idle thoughts of an idle fellow-第4章
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Or is it that you like its bitter flavorthat the clear； limpid water is insipid to your palate and that the pollution of its after…course gives it a relish to your lips？ Must we believe those who tell us that a hand foul with the filth of a shameful life is the only one a young girl cares to be caressed by？
That is the teaching that is bawled out day by day from between those yellow covers。 Do they ever pause to think； I wonder； those devil's ladyhelps； what mischief they are doing crawling about God's garden； and telling childish Eves and silly Adams that sin is sweet and that decency is ridiculous and vulgar？ How many an innocent girl do they not degrade into an evil…minded woman？ To how many a weak lad do they not point out the dirty by…path as the shortest cut to a maiden's heart？ It is not as if they wrote of life as it really is。 Speak truth； and right will take care of itself。 But their pictures are coarse daubs painted from the sickly fancies of their own diseased imagination。
We want to think of women notas their own sex would show themas Lorleis luring us to destruction； but as good angels beckoning us upward。 They have more power for good or evil than they dream of。 It is just at the very age when a man's character is forming that he tumbles into love； and then the lass he loves has the making or marring of him。 Unconsciously he molds himself to what she would have him； good or bad。 I am sorry to have to be ungallant enough to say that I do not think they always use their influence for the best。 Too often the female world is bounded hard and fast within the limits of the commonplace。 Their ideal hero is a prince of littleness； and to become that many a powerful mind； enchanted by love； is 〃lost to life and use and name and fame。〃
And yet； women； you could make us so much better if you only would。 It rests with you； more than with all the preachers； to roll this world a little nearer heaven。 Chivalry is not dead： it only sleeps for want of work to do。 It is you who must wake it to noble deeds。 You must be worthy of knightly worship。
You must be higher than ourselves。 It was for Una that the Red Cross Knight did war。 For no painted； mincing court dame could the dragon have been slain。 Oh； ladies fair； be fair in mind and soul as well as face； so that brave knights may win glory in your service！ Oh； woman； throw off your disguising cloaks of selfishness； effrontery； and affectation！ Stand forth once more a queen in your royal robe of simple purity。 A thousand swords； now rusting in ignoble sloth； shall leap from their scabbards to do battle for your honor against wrong。 A thousand Sir Rolands shall lay lance in rest； and Fear； Avarice； Pleasure； and Ambition shall go down in the dust before your colors。
What noble deeds were we not ripe for in the days when we loved？ What noble lives could we not have lived for her sake？ Our love was a religion we could have died for。 It was no mere human creature like ourselves that we adored。 It was a queen that we paid homage to； a goddess that we worshiped。
And how madly we did worship！ And how sweet it was to worship！ Ah； lad； cherish love's young dream while it lasts！ You will know too soon how truly little Tom Moore sang when he said that there was nothing half so sweet in life。 Even when it brings misery it is a wild； romantic misery； all unlike the dull； worldly pain of after…sorrows。 When you have lost herwhen the light is gone out from your life and the world stretches before you a long； dark horror； even then a half…enchantment mingles with your despair。
And who would not risk its terrors to gain its raptures？ Ah； what raptures they were！ The mere recollection thrills you。 How delicious it was to tell her that you loved her； that you lived for her； that you would die for her！ How you did rave； to be sure； what floods of extravagant nonsense you poured forth； and oh； how cruel it was of her to pretend not to believe you！ In what awe you stood of her！ How miserable you were when you had offended her！ And yet； how pleasant to be bullied by her and to sue for pardon without having the slightest notion of what your fault was！ How dark the world was when she snubbed you； as she often did； the little rogue； just to see you look wretched； how sunny when she smiled！ How jealous you were of every one about her！ How you hated every man she shook hands with； every woman she kissedthe maid that did her hair； the boy that cleaned her shoes； the dog she nursedthough you had to be respectful to the last…named！ How you looked forward to seeing her； how stupid you were when you did see her； staring at her without saying a word！ How impossible it was for you to go out at any time of the day or night without finding yourself eventually opposite her windows！ You hadn't pluck enough to go in； but you hung about the corner and gazed at the outside。 Oh； if the house had only caught fireit was insured； so it wouldn't have matteredand you could have rushed in and saved her at the risk of your life； and have been terribly burned and injured！ Anything to serve her。 Even in little things that was so sweet。 How you would watch her； spaniel…like； to anticipate her slightest wish！ How proud you were to do her bidding！ How delightful it was to be ordered about by her！ To devote your whole life to her and to never think of yourself seemed such a simple thing。 You would go without a holiday to lay a humble offering at her shrine； and felt more than repaid if she only deigned to accept it。 How precious to you was everything that she had hallowed by her touchher little glove； the ribbon she had worn； the rose that had nestled in her hair and whose withered leaves still mark the poems you never care to look at now。
And oh； how beautiful she was； how wondrous beautiful！ It was as some angel entering the room； and all else became plain and earthly。 She was too sacred to be touched。 It seemed almost presumption to gaze at her。 You would as soon have thought of kissing her as of singing comic songs in a cathedral。 It was desecration enough to kneel and timidly raise the gracious little hand to your lips。
Ah； those foolish days； those foolish days when we were unselfish and pure…minded； those foolish days when our simple hearts were full of truth； and faith； and reverence！ Ah； those foolish days of noble longings and of noble strivings！ And oh； these wise； clever days when we know that money is the only prize worth striving for； when we believe in nothing else but meanness and lies； when we care for no living creature but ourselves！
ON BEING IN THE BLUES。
I can enjoy feeling melancholy； and there is a good deal of satisfaction about being thoroughly miserable； but nobody likes a fit of the blues。 Nevertheless； everybody has them； notwithstanding which； nobody can tell why。 There is no accounting for them。 You are just as likely to have one on the day after you have come into a large fortune as on the day after you have left your new silk umbrella in the train。 Its effect upon you is somewhat similar to what would probably be produced by a combined attack of toothache； indigestion； and cold in the head。 You become stupid； restless； and irritable； rude to strangers and dangerous toward your friends； clumsy； maudlin； and quarrelsome； a nuisance to yourself and everybody about you。
While it is on you can do nothing and think of nothing； though feeling at the time bound to do something。 You can't sit still so put on your hat and go for a walk； but before you get to the corner of the street you wish you hadn't come out and you turn back。 You open a book and try to read； but you find Shakespeare trite and commonplace； Dickens is dull and prosy； Thackeray a bore； and Carlyle too sentimental。 You throw the book aside and call the author names。 Then you 〃shoo〃 the cat out of the room and kick the door to after her。 You think you will write your letters； but after sticking at 〃Dearest Auntie： I find I have five minutes to spare； and so hasten to write to you；〃 for a quarter of an hour； without being able to think of another sentence； you tumble the paper into the desk； fling the wet pen down upon the table…cloth； and start up
