three men in a boat-第4章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



with　her；　and　the　simple；　stately　home　where　mankind　was　born　so　many　

thousands　years　ago。



Harris　said：



〃How　about　when　it　rained？〃



You　can　never　rouse　Harris。　　There　is　no　poetry　about　Harris　…　no　wild　

yearning　for　the　unattainable。　　Harris　never　〃weeps；　he　knows　not　why。〃　　

If　Harris's　eyes　fill　with　tears；　you　can　bet　it　is　because　Harris　has　

been　eating　raw　onions；　or　has　put　too　much　Worcester　over　his　chop。



If　you　were　to　stand　at　night　by　the　sea…shore　with　Harris；　and　say：



〃Hark！　do　you　not　hear？　　Is　it　but　the　mermaids　singing　deep　below　the　

waving　waters；　or　sad　spirits；　chanting　dirges　for　white　corpses；　held　by　

seaweed？〃　　Harris　would　take　you　by　the　arm；　and　say：



〃I　know　what　it　is；　old　man；　you've　got　a　chill。　　Now；　you　come　along　

with　me。　　I　know　a　place　round　the　corner　here；　where　you　can　get　a　drop　

of　the　finest　Scotch　whisky　you　ever　tasted　…　put　you　right　in　less　than　

no　time。〃



Harris　always　does　know　a　place　round　the　corner　where　you　can　get　

something　brilliant　in　the　drinking　line。　　I　believe　that　if　you　met　

Harris　up　in　Paradise　（supposing　such　a　thing　likely）；　he　would　

immediately　greet　you　with：



〃So　glad　you've　come；　old　fellow；　I've　found　a　nice　place　round　the　

corner　here；　where　you　can　get　some　really　first…class　nectar。〃



In　the　present　instance；　however；　as　regarded　the　camping　out；　his　

practical　view　of　the　matter　came　as　a　very　timely　hint。　　Camping　out　in　

rainy　weather　is　not　pleasant。



It　is　evening。　　You　are　wet　through；　and　there　is　a　good　two　inches　of　

water　in　the　boat；　and　all　the　things　are　damp。　　You　find　a　place　on　the　

banks　that　is　not　quite　so　puddly　as　other　places　you　have　seen；　and　you　

land　and　lug　out　the　tent；　and　two　of　you　proceed　to　fix　it。



It　is　soaked　and　heavy；　and　it　flops　about；　and　tumbles　down　on　you；　and　

clings　round　your　head　and　makes　you　mad。　　The　rain　is　pouring　steadily　

down　all　the　time。　　It　is　difficult　enough　to　fix　a　tent　in　dry　weather：　

in　wet；　the　task　becomes　herculean。　　Instead　of　helping　you；　it　seems　to　

you　that　the　other　man　is　simply　playing　the　fool。　　Just　as　you　get　your　

side　beautifully　fixed；　he　gives　it　a　hoist　from　his　end；　and　spoils　it　

all。



〃Here！　what　are　you　up　to？〃　you　call　out。



〃What　are　YOU　up　to？〃　he　retorts；　〃leggo；　can't　you？〃



〃Don't　pull　it；　you've　got　it　all　wrong；　you　stupid　ass！〃　you　shout。



〃No；　I　haven't；〃　he　yells　back；　〃let　go　your　side！〃



〃I　tell　you　you've　got　it　all　wrong！〃　you　roar；　wishing　that　you　could　

get　at　him；　and　you　give　your　ropes　a　lug　that　pulls　all　his　pegs　out。



〃Ah；　the　bally　idiot！〃　you　hear　him　mutter　to　himself；　and　then　comes　a　

savage　haul；　and　away　goes　your　side。　　You　lay　down　the　mallet　and　start　

to　go　round　and　tell　him　what　you　think　about　the　whole　business；　and；　at　

the　same　time；　he　starts　round　in　the　same　direction　to　come　and　explain　

his　views　to　you。　　And　you　follow　each　other　round　and　round；　swearing　at　

one　another；　until　the　tent　tumbles　down　in　a　heap；　and　leaves　you　

looking　at　each　other　across　its　ruins；　when　you　both　indignantly　

exclaim；　in　the　same　breath：



〃There　you　are！　what　did　I　tell　you？〃



Meanwhile　the　third　man；　who　has　been　baling　out　the　boat；　and　who　has　

spilled　the　water　down　his　sleeve；　and　has　been　cursing　away　to　himself　

steadily　for　the　last　ten　minutes；　wants　to　know　what　the　thundering　

blazes　you're　playing　at；　and　why　the　blarmed　tent　isn't　up　yet。



At　last；　somehow　or　other；　it　does　get　up；　and　you　land　the　things。　　It　

is　hopeless　attempting　to　make　a　wood　fire；　so　you　light　the　methylated　

spirit　stove；　and　crowd　round　that。



Rainwater　is　the　chief　article　of　diet　at　supper。　　The　bread　is　two…

thirds　rainwater；　the　beefsteak…pie　is　exceedingly　rich　in　it；　and　the　

jam；　and　the　butter；　and　the　salt；　and　the　coffee　have　all　combined　with　

it　to　make　soup。



After　supper；　you　find　your　tobacco　is　damp；　and　you　cannot　smoke。　　

Luckily　you　have　a　bottle　of　the　stuff　that　cheers　and　inebriates；　if　

taken　in　proper　quantity；　and　this　restores　to　you　sufficient　interest　in　

life　to　induce　you　to　go　to　bed。



There　you　dream　that　an　elephant　has　suddenly　sat　down　on　your　chest；　and　

that　the　volcano　has　exploded　and　thrown　you　down　to　the　bottom　of　the　

sea　…　the　elephant　still　sleeping　peacefully　on　your　bosom。　　You　wake　up　

and　grasp　the　idea　that　something　terrible　really　has　happened。　　Your　

first　impression　is　that　the　end　of　the　world　has　come；　and　then　you　

think　that　this　cannot　be；　and　that　it　is　thieves　and　murderers；　or　else　

fire；　and　this　opinion　you　express　in　the　usual　method。　　No　help　comes；　

however；　and　all　you　know　is　that　thousands　of　people　are　kicking　you；　

and　you　are　being　smothered。



Somebody　else　seems　in　trouble；　too。　　You　can　hear　his　faint　cries　coming　

from　underneath　your　bed。　　Determining；　at　all　events；　to　sell　your　life　

dearly；　you　struggle　frantically；　hitting　out　right　and　left　with　arms　

and　legs；　and　yelling　lustily　the　while；　and　at　last　something　gives　way；　

and　you　find　your　head　in　the　fresh　air。　　Two　feet　off；　you　dimly　observe　

a　half…dressed　ruffian；　waiting　to　kill　you；　and　you　are　preparing　for　a　

life…and…death　struggle　with　him；　when　it　begins　to　dawn　upon　you　that　

it's　Jim。



〃Oh；　it's　you；　is　it？〃　he　says；　recognising　you　at　the　same　moment。



〃Yes；〃　you　answer；　rubbing　your　eyes；　〃what's　happened？〃



〃Bally　tent's　blown　down；　I　think；〃　he　says。



〃Where's　Bill？〃



Then　you　both　raise　up　your　voices　and　shout　for　〃Bill！〃　and　the　ground　

beneath　you　heaves　and　rocks；　and　the　muffled　voice　that　you　heard　before　

replies　from　out　the　ruin：



〃Get　off　my　head；　can't　you？〃



And　Bill　struggles　out；　a　muddy；　trampled　wreck；　and　in　an　unnecessarily　

aggressive　mood　…　he　being　under　the　evident　belief　that　the　whole　thing　

has　been　done　on　purpose。



In　the　morning　you　are　all　three　speechless；　owing　to　having　caught　

severe　colds　in　the　night；　you　also　feel　very　quarrelsome；　and　you　swear　

at　each　other　in　hoarse　whispers　during　the　whole　of　breakfast　time。



We　therefore　decided　that　we　would　sleep　out　on　fine　nights；　and　hotel　

it；　and　inn　it；　and　pub。　it；　like　respectable　folks；　when　it　was　wet；　or　

when　we　felt　inclined　for　a　change。



Montmorency　hailed　this　compromise　with　much　approval。　　He　does　not　revel　

in　romantic　solitude。　　Give　him　something　noisy；　and　if　a　trifle　low；　so　

much　the　jollier。　　To　look　at　Montmorency　you　would　imagine　that　he　was　

an　angel　sent　upon　the　earth；　for　some　reason　withheld　from　mankind；　in　

the　shape　of　a　small　fox…terrier。　　There　is　a　sort　of　Oh…what…a…wicked…

world…this…is…and…how…I…wish…I…could…do…something…to…make…it…better…and…

nobler　expression　about　Montmorency　that　has　been　known　to　bring　the　

tears　into　the　eyes　of　pious　old　ladies　and　gentlemen。



When　first　he　came　to　live　at　my　expense；　I　never　thought　I　should　be　

able　to　get　him　to　stop　long。　　I　used　to　sit　down　and　look　at　him；　as　he　

sat　on　the　rug　and　looked　up　at　me；　and　think：　〃Oh；　that　dog　will　never　

live。　　He　will　be　snatched　up　to　the　bright　skies　in　a　chariot；　that　is　

what　will　happen　to　him。〃



But；　when　I　had　paid　for　about　a　dozen　chickens　that　he　had　killed；　and　

had　dragged　him；　growling　and　kicking；　by　the　scruff　of　his　neck；　out　of　

a　hundred　and　fourteen　street　fights；　and　had　had　a　dead　cat　brought　

round　for　my　inspection　by　an　irate　female；　who　called　me　a　murderer；　and　

had　been　summoned　by　the　man　next　door　but　one　for　having　a　ferocious　dog　

at　large；　that　had　kept　him　pinned　up　in　his　own　tool…shed；　afraid　to　

venture　his　nose　outside　the　door　for　over　two　hours　on　a　cold　night；　and　

had　learned　that　the　gardener；　unknown　to　myself；　had　won　thirty　

shillings　by　backing　him　to　kill　rats　against　time；　then　I　began　to　think　

that　maybe　they'd　let　him　remain　on　earth　for　a　bit　longer；　after　all。



To　hang　abo