a woman of thirty-第8章

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ictor　d'Aiglemont？　And　besides；　how　could　I　tell　you　now？　for　I　　　cannot　remember　that　old　self。　A　few　moments　turned　my　girlhood　to　　　a　dream。　All　through　the　memorable　day　which　consecrated　a　chain；　　　the　extent　of　which　was　hidden　from　me；　my　behavior　was　not　free　　　from　reproach。　Once　and　again　my　father　tried　to　repress　my　　　spirits；　the　joy　which　I　showed　so　plainly　was　thought　unbefitting　　　the　occasion；　my　talk　scarcely　innocent；　simply　because　I　was　so　　　innocent。　I　played　endless　child's　tricks　with　my　bridal　veil；　my　　　wreath；　my　gown。　Left　alone　that　night　in　the　room　whither　I　had　　　been　conducted　in　state；　I　planned　a　piece　of　mischief　to　tease　　　Victor。　While　I　awaited　his　coming；　my　heart　beat　wildly；　as　it　　　used　to　do　when　I　was　a　child　stealing　into　the　drawing…room　on　　　the　last　day　of　the　old　year　to　catch　a　glimpse　of　the　New　Year's　　　gifts　piled　up　there　in　heaps。　When　my　husband　came　in　and　looked　　　for　me；　my　smothered　laughter　ringing　out　from　beneath　the　lace　in　　　which　I　had　shrouded　myself；　was　the　last　outburst　of　the　　　delicious　merriment　which　brightened　our　games　in　childhood　。　。　。〃

When　the　dowager　had　finished　reading　the　letter；　and　after　such　a　beginning　the　rest　must　have　been　sad　indeed；　she　slowly　laid　her　spectacles　on　the　table；　put　the　letter　down　beside　them；　and　looked　fixedly　at　her　niece。　Age　had　not　dimmed　the　fire　in　those　green　eyes　as　yet。

〃My　little　girl；〃　she　said；　〃a　married　woman　cannot　write　such　a　letter　as　this　to　a　young　unmarried　woman；　it　is　scarcely　proper〃

〃So　I　was　thinking；〃　Julie　broke　in　upon　her　aunt。　〃I　felt　ashamed　of　myself　while　you　were　reading　it。〃

〃If　a　dish　at　table　is　not　to　our　taste；　there　is　no　occasion　to　disgust　others　with　it；　child；〃　the　old　lady　continued　benignly；　〃especially　when　marriage　has　seemed　to　us　all；　from　Eve　downwards；　so　excellent　an　institution。　。　。　You　have　no　mother？〃

The　Countess　trembled；　then　she　raised　her　face　meekly；　and　said：

〃I　have　missed　my　mother　many　times　already　during　the　past　year；　but　I　have　myself　to　blame；　I　would　not　listen　to　my　father。　He　was　opposed　to　my　marriage；　he　disapproved　of　Victor　as　a　son…in…law。〃

She　looked　at　her　aunt。　The　old　face　was　lighted　up　with　a　kindly　look；　and　a　thrill　of　joy　dried　Julie's　tears。　She　held　out　her　young；　soft　hand　to　the　old　Marquise；　who　seemed　to　ask　for　it；　and　the　understanding　between　the　two　women　was　completed　by　the　close　grasp　of　their　fingers。

〃Poor　orphan　child！〃

The　words　came　like　a　final　flash　of　enlightenment　to　Julie。　It　seemed　to　her　that　she　heard　her　father's　prophetic　voice　again。

〃Your　hands　are　burning！　Are　they　always　like　this？〃　asked　the　Marquise。

〃The　fever　only　left　me　seven　or　eight　days　ago。〃

〃You　had　a　fever　upon　you；　and　said　nothing　about　it　to　me！〃

〃I　have　had　it　for　a　year；〃　said　Julie；　with　a　kind　of　timid　anxiety。

〃My　good　little　angel；　then　your　married　life　hitherto　has　been　one　long　time　of　suffering？〃

Julie　did　not　venture　to　reply；　but　an　affirmative　sign　revealed　the　whole　truth。

〃Then　you　are　unhappy？〃

〃On！　no；　no；　aunt。　Victor　loves　me；　he　almost　idolizes　me；　and　I　adore　him；　he　is　so　kind。〃

〃Yes；　you　love　him；　but　you　avoid　him；　do　you　not？〃

〃Yes　。　。　。　sometimes　。　。　。　He　seeks　me　too　often。〃

〃And　often　when　you　are　alone　you　are　troubled　with　the　fear　that　he　may　suddenly　break　in　on　your　solitude？〃

〃Alas！　yes；　aunt。　But；　indeed；　I　love　him；　I　do　assure　you。〃

〃Do　you　not；　in　your　own　thoughts；　blame　yourself　because　you　find　it　impossible　to　share　his　pleasures？　Do　you　never　think　at　times　that　marriage　is　a　heavier　yoke　than　an　illicit　passion　could　be？〃

〃Oh；　that　is　just　it；〃　she　wept。　〃It　is　all　a　riddle　to　me；　and　can　you　guess　it　all？　My　faculties　are　benumbed；　I　have　no　ideas；　I　can　scarcely　see　at　all。　I　am　weighed　down　by　vague　dread；　which　freezes　me　till　I　cannot　feel；　and　keeps　me　in　continual　torpor。　I　have　no　voice　with　which　to　pity　myself；　no　words　to　express　my　trouble。　I　suffer；　and　I　am　ashamed　to　suffer　when　Victor　is　happy　at　my　cost。〃

〃Babyish　nonsense；　and　rubbish；　all　of　it！〃　exclaimed　the　aunt；　and　a　gay　smile；　an　after…glow　of　the　joys　of　her　own　youth；　suddenly　lighted　up　her　withered　face。

〃And　do　you　too　laugh！〃　the　younger　woman　cried　despairingly。

〃It　was　just　my　own　case；〃　the　Marquise　returned　promptly。　〃And　now　Victor　has　left　you；　you　have　become　a　girl　again；　recovering　a　tranquillity　without　pleasure　and　without　pain；　have　you　not？〃

Julie　opened　wide　eyes　of　bewilderment。

〃In　fact；　my　angel；　you　adore　Victor；　do　you　not？　But　still　you　would　rather　be　a　sister　to　him　than　a　wife；　and；　in　short；　your　marriage　is　emphatically　not　a　success？〃

〃Wellno；　aunt。　But　why　do　you　smile？〃

〃Oh！　you　are　right；　poor　child！　There　is　nothing　very　amusing　in　all　this。　Your　future　would　be　big　with　more　than　one　mishap　if　I　had　not　taken　you　under　my　protection；　if　my　old　experience　of　life　had　not　guessed　the　very　innocent　cause　of　your　troubles。　My　nephew　did　not　deserve　his　good　fortune；　the　blockhead！　In　the　reign　of　our　well…　beloved　Louis　Quinze；　a　young　wife　in　your　position　would　very　soon　have　punished　her　husband　for　behaving　like　a　ruffian。　The　selfish　creature！　The　men　who　serve　under　this　Imperial　tyrant　are　all　of　them　ignorant　boors。　They　take　brutality　for　gallantry；　they　know　no　more　of　women　than　they　know　of　love；　and　imagine　that　because　they　go　out　to　face　death　on　the　morrow；　they　may　dispense　to…day　with　all　consideration　and　attentions　for　us。　The　time　was　when　a　man　could　love　and　die　too　at　the　proper　time。　My　niece；　I　will　form　you。　I　will　put　an　end　to　this　unhappy　divergence　between　you；　a　natural　thing　enough；　but　it　would　end　in　mutual　hatred　and　desire　for　a　divorce；　always　supposing　that　you　did　not　die　on　the　way　to　despair。〃

Julie's　amazement　equaled　her　surprise　as　she　listened　to　her　aunt。　She　was　surprised　by　her　language；　dimly　divining　rather　than　appreciating　the　wisdom　of　the　words　she　heard；　and　very　much　dismayed　to　find　what　this　relative；　out　of　great　experience；　passed　judgment　upon　Victor　as　her　father　had　done；　though　in　somewhat　milder　terms。　Perhaps　some　quick　prevision　of　the　future　crossed　her　mind；　doubtless；　at　any　rate；　she　felt　the　heavy　weight　of　the　burden　which　must　inevitably　overwhelm　her；　for　she　burst　into　tears；　and　sprang　to　the　old　lady's　arms。　〃Be　my　mother；〃　she　sobbed。

The　aunt　shed　no　tears。　The　Revolution　had　left　old　ladies　of　the　Monarchy　but　few　tears　to　shed。　Love；　in　bygone　days；　and　the　Terror　at　a　later　time；　had　familiarized　them　with　extremes　of　joy　and　anguish　in　such　a　sort　that；　amid　the　perils　of　life；　they　preserved　their　dignity　and　coolness；　a　capacity　for　sincere　but　undemonstrative　affection　which　never　disturbed　their　well…bred　self…possession；　and　a　dignity　of　demeanor　which　a　younger　generation　has　done　very　ill　to　discard。

The　dowager　took　Julie　in　her　arms；　and　kissed　her　on　the　forehead　with　a　tenderness　and　pity　more　often　found　in　women's　ways　and　manner　than　in　their　hearts。　Then　she　coaxed　her　niece　with　kind；　soothing　words；　assured　her　of　a　happy　future；　lulled　her　with　promises　of　love；　and　put　her　to　bed　as　if　she　had　been　not　a　niece；　but　a　daughter；　a　much…beloved　daughter　whose　hopes　and　cares　she　had　made　her　own。　Perhaps　the　old　Marquise　had　found　her　own　youth　and　inexperience　and　beauty　again　in　this　nephew's　wife。　And　the　Countess　fell　asleep；　happy　to　have　found　a　friend；　nay　a　mother；　to　whom　she　could　tell　everything　freely。

Next　morning；　when　the　two　women　kissed　each　other　with　heartfelt　kindness；　and　that　look　of　intelligence　which　marks　a　real　advance　in　friendship；　a　closer　intimacy　between　two　souls；　they　heard　the　sound　of　horsehoofs；　and；　turning　both　together；　saw　the　young　Englishman　ride　slowly　past　the　window；　after　his　wont。　Apparently　he　had　made　a　certain　study　of　the　life　led　by　the　two　lonely　women；　for　he　never　failed　to　ride　by　as　they　sat　at　breakfast；　and　again　at　dinner。　His　horse　slackened　pace　of　its　own　accord；　and　for　the　space　of　time　required　to　pass　the　two　windows　in　the　room；　its　rider　turned　a　melancholy　look　upon　the　Countess；　who　seldom　deigned　to　take　the　slightest　no