three men in a boat-第18章

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very　well；　indeed　…　go　on。〃



NERVOUS　PIANIST：　〃I'm　afraid　there's　a　mistake　somewhere。　　What　are　you　

singing？〃



HARRIS　（PROMPTLY）：　〃Why　the　Judge's　song　out　of　Trial　by　Jury。　　Don't　you　

know　it？〃



SOME　FRIEND　OF　HARRIS'S　（FROM　THE　BACK　OF　THE　ROOM）：　〃No；　you're　not；　you　

chuckle…head；　you're　singing　the　Admiral's　song　from　PINAFORE。〃



＇Long　argument　between　Harris　and　Harris's　friend　as　to　what　Harris　is　

really　singing。　　Friend　finally　suggests　that　it　doesn't　matter　what　

Harris　is　singing　so　long　as　Harris　gets　on　and　sings　it；　and　Harris；　

with　an　evident　sense　of　injustice　rankling　inside　him；　requests　pianist　

to　begin　again。　　Pianist；　thereupon；　starts　prelude　to　the　Admiral's　

song；　and　Harris；　seizing　what　he　considers　to　be　a　favourable　opening　in　

the　music；　begins。＇



HARRIS：



〃　‘When　I　was　young　and　called　to　the　Bar。'　〃



＇GENERAL　ROAR　OF　LAUGHTER；　TAKEN　BY　HARRIS　AS　A　COMPLIMENT。　　PIANIST；　

THINKING　OF　HIS　WIFE　AND　FAMILY；　GIVES　UP　THE　UNEQUAL　CONTEST　AND　

RETIRES；　HIS　PLACE　BEING　TAKEN　BY　A　STRONGER…NERVED　MAN。



THE　NEW　PIANIST　（CHEERILY）：　〃Now　then；　old　man；　you　start　off；　and　I'll　

follow。　　We　won't　bother　about　any　prelude。〃



HARRIS　（UPON　WHOM　THE　EXPLANATION　OF　MATTERS　HAS　SLOWLY　DAWNED　…　

LAUGHING）：　〃By　Jove！　　I　beg　your　pardon。　　Of　course　…　I've　been　mixing　up　

the　two　songs。　　It　was　Jenkins　confused　me；　you　know。　　Now　then。



＇SINGING；　HIS　VOICE　APPEARING　TO　COME　FROM　THE　CELLAR；　AND　SUGGESTING　THE　

FIRST　LOW　WARNINGS　OF　AN　APPROACHING　EARTHQUAKE。



〃　‘When　I　was　young　I　served　a　term

As　office…boy　to　an　attorney's　firm。'



（Aside　to　pianist）：　〃It　is　too　low；　old　man；　we'll　have　that　over　again；　

if　you　don't　mind。〃



＇SINGS　FIRST　TWO　LINES　OVER　AGAIN；　IN　A　HIGH　FALSETTO　THIS　TIME。　　GREAT　

SURPRISE　ON　THE　PART　OF　THE　AUDIENCE。　　NERVOUS　OLD　LADY　NEAR　THE　FIRE　

BEGINS　TO　CRY；　AND　HAS　TO　BE　LED　OUT。＇



HARRIS　（continuing）：



〃I　swept　the　windows　and　I　swept　the　door；

And　I　…　‘



No　…　no；　I　cleaned　the　windows　of　the　big　front　door。　　And　I　polished　up　

the　floor　…　no；　dash　it　…　I　beg　your　pardon　…　funny　thing；　I　can't　think　

of　that　line。　　And　I　…　and　I　…　Oh；　well；　we'll　get　on　to　the　chorus；　and　

chance　it　（SINGS）：



‘And　I　diddle…diddle…diddle…diddle…diddle…diddle…de；

Till　now　I　am　the　ruler　of　the　Queen's　navee。'



Now　then；　chorus　…　it　is　the　last　two　lines　repeated；　you　know。



GENERAL　CHORUS：



〃And　he　diddle…diddle…diddle…diddle…diddle…diddle…dee'd；

Till　now　he　is　the　ruler　of　the　Queen's　navee。〃



And　Harris　never　sees　what　an　ass　he　is　making　of　himself；　and　how　he　is　

annoying　a　lot　of　people　who　never　did　him　any　harm。　　He　honestly　

imagines　that　he　has　given　them　a　treat；　and　says　he　will　sing　another　

comic　song　after　supper。



Speaking　of　comic　songs　and　parties；　reminds　me　of　a　rather　curious　

incident　at　which　I　once　assisted；　which；　as　it　throws　much　light　upon　

the　inner　mental　working　of　human　nature　in　general；　ought；　I　think；　to　

be　recorded　in　these　pages。



We　were　a　fashionable　and　highly　cultured　party。　　We　had　on　our　best　

clothes；　and　we　talked　pretty；　and　were　very　happy　…　all　except　two　young　

fellows；　students；　just　returned　from　Germany；　commonplace　young　men；　who　

seemed　restless　and　uncomfortable；　as　if　they　found　the　proceedings　slow。　　

The　truth　was；　we　were　too　clever　for　them。　　Our　brilliant　but　polished　

conversation；　and　our　high…class　tastes；　were　beyond　them。　　They　were　out　

of　place；　among　us。　　They　never　ought　to　have　been　there　at　all。　　

Everybody　agreed　upon　that；　later　on。



We　played　MORCEAUX　from　the　old　German　masters。　　We　discussed　philosophy　

and　ethics。　　We　flirted　with　graceful　dignity。　　We　were　even　humorous　…　

in　a　high…class　way。



Somebody　recited　a　French　poem　after　supper；　and　we　said　it　was　

beautiful；　and　then　a　lady　sang　a　sentimental　ballad　in　Spanish；　and　it　

made　one　or　two　of　us　weep　…　it　was　so　pathetic。



And　then　those　two　young　men　got　up；　and　asked　us　if　we　had　ever　heard　

Herr　Slossenn　Boschen　（who　had　just　arrived；　and　was　then　down　in　the　

supper…room）　sing　his　great　German　comic　song。



None　of　us　had　heard　it；　that　we　could　remember。



The　young　men　said　it　was　the　funniest　song　that　had　ever　been　written；　

and　that；　if　we　liked；　they　would　get　Herr　Slossenn　Boschen；　whom　they　

knew　very　well；　to　sing　it。　　They　said　it　was　so　funny　that；　when　Herr　

Slossenn　Boschen　had　sung　it　once　before　the　German　Emperor；　he　（the　

German　Emperor）　had　had　to　be　carried　off　to　bed。



They　said　nobody　could　sing　it　like　Herr　Slossenn　Boschen；　he　was　so　

intensely　serious　all　through　it　that　you　might　fancy　he　was　reciting　a　

tragedy；　and　that；　of　course；　made　it　all　the　funnier。　　They　said　he　

never　once　suggested　by　his　tone　or　manner　that　he　was　singing　anything　

funny　…　that　would　spoil　it。　　It　was　his　air　of　seriousness；　almost　of　

pathos；　that　made　it　so　irresistibly　amusing。



We　said　we　yearned　to　hear　it；　that　we　wanted　a　good　laugh；　and　they　went　

downstairs；　and　fetched　Herr　Slossenn　Boschen。



He　appeared　to　be　quite　pleased　to　sing　it；　for　he　came　up　at　once；　and　

sat　down　to　the　piano　without　another　word。



〃Oh；　it　will　amuse　you。　　You　will　laugh；〃　whispered　the　two　young　men；　as　

they　passed　through　the　room；　and　took　up　an　unobtrusive　position　behind　

the　Professor's　back。



Herr　Slossenn　Boschen　accompanied　himself。　　The　prelude　did　not　suggest　a　

comic　song　exactly。　　It　was　a　weird；　soulful　air。　　It　quite　made　one's　

flesh　creep；　but　we　murmured　to　one　another　that　it　was　the　German　

method；　and　prepared　to　enjoy　it。



I　don't　understand　German　myself。　　I　learned　it　at　school；　but　forgot　

every　word　of　it　two　years　after　I　had　left；　and　have　felt　much　better　

ever　since。　　Still；　I　did　not　want　the　people　there　to　guess　my　

ignorance；　so　I　hit　upon　what　I　thought　to　be　rather　a　good　idea。　　I　kept　

my　eye　on　the　two　young　students；　and　followed　them。　　When　they　tittered；　

I　tittered；　when　they　roared；　I　roared；　and　I　also　threw　in　a　little　

snigger　all　by　myself　now　and　then；　as　if　I　had　seen　a　bit　of　humour　that　

had　escaped　the　others。　　I　considered　this　particularly　artful　on　my　

part。



I　noticed；　as　the　song　progressed；　that　a　good　many　other　people　seemed　

to　have　their　eye　fixed　on　the　two　young　men；　as　well　as　myself。　　These　

other　people　also　tittered　when　the　young　men　tittered；　and　roared　when　

the　young　men　roared；　and；　as　the　two　young　men　tittered　and　roared　and　

exploded　with　laughter　pretty　continuously　all　through　the　song；　it　went　

exceedingly　well。



And　yet　that　German　Professor　did　not　seem　happy。　　At　first；　when　we　

began　to　laugh；　the　expression　of　his　face　was　one　of　intense　surprise；　

as　if　laughter　were　the　very　last　thing　he　had　expected　to　be　greeted　

with。　　We　thought　this　very　funny：　we　said　his　earnest　manner　was　half　

the　humour。　　The　slightest　hint　on　his　part　that　he　knew　how　funny　he　was　

would　have　completely　ruined　it　all。　　As　we　continued　to　laugh；　his　

surprise　gave　way　to　an　air　of　annoyance　and　indignation；　and　he　scowled　

fiercely　round　upon　us　all　（except　upon　the　two　young　men　who；　being　

behind　him；　he　could　not　see）。　　That　sent　us　into　convulsions。　　We　told　

each　other　that　it　would　be　the　death　of　us；　this　thing。　　The　words　

alone；　we　said；　were　enough　to　send　us　into　fits；　but　added　to　his　mock　

seriousness　…　oh；　it　was　too　much！



In　the　last　verse；　he　surpassed　himself。　　He　glowered　round　upon　us　with　

a　look　of　such　concentrated　ferocity　that；　but　for　our　being　forewarned　

as　to　the　German　method　of　comic　singing；　we　should　have　been　nervous；　

and　he　threw　such　a　wailing　note　of　agony　into　the　weird　music　that；　if　

we　had　not　known　it　was　a　funny　song；　we　might　have　wept。



He　finished　amid　a　perfect　shriek　of　laughter。　　We　said　it　was　the　

funniest　thing　we　had　ever　heard　in　all　our　lives。　　We　said　how　strange　

it　was　that；　in　th