remember the alamo-第18章

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lights　but　the　taper　above　a　large　crucifix；　and　at　its　foot
she　sat　down　in　tearless　abandon；　alone　with　her　reproaches
and　her　remorse。

Antonia　watched　with　her　mother；　though　shut　out　from　her
presence。　　She　feared　for　a　state　of　mind　so　barren　of
affection；　so　unsoftened　by　tears。　　Besides；　it　was　the　climax
of　a　condition　which　had　continued　ever　since　she　had　sent　her
boy　away　without　a　word　of　love。　　In　the　dim　corridor　outside
she　sat　still；　listening　for　any　noise　or　movement　which　might
demand　help　or　sympathy。　　It　was　not　nine　o'clock；　but　the
time　lengthened　itself　out　beyond　endurance。　　Even　yet　she　had
hope　of　some　word　from　her　father。　　Surely；　they　would　let　him
send　some　word　to　them！

She　heard　the　murmur　of　voices　downstairs；　and　she　thought
angrily　of　Rachela；　and　Molly；　and　Manuel；　〃making　a　little
confidence　together〃　over　their　trouble；　and　spicing　their
evening　gossip　with　the　strange　thing　that　had　happened　to　the
Senor　Doctor。　　She　knew　that　Rachela　and　Manuel　would　call　him
heretic　and　Americano；　and；　by　authority　of　these　two　words；
accuse　him　of　every　crime。

Thinking　with　a　swelling　heart　of　these　things；　she　heard　the
door　open；　and　a　step　slowly　and　heavily　ascend　the　stairs。　
Ere　she　had　time　to　wonder　at　it；　her　father　came　in　sight。　
There　was　a　shocking　change　in　his　air　and　appearance；　but　as
he　was　evidently　going　to　her　mother's　room；　she　shrank
back　and　sat　motionless　so　as　not　to　attract　his　attention。

Then　she　went　to　the　parlor；　and　had　the　fire　renewed　and　food
put　upon　the　table。　　She　was　sure　that　he　would　need　it；　and
she　believed　he　would　be　glad　to　talk　over　with　her　the　events
of　the　afternoon。

The　Senora　was　still　sitting　at　the　foot　of　the　crucifix　when
her　husband　opened　the　door。　　She　had　not　been　able　to　pray；
ave　and　paternoster　alike　had　failed　her。　　Her　rebellious
grief　filled　every　corner　of　her　heart。　　She　understood　that
some　one　had　entered　the　room；　and　she　thought　of　Rachela；　but
she　found　a　kind　of　comfort　in　the　dull　stupor　of　grief　she
was　indulging；　and　she　would　not　break　its　spell　by　lifting
her　head。

〃Maria。〃

She　rose　up　quickly　and　stood　gazing　at　him。

She　did　not　shriek　or　exclaim；　her　surprise　controlled　her。　
And　also　her　terror；　for　his　face　was　white　as　death；　and　had
an　expression　of　angry　despair　that　terrified　her。

〃Roberto！　Roberto！　Mi　Roberto！　　How　you　have　tortured　me！　　I
have　nearly　died！　　Fray　Ignatius　said　you　had　been　sent
to　prison。〃

She　spoke　as　calmly　as　a　frightened　child；　sad　and　hesitating。　
If　he　had　taken　her　in　his　arms　she　would　have　sobbed　her
grief　away　there。

But　Robert　Worth　was　at　that　hour　possessed　by　two　master
passions；　tyrannical　and　insatiablethey　would　take　notice　of
nothing　that　did　not　minister　to　them。

〃Maria；　they　have　taken　my　arms　from　me。　　Cowards！　　Cowards！　
Miserable　cowards！　　I　refused　to　give　them　up！　　They　held　my
hands　and　robbed　merobbed　me　of　my　manhood　and　honor！　　I
begged　them　to　shoot　me　ere　they　did　it；　and　they　spoke
courteously　and　regretted　this；　and　hoped　that；　till　I　felt
that　it　would　be　a　joy　to　strangle　them。〃

〃Roberto！　　Mi　Roberto！　　You　have　me！〃

〃I　want　my　rifle　and　all　it　represents。　　I　want　myself　back
again。　　Maria；　Maria；　until　then；　I　am　not　worthy　to　be　any
good　woman's　husband！〃

〃Roberto；　dearest！　　It　is　not　your　fault。〃

〃It　is　my　fault。　　I　have　waited　too　long。　　My　sons　showed　me
my　dutymy　soul　urged　me　to　do　it。　　I　deserve　the　shame；
but　I　will　wipe　it　out　with　crimson　blood。〃

The　Senora　stood　speechless；　wringing　her　hands。　　Her　own
passion　was　puny　beside　the　sternness；　the　reality；　and　the
intensity　of　the　quiet　rage　before　her。　　She　was　completely
mastered　by　it。　　She　forgot　all　but　the　evident　agony　she
could　neither　mistake　nor　console。

〃I　have　come　to　say　‘farewell；'　Maria。　　We　have　been　very
happy　togetherMariaour　childrendearest〃

〃Oh；　Roberto！　　My　husband！　　My　soul！　　My　life！　　Leave　me　not。〃

〃I　am　going　for　my　arms。　　I　will　take　them　a　hundredfold　from
those　who　have　robbed　me。　　I　swear　I　will！〃

〃You　do　not　love　me。　　What　are　these　Americans　to　you？　　I　am
your　wife。　　Your　Maria〃

〃These　Americans　are　my　brothersmy　sons。　　My　mother　is　an
American　woman。〃

〃And　I？〃

〃You　are　my　wifemy　dear　wife！　　I　love　youGod　Almighty
knows　how　well　I　love　you；　but　we　must　part　now；　at　least　for
a　short　time。　　Maria；　my　dear　one；　I　must　go。〃

〃Go？　　Where　to？〃

〃I　am　going　to　join　General　Houston。〃

〃I　thought　so。　　I　knew　it。　　The　accursed　one！　　Oh　that　I　had
him　here　again！　　I　would　bury　my　stiletto　in　his　heart！　　Over
the　white　hilt　I　would　bury　it！　　I　would　wash　my　hands　in　his
blood；　and　think　them　blessed　ever　afterwards！　　Stay　till
daylight；　Roberto。　　I　have　so　much　to　say；　dearest。〃

〃I　cannot。　　I　have　stayed　too　long。　　And　now　I　must　ride
without　a　gun　or　knife　to　protect　me。　　Any　Indian　that　I　meet
can　scalp　me。　　Do　you　understand　now　what　disarming　means；
Maria？　　If　I　had　gone　with　my　boy；　with　my　brave　Jack；　I　could
at　least　have　sold　my　life　to　its　last　drop。〃

〃In　the　morning；　Roberto；　Lopez　Navarro　will　get　you　a　gun。　
Oh；　if　you　must　go；　do　not　go　unarmed！　　There　are　ten　thousand
Comanche　between　here　and　the　Brazos。〃

〃How　could　I　look　Lopez　Navarro　in　the　face？　　Or　any　other
man？　　No；　no！　　I　must　win　back　my　arms；　before　I　can　walk　the
streets　of　San　Antonio　again。〃

He　took　her　in　his　arms；　he　kissed　her　eyes；　her　cheeks；　her
lips；　murmuring　tender　little　Spanish　words　that　meant；
oh；　so　much；　to　the　wretched　woman！words　she　had　taught　him
with　kisseswords　he　never　used　but　to　her　ears　only。

She　clung　to　his　neck；　to　his　hands；　to　his　feet；　she　made　his
farewell　an　unspeakable　agony。　　At　last　he　laid　her　upon　her
couch；　sobbing　and　shrieking　like　a　child　in　an　extremity　of
physical　anguish。　　But　he　did　not　blame　her。　　Her
impetuosities；　her　unreasonable　extravagances；　were　a　part　of
her　nature；　her　race；　and　her　character。　　He　did　not　expect　a
weak；　excitable　woman　to　become　suddenly　a　creature　of　flame
and　steel。

But　it　was　a　wonderful　rest　to　his　exhausted　body　and　soul　to
turn　from　her　to　Antonia。　　She　led　him　quietly　to　his　chair　by
the　parlor　fire。　　She　gave　him　food　and　wine。　　She　listened
patiently；　but　with　a　living　sympathy；　to　his　wrong。　　She
endorsed；　with　a　clasp　of　his　hand　and　a　smile；　his　purpose。　
And　she　said；　almost　cheerfully：

〃You　have　not　given　up　all　your　arms；　father。　　When　I　first
heard　of　the　edict；　I　hid　in　my　own　room　the　rifle；　the　powder
and　the　shot；　which　were　in　your　study。　　Paola　has　knives　in
the　stable；　plenty　of　them。　　Get　one　from　him。〃

Good　news　is　a　very　relative　thing。　　This　information　made　the
doctor　feel　as　if　all　were　now　easy　and　possible。　　The　words
he　said　to　her；　Antonia　never　forgot。　　They　sang　in　her　heart
like　music；　and　led　her　on　through　many　a　difficult　path。　　The
conversation　then　turned　upon　money　matters；　and　Antonia
received　the　key　of　his　study；　and　full　directions　as　to　the
gold　and　papers　secreted　there。

Then　Isabel　was　awakened；　and　the　rifle　brought　down；　and
Paola　saddled　the　fleetest　horse　in　the　stable；　and　after　one
solemn　five　minutes　with　his　daughter；　Robert　Worth　rode　away
into　the　midnight　darkness；　and　into　a　chaos　of　public　events
of　which　no　man　living　could　forecast　the　outcome。

Rode　away　from　wife　and　children　and　home；　leaving　behind　him
the　love　and　labor　of　his　lifetime

　　　　　　　　〃The　thousand　sweet；　still　joys　of　such
　　　　　　　　　As　hand　in　hand　face　earthly　life。〃

For　what？　　For　justice；　for　freedom　of　thought　and　action；　for
the　rights　of　his　manhood；　for　the　brotherhood　of　race
and　religion　and　country。　　Antonia　and　Isabel　stood　hand　in
hand　at　the　same　lattice　from　which　the　Senora　had　watched　her
son　away；　and　in　a　dim；　uncertain　manner　these　thoughts
connected　themselves　in　each　mind　with　the　same　mournful
inquiryIs　it　worth　while？

As　the　beat　of　the　horse's　hoofs　died　away；　they　turned。　　The
night　was　cold　but　clear；　and　the　sky　appeared　so　high　that
their　eyes　throbbed　as　they　gazed　upward　at　the　grand　arch；
sprinkled　with　suns　and　worlds。　　Suddenly　into　the　tranquil
spaces　there　was　f