a laodicean-第62章
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were now lines of beauty for him。 He prowled in the library；
and found interest in the mustiest facts relating to that
place； learning with aesthetic pleasure that the number of its
population was fifty thousand； that the mean temperature of
its atmosphere was 60 degrees Fahrenheit； and that the
peculiarities of a mistral were far from agreeable。
He waited overlong for her reply； but it ultimately came。
After the usual business preliminary； she said：
'As requested； I have visited the little church you designed。
It gave me great pleasure to stand before a building whose
outline and details had come from the brain of such a valued
friend and adviser。'
（'Valued friend and adviser；' repeated Somerset critically。）
'I like the style much； especially that of the windowsEarly
English are they not？ I am going to attend service there next
Sunday； BECAUSE YOU WERE THE ARCHITECT； AND FOR NO GODLY
REASON AT ALL。 Does that content you？ Fie for your
despondency！ Remember M。 Aurelius： 〃This is the chief thing：
Be not perturbed； for all things are of the nature of the
Universal。〃 Indeed I am a little surprised at your having
forebodings； after my assurance to you before I left。 I have
none。 My opinion is that； to be happy； it is best to think
that； as we are the product of events； events will continue to
produce that which is in harmony with us。 。 。 。 You are too
faint…hearted； and that's the truth of it。 I advise you not
to abandon yourself to idolatry too readily； you know what I
mean。 It fills me with remorse when I think how very far
below such a position my actual worth removes me。
'I should like to receive another letter from you as soon as
you have got over the misgiving you speak of； but don't write
too soon。 I wish I could write anything to raise your
spirits； but you may be so perverse that if； in order to do
this； I tell you of the races； routs； scenery； gaieties； and
gambling going on in this place and neighbourhood （into which
of course I cannot help being a little drawn）； you may declare
that my words make you worse than ever。 Don't pass the line I
have set down in the way you were tempted to do in your last；
and not too many Dearestsat least as yet。 This is not a
time for effusion。 You have my very warm affection； and
that's enough for the present。'
As a love…letter this missive was tantalizing enough； but
since its form was simply a continuation of what she had
practised before she left； it produced no undue misgiving in
him。 Far more was he impressed by her omitting to answer the
two important questions he had put to her。 First； concerning
her uncle's attitude towards them； and his conduct in giving
such strange information to the reporter。 Second； on his；
Somerset's； paying her a flying visit some time during the
spring。 Since she had requested it； he made no haste in his
reply。 When penned； it ran in the words subjoined； which； in
common with every line of their correspondence； acquired from
the strangeness of subsequent circumstances an interest and a
force that perhaps they did not intrinsically possess。
'People cannot' （he wrote） 'be for ever in good spirits on
this gloomy side of the Channel； even though you seem to be so
on yours。 However； that I can abstain from letting you know
whether my spirits are good or otherwise； I will prove in our
future correspondence。 I admire you more and more； both for
the warm feeling towards me which I firmly believe you have；
and for your ability to maintain side by side with it so much
dignity and resolution with regard to foolish sentiment。
Sometimes I think I could have put up with a little more
weakness if it had brought with it a little more tenderness；
but I dismiss all that when I mentally survey your other
qualities。 I have thought of fifty things to say to you of
the TOO FAR sort； not one of any other； so that your
prohibition is very unfortunate； for by it I am doomed to say
things that do not rise spontaneously to my lips。 You say
that our shut…up feelings are not to be mentioned yet。 How
long is the yet to last？
'But； to speak more solemnly； matters grow very serious with
us； Paulaat least with me： and there are times when this
restraint is really unbearable。 It is possible to put up with
reserve when the reserved being is by one's side； for the eyes
may reveal what the lips do not。 But when she is absent； what
was piquancy becomes harshness； tender railleries become cruel
sarcasm； and tacit understandings misunderstandings。 However
that may be； you shall never be able to reproach me for
touchiness。 I still esteem you as a friend； I admire you and
love you as a woman。 This I shall always do； however
unconfiding you prove。'
II。
Without knowing it； Somerset was drawing near to a crisis in
this soft correspondence which would speedily put his
assertions to the test； but the knowledge came upon him soon
enough for his peace。
Her next letter； dated March 9th； was the shortest of all he
had received； and beyond the portion devoted to the building…
works it contained only the following sentences：
'I am almost angry with you； George； for being vexed because I
am not more effusive。 Why should the verbal I LOVE YOU be
ever uttered between two beings of opposite sex who have eyes
to see signs？ During the seven or eight months that we have
known each other； you have discovered my regard for you； and
what more can you desire？ Would a reiterated assertion of
passion really do any good？ Remember it is a natural instinct
with us women to retain the power of obliging a man to hope；
fear； pray； and beseech as long as we think fit； before we
confess to a reciprocal affection。
'I am now going to own to a weakness about which I had
intended to keep silent。 It will not perhaps add to your
respect for me。 My uncle； whom in many ways I like； is
displeased with me for keeping up this correspondence so
regularly。 I am quite perverse enough to venture to disregard
his feelings； but considering the relationship； and his
kindness in other respects； I should prefer not to do so at
present。 Honestly speaking； I want the courage to resist him
in some things。 He said to me the other day that he was very
much surprised that I did not depend upon his judgment for my
future happiness。 Whether that meant much or little； I have
resolved to communicate with you only by telegrams for the
remainder of the time we are here。 Please reply by the same
means only。 There； now； don't flush and call me names！ It is
for the best； and we want no nonsense； you and I。 Dear
George； I feel more than I say； and if I do not speak more
plainly； you will understand what is behind after all I have
hinted。 I can promise you that you will not like me less upon
knowing me better。 Hope ever。 I would give up a good deal
for you。 Good…bye！'
This brought Somerset some cheerfulness and a good deal of
gloom。 He silently reproached her； who was apparently so
independent； for lacking independence in such a vital matter。
Perhaps it was mere sex； perhaps it was peculiar to a few；
that her independence and courage； like Cleopatra's； failed
her occasionally at the last moment。
One curious impression which had often haunted him now
returned with redoubled force。 He could not see himself as
the husband of Paula Power in any likely future。 He could not
imagine her his wife。 People were apt to run into mistakes in
their presentiments； but though he could picture her as
queening it over him； as avowing her love for him
unreservedly； even as compromising herself for him； he could
not see her in a state of domesticity with him。
Telegrams being commanded； to the telegraph he repaired； when；
after two days； an immediate wish to communicate with her led
him to dismiss vague conjecture on the future situation。 His
first telegram took the following form：
'I give up the letter writing。 I will part with anything to
please you but yourself。 Your comfort with your relative is
the first thing to be considered： not for the world do I wish
you to make divisions within doors。 Yours。'
Tuesday； Wednesday； Thursday passed； and on Saturday a
t
