked　up　from　the　cards）　much　taken　up　with　the　game。　On　seeing

me；　he　reddened　still　more。



〃Well；　it　is　for　you　to　deal；〃　he　remarked　to　Dubkoff。　In　an

instant　I　divined　that　he　did　not　altogether　relish　my　becoming

acquainted　with　the　fact　that　he　gambled。　Yet　his　expression　had

nothing　in　it　of　confusiononly　a　look　which　seemed　to　me　to　say：

〃Yes；　I　play　cards；　and　if　you　are　surprised　at　that；　it　is　only

because　you　are　so　young。　There　is　nothing　wrong　about　itit　is

a　necessity　at　our　age。〃　Yes；　I　at　once　divined　and　understood

that。



Instead　of　dealing；　however；　Dubkoff　rose　and　shook　hands　with

us；　after　which　he　bade　us　both　be　seated；　and　then　offered　us

pipes；　which　we　declined。



〃Here　is　our　DIPLOMAT；　thenthe　hero　of　the　day！〃　he　said　to　me；

〃Good　Lord！　how　you　look　like　a　colonel！〃



〃H…m！〃　I　muttered　in　reply；　though　once　more　feeling　a　complacent

smile　overspread　my　countenance。



I　stood　in　that　awe　of　Dubkoff　which　a　sixteen…year…old　boy

naturally　feels　for　a　twenty…seven…year…old　man　of　whom　his

elders　say　that　he　is　a　very　clever　young　man　who　can　dance　well

and　speak　French；　and　who；　though　secretly　despising　one's　youth；

endeavours　to　conceal　the　fact。　Yet；　despite　my　respect　for　him；

I　somehow　found　it　difficult　and　uncomfortable；　throughout　my

acquaintanceship　with　him；　to　look　him　in　the　eyes；　I　have　since

remarked　that　there　are　three　kinds　of　men　whom　I　cannot　face

easily；　namely　those　who　are　much　better　than　myself；　those　who

are　much　worse；　and　those　between　whom　and　myself　there　is　a

mutual　determination　not　to　mention　some　particular　thing　of

which　we　are　both　aware。　Dubkoff　may　have　been　a　much　better

fellow　than　myself；　or　he　may　have　been　a　much　worse；　but　the

point　was　that　he　lied　very　frequently　without　recognising　the

fact　that　I　was　aware　of　his　doing　so；　yet　had　determined　not　to

mention　it。



〃Let　us　play　another　round；〃　said　Woloda；　hunching　one　shoulder

after　the　manner　of　Papa；　and　reshuffling　the　cards。



〃How　persistent　you　are！〃　said　Dubkoff。　〃We