eugene pickering-第5章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



future。'　　He　was　talking　of　death；　and　anything　but　grief　at　that

moment　was　doubtless　impious　and　monstrous；　but　there　came　into　my

heart　for　the　first　time　a　throbbing　sense　of　being　over…governed。　　I

said　nothing；　and　he　thought　my　silence　was　all　sorrow。　　'I　shall　not

live　to　see　you　married；'　he　went　on；　'but　since　the　foundation　is

laid；　that　little　signifies；　it　would　be　a　selfish　pleasure；　and　I

have　never　thought　of　myself　but　in　you。　　To　foresee　your　future；　in

its　main　outline；　to　know　to　a　certainty　that　you　will　be　safely

domiciled　here；　with　a　wife　approved　by　my　judgment；　cultivating　the

moral　fruit　of　which　I　have　sown　the　seedthis　will　content　me。

But；　my　son；　I　wish　to　clear　this　bright　vision　from　the　shadow　of　a

doubt。　　I　believe　in　your　docility；　I　believe　I　may　trust　the

salutary　force　of　your　respect　for　my　memory。　　But　I　must　remember

that　when　I　am　removed　you　will　stand　here　alone；　face　to　face　with　a

hundred　nameless　temptations　to　perversity。　　The　fumes　of　unrighteous

pride　may　rise　into　your　brain　and　tempt　you；　in　the　interest　of　a

vulgar　theory　which　it　will　call　your　independence；　to　shatter　the

edifice　I　have　so　laboriously　constructed。　　So　I　must　ask　you　for　a

promisethe　solemn　promise　you　owe　my　condition。'　　And　he　grasped　my

hand。　　'You　will　follow　the　path　I　have　marked；　you　will　be　faithful

to　the　young　girl　whom　an　influence　as　devoted　as　that　which　has

governed　your　own　young　life　has　moulded　into　everything　amiable；　you

will　marry　Isabel　Vernor。'　　This　was　pretty　'steep；'　as　we　used　to

say　at　school。　　I　was　frightened；　I　drew　away　my　hand　and　asked　to　be

trusted　without　any　such　terrible　vow。　　My　reluctance　startled　my

father　into　a　suspicion　that　the　vulgar　theory　of　independence　had

already　been　whispering　to　me。　　He　sat　up　in　his　bed　and　looked　at　me

with　eyes　which　seemed　to　foresee　a　lifetime　of　odious　ingratitude。

I　felt　the　reproach；　I　feel　it　now。　　I　promised！　　And　even　now　I

don't　regret　my　promise　nor　complain　of　my　father's　tenacity。　　I

feel；　somehow；　as　if　the　seeds　of　ultimate　repose　had　been　sown　in

those　unsuspecting　yearsas　if　after　many　days　I　might　gather　the

mellow　fruit。　　But　after　many　days！　　I　will　keep　my　promise；　I　will

obey；　but　I　want　to　LIVE　first！〃



〃My　dear　fellow；　you　are　living　now。　　All　this　passionate

consciousness　of　your　situation　is　a　very　ardent　life。　　I　wish　I

could　say　as　much　for　my　own。〃



〃I　want　to　forget　my　situation。　　I　want　to　spend　three　months　without

thinking　of　the　past　or　the　future；　grasping　whatever　the　present

offers　me。　　Yesterday　I　thought　I　was　in　a　fair　way　to　sail　with　the

tide。　　But　this　morning　comes　this　memento！〃　　And　he　held　up　his

letter　again。



〃What　is　it？〃



〃A　letter　from　Smyrna。〃



〃I　see　you　have　not　yet　broken　the　seal。〃



〃No；　nor　do　I　mean　to；　for　the　present。　　It　contains　bad　news。〃



〃What　do　you　call　bad　news？〃



〃News　that　I　am　expected　in　Smyrna　in　three　weeks。　　News　that　Mr。

Vernor　disapproves　of　my　roving　about　the　world。　　News　that　his

daughter　is　standing　expectant　at　the　altar。〃



〃Is　not　this　pure　conjecture？〃



〃Conjecture；　possibly；　but　safe　conjecture。　　As　soon　as　I　looked　at

the　letter　something　smote　me　at　the　heart。　　Look　at　the　device　on

the　seal；　and　I　am　sure　you　will　find　it's　TARRY　NOT！〃　　And　he　flung

the　letter　on　the　grass。



〃Upon　my　word；　you　had　better　open　it；〃　I　said。



〃If　I　were　to　open　it　and　read　my　summons；　do　you　know　what　I　should

do？　　I　should　march　home　and　ask　the　Oberkellner　how　one　gets　to

Smyrna；　pack　my　trunk；　take　my　ticket；　and　not　stop　till　I　arrived。

I　know　I　should；　it　would　be　the　fascination　of　habit。　　The　only　way；

therefore；　to　wander　to　my　rope's　end　is　to　leave　the　letter　unread。〃



〃In　your　place；〃　I　said；　〃curiosity　would　make　me　open　it。〃



He　shook　his　head。　　〃I　have　no　curiosity！　　For　a　long　time　now　the

idea　of　my　marriage　has　ceased　to　be　a　novelty；　and　I　have

contemplated　it　mentally　in　every　possible　light。　　I　fear　nothing

from　that　side；　but　I　do　fear　something　from　conscience。　　I　want　my

hands　tied。　　Will　you　do　me　a　favour？　　Pick　up　the　letter；　put　it

into　your　pocket；　and　keep　it　till　I　ask　you　for　it。　　When　I　do；　you

may　know　that　I　am　at　my　rope's　end。〃



I　took　the　letter；　smiling。　　〃And　how　long　is　your　rope　to　be？　　The

Homburg　season　doesn't　last　for　ever。〃



〃Does　it　last　a　month？　　Let　that　be　my　season！　　A　month　hence　you

will　give　it　back　to　me。〃



〃To…morrow　if　you　say　so。　　Meanwhile；　let　it　rest　in　peace！〃　　And　I

consigned　it　to　the　most　sacred　interstice　of　my　pocket…book。　　To　say

that　I　was　disposed　to　humour　the　poor　fellow　would　seem　to　be　saying

that　I　thought　his　request　fantastic。　　It　was　his　situation；　by　no

fault　of　his　own；　that　was　fantastic；　and　he　was　only　trying　to　be

natural。　　He　watched　me　put　away　the　letter；　and　when　it　had

disappeared　gave　a　soft　sigh　of　relief。　　The　sigh　was　natural；　and

yet　it　set　me　thinking。　　His　general　recoil　from　an　immediate

responsibility　imposed　by　others　might　be　wholesome　enough；　but　if

there　was　an　old　grievance　on　one　side；　was　there　not　possibly　a　new…

born　delusion　on　the　other？　　It　would　be　unkind　to　withhold　a

reflection　that　might　serve　as　a　warning；　so　I　told　him；　abruptly；

that　I　had　been　an　undiscovered　spectator；　the　night　before；　of　his

exploits　at　roulette。



He　blushed　deeply；　but　he　met　my　eyes　with　the　same　clear　good…

humour。



〃Ah；　then；　you　saw　that　wonderful　lady？〃



〃Wonderful　she　was　indeed。　　I　saw　her　afterwards；　too；　sitting　on　the

terrace　in　the　starlight。　　I　imagine　she　was　not　alone。〃



〃No；　indeed；　I　was　with　herfor　nearly　an　hour。　　Then　I　walked　home

with　her。〃



〃Ah！　　And　did　you　go　in？〃



〃No；　she　said　it　was　too　late　to　ask　me；　though　she　remarked　that　in

a　general　way　she　did　not　stand　upon　ceremony。〃



〃She　did　herself　injustice。　　When　it　came　to　losing　your　money　for

you；　she　made　you　insist。〃



〃Ah；　you　noticed　that　too？〃　cried　Pickering；　still　quite　unconfused。

〃I　felt　as　if　the　whole　table　were　staring　at　me；　but　her　manner　was

so　gracious　and　reassuring　that　I　supposed　she　was　doing　nothing

unusual。　　She　confessed；　however；　afterwards；　that　she　is　very

eccentric。　　The　world　began　to　call　her　so；　she　said；　before　she　ever

dreamed　of　it；　and　at　last　finding　that　she　had　the　reputation；　in

spite　of　herself；　she　resolved　to　enjoy　its　privileges。　　Now；　she

does　what　she　chooses。〃



〃In　other　words；　she　is　a　lady　with　no　reputation　to　lose！〃



Pickering　seemed　puzzled；　he　smiled　a　little。　〃Is　not　that　what　you

say　of　bad　women？〃



〃Of　someof　those　who　are　found　out。〃



〃Well；〃　he　said；　still　smiling；　〃I　have　not　yet　found　out　Madame

Blumenthal。〃



〃If　that's　her　name；　I　suppose　she's　German。〃



〃Yes；　but　she　speaks　English　so　well　that　you　wouldn't　know　it。　　She

is　very　clever。　　Her　husband　is　dead。〃



I　laughed　involuntarily　at　the　conjunction　of　these　facts；　and

Pickering's　clear　glance　seemed　to　question　my　mirth。　　〃You　have　been

so　bluntly　frank　with　me；〃　I　said；　〃that　I　too　must　be　frank。　　Tell

me；　if　you　can；　whether　this　clever　Madame　Blumenthal；　whose　husband

is　dead；　has　given　a　point　to　your　desire　for　a　suspension　of

communication　with　Smyrna。〃



He　seemed　to　ponder　my　question；　unshrinkingly。　　〃I　think　not；〃　he

said；　at　last。　　〃I　have　had　the　desire　for　three　months；　I　have　known

Madame　Blumenthal　for　less　than　twenty…four　hours。〃



〃Very　true。　　But　when　you　found　this　letter　of　yours　on　your　place　at

breakfast；　did　you　seem　for　a　moment　to　see　Madame　Blumenthal　sitting

opposite？〃



〃Opposite？〃



〃Opposite；　my　dear　fellow；　or　anywhere　in　the　neighbourhood。　　In　a

word；　does　she　interest　you？〃



〃Very　much！〃　he　cried；　joyously。



〃Amen！〃　I　answered；　jumping　up　with　a　laugh。　　〃And　now；　if　we　are　to

see　the　world　in　a　month；　there　is　no　time　to　lose。　　Let　us　begin

with　the　Hardtwald。〃