marie-第22章

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wagons　until　they　vanished；　and　galloped　home　down　the　rock…strewn

slope；　wishing　that　the　horse　would　stumble　and　break　my　neck。



When　I　reached　the　station；　however；　I　was　glad　that　it　had　not　done　so；

as　I　found　my　father　sitting　on　the　stoep　reading　a　letter　that　had　been

brought　by　a　mounted　Hottentot。



It　was　from　Henri　Marais；　and　ran　thus：





〃'REVEREND　HEER　AND　FRIEND　QUATERMAIN；I　send　this　to　bid　you　farewell；

for　although　you　are　English　and　we　have　quarrelled　at　times；　I　honour

you　in　my　heart。　　Friend；　now　that　we　are　starting；　your　warning　words

lie　on　me　like　lead；　I　know　not　why。　　But　what　is　done　cannot　be　undone；

and　I　trust　that　all　will　come　right。　　If　not；　it　is　because　the　Good

Lord　wills　it　otherwise。'〃





Here　my　father　looked　up　and　said：　〃When　men　suffer　from　their　own

passion　and　folly；　they　always　lay　the　blame　on　the　back　of　Providence。〃



Then　he　went　on；　spelling　out　the　letter：





〃'I　fear　your　boy　Allan；　who　is　a　brave　lad；　as　I　have　reason　to　know；

and　honest；　must　think　that　I　have　treated　him　harshly　and　without

gratitude。　　But　I　have　only　done　what　I　must　do。　　True；　Marie；　who；　like

her　mother；　is　very　strong　and　stubborn　in　mind；　swears　that　she　will

marry　no　one　else；　but　soon　Nature　will　make　her　forget　all　that；

especially　as　such　a　fine　husband　waits　for　her　hand。　　So　bid　Allan

forget　all　about　her　also；　and　when　he　is　old　enough　choose　some　English

girl。　　I　have　sworn　a　great　oath　before　my　God　that　he　shall　never　marry

my　daughter　with　my　consent。



〃'Friend；　I　write　to　ask　you　something　because　I　trust　you　more　than

these　slim　agents。　　Half　the　price；　a　very　poor　one；　that　I　have　for　my

farm　is　still　unpaid　to　me　by　Jacobus　van　der　Merve；　who　remains　behind

and　buys　up　all　our　lands。　　It　is　#100　English；　due　this　day　year；　and　I

enclose　you　power　of　attorney　to　receive　and　give　receipt　for　the　same。　

Also　there　is　due　to　me　from　your　British　Government　#253　on　account　of

slaves　liberated　which　were　worth　quite　#1；000。　　This　also　the　paper

gives　you　authority　to　receive。　　As　regards　my　claims　against　the　said

cursed　Government　because　of　the　loss　brought　on　me　by　the　Quabie

Kaffirs；　it　will　not　acknowledge　them；　saying　that　the　attack　was　caused

by　the　Frenchman　Leblanc；　one　of　my　household。'〃





〃And　with　good　reason；〃　commented　my　father。





〃'When　you　have　received　these　monies；　if　ever；　I　pray　you　take　some

safe　opportunity　of　sending　them　to　me；　wherever　I　may　be；　which

doubtless　you　will　hear　in　due　course；　although　by　that　time　I　hope　to

be　rich　again　and　not　to　need　money。　　Farewell　and　God　be　with　you；　as　I

hope　He　will　be　with　me　and　Marie　and　the　rest　of　us　trek…Boers。　　The

bearer　will　overtake　us　with　your　answer　at　our　first　outspan。



〃'HENRI　MARAIS。'〃





〃Well；〃　said　my　father　with　a　sigh；　〃I　suppose　I　must　accept　his　trust；

though　why　he　should　choose　an　'accursed　Englishman'　with　whom　he　has

quarrelled　violently　to　collect　his　debts　instead　of　one　of　his　own

beloved　Boers；　I　am　sure　I　do　not　know。　　I　will　go　and　write　to　him。　

Allan；　see　that　the　messenger　and　his　horse　get　something　to　eat。〃



I　nodded　and　went　to　the　man；　who　was　one　of　those　that　had　defended

Maraisfontein　with　me；　a　good　fellow　unless　he　got　near　liquor。



〃Heer　Allan；〃　he　said；　looking　round　to　see　that　we　were　not　overheard；

〃I　have　a　little　writing　for　you　also；〃　and　be　produced　from　his　pouch　a

note　that　was　unaddressed。



I　tore　it　open　eagerly。　　Within　was　written　in　French；　which　no　Boer

would　understand　if　the　letter　fell　into　his　hands：





〃Be　brave　and　faithful；　and　remember；　as　I　shall。　　Oh！　love　of　my　heart；

adieu；　adieu！〃





This　message　was　unsigned；　but　what　need　was　there　of　signature？



I　wrote　an　answer　of　a　sort　that　may　be　imagined；　though　what　the　exact

words　were　I　cannot　remember　after　the　lapse　of　nearly　half　a　century。　

Oddly　enough；　it　is　the　things　I　said　which　I　recall　at　such　a　distance

of　time　rather　than　the　things　which　I　wrote；　perhaps　because；　when　once

written；　my　mind　being　delivered；　troubled　itself　with　them　no　more。　　So

in　due　course　the　Hottentot　departed　with　my　father's　letter　and　my　own；

and　that　was　the　last　direct　communication　which　we　had　with　Henri　or

Marie　Marais　for　more　than　a　year。



I　think　that　those　long　months　were　on　the　whole　the　most　wretched　I

have　ever　spent。　　The　time　of　life　which　I　was　passing　through　is　always

trying；　that　period　of　emergence　from　youth　into　full　and　responsible

manhood　which　in　Africa　generally　takes　place　earlier　than　it　does　here

in　England；　where　young　men　often　seem　to　me　to　remain　boys　up　to

five…and…twenty。　　The　circumstances　which　I　have　detailed　made　it

particularly　so　in　my　own　case；　for　here　was　I；　who　should　have　been　but

a　cheerful　lad；　oppressed　with　the　sorrows　and　anxieties；　and　fettered

by　the　affections　of　maturity。



I　could　not　get　Marie　out　of　my　mind；　her　image　was　with　me　by　day　and

by　night；　especially　by　night；　which　caused　me　to　sleep　badly。　　I　became

morose；　supersensitive；　and　excitable。　　I　developed　a　cough；　and

thought；　as　did　others；　that　I　was　going　into　a　decline。　　I　remember

that　Hans　even　asked　me　once　if　I　would　not　come　and　peg　out　the　exact

place　where　I　should　like　to　be　buried；　so　that　I　might　be　sure　that

there　would　be　no　mistake　made　when　I　could　no　longer　speak　for　myself。　

On　that　occasion　I　kicked　Hans；　one　of　the　few　upon　which　I　have　ever

touched　a　native。　　The　truth　was　that　I　had　not　the　slightest　intention

of　being　buried。　　I　wanted　to　live　and　marry　Marie；　not　to　die　and　be

put　in　a　hole　by　Hans。　　Only　I　saw　no　prospect　of　marrying　Marie；　or

even　of　seeing　her　again；　and　that　was　why　I　felt　low…spirited。



Of　course；　from　time　to　time　news　of　the　trek…Boers　reached　us；　but　it

was　extremely　confused。　　There　were　so　many　parties　of　them；　their

adventures　were　so　difficult　to　follow；　and；　I　may　add；　often　so

terrible；　so　few　of　them　could　write；　trustworthy　messengers　were　so

scanty；　distances　were　so　great。　　At　any　rate；　we　heard　nothing　of

Marais's　band　except　a　rumour　that　they　had　trekked　to　a　district　in

what　is　now　the　Transvaal；　which　is　called　Rustenberg；　and　thence　on

towards　Delagoa　Bay　into　an　unknown　veld　where　they　had　vanished。　　From

Marie　herself　no　letter　came；　which　showed　me　clearly　enough　that　she

had　not　found　an　opportunity　of　sending　one。



Observing　my　depressed　condition；　my　father　suggested　as　a　remedy　that　I

should　go　to　the　theological　college　at　Cape　Town　and　prepare　myself　for

ordination。　　But　the　Church　as　a　career　did　not　appeal　to　me；　perhaps

because　I　felt　that　I　could　never　be　sufficiently　good；　perhaps　because

I　knew　that　as　a　clergyman　I　should　find　no　opportunity　of　travelling

north　when　my　call　came。　　For　I　always　believed　that　this　call　would

come。



My　father；　who　wished　that　I　should　hear　another　kind　of　call；　was　vexed

with　me　over　this　matter。　　He　desired　earnestly　that　I　should　follow　the

profession　which　he　adorned；　and　indeed　saw　no　other　open　for　me　any

more　than　I　did　myself。　　Of　course　he　was　right　in　a　way；　seeing　that　in

the　end　I　found　none；　unless　big　game　hunting　and　Kaffir　trading　can　be

called　a　profession。　　I　don't　know；　I　am　sure。　　Still；　poor　business　as

it　may　be；　I　say　now　when　I　am　getting　towards　the　end　of　life　that　I　am

glad　I　did　not　follow　any　other。　　It　has　suited　me；　that　was　the

insignificant　hole　in　the　world's　affairs　which　I　was　destined　to　fit；

whose　only　gifts　were　a　remarkable　art　of　straight　shooting　and　the　more

common　one　of　observation　mixed　with　a　little　untrained　philosophy。



So　hot　did　our　arguments　become　about　this　subject　of　the　Church；　for；

as　may　be　imagined；　in　the　course　of　them　I　revealed　some　unorthodoxy；

especially　as　regards　the　matter　of　our　methods　of　Christianising

Kaffirs；　that　I　was　extremely　thankful　when　a　diversion　occurred　which

took　me　away　from　home