a woman of thirty-第15章
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Julie had scarcely spoken the words which had moved Lord Grenville so deeply； when a caressing breeze ruffled the treetops and filled the air with coolness from the river； a few clouds crossed the sky； and the soft cloud…shadows brought out all the beauty of the fair land below。
Julie turned away her head； lest Arthur should see the tears which she succeeded in repressing； his emotion had spread at once to her。 She dried her eyes； but she dared not raise them lest he should read the excess of joy in a glance。 Her woman's instinct told her that during this hour of danger she must hide her love in the depths of her heart。 Yet silence might prove equally dangerous； and Julie saw that Lord Grenville was unable to utter a word。 She went on； therefore； in a gentle voice：
〃You are touched by what I have said。 Perhaps such a quick outburst of feeling is the way in which a gracious and kind nature like yours reverses a mistaken judgment。 You must have thought me ungrateful when I was cold and reserved； or cynical and hard； all through the journey which； fortunately； is very near its end。 I should not have been worthy of your care if I had been unable to appreciate it。 I have forgotten nothing。 Alas！ I shall forget nothing； not the anxious way in which you watched over me as a mother watches over her child； nor； and above all else； the noble confidence of our life as brother and sister； the delicacy of your conductwinning charms； against which we women are defenceless。 My lord； it is out of my power to make you a return〃
At these words Julie hastily moved further away； and Lord Grenville made no attempt to detain her。 She went to a rock not far away； and there sat motionless。 What either felt remained a secret known to each alone； doubtless they wept in silence。 The singing of the birds about them； so blithe； so overflowing with tenderness at sunset time； could only increase the storm of passion which had driven them apart。 Nature took up their story for them； and found a language for the love of which they did not dare to speak。
〃And now； my lord；〃 said Julie； and she came and stood before Arthur with a great dignity； which allowed her to take his hand in hers。 〃I am going to ask you to hallow and purify the life which you have given back to me。 Here； we will part。 I know；〃 she added； as she saw how white his face grew； 〃I know that I am repaying you for your devotion by requiring of you a sacrifice even greater than any which you have hitherto made for me； sacrifices so great that they should receive some better recompense than this。 。 。 。 But it must be。 。 。 You must not stay in France。 By laying this command upon you； do I not give you rights which shall be held sacred？〃 she added； holding his hand against her beating heart。
〃Yes；〃 said Arthur； and he rose。
He looked in the direction of d'Aiglemont； who appeared on the opposite side of one of the hollow walks with the child in his arms。 He had scrambled up on the balustrade by the chateau that little Helene might jump down。
〃Julie； I will not say a word of my love； we understand each other too well。 Deeply and carefully though I have hidden the pleasures of my heart； you have shared them all； I feel it； I know it； I see it。 And now； at this moment； as I receive this delicious proof of the constant sympathy of our hearts； I must go。 。 。 。 Cunning schemes for getting rid of him have crossed my mind too often； the temptation might be irresistible if I stayed with you。〃
〃I had the same thought；〃 she said； a look of pained surprise in her troubled face。
Yet in her tone and involuntary shudder there was such virtue； such certainty of herself； won in many a hard…fought battle with a love that spoke in Julie's tones and involuntary gestures； that Lord Grenville stood thrilled with admiration of her。 The mere shadow of a crime had been dispelled from that clear conscience。 The religious sentiment enthroned on the fair forehead could not but drive away the evil thoughts that arise unbidden； engendered by our imperfect nature； thoughts which make us aware of the grandeur and the perils of human destiny。
〃And then；〃 she said； 〃I should have drawn down your scorn upon me； andI should have been saved；〃 she added； and her eyes fell。 〃To be lowered in your eyes； what is that but death？〃
For a moment the two heroic lovers were silent； choking down their sorrow。 Good or ill； it seemed that their thoughts were loyally one； and the joys in the depths of their heart were no more experiences apart than the pain which they strove most anxiously to hide。
〃I have no right to complain；〃 she said after a while； 〃my misery is of my own making；〃 and she raised her tear…filled eyes to the sky。
〃Perhaps you don't remember it； but that is the place where we met each other for the first time；〃 shouted the General from below； and he waved his hand towards the distance。 〃There； down yonder； near those poplars！〃
The Englishman nodded abruptly by way of answer。
〃So I was bound to die young and to know no happiness；〃 Julie continued。 〃Yes； do not think that I live。 Sorrow is just as fatal as the dreadful disease which you have cured。 I do not think that I am to blame。 No。 My love is stronger than I am； and eternal； but all unconsciously it grew in me； and I will not be guilty through my love。 Nevertheless； though I shall be faithful to my conscience as a wife； to my duties as a mother； I will be no less faithful to the instincts of my heart。 Hear me；〃 she cried in an unsteady voice； 〃henceforth I belong to /him/ no longer。〃
By a gesture； dreadful to see in its undisguised loathing she indicated her husband。
〃The social code demands that I shall make his existence happy；〃 she continued。 〃I will obey； I will be his servant； my devotion to him shall be boundless； but from to…day I am a widow。 I will neither be a prostitute in my own eyes nor in those of the world。 If I do not belong to M。 d'Aiglemont； I will never belong to another。 You shall have nothing； nothing save this which you have wrung from me。 This is the doom which I have passed upon myself；〃 she said； looking proudly at him。 〃And now； know thisif you give way to a single criminal thought； M。 d'Aiglemont's widow will enter a convent in Spain or Italy。 By an evil chance we have spoken of our love； perhaps that confession was bound to come； but our hearts must never vibrate again like this。 To…morrow you will receive a letter from England； and we shall part； and never see each other again。〃
The effort had exhausted all Julie's strength。 She felt her knees trembling； and a feeling of deathly cold came over her。 Obeying a woman's instinct； she sat down； lest she should sink into Arthur's arms。
〃/Julie！/〃 cried Lord Grenville。
The sharp cry rang through the air like a crack of thunder。 Till then he could not speak； now； all the words which the dumb lover could not utter gathered themselves in that heartrending appeal。
〃Well； what is wrong with her？〃 asked the General； who had hurried up at that cry； and now suddenly confronted the two。
〃Nothing serious；〃 said Julie； with that wonderful self…possession which a woman's quick…wittedness usually brings to her aid when it is most called for。 〃The chill； damp air under the walnut tree made me feel quite faint just now； and that must have alarmed this doctor of mine。 Does he not look on me as a very nearly finished work of art？ He was startled； I suppose； by the idea of seeing it destroyed。〃 With ostentatious coolness she took Lord Grenville's arm； smiled at her husband； took a last look at the landscape； and went down the pathway； drawing her traveling companion with her。
〃This certainly is the grandest view that we have seen；〃 she said； 〃I shall never forget it。 Just look； Victor； what distance； what an expanse of country； and what variety in it！ I have fallen in love with this landscape。〃
Her laughter was almost hysterical； but to her husband it sounded natural。 She sprang gaily down into the hollow pathway and vanished。
〃What？〃 she cried； when they had left M。 d'Aiglemont far behind。 〃So soon？ Is it so soon？ Another moment； and we can neither of us be ourselves； we shall never be ourselves again； our life is over； in short〃
〃Let us go slowly；〃 said
