three men in a boat-第10章

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stuffing　himself　with　eggs　and　bacon；　irritating　the　dog；　or　flirting　

with　the　slavey；　instead　of　sprawling　there；　sunk　in　soul…clogging　

oblivion。



It　was　a　terrible　thought。　　Harris　and　I　appeared　to　be　struck　by　it　at　

the　same　instant。　　We　determined　to　save　him；　and；　in　this　noble　resolve；　

our　own　dispute　was　forgotten。　　We　flew　across　and　slung　the　clothes　off　

him；　and　Harris　landed　him　one　with　a　slipper；　and　I　shouted　in　his　ear；　

and　he　awoke。



〃Wasermarrer？〃　he　observed；　sitting　up。



〃Get　up；　you　fat…headed　chunk！〃　roared　Harris。　　〃It's　quarter　to　ten。〃



〃What！〃　he　shrieked；　jumping　out　of　bed　into　the　bath；　〃Who　the　thunder　

put　this　thing　here？〃



We　told　him　he　must　have　been　a　fool　not　to　see　the　bath。



We　finished　dressing；　and；　when　it　came　to　the　extras；　we　remembered　that　

we　had　packed　the　tooth…brushes　and　the　brush　and　comb　（that　tooth…brush　

of　mine　will　be　the　death　of　me；　I　know）；　and　we　had　to　go　downstairs；　

and　fish　them　out　of　the　bag。　　And　when　we　had　done　that　George　wanted　

the　shaving　tackle。　　We　told　him　that　he　would　have　to　go　without　shaving　

that　morning；　as　we　weren't　going　to　unpack　that　bag　again　for　him；　nor　

for　anyone　like　him。



He　said：



〃Don't　be　absurd。　　How　can　I　go　into　the　City　like　this？〃



It　was　certainly　rather　rough　on　the　City；　but　what　cared　we　for　human　

suffering？　　As　Harris　said；　in　his　common；　vulgar　way；　the　City　would　

have　to　lump　it。



We　went　downstairs　to　breakfast。　　Montmorency　had　invited　two　other　dogs　

to　come　and　see　him　off；　and　they　were　whiling　away　the　time　by　fighting　

on　the　doorstep。　　We　calmed　them　with　an　umbrella；　and　sat　down　to　chops　

and　cold　beef。



Harris　said：



〃The　great　thing　is　to　make　a　good　breakfast；〃　and　he　started　with　a　

couple　of　chops；　saying　that　he　would　take　these　while　they　were　hot；　as　

the　beef　could　wait。



George　got　hold　of　the　paper；　and　read　us　out　the　boating　fatalities；　and　

the　weather　forecast；　which　latter　prophesied　〃rain；　cold；　wet　to　fine〃　

（whatever　more　than　usually　ghastly　thing　in　weather　that　may　be）；　

〃occasional　local　thunder…storms；　east　wind；　with　general　depression　over　

the　Midland　Counties　（London　and　Channel）。　　Bar。　falling。〃



I　do　think　that；　of　all　the　silly；　irritating　tomfoolishness　by　which　we　

are　plagued；　this　〃weather…forecast〃　fraud　is　about　the　most　aggravating。　　

It　〃forecasts〃　precisely　what　happened　yesterday　or　a　the　day　before；　and　

precisely　the　opposite　of　what　is　going　to　happen　to…day。



I　remember　a　holiday　of　mine　being　completely　ruined　one　late　autumn　by　

our　paying　attention　to　the　weather　report　of　the　local　newspaper。　　

〃Heavy　showers；　with　thunderstorms；　may　be　expected　to…day；〃　it　would　say　

on　Monday；　and　so　we　would　give　up　our　picnic；　and　stop　indoors　all　day；　

waiting　for　the　rain。　…　And　people　would　pass　the　house；　going　off　in　

wagonettes　and　coaches　as　jolly　and　merry　as　could　be；　the　sun　shining　

out；　and　not　a　cloud　to　be　seen。



〃Ah！〃　we　said；　as　we　stood　looking　out　at　them　through　the　window；　〃won't　

they　come　home　soaked！〃



And　we　chuckled　to　think　how　wet　they　were　going　to　get；　and　came　back　

and　stirred　the　fire；　and　got　our　books；　and　arranged　our　specimens　of　

seaweed　and　cockle　shells。　　By　twelve　o'clock；　with　the　sun　pouring　into　

the　room；　the　heat　became　quite　oppressive；　and　we　wondered　when　those　

heavy　showers　and　occasional　thunderstorms　were　going　to　begin。



〃Ah！　they'll　come　in　the　afternoon；　you'll　find；〃　we　said　to　each　other。　　

〃Oh；　WON'T　those　people　get　wet。　　What　a　lark！〃



At　one　o'clock；　the　landlady　would　come　in　to　ask　if　we　weren't　going　

out；　as　it　seemed　such　a　lovely　day。



〃No；　no；〃　we　replied；　with　a　knowing　chuckle；　〃not　we。　　WE　don't　mean　to　

get　wet　…　no；　no。〃



And　when　the　afternoon　was　nearly　gone；　and　still　there　was　no　sign　of　

rain；　we　tried　to　cheer　ourselves　up　with　the　idea　that　it　would　come　

down　all　at　once；　just　as　the　people　had　started　for　home；　and　were　out　

of　the　reach　of　any　shelter；　and　that　they　would　thus　get　more　drenched　

than　ever。　　But　not　a　drop　ever　fell；　and　it　finished　a　grand　day；　and　a　

lovely　night　after　it。



The　next　morning　we　would　read　that　it　was　going　to　be　a　〃warm；　fine　to　

set…fair　day；　much　heat；〃　and　we　would　dress　ourselves　in　flimsy　things；　

and　go　out；　and；　half…an…hour　after　we　had　started；　it　would　commence　to　

rain　hard；　and　a　bitterly　cold　wind　would　spring　up；　and　both　would　keep　

on　steadily　for　the　whole　day；　and　we　would　come　home　with　colds　and　

rheumatism　all　over　us；　and　go　to　bed。



The　weather　is　a　thing　that　is　beyond　me　altogether。　　I　never　can　

understand　it。　　The　barometer　is　useless：　it　is　as　misleading　as　the　

newspaper　forecast。



There　was　one　hanging　up　in　a　hotel　at　Oxford　at　which　I　was　staying　last　

spring；　and；　when　I　got　there；　it　was　pointing　to　〃set　fair。〃　　It　was　

simply　pouring　with　rain　outside；　and　had　been　all　day；　and　I　couldn't　

quite　make　matters　out。　　I　tapped　the　barometer；　and　it　jumped　up　and　

pointed　to　〃very　dry。〃　　The　Boots　stopped　as　he　was　passing；　and　said　he　

expected　it　meant　to…morrow。　　I　fancied　that　maybe　it　was　thinking　of　the　

week　before　last；　but　Boots　said；　No；　he　thought　not。



I　tapped　it　again　the　next　morning；　and　it　went　up　still　higher；　and　the　

rain　came　down　faster　than　ever。　　On　Wednesday　I　went　and　hit　it　again；　

and　the　pointer　went　round　towards　〃set　fair；〃　〃very　dry；〃　and　〃much　

heat；〃　until　it　was　stopped　by　the　peg；　and　couldn't　go　any　further。　　It　

tried　its　best；　but　the　instrument　was　built　so　that　it　couldn't　prophesy　

fine　weather　any　harder　than　it　did　without　breaking　itself。　　It　

evidently　wanted　to　go　on；　and　prognosticate　drought；　and　water　famine；　

and　sunstroke；　and　simooms；　and　such　things；　but　the　peg　prevented　it；　

and　it　had　to　be　content　with　pointing　to　the　mere　commonplace　〃very　

dry。〃



Meanwhile；　the　rain　came　down　in　a　steady　torrent；　and　the　lower　part　of　

the　town　was　under　water；　owing　to　the　river　having　overflowed。



Boots　said　it　was　evident　that　we　were　going　to　have　a　prolonged　spell　of　

grand　weather　SOME　TIME；　and　read　out　a　poem　which　was　printed　over　the　

top　of　the　oracle；　about





〃Long　foretold；　long　last；

Short　notice；　soon　past。〃





The　fine　weather　never　came　that　summer。　　I　expect　that　machine　must　have　

been　referring　to　the　following　spring。



Then　there　are　those　new　style　of　barometers；　the　long　straight　ones。　　I　

never　can　make　head　or　tail　of　those。　　There　is　one　side　for　10　a。m。　

yesterday；　and　one　side　for　10　a。m。　to…day；　but　you　can't　always　get　

there　as　early　as　ten；　you　know。　　It　rises　or　falls　for　rain　and　fine；　

with　much　or　less　wind；　and　one　end　is　〃Nly〃　and　the　other　〃Ely〃　（what's　

Ely　got　to　do　with　it？）；　and　if　you　tap　it；　it　doesn't　tell　you　anything。　　

And　you've　got　to　correct　it　to　sea…level；　and　reduce　it　to　Fahrenheit；　

and　even　then　I　don't　know　the　answer。



But　who　wants　to　be　foretold　the　weather？　　It　is　bad　enough　when　it　

comes；　without　our　having　the　misery　of　knowing　about　it　beforehand。　　The　

prophet　we　like　is　the　old　man　who；　on　the　particularly　gloomy…looking　

morning　of　some　day　when　we　particularly　want　it　to　be　fine；　looks　round　

the　horizon　with　a　particularly　knowing　eye；　and　says：



〃Oh　no；　sir；　I　think　it　will　clear　up　all　right。　　It　will　break　all　right　

enough；　sir。〃



〃Ah；　he　knows〃；　we　say；　as　we　wish　him　good…morning；　and　start　off；　

〃wonderful　how　these　old　fellows　can　tell！〃



And　we　feel　an　affection　for　that　man　which　is　not　at　all　lessened　by　the　

circumstances　of　its　NOT　clearing　up；　but　continuing　to　rain　steadily　all　

day。



〃Ah；　well；〃　we　feel；　〃he　did　his　best。〃



For　the　man　that　prophesies　us　bad　weather；　on　the　contrary；　we　entertain　

only　bitter　and　revengeful　thoughts。



〃Going　to　clear　up；　d'ye　think？〃　we　shout；　cheerily；　as　we　pass。



〃Well；