the sleeping-car - a farce-第2章

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MRS。　ROBERTS。　　No；　no；　aunty。



AUNT　MARY。　　Now；　porter；　are　you　strong？



PORTER。　　I　used　to　be　porter　at　a　Saratoga　hotel；　and　carried　up　de

ladies'　trunks　dere。



AUNT　MARY。　　Then　you'll　do；　I　think。　　Now；　then；　your　knee；　now　your

back。　　There！　　And　very　handsomely　done。　　Thanks。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Are　you　really　in；　Aunt　Mary？



AUNT　MARY　（dryly）。　　Yes。　　Good…night。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Good…night；　aunty。　　＇After　a　pause　of　some　minutes。＇

Aunty！



AUNT　MARY。　　Well；　what？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Do　you　think　it's　perfectly　safe？



＇She　rises　in　her　berth；　and　looks　up　over　the　edge　of　the　upper。＇



AUNT　MARY。　　I　suppose　so。　　It's　a　well…managed　road。　　They've　got　the

air…brake；　I've　heard；　and　the　Miller　platform；　and　all　those　horrid

things。　　What　makes　you　introduce　such　unpleasant　subjects？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Oh；　I　don't　mean　accidents。　　But；　you　know；　when　you

turn；　it　does　creak　so　awfully。　　I　shouldn't　mind　myself；　but　the

baby　…



AUNT　MARY。　　Why；　child；　do　you　think　I'm　going　to　break　through？　　I

couldn't。　　I'm　one　of　the　LIGHTEST　sleepers　in　the　world。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Yes；　I　know　you're　a　light　sleeper；　butbut　it

doesn't　seem　quite　the　same　thing；　somehow。



AUNT　MARY。　　But　it　is；　it's　quite　the　same　thing；　and　you　can　be

perfectly　easy　in　your　mind；　my　dear。　　I　should　be　quite　as　loth　to

break　through　as　you　would　to　have　me。　　Good…night。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Yes；　good…night；　Aunty！



AUNT　MARY。　　Well？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　You　ought　to　just　see　him；　how　he's　lying。　　He's　a

perfect　log。　　COULDN'T　you　just　bend　over；　and　peep　down　at　him　a

moment？



AUNT　MARY。　　Bend　over！　　It　would　be　the　death　of　me。　　Good…night。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Good…night。　　Did　you　put　the　glass　into　my　bag　or

yours？　　I　feel　so　very　thirsty；　and　I　want　to　go　and　get　some　water。

I'm　sure　I　don't　know　why　I　should　be　thirsty。　　Are　you；　Aunt　Mary？

Ah！　here　it　is。　　Don't　disturb　yourself；　aunty；　I've　found　it。　　It

was　in　my　bag；　just　where　I'd　put　it　myself。　　But　all　this　trouble

about　Willis　has　made　me　so　fidgety　that　I　don't　know　where　anything

is。　　And　now　I　don't　know　how　to　manage　about　the　baby　while　I　go

after　the　water。　　He's　sleeping　soundly　enough　now；　but　if　he　should

happen　to　get　into　one　of　his　rolling　moods；　he　might　tumble　out　on

to　the　floor。　　Never　mind；　aunty；　I've　thought　of　something。　　I'll

just　barricade　him　with　these　bags　and　shawls。　　Now；　old　fellow；　roll

as　much　as　you　like。　　If　you　should　happen　to　hear　him　stir；　aunty；

won't　youaunty！　　Oh；　dear！　she's　asleep　already；　and　what　shall　I

do？　　＇While　MRS。　ROBERTS　continues　talking；　various　notes　of　protest；

profane　and　otherwise；　make　themselves　heard　from　different　berths。＇

I　know。　　I'll　make　a　bold　dash　for　the　water；　and　be　back　in　an

instant；　baby。　　Now；　don't　you　move；　you　little　rogue。　　＇She　runs　to

the　water…tank　at　the　end　of　the　car；　and　then　back　to　her　berth。＇

Now；　baby；　here's　mamma　again。　　Are　you　all　right；　mamma's　own？



＇A　shaggy　head　and　bearded　face　are　thrust　from　the　curtains　of　the

next　berth。＇



THE　STRANGER。　　Look　here；　ma'am。　　I　don't　want　to　be　disagreeable

about　this　thing；　and　I　hope　you　won't　take　any　offence；　but　the　fact

is；　I'm　half　dead　for　want　of　sleep；　and　if　you'll　only　keep　quiet

now　a　little　while；　I'll　promise　not　to　speak　above　my　breath　if　ever

I　find　you　on　a　sleeping…car　after　you've　come　straight　through　from

San　Francisco；　day　and　night；　and　not　been　able　to　get　more　than

about　a　quarter　of　your　usual　allowance　of　restI　will　indeed。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　I'm　very　sorry　that　I've　disturbed　you；　and　I'll　try

to　be　more　quiet。　　I　didn't　suppose　I　was　speaking　so　loud；　but　the

cars　keep　up　such　a　rattling　that　you　never　can　tell　how　loud　you　ARE

speaking。　　Did　I　understand　you　to　say　that　you　were　from　California？



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　Yes；　ma'am。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　San　Francisco？



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　Yes；　ma'am。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Thanks。　　It's　a　terribly　long　journey；　isn't　it？　　I

know　quite　how　to　feel　for　you。　　I've　a　brother　myself　coming　on。　　In

fact　we　expected　him　before　this。　　＇She　scans　his　face　as　sharply　as

the　lamp…light　will　allow；　and　continues；　after　a　brief　hesitation。＇

It's　always　such　a　silly　question　to　ask　a　person；　and　I　suppose　San

Francisco　is　a　large　place；　with　a　great　many　people　always　coming

and　going；　so　that　it　would　be　only　one　chance　in　a　thousand　if　you

did。



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（patiently）。　　Did　what；　ma'am？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Oh；　I　was　just　wondering　if　it　was　possiblebut　of

course　it　isn't；　and　it's　very　flat　to　askthat　you'd　ever　happened

to　meet　my　brother　there。　　His　name　is　Willis　Campbell。



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（with　more　interest）。　　Campbell？　　Campbell？　　Yes；　I

know　a　man　of　that　name。　　But　I　disremember　his　first　name。　　Little

low　fellowpretty　chunky？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　I　don't　know。　　Do　you　mean　short　and　stout？



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　Yes；　ma'am。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　I'm　sure　I　can't　tell。　　It's　a　great　many　years　since

he　went　out　there；　and　I've　never　seen　him　in　all　that　time。　　I

thought　if　you　DID　happen　to　know　himHe's　a　lawyer。



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　It's　quite　likely　I　know　him；　and　in　the　morning；

ma'am　…



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Oh；　excuse　me。　　I'm　very　sorry　to　have　kept　you　so

long　awake　with　my　silly　questions。



THE　MAN　IN　THE　UPPER　BERTH。　　Don't　apologize；　madam。　　I'm　not　a

Californian　myself；　but　I'm　an　orphan；　and　away　from　home；　and　I

thank　you；　on　behalf　of　all　our　fellow…passengers；　for　the　mental

refreshment　that　your　conversation　has　afforded　us。　　_I_　could　lie

here　and　listen　to　it　all　night；　but　there　are　invalids　in　some　of

these　berths；　and　perhaps　on　their　account　it　will　be　as　well　to

defer　everything　till　the　morning；　as　our　friend　suggests。　　Allow　me

to　wish　you　pleasant　dreams；　madam。



＇THE　CALIFORNIAN；　while　MRS。　ROBERTS　shrinks　back　under　the　curtain

of　her　berth　in　dismay；　and　stammers　some　inaudible　excuse；　slowly

emerges　full　length　from　his　berth。＇



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　Don't　you　mind　me；　ma'am；　I've　got　everything　but

my　boots　and　coat　on。　　Now；　then　＇standing　beside　the　berth；　and

looking　in　upon　the　man　in　the　upper　tier＇；　you；　do　you　know　that

this　is　a　lady　you're　talking　to？



THE　UPPER　BERTH。　　By　your　voice　and　your　shaggy　personal　appearance　I

shouldn't　have　taken　you　for　a　ladyno；　sir。　　But　the　light　is　very

imperfect；　you　may　be　a　bearded　lady。



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　You　never　mind　about　my　looks。　　The　question　is；　Do

you　want　your　head　rapped　up　against　the　side　of　this　car？



THE　UPPER　BERTH。　　With　all　the　frankness　of　your　own　Pacific　slope；

no。



MRS。　ROBERTS　（hastily　reappearing）。　　Oh；　no；　no；　don't　hurt　him。

He's　not　to　blame。　　I　was　wrong　to　keep　on　talking。　　Oh；　please　don't

hurt　him！



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（to　THE　UPPER　BERTH）。　　You　hear？　　Well；　now；　don't

you　speak　another　word　to　that　lady　tonight。　　Just　go　on；　ma'am；　and

free　your　mind　on　any　little　matter　you　like。　　I　don't　want　any

sleep。　　How　long　has　your　brother　been　in　California？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Oh；　don't　let's　talk　about　it　now；　I　don't　want　to

talk　about　it。　　I　thoughtI　thoughtGood…night。　　Oh；　dear！　　I

didn't　suppose　I　was　making　so　much　trouble。　　I　didn't　mean　to

disturb　anybody。　　I　…



＇MRS。　ROBERTS　gives　way　to　the　excess　of　her　confusion　and

mortification　in　a　little　sob；　and　then　hides　her　grief　behind　the

curtains　of　her　berth。　　THE　CALIFORNIAN　slowly　emerges　again　from　his

couch；　and　stands　beside　it；　looking　in　upon　the　man　in　the　berth

above。＇



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　For　half　a　cent　I　WOULD　rap　your　head　up　against

that　wall。　　Making　the　lady　cry；　and　getting　me　so　mad　I　can't　sleep！

Now　see　here；　you　just　apologize。　　You　beg　that　lady's　pardon；　or

I'll　have　you　out　of　there　before　you　know　yourself。　　＇Cries　of

〃Good！〃　〃That's　right！〃　and　〃Make　him　show　himself！〃　hail　MRS。

ROBERTS'S　champion；　and　heads；　more　or　less　dishevelled；　are　thrust

from　every　berth。