three men in a boat-第33章

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so；　without　appearing　boastful；　I　think　I　can　honestly　say　that　our　one　

small　boat；　during　that　week；　caused　more　annoyance　and　delay　and　

aggravation　to　the　steam　launches　that　we　came　across　than　all　the　other　

craft　on　the　river　put　together。



〃Steam　launch；　coming！〃　one　of　us　would　cry　out；　on　sighting　the　enemy　in　

the　distance；　and；　in　an　instant；　everything　was　got　ready　to　receive　

her。　　I　would　take　the　lines；　and　Harris　and　George　would　sit　down　beside　

me；　all　of　us　with　our　backs　to　the　launch；　and　the　boat　would　drift　out　

quietly　into　mid…stream。



On　would　come　the　launch；　whistling；　and　on　we　would　go；　drifting。　　At　

about　a　hundred　yards　off；　she　would　start　whistling　like　mad；　and　the　

people　would　come　and　lean　over　the　side；　and　roar　at　us；　but　we　never　

heard　them！　　Harris　would　be　telling　us　an　anecdote　about　his　mother；　and　

George　and　I　would　not　have　missed　a　word　of　it　for　worlds。



Then　that　launch　would　give　one　final　shriek　of　a　whistle　that　would　

nearly　burst　the　boiler；　and　she　would　reverse　her　engines；　and　blow　off　

steam；　and　swing　round　and　get　aground；　everyone　on　board　of　it　would　

rush　to　the　bow　and　yell　at　us；　and　the　people　on　the　bank　would　stand　

and　shout　to　us；　and　all　the　other　passing　boats　would　stop　and　join　in；　

till　the　whole　river　for　miles　up　and　down　was　in　a　state　of　frantic　

commotion。　　And　then　Harris　would　break　off　in　the　most　interesting　part　

of　his　narrative；　and　look　up　with　mild　surprise；　and　say　to　George：



〃Why；　George；　bless　me；　if　here　isn't　a　steam　launch！〃



And　George　would　answer：



〃Well；　do　you　know；　I　THOUGHT　I　heard　something！〃



Upon　which　we　would　get　nervous　and　confused；　and　not　know　how　to　get　the　

boat　out　of　the　way；　and　the　people　in　the　launch　would　crowd　round　and　

instruct　us：



〃Pull　your　right　…　you；　you　idiot！　back　with　your　left。　　No；　not　YOU　…　

the　other　one　…　leave　the　lines　alone；　can't　you　…　now；　both　together。　　

NOT　THAT　way。　　Oh；　you　…　！〃



Then　they　would　lower　a　boat　and　come　to　our　assistance；　and；　after　

quarter　of　an　hour's　effort；　would　get　us　clean　out　of　their　way；　so　that　

they　could　go　on；　and　we　would　thank　them　so　much；　and　ask　them　to　give　

us　a　tow。　　But　they　never　would。



Another　good　way　we　discovered　of　irritating　the　aristocratic　type　of　

steam　launch；　was　to　mistake　them　for　a　beanfeast；　and　ask　them　if　they　

were　Messrs。　Cubit's　lot　or　the　Bermondsey　Good　Templars；　and　could　they　

lend　us　a　saucepan。



Old　ladies；　not　accustomed　to　the　river；　are　always　intensely　nervous　of　

steam　launches。　　I　remember　going　up　once　from　Staines　to　Windsor　…　a　

stretch　of　water　peculiarly　rich　in　these　mechanical　monstrosities　…　with　

a　party　containing　three　ladies　of　this　description。　　It　was　very　

exciting。　　At　the　first　glimpse　of　every　steam　launch　that　came　in　view；　

they　insisted　on　landing　and　sitting　down　on　the　bank　until　it　was　out　of　

sight　again。　　They　said　they　were　very　sorry；　but　that　they　owed　it　to　

their　families　not　to　be　fool…hardy。



We　found　ourselves　short　of　water　at　Hambledon　Lock；　so　we　took　our　jar　

and　went　up　to　the　lock…keeper's　house　to　beg　for　some。



George　was　our　spokesman。　　He　put　on　a　winning　smile；　and　said：



〃Oh；　please　could　you　spare　us　a　little　water？〃



〃Certainly；〃　replied　the　old　gentleman；　〃take　as　much　as　you　want；　and　

leave　the　rest。〃



〃Thank　you　so　much；〃　murmured　George；　looking　about　him。　　〃Where　…　where　

do　you　keep　it？〃



〃It's　always　in　the　same　place　my　boy；〃　was　the　stolid　reply：　〃just　

behind　you。〃



〃I　don't　see　it；〃　said　George；　turning　round。



〃Why；　bless　us；　where's　your　eyes？〃　was　the　man's　comment；　as　he　twisted　

George　round　and　pointed　up　and　down　the　stream。　　〃There's　enough　of　it　

to　see；　ain't　there？〃



〃Oh！〃　exclaimed　George；　grasping　the　idea；　〃but　we　can't　drink　the　river；　

you　know！〃



〃No；　but　you　can　drink　SOME　of　it；〃　replied　the　old　fellow。　　〃It's　what　

I've　drunk　for　the　last　fifteen　years。〃



George　told　him　that　his　appearance；　after　the　course；　did　not　seem　a　

sufficiently　good　advertisement　for　the　brand；　and　that　he　would　prefer　

it　out　of　a　pump。



We　got　some　from　a　cottage　a　little　higher　up。　　I　daresay　THAT　was　only　

river　water；　if　we　had　known。　　But　we　did　not　know；　so　it　was　all　right。　　

What　the　eye　does　not　see；　the　stomach　does　not　get　upset　over。



We　tried　river　water　once；　later　on　in　the　season；　but　it　was　not　a　

success。　　We　were　coming　down　stream；　and　had　pulled　up　to　have　tea　in　a　

backwater　near　Windsor。　　Our　jar　was　empty；　and　it　was　a　case　of　going　

without　our　tea　or　taking　water　from　the　river。　　Harris　was　for　chancing　

it。　　He　said　it　must　be　all　right　if　we　boiled　the　water。　　He　said　that　

the　various　germs　of　poison　present　in　the　water　would　be　killed　by　the　

boiling。　　So　we　filled　our　kettle　with　Thames　backwater；　and　boiled　it；　

and　very　careful　we　were　to　see　that　it　did　boil。



We　had　made　the　tea；　and　were　just　settling　down　comfortably　to　drink　it；　

when　George；　with　his　cup　half…way　to　his　lips；　paused　and　exclaimed：



〃What's　that？〃



〃What's　what？〃　asked　Harris　and　I。



〃Why　that！〃　said　George；　looking　westward。



Harris　and　I　followed　his　gaze；　and　saw；　coming　down　towards　us　on　the　

sluggish　current；　a　dog。　　It　was　one　of　the　quietest　and　peacefullest　

dogs　I　have　ever　seen。　　I　never　met　a　dog　who　seemed　more　contented　…　

more　easy　in　its　mind。　　It　was　floating　dreamily　on　its　back；　with　its　

four　legs　stuck　up　straight　into　the　air。　　It　was　what　I　should　call　a　

full…bodied　dog；　with　a　well…developed　chest。　　On　he　came；　serene；　

dignified；　and　calm；　until　he　was　abreast　of　our　boat；　and　there；　among　

the　rushes；　he　eased　up；　and　settled　down　cosily　for　the　evening。



George　said　he　didn't　want　any　tea；　and　emptied　his　cup　into　the　water。　　

Harris　did　not　feel　thirsty；　either；　and　followed　suit。　　I　had　drunk　half　

mine；　but　I　wished　I　had　not。



I　asked　George　if　he　thought　I　was　likely　to　have　typhoid。



He　said：　〃Oh；　no；〃　he　thought　I　had　a　very　good　chance　indeed　of　escaping　

it。　　Anyhow；　I　should　know　in　about　a　fortnight；　whether　I　had　or　had　

not。



We　went　up　the　backwater　to　Wargrave。　　It　is　a　short　cut；　leading　out　of　

the　right…hand　bank　about　half　a　mile　above　Marsh　Lock；　and　is　well　worth　

taking；　being　a　pretty；　shady　little　piece　of　stream；　besides　saving　

nearly　half　a　mile　of　distance。



Of　course；　its　entrance　is　studded　with　posts　and　chains；　and　surrounded　

with　notice　boards；　menacing　all　kinds　of　torture；　imprisonment；　and　

death　to　everyone　who　dares　set　scull　upon　its　waters　…　I　wonder　some　of　

these　riparian　boors　don't　claim　the　air　of　the　river　and　threaten　

everyone　with　forty　shillings　fine　who　breathes　it　…　but　the　posts　and　

chains　a　little　skill　will　easily　avoid；　and　as　for　the　boards；　you　

might；　if　you　have　five　minutes　to　spare；　and　there　is　nobody　about；　take　

one　or　two　of　them　down　and　throw　them　into　the　river。



Half…way　up　the　backwater；　we　got　out　and　lunched；　and　it　was　during　this　

lunch　that　George　and　I　received　rather　a　trying　shock。



Harris　received　a　shock；　too；　but　I　do　not　think　Harris's　shock　could　

have　been　anything　like　so　bad　as　the　shock　that　George　and　I　had　over　

the　business。



You　see；　it　was　in　this　way：　we　were　sitting　in　a　meadow；　about　ten　yards　

from　the　water's　edge；　and　we　had　just　settled　down　comfortably　to　feed。　　

Harris　had　the　beefsteak　pie　between　his　knees；　and　was　carving　it；　and　

George　and　I　were　waiting　with　our　plates　ready。



〃Have　you　got　a　spoon　there？〃　says　Harris；　〃I　want　a　spoon　to　help　the　

gravy　with。〃



The　hamper　was　close　behind　us；　and　George　and　I　both　turned　round　to　

reach　one　out。　　We　were　not　five　seconds　getting　it。　　When　we　looked　

round　again；　Harris　and　the　pie　were　gone！



It　was　a　wide；　open　field。　　There　was　not　a　tree　or　a　bit　of　hedge　for　

hundreds　of　y