three men in a boat-第2章

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something　for　your　living；　can't　you？〃　…　not　knowing；　of　course；　that　I　

was　ill。



And　they　didn't　give　me　pills；　they　gave　me　clumps　on　the　side　of　the　

head。　　And；　strange　as　it　may　appear；　those　clumps　on　the　head　often　

cured　me　…　for　the　time　being。　　I　have　known　one　clump　on　the　head　have　

more　effect　upon　my　liver；　and　make　me　feel　more　anxious　to　go　straight　

away　then　and　there；　and　do　what　was　wanted　to　be　done；　without　further　

loss　of　time；　than　a　whole　box　of　pills　does　now。



You　know；　it　often　is　so　…　those　simple；　old…fashioned　remedies　are　

sometimes　more　efficacious　than　all　the　dispensary　stuff。



We　sat　there　for　half…an…hour；　describing　to　each　other　our　maladies。　　I　

explained　to　George　and　William　Harris　how　I　felt　when　I　got　up　in　the　

morning；　and　William　Harris　told　us　how　he　felt　when　he　went　to　bed；　and　

George　stood　on　the　hearth…rug；　and　gave　us　a　clever　and　powerful　piece　

of　acting；　illustrative　of　how　he　felt　in　the　night。



George　FANCIES　he　is　ill；　but　there's　never　anything　really　the　matter　

with　him；　you　know。



At　this　point；　Mrs。　Poppets　knocked　at　the　door　to　know　if　we　were　ready　

for　supper。　　We　smiled　sadly　at　one　another；　and　said　we　supposed　we　had　

better　try　to　swallow　a　bit。　　Harris　said　a　little　something　in　one's　

stomach　often　kept　the　disease　in　check；　and　Mrs。　Poppets　brought　the　


tray　in；　and　we　drew　up　to　the　table；　and　toyed　with　a　little　steak　and　

onions；　and　some　rhubarb　tart。



I　must　have　been　very　weak　at　the　time；　because　I　know；　after　the　first　

half…hour　or　so；　I　seemed　to　take　no　interest　whatever　in　my　food　…　an　

unusual　thing　for　me　…　and　I　didn't　want　any　cheese。



This　duty　done；　we　refilled　our　glasses；　lit　our　pipes；　and　resumed　the　

discussion　upon　our　state　of　health。　　What　it　was　that　was　actually　the　

matter　with　us；　we　none　of　us　could　be　sure　of；　but　the　unanimous　opinion　

was　that　it　…　whatever　it　was　…　had　been　brought　on　by　overwork。



〃What　we　want　is　rest；〃　said　Harris。



〃Rest　and　a　complete　change；〃　said　George。　　〃The　overstrain　upon　our　

brains　has　produced　a　general　depression　throughout　the　system。　　Change　

of　scene；　and　absence　of　the　necessity　for　thought；　will　restore　the　

mental　equilibrium。〃



George　has　a　cousin；　who　is　usually　described　in　the　charge…sheet　as　a　

medical　student；　so　that　he　naturally　has　a　somewhat　family…physicianary　

way　of　putting　things。



I　agreed　with　George；　and　suggested　that　we　should　seek　out　some　retired　

and　old…world　spot；　far　from　the　madding　crowd；　and　dream　away　a　sunny　

week　among　its　drowsy　lanes　…　some　half…forgotten　nook；　hidden　away　by　

the　fairies；　out　of　reach　of　the　noisy　world　…　some　quaint…perched　eyrie　

on　the　cliffs　of　Time；　from　whence　the　surging　waves　of　the　nineteenth　

century　would　sound　far…off　and　faint。



Harris　said　he　thought　it　would　be　humpy。　　He　said　he　knew　the　sort　of　

place　I　meant；　where　everybody　went　to　bed　at　eight　o'clock；　and　you　

couldn't　get　a　REFEREE　for　love　or　money；　and　had　to　walk　ten　miles　to　

get　your　baccy。



〃No；〃　said　Harris；　〃if　you　want　rest　and　change；　you　can't　beat　a　sea　

trip。〃



I　objected　to　the　sea　trip　strongly。　　A　sea　trip　does　you　good　when　you　

are　going　to　have　a　couple　of　months　of　it；　but；　for　a　week；　it　is　

wicked。



You　start　on　Monday　with　the　idea　implanted　in　your　bosom　that　you　are　

going　to　enjoy　yourself。　　You　wave　an　airy　adieu　to　the　boys　on　shore；　

light　your　biggest　pipe；　and　swagger　about　the　deck　as　if　you　were　

Captain　Cook；　Sir　Francis　Drake；　and　Christopher　Columbus　all　rolled　into　

one。　　On　Tuesday；　you　wish　you　hadn't　come。　　On　Wednesday；　Thursday；　and　

Friday；　you　wish　you　were　dead。　　On　Saturday；　you　are　able　to　swallow　a　

little　beef　tea；　and　to　sit　up　on　deck；　and　answer　with　a　wan；　sweet　

smile　when　kind…hearted　people　ask　you　how　you　feel　now。　　On　Sunday；　you　

begin　to　walk　about　again；　and　take　solid　food。　　And　on　Monday　morning；　

as；　with　your　bag　and　umbrella　in　your　hand；　you　stand　by　the　gunwale；　

waiting　to　step　ashore；　you　begin　to　thoroughly　like　it。



I　remember　my　brother…in…law　going　for　a　short　sea　trip　once；　for　the　

benefit　of　his　health。　　He　took　a　return　berth　from　London　to　Liverpool；　

and　when　he　got　to　Liverpool；　the　only　thing　he　was　anxious　about　was　to　

sell　that　return　ticket。



It　was　offered　round　the　town　at　a　tremendous　reduction；　so　I　am　told；　

and　was　eventually　sold　for　eighteenpence　to　a　bilious…looking　youth　who　

had　just　been　advised　by　his　medical　men　to　go　to　the　sea…side；　and　take　

exercise。



〃Sea…side！〃　said　my　brother…in…law；　pressing　the　ticket　affectionately　

into　his　hand；　〃why；　you'll　have　enough　to　last　you　a　lifetime；　and　as　

for　exercise！　why；　you'll　get　more　exercise；　sitting　down　on　that　ship；　

than　you　would　turning　somersaults　on　dry　land。〃



He　himself　…　my　brother…in…law　…　came　back　by　train。　　He　said　the　North…

Western　Railway　was　healthy　enough　for　him。



Another　fellow　I　knew　went　for　a　week's　voyage　round　the　coast；　and；　

before　they　started；　the　steward　came　to　him　to　ask　whether　he　would　pay　

for　each　meal　as　he　had　it；　or　arrange　beforehand　for　the　whole　series。



The　steward　recommended　the　latter　course；　as　it　would　come　so　much　

cheaper。　　He　said　they　would　do　him　for　the　whole　week　at　two　pounds　

five。　　He　said　for　breakfast　there　would　be　fish；　followed　by　a　grill。　　

Lunch　was　at　one；　and　consisted　of　four　courses。　　Dinner　at　six　…　soup；　

fish；　entree；　joint；　poultry；　salad；　sweets；　cheese；　and　dessert。　　And　a　

light　meat　supper　at　ten。



My　friend　thought　he　would　close　on　the　two…pound…five　job　（he　is　a　

hearty　eater）；　and　did　so。



Lunch　came　just　as　they　were　off　Sheerness。　　He　didn't　feel　so　hungry　as　

he　thought　he　should；　and　so　contented　himself　with　a　bit　of　boiled　beef；　

and　some　strawberries　and　cream。　　He　pondered　a　good　deal　during　the　

afternoon；　and　at　one　time　it　seemed　to　him　that　he　had　been　eating　

nothing　but　boiled　beef　for　weeks；　and　at　other　times　it　seemed　that　he　

must　have　been　living　on　strawberries　and　cream　for　years。



Neither　the　beef　nor　the　strawberries　and　cream　seemed　happy；　either　…　

seemed　discontented　like。



At　six；　they　came　and　told　him　dinner　was　ready。　　The　announcement　

aroused　no　enthusiasm　within　him；　but　he　felt　that　there　was　some　of　that　

two…pound…five　to　be　worked　off；　and　he　held　on　to　ropes　and　things　and　

went　down。　　A　pleasant　odour　of　onions　and　hot　ham；　mingled　with　fried　

fish　and　greens；　greeted　him　at　the　bottom　of　the　ladder；　and　then　the　

steward　came　up　with　an　oily　smile；　and　said：



〃What　can　I　get　you；　sir？〃



〃Get　me　out　of　this；〃　was　the　feeble　reply。



And　they　ran　him　up　quick；　and　propped　him　up；　over　to　leeward；　and　left　

him。



For　the　next　four　days　he　lived　a　simple　and　blameless　life　on　thin　

captain's　biscuits　（I　mean　that　the　biscuits　were　thin；　not　the　captain）　

and　soda…water；　but；　towards　Saturday；　he　got　uppish；　and　went　in　for　

weak　tea　and　dry　toast；　and　on　Monday　he　was　gorging　himself　on　chicken　

broth。　　He　left　the　ship　on　Tuesday；　and　as　it　steamed　away　from　the　

landing…stage　he　gazed　after　it　regretfully。



〃There　she　goes；〃　he　said；　〃there　she　goes；　with　two　pounds'　worth　of　

food　on　board　that　belongs　to　me；　and　that　I　haven't　had。〃



He　said　that　if　they　had　given　him　another　day　he　thought　he　could　have　

put　it　straight。



So　I　set　my　face　against　the　sea　trip。　　Not；　as　I　explained；　upon　my　own　

account。　　I　was　never　queer。　　But　I　was　afraid　for　George。　　George　said　

he　should　be　all　right；　and　would　rather　like　it；　but　he　would　advise　

Harris　and　me　not　to　think　of　it；　as　he　felt　sure　we　should　both　be　ill。　　

Harris　said　that；　to　himself；　it　was　always　a　mystery　how　people　managed　

to　get　sick　at　sea　…　said　he　thought　people　must　do　it　on　purpose；　from　

affectation　…　said　he　had　often　wished　to　be；　but　had　never　been　able。



Then　he