three men in a boat-第13章

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had　it；　and　had　it　badly。　　He　would　take　bronchitis　in　the　dog…days；　and　

have　hay…fever　at　Christmas。　　After　a　six　weeks'　period　of　drought；　he　

would　be　stricken　down　with　rheumatic　fever；　and　he　would　go　out　in　a　

November　fog　and　come　home　with　a　sunstroke。



They　put　him　under　laughing…gas　one　year；　poor　lad；　and　drew　all　his　

teeth；　and　gave　him　a　false　set；　because　he　suffered　so　terribly　with　

toothache；　and　then　it　turned　to　neuralgia　and　ear…ache。　　He　was　never　

without　a　cold；　except　once　for　nine　weeks　while　he　had　scarlet　fever；　

and　he　always　had　chilblains。　　During　the　great　cholera　scare　of　1871；　

our　neighbourhood　was　singularly　free　from　it。　　There　was　only　one　

reputed　case　in　the　whole　parish：　that　case　was　young　Stivvings。



He　had　to　stop　in　bed　when　he　was　ill；　and　eat　chicken　and　custards　and　

hot…house　grapes；　and　he　would　lie　there　and　sob；　because　they　wouldn't　

let　him　do　Latin　exercises；　and　took　his　German　grammar　away　from　him。



And　we　other　boys；　who　would　have　sacrificed　ten　terms　of　our　school…life　

for　the　sake　of　being　ill　for　a　day；　and　had　no　desire　whatever　to　give　

our　parents　any　excuse　for　being　stuck…up　about　us；　couldn't　catch　so　

much　as　a　stiff　neck。　　We　fooled　about　in　draughts；　and　it　did　us　good；　

and　freshened　us　up；　and　we　took　things　to　make　us　sick；　and　they　made　us　

fat；　and　gave　us　an　appetite。　　Nothing　we　could　think　of　seemed　to　make　

us　ill　until　the　holidays　began。　　Then；　on　the　breaking…up　day；　we　caught　

colds；　and　whooping　cough；　and　all　kinds　of　disorders；　which　lasted　till　

the　term　recommenced；　when；　in　spite　of　everything　we　could　manoeuvre　to　

the　contrary；　we　would　get　suddenly　well　again；　and　be　better　than　ever。



Such　is　life；　and　we　are　but　as　grass　that　is　cut　down；　and　put　into　the　

oven　and　baked。



To　go　back　to　the　carved…oak　question；　they　must　have　had　very　fair　

notions　of　the　artistic　and　the　beautiful；　our　great…great…grandfathers。　　

Why；　all　our　art　treasures　of　to…day　are　only　the　dug…up　commonplaces　of　

three　or　four　hundred　years　ago。　　I　wonder　if　there　is　real　intrinsic　

beauty　in　the　old　soup…plates；　beer…mugs；　and　candle…snuffers　that　we　

prize　so　now；　or　if　it　is　only　the　halo　of　age　glowing　around　them　that　

gives　them　their　charms　in　our　eyes。　　The　〃old　blue〃　that　we　hang　about　

our　walls　as　ornaments　were　the　common　every…day　household　utensils　of　a　

few　centuries　ago；　and　the　pink　shepherds　and　the　yellow　shepherdesses　

that　we　hand　round　now　for　all　our　friends　to　gush　over；　and　pretend　they　

understand；　were　the　unvalued　mantel…ornaments　that　the　mother　of　the　

eighteenth　century　would　have　given　the　baby　to　suck　when　he　cried。



Will　it　be　the　same　in　the　future？　　Will　the　prized　treasures　of　to…day　

always　be　the　cheap　trifles　of　the　day　before？　　Will　rows　of　our　willow…

pattern　dinner…plates　be　ranged　above　the　chimneypieces　of　the　great　in　

the　years　2000　and　odd？　　Will　the　white　cups　with　the　gold　rim　and　the　

beautiful　gold　flower　inside　（species　unknown）；　that　our　Sarah　Janes　now　

break　in　sheer　light…heartedness　of　spirit；　be　carefully　mended；　and　

stood　upon　a　bracket；　and　dusted　only　by　the　lady　of　the　house？



That　china　dog　that　ornaments　the　bedroom　of　my　furnished　lodgings。　　It　

is　a　white　dog。　　Its　eyes　blue。　　Its　nose　is　a　delicate　red；　with　spots。　　

Its　head　is　painfully　erect；　its　expression　is　amiability　carried　to　

verge　of　imbecility。　　I　do　not　admire　it　myself。　　Considered　as　a　work　of　

art；　I　may　say　it　irritates　me。　　Thoughtless　friends　jeer　at　it；　and　even　

my　landlady　herself　has　no　admiration　for　it；　and　excuses　its　presence　by　

the　circumstance　that　her　aunt　gave　it　to　her。



But　in　200　years'　time　it　is　more　than　probable　that　that　dog　will　be　dug　

up　from　somewhere　or　other；　minus　its　legs；　and　with　its　tail　broken；　and　

will　be　sold　for　old　china；　and　put　in　a　glass　cabinet。　　And　people　will　

pass　it　round；　and　admire　it。　　They　will　be　struck　by　the　wonderful　depth　

of　the　colour　on　the　nose；　and　speculate　as　to　how　beautiful　the　bit　of　

the　tail　that　is　lost　no　doubt　was。



We；　in　this　age；　do　not　see　the　beauty　of　that　dog。　　We　are　too　familiar　

with　it。　　It　is　like　the　sunset　and　the　stars：　we　are　not　awed　by　their　

loveliness　because　they　are　common　to　our　eyes。　　So　it　is　with　that　china　

dog。　　In　2288　people　will　gush　over　it。　　The　making　of　such　dogs　will　

have　become　a　lost　art。　　Our　descendants　will　wonder　how　we　did　it；　and　

say　how　clever　we　were。　　We　shall　be　referred　to　lovingly　as　〃those　grand　

old　artists　that　flourished　in　the　nineteenth　century；　and　produced　those　

china　dogs。〃



The　〃sampler〃　that　the　eldest　daughter　did　at　school　will　be　spoken　of　as　

〃tapestry　of　the　Victorian　era；〃　and　be　almost　priceless。　　The　blue…and…

white　mugs　of　the　present…day　roadside　inn　will　be　hunted　up；　all　cracked　

and　chipped；　and　sold　for　their　weight　in　gold；　and　rich　people　will　use　

them　for　claret　cups；　and　travellers　from　Japan　will　buy　up　all　the　

〃Presents　from　Ramsgate；〃　and　〃Souvenirs　of　Margate；〃　that　may　have　

escaped　destruction；　and　take　them　back　to　Jedo　as　ancient　English　

curios。



At　this　point　Harris　threw　away　the　sculls；　got　up　and　left　his　seat；　and　

sat　on　his　back；　and　stuck　his　legs　in　the　air。　　Montmorency　howled；　and　

turned　a　somersault；　and　the　top　hamper　jumped　up；　and　all　the　things　

came　out。



I　was　somewhat　surprised；　but　I　did　not　lose　my　temper。　　I　said；　

pleasantly　enough：



〃Hulloa！　what's　that　for？〃



〃What's　that　for？　　Why　…　〃



No；　on　second　thoughts；　I　will　not　repeat　what　Harris　said。　　I　may　have　

been　to　blame；　I　admit　it；　but　nothing　excuses　violence　of　language　and　

coarseness　of　expression；　especially　in　a　man　who　has　been　carefully　

brought　up；　as　I　know　Harris　has　been。　　I　was　thinking　of　other　things；　

and　forgot；　as　any　one　might　easily　understand；　that　I　was　steering；　and　

the　consequence　was　that　we　had　got　mixed　up　a　good　deal　with　the　tow…

path。　　It　was　difficult　to　say；　for　the　moment；　which　was　us　and　which　

was　the　Middlesex　bank　of　the　river；　but　we　found　out　after　a　while；　and　

separated　ourselves。



Harris；　however；　said　he　had　done　enough　for　a　bit；　and　proposed　that　I　

should　take　a　turn；　so；　as　we　were　in；　I　got　out　and　took　the　tow…line；　

and　ran　the　boat　on　past　Hampton　Court。　　What　a　dear　old　wall　that　is　

that　runs　along　by　the　river　there！　　I　never　pass　it　without　feeling　

better　for　the　sight　of　it。　　Such　a　mellow；　bright；　sweet　old　wall；　what　

a　charming　picture　it　would　make；　with　the　lichen　creeping　here；　and　the　

moss　growing　there；　a　shy　young　vine　peeping　over　the　top　at　this　spot；　

to　see　what　is　going　on　upon　the　busy　river；　and　the　sober　old　ivy　

clustering　a　little　farther　down！　　There　are　fifty　shades　and　tints　and　

hues　in　every　ten　yards　of　that　old　wall。　　If　I　could　only　draw；　and　knew　

how　to　paint；　I　could　make　a　lovely　sketch　of　that　old　wall；　I'm　sure。　　

I've　often　thought　I　should　like　to　live　at　Hampton　Court。　　It　looks　so　

peaceful　and　so　quiet；　and　it　is　such　a　dear　old　place　to　ramble　round　in　

the　early　morning　before　many　people　are　about。



But；　there；　I　don't　suppose　I　should　really　care　for　it　when　it　came　to　

actual　practice。　　It　would　be　so　ghastly　dull　and　depressing　in　the　

evening；　when　your　lamp　cast　uncanny　shadows　on　the　panelled　walls；　and　

the　echo　of　distant　feet　rang　through　the　cold　stone　corridors；　and　now　

drew　nearer；　and　now　died　away；　and　all　was　death…like　silence；　save　the　

beating　of　one's　own　heart。



We　are　creatures　of　the　sun；　we　men　and　women。　　We　love　light　and　life。　　

That　is　why　we　crowd　into　the　towns　and　cities；　and　the　country　grows　

more　and　more　deserted　every　year。　　In　the　sunlight　…　in　the　daytime；　

when　Nature　is　alive　and　busy　all　around　us；　we　like　the　open　hill…sides　

and　the　deep　woods　well　enough：　but　in　the　night；　when　our　Mother　Earth　

has　gone　to　sleep；　and　left　us　waking；　oh！　the　world　see