eugene pickering-第13章

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'You　will　write　to　me　then；　when　you　get　home？'　　'I　think　not；'　said

I。　　'Six　months　hence；　I　fancy；　you　will　come　and　see　me！'　　'Never！'

said　I。　　'That's　a　confession　of　stupidity；'　she　answered。　　'It　means

that；　even　on　reflection；　you　will　never　understand　the　philosophy　of

my　conduct。'　　The　word　'philosophy'　seemed　so　strange　that　I　verily

believe　I　smiled。　　'I　have　given　you　all　that　you　gave　me；'　she　went

on。　　'Your　passion　was　an　affair　of　the　head。'　　'I　only　wish　you　had

told　me　sooner　that　you　considered　it　so！'　I　exclaimed。　　And　I　went

my　way。　　The　next　day　I　came　down　the　Rhine。　　I　sat　all　day　on　the

boat；　not　knowing　where　I　was　going；　where　to　get　off。　　I　was　in　a

kind　of　ague　of　terror；　it　seemed　to　me　I　had　seen　something

infernal。　　At　last　I　saw　the　cathedral　towers　here　looming　over　the

city。　　They　seemed　to　say　something　to　me；　and　when　the　boat　stopped；

I　came　ashore。　　I　have　been　here　a　week。　　I　have　not　slept　at　night

and　yet　it　has　been　a　week　of　rest！〃



It　seemed　to　me　that　he　was　in　a　fair　way　to　recover；　and　that　his

own　philosophy；　if　left　to　take　its　time；　was　adequate　to　the

occasion。　　After　his　story　was　once　told　I　referred　to　his　grievance

but　oncethat　evening；　later；　as　we　were　about　to　separate　for　the

night。　　〃Suffer　me　to　say　that　there　was　some　truth　in　HER　account　of

your　relations；〃　I　said。　　〃You　were　using　her　intellectually；　and　all

the　while；　without　your　knowing　it；　she　was　using　you。　　It　was

diamond　cut　diamond。　　Her　needs　were　the　more　superficial；　and　she

got　tired　of　the　game　first。〃　　He　frowned　and　turned　uneasily　away；

but　without　contradicting　me。　　I　waited　a　few　moments；　to　see　if　he

would　remember；　before　we　parted；　that　he　had　a　claim　to　make　upon

me。　　But　he　seemed　to　have　forgotten　it。



The　next　day　we　strolled　about　the　picturesque　old　city；　and　of

course；　before　long；　went　into　the　cathedral。　　Pickering　said　little；

he　seemed　intent　upon　his　own　thoughts。　　He　sat　down　beside　a　pillar

near　a　chapel；　in　front　of　a　gorgeous　window；　and；　leaving　him　to　his

meditations；　I　wandered　through　the　church。　　When　I　came　back　I　saw

he　had　something　to　say。　　But　before　he　had　spoken　I　laid　my　hand　on

his　shoulder　and　looked　at　him　with　a　significant　smile。　　He　slowly

bent　his　head　and　dropped　his　eyes；　with　a　mixture　of　assent　and

humility。　　I　drew　forth　from　where　it　had　lain　untouched　for　a　month

the　letter　he　had　given　me　to　keep；　placed　it　silently　on　his　knee；

and　left　him　to　deal　with　it　alone。



Half　an　hour　later　I　returned　to　the　same　place；　but　he　had　gone；　and

one　of　the　sacristans；　hovering　about　and　seeing　me　looking　for

Pickering；　said　he　thought　he　had　left　the　church。　　I　found　him　in

his　gloomy　chamber　at　the　inn；　pacing　slowly　up　and　down。　　I　should

doubtless　have　been　at　a　loss　to　say　just　what　effect　I　expected　the

letter　from　Smyrna　to　produce；　but　his　actual　aspect　surprised　me。

He　was　flushed；　excited；　a　trifle　irritated。



〃Evidently；〃　I　said；　〃you　have　read　your　letter。〃



〃It　is　proper　I　should　tell　you　what　is　in　it；〃　he　answered。　　〃When　I

gave　it　to　you　a　month　ago；　I　did　my　friends　injustice。〃



〃You　called　it　a　'summons；'　I　remember。〃



〃I　was　a　great　fool！　　It's　a　release！〃



〃From　your　engagement？〃



〃From　everything！　　The　letter；　of　course；　is　from　Mr。　Vernor。　　He

desires　to　let　me　know　at　the　earliest　moment　that　his　daughter；

informed　for　the　first　time　a　week　before　of　what　had　been　expected

of　her；　positively　refuses　to　be　bound　by　the　contract　or　to　assent

to　my　being　bound。　　She　had　been　given　a　week　to　reflect；　and　had

spent　it　in　inconsolable　tears。　　She　had　resisted　every　form　of

persuasion！　from　compulsion；　writes　Mr。　Vernor；　he　naturally　shrinks。

The　young　lady　considers　the　arrangement　'horrible。'　　After　accepting

her　duties　cut　and　dried　all　her　life；　she　pretends　at　last　to　have　a

taste　of　her　own。　　I　confess　I　am　surprised；　I　had　been　given　to

believe　that　she　was　stupidly　submissive；　and　would　remain　so　to　the

end　of　the　chapter。　　Not　a　bit　of　it。　　She　has　insisted　on　my　being

formally　dismissed；　and　her　father　intimates　that　in　case　of　non…

compliance　she　threatens　him　with　an　attack　of　brain　fever。　　Mr。

Vernor　condoles　with　me　handsomely；　and　lets　me　know　that　the　young

lady's　attitude　has　been　a　great　shock　to　his　nerves。　　He　adds　that

he　will　not　aggravate　such　regret　as　I　may　do　him　the　honour　to

entertain；　by　any　allusions　to　his　daughter's　charms　and　to　the

magnitude　of　my　loss；　and　he　concludes　with　the　hope　that；　for　the

comfort　of　all　concerned；　I　may　already　have　amused　my　fancy　with

other　'views。'　　He　reminds　me　in　a　postscript　that；　in　spite　of　this

painful　occurrence；　the　son　of　his　most　valued　friend　will　always　be

a　welcome　visitor　at　his　house。　　I　am　free；　he　observes；　I　have　my

life　before　me；　he　recommends　an　extensive　course　of　travel。　　Should

my　wanderings　lead　me　to　the　East；　he　hopes　that　no　false

embarrassment　will　deter　me　from　presenting　myself　at　Smyrna。　　He　can

promise　me　at　least　a　friendly　reception。　　It's　a　very　polite

letter。〃



Polite　as　the　letter　was；　Pickering　seemed　to　find　no　great

exhilaration　in　having　this　famous　burden　so　handsomely　lifted　from

his　spirit。　　He　began　to　brood　over　his　liberation　in　a　manner　which

you　might　have　deemed　proper　to　a　renewed　sense　of　bondage。　　〃Bad

news；〃　he　had　called　his　letter　originally；　and　yet；　now　that　its

contents　proved　to　be　in　flat　contradiction　to　his　foreboding；　there

was　no　impulsive　voice　to　reverse　the　formula　and　declare　the　news

was　good。　　The　wings　of　impulse　in　the　poor　fellow　had　of　late　been

terribly　clipped。　　It　was　an　obvious　reflection；　of　course；　that　if

he　had　not　been　so　stiffly　certain　of　the　matter　a　month　before；　and

had　gone　through　the　form　of　breaking　Mr。　Vernor's　seal；　he　might

have　escaped　the　purgatory　of　Madame　Blumenthal's　sub…acid

blandishments。　　But　I　left　him　to　moralise　in　private；　I　had　no

desire；　as　the　phrase　is；　to　rub　it　in。　　My　thoughts；　moreover；　were

following　another　train；　I　was　saying　to　myself　that　if　to　those

gentle　graces　of　which　her　young　visage　had　offered　to　my　fancy　the

blooming　promise；　Miss　Vernor　added　in　this　striking　measure　the

capacity　for　magnanimous　action；　the　amendment　to　my　friend's　career

had　been　less　happy　than　the　rough　draught。　　Presently；　turning

about；　I　saw　him　looking　at　the　young　lady's　photograph。　　〃Of　course；

now；〃　he　said；　〃I　have　no　right　to　keep　it！〃　　And　before　I　could　ask

for　another　glimpse　of　it；　he　had　thrust　it　into　the　fire。



〃I　am　sorry　to　be　saying　it　just　now；〃　I　observed　after　a　while；　〃but

I　shouldn't　wonder　if　Miss　Vernor　were　a　charming　creature。〃



〃Go　and　find　out；〃　he　answered；　gloomily。　　〃The　coast　is　clear。　　My

part　is　to　forget　her；〃　he　presently　added。　　〃It　ought　not　to　be

hard。　　But　don't　you　think；〃　he　went　on　suddenly；　〃that　for　a　poor

fellow　who　asked　nothing　of　fortune　but　leave　to　sit　down　in　a　quiet

corner；　it　has　been　rather　a　cruel　pushing　about？〃



Cruel　indeed；　I　declared；　and　he　certainly　had　the　right　to　demand　a

clean　page　on　the　book　of　fate　and　a　fresh　start。　　Mr。　Vernor's

advice　was　sound；　he　should　amuse　himself　with　a　long　journey。　　If　it

would　be　any　comfort　to　him；　I　would　go　with　him　on　his　way。

Pickering　assented　without　enthusiasm；　he　had　the　embarrassed　look　of

a　man　who；　having　gone　to　some　cost　to　make　a　good　appearance　in　a

drawing…room；　should　find　the　door　suddenly　slammed　in　his　face。　　We

started　on　our　journey；　however；　and　little　by　little　his　enthusiasm

returned。　　He　was　too　capable　of　enjoying　fine　things　to　remain

permanently　irresponsive；　and　after　a　fortnight　spent　among　pictures

and　monuments　and　antiquities；　I　felt　that　I　was　seeing　him　for　the

first　time　in　his　best　and　healthiest　mood。　　He　had　had　a　fever；　and

then　he　had　had　a　chill；　the　pendulum　had　swung　right　and　left　in　a

manner　rather　trying　to　the　machine；　but　now；　at　last；　it　was　wor