remember the alamo-第24章

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〃She　is　my　daughter；　father。　　I　will　bear　the　sin　and　the
punishment　with　her。　　The　Holy　Mother　will　understand　me。　　To
her　I　will　go。〃

The　door　of　her　room　was　at　hand；　she　stepped　swiftly　to　it；
and　putting　her　daughters　before　her；　passed　in　and　turned　the
key。

The　movement　took　the　priest　by　surprise；　and　yet　he　was
secretly　satisfied　with　it。　　He　had　permitted　himself　to　act
with　an　imprudence　most　unusual。　　He　had　allowed　the
Senora　to　find　out　her　own　moral　strength；　and　made　a
situation　for　her　in　which　she　had　acted　not　only　without　his
support；　but　against　his　authority。

〃And　yet；〃　he　muttered；　〃so　much　depends　upon　my　persuading
her　into　the　convent；　however；　nothing　now　is　to　be　done　to…
day；　except　to　see　Rachela。　　Saint　Joseph！　if　these　American
heretics　were　only　in　my　power！　　What　a　long　joy　I　would　make
of　them！　　I　would　cut　a　throatjust　one　throatevery　day　of
my　life。〃

The　hatred　which　could　contemplate　a　vengeance　so　long　drawn
out　was　on　his　dark　face；　yet；　it　is　but　justice　to　say；　that
he　sincerely　believed　it　to　be　a　holy　hatred。　　The　foes　of　the
church；　he　regarded　as　the　foes　of　God；　and　his　anger　as　a
just　zeal　for　the　honor　of　the　Lord　of　Hosts。　　Beside　which；
it　included　a　far　more　tangible　cause。

The　accumulated　treasures　of　the　Missions；　their　gold　and
gems；　their　costly　vestments　and　holy　vessels；　had　been
removed　to　the　convent　for　safety。　　〃These　infidels　of
Americans　give　to　women　the　honor　they　should　give　to　God　and
Holy　Church；〃　he　said　to　his　brethren。　　〃They　will　not
suffer　the　Sisters　to　be　molested；　and　our　wealth　will　be　safe
wherever　they　are。〃

But　this　wealth　was　really　so　immense；　that　he　believed　it
might　be　well　to　secure　it　still　further；　and　knowing　the
position　Dr。　Worth　held　among　his　countrymen；　he　resolved　to
induce　his　wife　and　daughters　to　seek　refuge　within　the
convent。　　They　were；　in　fact；　to　be　held　as　hostages；　for　the
protection　of　the　property　of　the　Church。

That　he　should　fail　in　his　plan　was　intolerable　to　him。　　He
had　been　so　confident　of　success。　　He　imagined　the　smile　on
the　face　of　Fray　Sarapiam；　and　the　warning　against　self…
confidence　he　would　receive　from　his　superior；　and　he　vowed　by
Saint　Joseph　that　he　would　not　suffer　himself　to　be　so
mortified　by　three　women。

Had　he　seen　the　Senora　after　the　first　excitement　of　her
rebellion　was　over；　he　would　have　been　satisfied　of　the
validity　of　his　authority；　at　least　as　regarded　her。　　She
flung　herself　at　the　foot　of　her　altar；　weeping　and　beating
her　breast　in　a　passion　of　self…accusation　and　contrition。　
Certainly；　she　had　stood　by　her　daughter　in　the　presence
of　the　priest；　but　in　her　room　she　withdrew　herself　from　the
poor　girl　as　if　she　were　a　spiritual　leper。

Antonia　at　a　distance　watched　the　self…abasement　of　her
mother。　　She　could　not　weep；　but　she　was　white　as　clay；　and
her　heart　was　swollen　with　a　sense　of　wrong　and　injustice；
until　breathing　was　almost　suffocation。　　She　looked　with　a
piteous　entreaty　at　Isabel。　　Her　little　sister　had　taken　a
seat　at　the　extremity　of　the　room　away　from　her。　　She　watched
Antonia　with　eyes　full　of　terror。　　But　there　was　no　sympathy
in　her　face；　only　an　uncertainty　which　seemed　to　speak　to
herto　touch　her　and　her　mother　was　broken…hearted　with
shame　and　grief。

The　anxiety　was　also　a　dumb　one。　　Until　the　Senora　rose　from
her　knees；　there　was　not　a　movement　made；　not　a　word　uttered。　
The　girls　waited　shivering　with　cold；　sick　with　fear；　until
she　spoke。　　Even　then　her　words　were　cold　as　the　wind　outside：

〃Go　to　your　room；　Antonia。　　You　have　not　only　sinned；　you　have
made　me　sin　also。　　Alas！　　Alas！　　Miserable　mother！　　Holy
Maria！　pray　for　me。〃

〃Mi　madre；　I　am　innocent　of　wrong。　　I　have　committed　no　sin。　
Is　it　a　sin　to　obey　my　father？　　Isabel；　darling；　speak　for
me。〃

〃But；　then；　what　have　you　done；　Antonia？〃

〃Fray　Ignatius　wants　us　to　go　to　the　convent。　　I　refused。　　My
father　made　me　promise　to　do　so。　　Is　not　our　first　duty　to　our
father？　　Mother；　is　it　not？

〃No；　no；　to　Godand　to　Fray　Ignatius；　as　the　priest　of　God。　
He　says　we　ought　to　go　to　the　convent。　　He　knows　best。　　We
have　been　disobedient　and　wicked。〃

〃Isabel；　speak；　my　dear　one。　　Tell　mi　madre　if　you　think　we
should　go。〃

There　was　a　moment's　wavering；　and　then　Isabel　went　to　her
mother　and　caressed　her　as　only　Isabel　could　caress　her；　and
with　the　kisses；　she　said　boldly：　　〃Mi　madre；　we　will　not　go
to　the　convent。　　Not　any　of　us。　　It　is　a　dreadful　place；　even
for　a　happy　child。　　Oh；　how　cold　and　still　are　the　Sisters！　
They　are　like　stone　figures　that　move　about。〃

〃Hush；　child！　　I　cannot　listen　to　you！　　Go　away！　　I　must　be
alone。　　I　must　think。　　I　must　pray。　　Only　the　Mother　of
Sorrows　can　help　me。〃

It　was　a　miserable　sequence　to　the　happy　night；　and　Antonia
was　really　terrified　at　the　position　in　which　she　found
herself。　　If　the　Americans　should　fall；　nothing　but　flight；　or
uncompromising　submission　to　Fray　Ignatius；　remained　for　her。　
She　knew　only　too　well　how　miserable　her　life　could　be　made；
what　moral　torture　could　be　inflicted；　what　spiritual
servitude　exacted。　　In　a　moment　of　time　she　had　comprehended
her　danger；　and　her　heart　sank　and　sickened　with　a　genuine
physical　terror。

The　cold　was　still　severe；　and　no　one　answered　her　call　for
wood。　　Isabel　crouched；　white　and　shivering；　over　the　dying
embers；　and　it　was　she　who　first　uttered　the　fear　Antonia　had
refused　to　admit　to　herself〃Suppose　the　servants　are
forbidden　to　wait　upon　us！〃

〃I　will　bring　wood　myself；　dearest。〃　　She　was　greatly
comforted　by　the　word　〃us。〃　　She　could　almost　have　wept　for
joy　of　the　sympathy　it　included。　　For　thought　is　rapid　in　such
crucial　moments；　and　she　had　decided　that　even　flight　with　her
would　be　a　kinder　fate　for　Isabel；　than　the　cruel　tender
mercies　of　the　Sisters　and　the　convent。

They　could　not　talk　much。　　The　thought　of　their　mother's
anguish；　and　of　the　separation　put　between　them　and　their
household；　shocked　and　terrified　them。　　Vainly　they　called　for
fuel。　　At　dinner　time　no　table　was　laid；　and　no　preparations
made　for　the　meal。　　Then　Antonia　went　into　the　kitchen。　　She
took　with　her　food；　and　cooked　it。　　She　brought　wood　into　the
parlor；　and　made　up　the　fire。　　Fortunately；　her　northern
education　had　given　her　plenty　of　resources　for　such
emergencies。　　Two　or　three　savory　dishes　were　soon　ready；　and
the　small　table　set　upon　a　warm；　bright　hearth。

The　Senora　had　evidently　not　been　included　in　the　ban；　for
Rachela　attended　with　ostentatious　care　to　her　comfort；　but
Isabel　had　rolled　herself　up　in　a　wadded　silk　coverlet　and
gone　to　sleep。　　Antonia　awakened　her　with　a　kiss。　　〃Come；
queridita；　and　get　your　dinner。〃

〃But　is　it　possible？　　I　thought　Fray　Ignatius　had　forbidden
it。〃

〃He　cannot　forbid　me　to　wait　upon　you；　my　darling　one。　　And　he
cannot　turn　the　flour　into　dust；　and　the　meat　into　stone。　
There　is　a　good　dinner　ready；　and　you　are　hungry；　no　doubt。〃

〃For　three　hours　I　have　been　faint。　　Ah！　you　have　made　me　a
custard　also！　　You　are　a　very　comforter。〃

But　the　girl　was　still　and　sad；　and　Antonia　was　hard　pressed
to　find　any　real　comfort　for　her。　　For　she　knew　that　their
only　hope　lay　in　the　immediate　attack　of　the　American　force；
and　its　success；　and　she　did　not　think　it　wise　to　hide　from
her　sister　the　alternatives　that　lay　before　them　if　the
Americans　failed。

〃I　am　afraid；〃　said　Isabel；　〃and　so　unhappy。　　A　very　sad
business　is　life。　　I　cannot　think　how　any　one　can　care　to
live。〃

〃Remember　Luis；　and　our　father；　and　Jack；　and　Thomas；　and　our
dear　mother；　who　this　morning　stood　between　us　and　Fray
Ignatius。　　Will　you　let　this　priest　turn　the　sky　black　above
you？〃

〃And　also；　men　will　fight。　　What　for？　　Who　can　tell？　　The
Americans　want　so　much　of　everything。　　Naturally　they　do　not
get　all　they　want。　　What　do　they　do？　　Fight；　and　get　killed。　
Then　they　go　into　the　next　world；　and　complain　of　people。　　As
for　Luis；　I　do　not　expect　to　see　him　again。〃

Fortunately；　the　norther　moderated　at　sunset。　　Life　then
seemed　so　much　more　possible。　　Adverse　elements　intensify
adverse　fortune；　and　the　physical　suffering　from　the　cold　had