a laodicean-第82章

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relations　in　a　way　that　I　could　neither　foresee　nor　avoid；
though　of　late　I　have　had　apprehensions　that　it　might　come　to
this。　　You　vex　and　disturb　me　by　such　words　of　regret。'

'Not　more　than　you　vex　and　disturb　me。　　But　you　cannot　hate
the　man　who　loves　you　so　devotedly？'

'I　have　said　before　I　don't　hate　you。　　I　repeat　that　I　am
interested　in　your　family　and　its　associations　because　of　its
complete　contrast　with　my　own。'　　She　might　have　added；　'And　I
am　additionally　interested　just　now　because　my　uncle　has
forbidden　me　to　be。'

'But　you　don't　care　enough　for　me　personally　to　save　my
happiness。'

Paula　hesitated；　from　the　moment　De　Stancy　confronted　her　she
had　felt　that　this　nocturnal　conversation　was　to　be　a　grave
business。　　The　cathedral　clock　struck　three。　　'I　have　thought
once　or　twice；'　she　said　with　a　naivete　unusual　in　her；　'that
if　I　could　be　sure　of　giving　peace　and　joy　to　your　mind　by
becoming　your　wife；　I　ought　to　endeavour　to　do　so　and　make　the
best　of　itmerely　as　a　charity。　　But　I　believe　that　feeling
is　a　mistake：　　your　discontent　is　constitutional；　and　would　go
on　just　the　same　whether　I　accepted　you　or　no。　　My　refusal　of
you　is　purely　an　imaginary　grievance。'

'Not　if　I　think　otherwise。'

'O　no；'　she　murmured；　with　a　sense　that　the　place　was　very
lonely　and　silent。　　'If　you　think　it　otherwise；　I　suppose　it
is　otherwise。'

'My　darling；　my　Paula！'　he　said；　seizing　her　hand。　　'Do
promise　me　something。　　You　must　indeed！'

'Captain　De　Stancy！'　she　said；　trembling　and　turning　away。
'Captain　De　Stancy！'　　She　tried　to　withdraw　her　fingers；　then
faced　him；　exclaiming　in　a　firm　voice　a　third　time；　'Captain
De　Stancy！　let　go　my　hand；　for　I　tell　you　I　will　not　marry
you！'

'Good　God！'　he　cried；　dropping　her　hand。　　'What　have　I　driven
you　to　say　in　your　anger！　　Retract　itO；　retract　it！'

'Don't　urge　me　further；　as　you　value　my　good　opinion！'

'To　lose　you　now；　is　to　lose　you　for　ever。　　Come；　please
answer！'

'I　won't　be　compelled！'　she　interrupted　with　vehemence。　　'I　am
resolved　not　to　be　yoursnot　to　give　you　an　answer　to…night！
Never；　never　will　I　be　reasoned　out　of　my　intention；　and　I　say
I　won't　answer　you　to…night！　　I　should　never　have　let　you　be
so　much　with　me　but　for　pity　of　you；　and　now　it　is　come　to
this！'

She　had　sunk　into　a　chair；　and　now　leaned　upon　her　hand；　and
buried　her　face　in　her　handkerchief。　　He　had　never　caused　her
any　such　agitation　as　this　before。

'You　stab　me　with　your　words；'　continued　De　Stancy。　　'The
experience　I　have　had　with　you　is　without　parallel；　Paula。　　It
seems　like　a　distracting　dream。'

'I　won't　be　hurried　by　anybody！'

'That　may　mean　anything；'　he　said；　with　a　perplexed；
passionate　air。　　'Well；　mine　is　a　fallen　family；　and　we　must
abide　caprices。　　Would　to　Heaven　it　were　extinguished！'

'What　was　extinguished？'　she　murmured。

'The　De　Stancys。　　Here　am　I；　a　homeless　wanderer；　living　on　my
pay；　in　the　next　room　lies　she；　my　sister；　a　poor　little
fragile　feverish　invalid　with　no　social　positionand　hardly　a
friend。　　We　two　represent　the　De　Stancy　line；　and　I　wish　we
were　behind　the　iron　door　of　our　old　vault　at　Sleeping…Green。
It　can　be　seen　by　looking　at　us　and　our　circumstances　that　we
cry　for　the　earth　and　oblivion！'

'Captain　De　Stancy；　it　is　not　like　that；　I　assure　you；'
sympathized　Paula　with　damp　eyelashes。　　'I　love　Charlotte　too
dearly　for　you　to　talk　like　that；　indeed。　　I　don't　want　to
marry　you　exactly：　　and　yet　I　cannot　bring　myself　to　say　I
permanently　reject　you；　because　I　remember　you　are　Charlotte's
brother；　and　do　not　wish　to　be　the　cause　of　any　morbid
feelings　in　you　which　would　ruin　your　future　prospects。'

'My　dear　life；　what　is　it　you　doubt　in　me？　　Your　earnestness
not　to　do　me　harm　makes　it　all　the　harder　for　me　to　think　of
never　being　more　than　a　friend。'

'Well；　I　have　not　positively　refused！'　she　exclaimed；　in　mixed
tones　of　pity　and　distress。　　'Let　me　think　it　over　a　little
while。　　It　is　not　generous　to　urge　so　strongly　before　I　can
collect　my　thoughts；　and　at　this　midnight　time！'

'Darling；　forgive　it！There；　I'll　say　no　more。'

He　then　offered　to　sit　up　in　her　place　for　the　remainder　of
the　night；　but　Paula　declined；　assuring　him　that　she　meant　to
stay　only　another　half…hour；　after　which　nobody　would　be
necessary。

He　had　already　crossed　the　landing　to　ascend　to　his　room；　when
she　stepped　after　him；　and　asked　if　he　had　received　his
telegram。

'No；'　said　De　Stancy。　　'Nor　have　I　heard　of　one。'

Paula　explained　that　it　was　put　in　his　room；　that　he　might　see
it　the　moment　he　came　in。

'It　matters　very　little；'　he　replied；　'since　I　shall　see　it
now。　　Good…night；　dearest：　　good…night！'　he　added　tenderly。

She　gravely　shook　her　head。　　'It　is　not　for　you　to　express
yourself　like　that；'　she　answered。　　'Good…night；　Captain　De
Stancy。'

He　went　up　the　stairs　to　the　second　floor；　and　Paula　returned
to　the　sitting…room。　　Having　left　a　light　burning　De　Stancy
proceeded　to　look　for　the　telegram；　and　found　it　on　the
carpet；　where　it　had　been　swept　from　the　table。　　When　he　had
opened　the　sheet　a　sudden　solemnity　overspread　his　face。　　He
sat　down；　rested　his　elbow　on　the　table；　and　his　forehead　on
his　hands。

Captain　De　Stancy　did　not　remain　thus　long。　　Rising　he　went
softly　downstairs。　　The　grey　morning　had　by　this　time　crept
into　the　hotel；　rendering　a　light　no　longer　necessary。　　The
old　clock　on　the　landing　was　within　a　few　minutes　of　four；　and
the　birds　were　hopping　up　and　down　their　cages；　and　whetting
their　bills。　　He　tapped　at　the　sitting…room；　and　she　came
instantly。

'But　I　told　you　it　was　not　necessary'　she　began。

'Yes；　but　the　telegram；'　he　said　hurriedly。　　'I　wanted　to　let
you　know　first　thatit　is　very　serious。　　Paulamy　father　is
dead！　　He　died　suddenly　yesterday；　and　I　must　go　at　once。　。　。
。　　About　Charlotteand　how　to　let　her　know'

'She　must　not　be　told　yet；'　said　Paula。　。　。　。　　'Sir　William
dead！'

'You　think　we　had　better　not　tell　her　just　yet？'　said　De
Stancy　anxiously。　　'That's　what　I　want　to　consult　you　about；
if　youdon't　mind　my　intruding。'

'Certainly　I　don't；'　she　said。

They　continued　the　discussion　for　some　time；　and　it　was
decided　that　Charlotte　should　not　be　informed　of　what　had
happened　till　the　doctor　had　been　consulted；　Paula　promising
to　account　for　her　brother's　departure。

De　Stancy　then　prepared　to　leave　for　England　by　the　first
morning　train；　and　roused　the　night…porter；　which　functionary；
having　packed　off　Abner　Power；　was　discovered　asleep　on　the
sofa　of　the　landlord's　parlour。　　At　half…past　five　Paula；　who
in　the　interim　had　been　pensively　sitting　with　her　hand　to　her
chin；　quite　forgetting　that　she　had　meant　to　go　to　bed；　heard
wheels　without；　and　looked　from　the　window。　　A　fly　had　been
brought　round；　and　one　of　the　hotel　servants　was　in　the　act　of
putting　up　a　portmanteau　with　De　Stancy's　initials　upon　it。　　A
minute　afterwards　the　captain　came　to　her　door。

'I　thought　you　had　not　gone　to　bed；　after　all。'

'I　was　anxious　to　see　you　off；'　said　she；　'since　neither　of
the　others　is　awake；　and　you　wished　me　not　to　rouse　them。'

'Quite　right；　you　are　very　good；'　and　lowering　his　voice：
'Paula；　it　is　a　sad　and　solemn　time　with　me。　　Will　you　grant
me　one　wordnot　on　our　last　sad　subject；　but　on　the　previous
onebefore　I　part　with　you　to　go　and　bury　my　father？'

'Certainly；'　she　said；　in　gentle　accents。

'Then　have　you　thought　over　my　position？　　Will　you　at　last
have　pity　upon　my　loneliness　by　becoming　my　wife？'

Paula　sighed　deeply；　and　said；　'Yes。'

'Your　hand　upon　it。'

She　gave　him　her　hand：　　he　held　it　a　few　moments；　then　raised
it　to　his　lips；　and　was　gone。

When　Mrs。　Goodman　rose　she　was　informed　of　Sir　William's
death；　and　of　his　son's　departure。

'Then　the　captain　is　now　Sir　William　De　Stancy！'　she
exclaimed。　　'Really；　Paula；　since　you　would　be　Lady　De　Stancy
by　marrying　him；　I　almost　think'

'Hush；　aunt！'

'Well；　what　are　you　writing　there？'

'Only　entering　in　my　diary　that　I　accepted　him　this　morning
for　pity's　sake；　in　spite　of　Uncle　Abner。　　They'll　say　it　was
for　the　title；　but　knowing　it　was　not　I　don't　care。'



XI。

On　the　evening　of　the